


All of Me

by miera



Series: All of Me [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-04 14:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 119,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's living through the aftermath of waking up and the Battle of New York. He needs someone in this confusing new world he can trust not to lie to him, or tell him only what they think he wants to hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that goes AU following the events of "Avengers." There are some small spoilers related to events that will happen in "Winter Soldier" but this will all likely get Jossed within the first 5 minutes of that film. In this version, most of the Avengers live at least part time in Stark Tower in New York.

Sara Tamblin fidgeted in her desk chair and checked the clock restlessly. She had an appointment in 9 minutes. Working at SHIELD had a tendency to make you expect the unexpected, but this particular assignment went way beyond what passed for "normal" even at SHIELD.

"What have you gotten me into now, Coulson?" she muttered to herself. 

Phil Coulson had given her this assignment on Fury's behalf. He'd also been the one to recruit her to SHIELD in the first place, a few years ago when she was working at the Department of Defense. Sara had earned her PhD from one of the first programs in anything related to digital technology and its impacts on society, and her job with the DoD had been mostly about interagency work within the government. In fact, when she met Coulson, he was under cover as an FBI agent. 

A few months after her first encounter with him, Coulson had called her and asked if she could meet him for coffee, because he needed some help with a case. Sara hadn't been at all suspicious, which possibly showed how naïve she had been at the time. The FBI certainly had its own experts, but Sara hung around with techs a lot, and many of them just couldn't communicate with normal people. Part of her job description was explaining technology and security policy and protocol to government agencies that were working with digital records for the first time. She assumed Coulson needed someone to translate technospeak.

In a way, she was right. SHIELD needed a new Assistant Director of Records and Information. Despite having computerized files for longer than most organizations, the archives had been set up haphazardly due to SHIELD's constant changes. Fury wanted them cleaned up and made usable, and the Special Director, Gene Emerson, had not had the time to do something that complex, so he needed an AD.

It had taken months to do; the metadata alone caused Sara a thousand headaches. But it was more fun than meetings in drab federal office buildings, the pay was significantly better and SHIELD didn't require her to wear panty hose every day, so all in all it was a step up from the DoD. When Gene retired, Sara took over the position, which was probably the end game all along.

Only in retrospect did Sara grasp how good Phil Coulson was at reading people. In their few short conversations he'd picked up on her interest in history, and he had sold her on the job by alluding to uncovering lost pieces of the past. 

She doubted he had expected that would literally become true.

She glanced at the clock again. 10:54. 

She was surprised Phil didn't want to do this job himself, but between Tony Stark's shenanigans and now people from _actual other planets_ showing up on Earth along with their superweapons, Phil was a little too busy for history school. 

To calm her nerves, she opened the Tetris game on her handheld and let her mind focus on fitting the blocks together until there was a knock at the door. 10:58. Somehow she wasn't surprised he was punctual.

She called, "Come in" and stood up politely to greet Captain Steve Rogers, the newly-back-from-the-dead Captain America. He stepped into the office and Sara noted two agents taking up position in the hallway. Rogers closed the door behind him and stepped up to her desk.

_Good God, he's tall_ , was her only initial thought. Which was stupid, really, because she was a little under 5' 6" and most everyone seemed tall to her, but Rogers was ridiculously tall. Sara shook it off and held out her hand. "Dr. Sara Tamblin, Captain. It's a pleasure to meet you."

He gripped her hand gently and let go fast. "Ma'am."

Sara cringed inwardly. She hated to be ma'amed. Most of the SHIELD agents she dealt with stuck with "Doctor" or "Doc" if they knew her well.

"Please, have a seat." She smoothed her skirt under her nervously as she sat down. Rogers settled into one of the chairs across her desk, his eyes flicking around the room and lingering on the framed poster for _Fantasia_ she had on the wall. It was pure chance that she had a poster from a movie he would've heard of, but she grabbed the opportunity it presented.

"Disney rereleased it in theaters periodically. They did that with a lot of their movies, so people could see them again. And so they could make more money. I saw it a few times when I was younger."

"Did they do more? I remember that was the plan originally."

Rogers had been an art student for a while before he became the perfect soldier. "They did one for the year 2000." He winced and she kept talking, hoping to distract from the date. "It wasn't as good, in my opinion. It lacked some of the inspiration of the original. I can loan it to you if you want. I have copies of both of them at home."

He glanced at her curiously, clearly wondering why she would own a copy of a movie she didn't like much, so she explained, "A couple of the sequences are really beautiful. And, well, one of them involves a flamingo with a yo-yo."

He laughed, a real chuckle rather than just a polite smile and Sara internally did a little dance at getting him to relax that much. 

She explained briefly the way movie distribution had changed, first with video and now with DVDs and digital files. Rogers made a wry face. "Movies should be seen in a theater, not in a house."

"Some of them, definitely. And personally I think we lost something when it became possible to own every movie you ever wanted to see and having it all at your fingertips. When I was a kid, movies were on television sometimes, but only once a year. It was an event when _Star Wars_ or _The Wizard of Oz_ was going to be on tv. It's not the same anymore." 

He sobered abruptly. Sara felt a surge of sympathy. It had to be absolutely brutal to try to adjust to this much change, accepting that everyone he had ever known was probably gone. She sat up straighter in her chair. "As I'm sure you know already, Director Fury wanted me to help you get caught up on some things. My BA is in history, so I think he wanted me to help you get a handle on the current geopolitical situation." He had the same look the students had when they wanted to ask a question but were afraid to get scolded. She really did not miss teaching. "What?"

"Can you tell me a bit about how the war ended? I know we won but not much beyond that."

He'd gone into the ice early in 1944. "Did you know anything about the plans for the invasion of occupied Europe?"

He shrugged. "I knew there was a plan. We were mostly focused on taking out Hydra."

Sara nodded. "I didn't know this until I started working here and saw the records, but the destruction of that last Hydra base was pretty crucial. The western Allies were able to focus entirely on the Nazis after that, and Hydra had eaten up a lot of resources on the continent which left the Nazis running low on almost everything." She explained briefly about D-Day and the Battle of the Bulge, the race to Berlin and the discovery of the concentration camps, Hitler's suicide and then the battles in the Pacific and the decision to drop the atomic bombs on Japan. 

Rogers was silent through most of it, only asking a question here or there, but when she was done, he leaned back in his chair, something obviously bothering him. 

Sara let the quiet stretch for a minute. "I can point you to some more detailed reading on this, but I have a feeling you have more specific questions." 

The grief coming off of him was almost palpable, but there was a layer of hostility over it. "If I ask, will you actually answer me honestly?" Sara frowned but he went on. "So far, you guys haven't been very straightforward with the truth."

She looked into his eyes. "I won't lie to you. If I don't know an answer, I'll tell you. If I _can't_ answer, I'll tell you. I need you to respect that. But I won't lie to you, Captain." It was probably a reckless promise, given who she worked for, but she wanted him to be able to trust her. 

He held her gaze for a long moment and then nodded briefly. 

She handed him a note pad. "If you want to write down a list of names, I'll see what I can pull up." 

"Thanks," he said quietly. 

He started writing and Sara went to her desktop and pulled up a list of books of 20th century history, plus some online sources in case someone had shown him how to use the internet. If they hadn't, well, that was probably her job so they could work on it. She glanced at the clock again. It was 11:40 already. 

She reached into the lower desk drawer and pulled out a menu for the sandwich shop down the street. "Here. We're probably going to be here a while, and I'm getting hungry." 

He scanned the menu for a minute. There were descriptions of all the sandwiches, so she assumed he could choose without help. But then he frowned, the lines above his eyebrows getting deeper. "What's arugula?" 

Sara froze. "You know, I actually don't know. I think it's green?" 

Steve grinned at her. "Some help you are." 

It was Sara's turn to laugh out loud. 

*~*~*~*~*

He was quieter after she gave him the file. Sara noticed over the next couple of days that Steve was simply sitting, absorbing what she said, but something in him had shut down. She didn't blame him. She couldn't even imagine what he had to be feeling, going to his death only to wake up, but far, far too late. She bugged Coulson into telling her what they'd done to Steve after they recovered him. Coulson had been against the subterfuge and Sara didn't blame him. There was no way to ease a guy into finding out he'd been frozen for more than half a century. 

Sara didn't ask about Peggy Carter, not sure if it would be better or worse for Steve to talk to her. 

At least SHIELD removed the two agents who had been accompanying him everywhere. Fury probably concluded the same thing Sara had. 

Steve Rogers had nowhere else to go. 

She showed him what the internet was, how to use a computer on a rudimentary level. He picked it up fairly quickly. She gave him an overview of the Cold War and the post-Berlin Wall global environment, and briefly explained 9/11. Steve asked some questions, but he was all business, and Sara responded the same way, trying not to take it personally. 

That kept up for about a week. When she got a message on Thursday that Captain Rogers wouldn't be stopping by her office that day, she focused on her neglected work and tried not to feel disappointed. Steve had her number. The previous week she'd given him a Post-It with her cell phone number on it, in case he ran into something he needed help with. At the time she'd been relieved he didn't seem to misunderstand the gesture. 

So when her phone rang at about 7pm that night from an unknown number, she answered it. "Hello?"

"Dr. Tamblin? It's Steve Rogers." There was a lot of noise in the background.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Um, I'm having a small problem here." He sounded sheepish over the background chatter. 

"Did you get lost?" He was clearly out somewhere, and it was possible the city had changed enough that he had gotten turned around. 

"Not exactly. I'm in Brighton Beach." 

"Okay."

"I was walking around and I realized I don't have enough money on me to pay the fare back into the city." 

Sara covered her mouth so he wouldn't hear her laugh. He was pretty stuck, considering. If he even had a credit card or an ATM card, he probably didn't know what to do with them. 

He took her silence badly, because he started to stammer. "I could've called Director Fury, but... I didn't want to bother you either, I just..."

He clearly didn't want anyone else knowing about this, so she decided against calling a car to go get him. "It's okay. I'll meet you in the subway station." Sara had already grabbed her purse and her keys, and then grabbed a bottle of water from her fridge as an afterthought, since it was warm out and she now had a long subway ride out to Brooklyn ahead of her to rescue Captain America from the New York City transit system. The thought made her want to laugh again. 

"I don't want to put you through any trouble," he said apologetically. But there wasn't much other choice. 

"Well, you could try to earn some money lifting heavy objects while people chuck money at you, but SHIELD probably wouldn't like that much, so just sit tight. I'll be there in, well, a while." 

"I'm going to owe you for this, aren't I." He sounded rueful.

"Oh yeah." She tried not to sound too gleeful. "But this'll be between us, I promise." 

"Thanks." 

Sara ended the call and headed toward the nearest subway entrance, still grinning to herself. 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve waited inside the subway station, watching people stream out into the fading sunshine. He was aware of being stared at by some of the passers-by, including some of the women. It made him feel even more awkward.

The only positive of this was that his humiliation would be witnessed by only one person. He'd rather not have anyone else at SHIELD knowing about this, since they now seemed to control most of his life. 

He'd been wandering the boardwalk here for an hour, chewing over that fact. The uncomfortable conclusion he had reached was that he didn't have any other options right now, and he wasn't entirely sure he could walk away until he knew more.

After quite a long while Dr. Tamblin emerged from the subway. He was surprised when she exited the gates, figuring she'd want to get back home fast, but she walked up to him and took his arm. "Come on. I'm starving and I want a hot dog." 

She steered him back outside and they found a hole in the wall place that had hot dogs and sausages. Steve felt embarrassed again when she had to pay for the meal, but neither she nor the clerk seemed rattled by it. 

They found an empty bench overlooking the water and ate. When Sara had polished off her hot dog and was nibbling on the French fries, she glanced at him. "Was there a reason why you didn't come by my office today? And if you can't tell me, just say so. I won't be offended." 

He finished the bite of his second hot dog and shook his head. "Nothing official. I just didn't really have anything to ask." He looked out at the water, aware that she was staring at him. "Honestly, I don't think anyone knows what to do with me." 

"Including you?" she asked. Her voice was sympathetic. 

He nodded heavily. "Yeah." He'd gone through his old neighborhood today, wandering around Brooklyn, but a lot of places were barely recognizable, and the ones that were brought up too many memories. 

"I wish-" she started and then stopped. When Steve looked at her, she shook her head. "I was going to say 'I wish there was something I could do', but it's stupid, because I can't. And you don't need to hear platitudes right now." 

 

That was the most honest statement he'd heard from anyone in days. Steve finished the last of the hot dog, because it was wrong to waste food, and then crumpled the wrapper up tightly in his hand. "So you're not going to tell me that things happen for a reason or something like that?" He knew his voice sounded bitter, but he couldn't help it. 

"Hell if I know," Sara muttered. "If I was in your shoes I'd be pretty pissed off at the universe right now."

That about covered it. She didn't say anything else and Steve felt grateful for the silence. He wanted to trust Sara, and not just because she had the same name as his mother, although she spelled it differently. He needed _someone_ in this confusing new world he could trust not to lie to him, or tell him only what they thought he wanted to hear.

It was dark when they emerged from the subway. Steve insisted on walking her home, because after she'd gone to all that trouble to help him, he wasn't going to leave her to walk by herself. 

As they waited to cross a street, they could see the top of the new tower being built in lower Manhattan over the tops of the buildings. Sara had given Steve an overview of the 9/11 attacks. He'd seen some footage that had turned his stomach. The World Trade Center buildings had gone up long after he was gone, of course, but New York was still his hometown. 

Sara was staring at the building. Steve had to nudge her when the light changed. "Were you here? When that happened?" 

"No, I was in California at the time. It was surreal. Being from upstate, New York was like my backyard, and I was watching it burn on television from the other side of the continent." 

Steve nodded. He wouldn't say it aloud, but hearing about that day was one of the only things that had made him wish he'd been found earlier. Which was a bit ridiculous; it wasn't like he could've stopped what happened. 

They reached her apartment and she let him in without saying anything. Steve realized her thoughts were still on the subject. "When I started at the Pentagon, people were still shaken by it. The damages there tend to get overlooked a lot, but some people couldn't walk through that part of the building still." Sara shrugged. "Things are different now, in some ways at least. But what can you do?"

He swallowed hard. There was really only one answer to that. 

A silence fell as he used the bathroom and Sara puttered around in her small kitchen for a few minutes. It was getting kind of late and he realized she was probably tired, having worked all day and then gone all the way to Brooklyn to help him. Steve was about to get out of her hair for the evening when she sighed. "Listen, I was going to watch a movie. I could use the distraction, and I expect I'm not the only one. You're welcome to stay, if you don't mind watching a kid's movie." 

"What is it?" Steve was asking more to buy himself time than anything. He had no idea if she was just being polite and would rather he go away or if she really wanted company. 

She held up a thin box. " _How to Train Your Dragon_. It's animated. It's about this boy who is a Viking. He's kind of a misfit, and he finds this injured dragon. They're supposed to be enemies, but they end up becoming friends."

She got the movie going and something in the kitchen beeped. She poured a bag of popcorn that seemed to have come out of nowhere into a bowl and Steve felt his mouth water a little. And it wasn't like he had anywhere to be. Still, he hesitated. "Are you sure you don't mind? I don't want you to feel like you have to babysit me."

"Even if you can't get yourself home from Brooklyn without help?" She grinned at him, looking more like herself and he glared. Sara plopped down on her couch, tucking her feet under her. "I'm going to sit here and eat popcorn and watch the movie whether you stay or go, so it's up to you." 

Giving in, he sat down next to her. Sara offered him the bowl of popcorn and he grabbed a handful. It wasn't the best popcorn he'd ever had, but he hadn't had popcorn at all in a long time. The movie was really good and he did in fact forget about things for a while. He could sympathize with the main character for being scrawny and more brains than brawn than most of the other kids. And the ending didn't ignore the reality of battles and sacrifice. 

He heard a suspicious gulp at one point near the end of the movie and looked at Sara out of the corner of his eye. She had tears in her eyes which she was clearly trying to keep under. He didn't say anything, didn't really even move, but she whacked him in the arm with the pillow she was holding. He made a show of rubbing his elbow but neither of them said anything. 

When the movie was over it was almost midnight and Steve got ready to go. "Thanks for, well, everything."

"You're welcome. Although if we're going to make a habit of this, I need to buy more popcorn." They'd eaten two bowls of it and the movie hadn't been that long. 

"I'll try to remember to bring some, then," he said with a small smile. He turned to go but Sara called after him. 

"Aren't you forgetting something, Captain?" She held up two $10 bills. Steve flushed. Sara had paid for their trip home and for the food, and he had forgotten the reason he called her in the first place. 

He took the money and she waved a hand before he could speak. "I know. You'll pay me back. Don't worry about it. You know where you're going, how to get back to your place?" 

"Yeah. I'll see you later?"

She nodded. "Good night." 

"Good night." 

 

*~*~*~*~*

The aftermath of the attack on New York was in full swing when Sara got a phone call which she very nearly didn't answer. Her staff was capturing every bit of information they could find on the battle, including all news coverage, videos posted to the internet, eyewitness accounts, transcripts of phone calls, and on and on. All of it had to be saved, cataloged and indexed and sent to analysts to review. She knew from Maria Hill that the actual team, the Avengers as they'd been christened, were all alive.

Phil Coulson, unfortunately, hadn't been so lucky. She couldn't stand to think about it for more than a minute. _Later_ , she kept telling herself. She'd grieve later. Coulson of all people would want her focused on her job right now.

But when her phone rang this time, she saw the number, and thinking of Coulson made her take the call. "Hello?"

"Sara?"

She stepped into her office. "Are you okay?" She'd spent more than two days watching video of the fighting. Steve had been in the thick of all of it, surrounded more than once and singlehandedly taking out half an army of the alien invaders. "I just watched you get shot right in the gut by one of those alien guns." 

"Yeah, I'm not hurt. Just some bruises." 

"Good," she said letting out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "And how are you otherwise?" 

"I'm... okay."

"Still thinking?" she asked sympathetically.

"Yeah." She could hardly blame him. Her head was spinning at this point. "Listen, I'm... not going to be around for a while." 

"Oh." Sara leaned against the wall, disappointment hitting her a lot harder than she would have expected, if she'd had a chance to think at all.

"I just need to sort some things out."

"Right." She swallowed. "I can understand that." She wanted to ask where he was going, but she stopped herself. They were tentative friends at best. He didn't owe her any explanations. 

"I can't really say more than that. Someone could be listening in and I'd rather not-"

"You're right," she cut him off. "Don't tell me. It's easier for both of us." She didn't want it to be that way, but she had a job to do and an obligation to SHIELD. It was better if she didn't have to choose between her loyalty to SHIELD and her desire to protect Steve from them. 

She couldn't just leave it at that, though. "And you know, if you come back to New York..."

"I've got your number," he finished. There was a short silence. Sara wasn't sure what to say and Steve eventually cleared his throat and his voice grew husky. "Listen, Sara. I just... thank you." 

"For what?" she asked just as quietly. 

"I don't really know," he said. "Treating me like a person, I guess." 

"Well aren't you easy to please?" She meant it to be funny but her voice was caught in her throat. Steve laughed softly anyway. Her assistant was waving to her, so Sara straightened up. "Be careful out there, okay? Stay safe."

"You too." 

The call ended and Sara allowed herself one more moment of sadness before she shook it off. Steve and his teammates had done their job, she had to do hers. 

And he hadn't said he would never be back. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve decided to keep going all the way into Manhattan despite the fact that it had started raining. It seemed stupid to stop just outside the city, so he threaded his way into downtown through the rush hour traffic. It was easier on a motorcycle than it would've been in a car.

It was only as he was getting through Harlem that it occurred to him he wasn't sure where to go. He had no idea if the apartment SHIELD had put him in was even still there, although he'd only been gone a few weeks, really. He'd left New York in a hurry. He could find a hotel for the night, although he'd been living in hotels for weeks, surrounded by strangers and totally impersonal surroundings and was getting tired of it. He'd paid cash, which had raised some eyebrows. Tony had warned him, in a rare moment of being genuinely helpful, that the plastic credit cards were easy to track. Steve didn't want SHIELD or anyone else following his movements right now.

He considered going to Stark tower, but he wasn't entirely sure what his reception there would be. And he wasn't quite ready to go to SHIELD's headquarters. It was close to supper time. He decided to go to Sara's and maybe she could point him to a decent hotel, or he could find out if his apartment was still standing. Hopefully she wouldn't be furious with him showing up unannounced on her doorstep.

He found a place to park his bike and walked to her building. She wasn't home yet, so he sat down on the stoop to wait. It was after 6. People looked at him oddly, since he was sitting out in the rain and the fall weather was chilly. Steve ignored it. 

During the days after his awakening and prior to the Chitauri attack, Sara's apartment had been one of the few places he had to go. First he met her in her office, for his SHIELD-mandated catch up on the history he'd missed, but eventually he wound up in her apartment one night. He had spent a few nights sitting with Sara on her couch, watching movies and talking, before everything went to hell. 

A woman approached the building and stopped dead when she saw him. Steve stood up, feeling nervous, but Sara smiled and shook her head at the same time. She breezed past him up the steps and let him into the building, then into her apartment. Steve grabbed his duffel bag and followed.

Once the door was shut and they were inside, she put the umbrella down and then stunned him by reaching up and hugging him. He hesitated for a second. "I'm soaked."

"Ask me if I care," she told him.

He laughed softly and closed his arms around her. It felt strange, but also good. God, when was the last time he'd hugged anyone? 

Eventually she let him go and stepped back. She gave him a searching look. "You're okay?"

"Yeah," he said. He couldn't say he was _good_ , precisely. But he was better than when he left. 

She nodded, then looked down at herself. "Great, now I'm all wet." She grinned before he could protest and shoved his shoulder. "Go get out of those wet clothes and put them into the dryer. There're towels in the closet. Are you hungry?"

"As always."

"I have leftover soup. You'll have to live with the day-old bread."

"Sounds perfect." He went into the bathroom and locked the door. He tugged off his wet clothes and put them into the electric dryer. Despite his faster metabolism, he was chilled from the rain. He dried off hurriedly and got dressed in a clean pair of pants and a heavy sweater he'd picked up in New Hampshire when the weather had started to turn colder. 

Sara was in her tiny kitchen. She'd changed into a pair of jeans and was stirring something on the stove. Steve hesitated, not sure if he should offer to help. The table was already set. He glanced around. Her apartment looked the same as he remembered from his few visits here before; the kitchen and small nook for the table, the living room that was dominated by the television and DVDs on one wall and the big couch on the other. She had some posters on the walls and the furniture didn't all match, but there were colors scattered around and knick-knacks cluttering the shelves. He pushed away the idea that he was back in the land of the living. 

"If you're thirsty I have water, soda and orange juice. No milk, sorry."

"Water's fine." Steve went to the fridge and paused again. There were several postcards stuck to it that he recognized. He'd sent them to her. He hadn't written any messages on the back, partly because he didn't know what to say, and partly to keep her from having to report to Fury that he was writing to her. 

Sara offered him a sheepish smile. "Soup's ready."

It was chicken noodle soup, the real McCoy, with actual pieces of chicken, chunky vegetables and thick noodles. She put the salt and pepper shakers in front of him as they sat down. "You won't offend me. I know it's bland, but I'm afraid of adding too many spices, because it reduces while it cooks and they get stronger. Plus, it's chicken noodle soup. It's supposed to be bland."

"You made this?" he asked in surprise. 

That earned him a stare. "Yes. People still cook from scratch, Rogers. Even me." She held the serious face until he started to stammer out an apology and then grinned. "I'll assume you thought it looked too professional to be homemade and take it as a compliment." 

The bread was slightly stale, but soaked in the broth it was fine. Steve let out an actual groan as he ate, it tasted so good, and then winced at his own enthusiasm. Sara laughed. She ate a single bowl of the soup and gestured to him to finish the rest of it and the bread. 

They talked through the meal, staying away from any serious topics, and he rambled about the things he'd seen while traveling around. He felt like he was babbling horribly, but aside from sharing the occasional travel story, Sara just listened and encouraged him to keep talking. 

When all the food was gone, she leaned back and stretched. "You're on dish duty, Captain, since I fed you. Also as punishment for not warning me you were coming." Steve nodded and gathered the dishes, feeling relieved. He trusted Sara, of course, but SHIELD had given him a long lecture about leaving DNA traces anywhere. 

He got to work scrubbing the bowls. Doing dishes felt comforting. This wasn't something he had to learn how to do.

Sara had curled up on the couch and when he sat down beside her, she offered him an Oreo cookie, her favorite, he knew. She always had a supply of them in the apartment. Steve popped the whole thing into his mouth as she flipped through the channels on her tv. 

"So, I suspect the couch is probably too short for you, but you can crash here tonight if you want, unless you've already found somewhere to stay."

Steve hadn't really considered that. Spending the night in her apartment, just the two of them... he shook himself. Sleeping fully clothed on the couch was hardly going to start gossip, and besides, things worked differently now. "Thanks." She was right, the couch was kind of short, but he'd slept in worse places.

And now that he had sunk into the couch, full of food and warm, he really didn't want to have to go back out into the cold, rainy night, especially not to another hotel room. 

Sara found a cartoon running on some channel. Steve was quickly lost on the story, but the artwork was impressive and he relaxed even further. After a little while, Sara nudged him with her knee.

"I was worried about you. I'm glad you're back," she said in a low voice. 

"So am I," he told her, slightly surprised that it was true. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

The psychiatrist gave up after a couple of hours. Steve had nothing to say. What was there to say? His best friend wasn't dead.

And wasn't really his best friend anymore. The cold, calculating stranger wasn't Bucky and hadn't been for a long time. 

_How did I not know?_

All those months fighting Hydra, Steve hadn't realized Bucky had been changed. Never even suspected.

There was nothing to do about it now. The people who made him, made them both, were long gone. 

Stares and whispers followed him around the carrier. Natasha withdrew from him, to his relief. Steve couldn't handle talking to her right now. Maria was all business. And the new members of the team were looking at him either in fear or worse, with a desire to get him to talk. 

Clint flew him back to New York, asking no questions. Steve went back to his apartment and sat there, but the lights were too bright and the walls were boxing him in.

It was late at night and cold. Steve wandered the streets, ignoring the chill, deliberately going down dark alleys and lingering in the shadows. He knew this was stupid and reckless. But he met no one, to his mingled disappointment and relief. 

_"I had him on the ropes."_

Going to the future, all right, Bucky. Just not together.

_I should've gone back for him._

He knew that was ridiculous. Even if he had somehow known about what Schmidt had done, there was no reason to believe Bucky could've survived that fall. Steve would've assumed he himself would've died in that situation. 

And they had a mission to complete. Or so he'd told himself.

_"Did you believe in your friend?"_

Steve was glad this had all happened after he'd visited Peggy and after getting word that she'd slipped away, like she'd waited just long enough to talk to him one more time. At the same time, he wished he could talk to her now.

Sharon Carter looked like her great-aunt. Steve had tucked his grief for Peggy away during the mission, but he couldn't bring himself to talk to Sharon once it was over. She tried, twice, to talk to him, but all Steve could see was how impossibly young she was. He resented her innocence, but he didn't want to be the one to take it away either. 

Had he ever been that naïve? Had Bucky? He couldn't believe so. It seemed like a million years ago that they had lived here and snuck into movies and-- he cut the thought off. 

He turned a corner, heading into a more residential area, beginning to feel tired. His feet dragged a bit and he finally felt the wind getting to him. There was a subway stop not far away. He could get on the train, where it would be warm, and go home. Maybe now he could sleep.

His brain was moving slowly, but it dawned on him that he was near Sara's apartment. He veered down her street, not really aware of what he was doing, and walked past her building. He stopped short. 

Her lights were on. 

He pulled out his phone and managed to fumble his way through sending her a text message. "You awake?"

He stood there on the corner, noting a car that drove past him and a woman looking out from the passenger side at him curiously, and then his phone rang. 

Sara's voice sounded tired. "What's up?"

"I'm outside your building."

"What? Why are you out so late?" He saw the heavy curtain shift and Sara glance down at the street. He didn't move. "Well are you coming up or what?"

He hung up the phone and entered the front door when she buzzed him in. Every step up the stairs was an effort. He was starting to shake, probably from being out in the cold so long.

Sara let him into her apartment, looking at him worriedly. 

"I found out, he's alive. My friend-"

"Bucky," she said before he could finish. "I saw the mission reports."

A sudden suspicion hit him. "Did you know? That he was alive, did you know?"

"No." But she didn't meet his eyes. He took a step toward her and Sara backed away from him, her hands up. "I realized yesterday as I was looking at the logs, I had seen his name before, in the records. I just never made the connection. I knew he had something to do with the serum research, but I never thought to draw that back to you."

Her expression was pleading and he suddenly realized he was looming over her. He shifted away.

"When you came back, the list of names you gave me, he wasn't on it."

Steve's shoulders sank and he curled into himself. "I thought he was dead."

He closed his eyes and saw Bucky fall again. He saw the ice sheet roaring toward him in the cockpit of the Valkyrie. 

And that was it. He started to cry. Everything, every memory he'd been avoiding, hit him all at once. 

He was pushed down onto the couch and a blanket was wrapped around his body. Sara tentatively rested her arm against his back. He tried to make the tears stop but the harder he tried, the worse it got. 

Sara's hand was on the back of his head now, touching him gently, her body warm against his side. She murmured, "Let it out, Steve. Just let it out."

His hands gripped the edges of the couch and he gulped for air when he could. His chin tucked down against his chest, wishing she wasn't seeing him like this but unable to move. Eventually she nudged the box of tissues on the coffee table at him and he blew his nose. It was loud and sounded ridiculous and he snorted, nearly laughing, which set off another wave of tears before it finally started to subside.

He braced his elbows on his knees, resting his head in his hands, concentrating on breathing slowly. Sara rubbed the back of his neck, not saying anything. His legs felt like rubber and his face was uncomfortably hot. 

She left him sitting there for a bit, going into the kitchen and then the bathroom. A few minutes later she handed him a washcloth, warm from the hot water, and then came back with two mugs of tea. Steve wasn't a fan of the stuff, but he held the warm cup in his hands. It gave him something to look at. 

"How come you're awake?" he managed to croak out.

Sara glared at his cup and he took a sip to placate her. "I only got home a little while ago."

Right. The mission had been over for him for a couple of days, but Sara's job continued well after his was done. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." He didn't finish the sentence, because he wasn't honestly sure it was true. Maybe when he left his apartment this was where he'd intended to go. It was the only refuge he could think of. He hadn't intended to cry like a baby in front of her though.

Sara rolled her eyes. "Steve, please. If anyone is due a meltdown, it's you." 

He swallowed. "You won't tell anyone?"

She hesitated. She did have a responsibility to SHIELD and he felt guilty that he was asking her to choose between that obligation and him. But there was a reason why he'd left the carrier today. There was a difference between admitting to weakness and being seen as weak.

"I won't tell anyone," she promised. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

In the aftermath of, well, everything, Steve couldn't quite keep from falling back into old habits. He'd surrendered to the pressure from Pepper and from SHIELD to move into one of the empty apartments in Stark Tower. He would've preferred to be on his own, but he was too recognizable now, and the tower was a more secure location. 

It wasn't that bad. Tony thankfully spent almost all his time in his lab or his and Pepper's apartment. Steve's place had a kitchen and a big bathroom, and the bed was new and large enough for him to stretch out on, which was a relief. He didn't bother much with decorating, although Sara had managed to locate some pictures, including one of Peggy he kept in a frame near his bed. He did buy a small table and a chair to put near the window. He spent a lot of time sitting there, sketching aimlessly. 

When he wasn't training or continuing to try and catch up on his history lessons, Steve rode the subway a lot. He got some weird looks from people, but most of them seemed to assume that Captain America wouldn't just be sitting on the subway looking lost. 

He'd wandered down to Battery Park one cold Wednesday afternoon and was staring out at Liberty Island when his cell phone indicated Sara was calling. Jane's assistant, Darcy, had been messing with his phone and set up the different rings for different people. Steve hadn't followed her instructions at all, so he didn't know how to change it. "Hi."

"Hey. What's up?" Sara usually said that rather than "how are you" because she said the latter was a ridiculous question most of the time. People either didn't want to talk about how they were and thus lied and said they were fine, or they told you far more than you wanted to know.

"Not much," he admitted. It was winter, so he had almost no company out in the park. 

"You feel like coming over tonight? If I work through one more evening this week, I'm going to stick a fork into my eyeball." 

"We can't have that." Sara always managed to frame her invitations like he was doing her a favor. He'd spent several evenings in her apartment, watching movies that she suggested. It was nice, something that had nothing to do with the Avengers or saving the world, although sometimes it only impressed on him how much he'd lost. 

He hesitated. "I should warn you, I'm still not particularly good company."

"Well, that's the good thing about watching a movie. You can just sit and stare and not be sociable." That was a fair point, he had to admit. "Come on, you haven't seen _Godzilla_ yet. Big monster crushes Japan. It'll be perfect." 

So Steve ended up going to Sara's apartment that evening. It was snowing lightly outside, which didn't help his mood. He was trying to buck himself up when he got there so as not to be horribly rude, but to his surprise, Sara was even crankier than he was. "What's wrong?"

She sat down on the couch with an audible growl. "I'm fine." Steve just eyed her like she was an unexploded bomb. Sara sighed loudly. "A friend of mine from school is getting married in the spring, and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. In a fit of madness, and having no handy excuse to refuse, I said yes. Today I got a look at the dresses."

She held up her phone and showed him a picture of a bright yellow dress. Steve had never had a very good grasp of women's fashions, but it was obvious from Sara's expression what she thought of it. He couldn't resist teasing her, though. "Not good?"

"It's yellow," she said scathingly. When he still looked confused, she elaborated. "I look like I have gangrene in yellow. And that's not to mention the back of the thing." She pulled up another picture. "There's a bow. On the back of the dress. A huge, yellow taffeta bow. That's going to be right over my _ass_." Steve bit his tongue to keep from laughing out loud. "The one part of my body that is really big enough without any help, thank you very much, and they're going to stick a huge freakin' bow on it. And how are we supposed to sit down? Do you know how long wedding receptions take? I can't stand in those shoes for that long." 

She cast the phone onto the coffee table. Steve attempted to keep his face straight and got a slap on the arm. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything," he protested, his voice a little weak from trying not to laugh. 

"You were thinking it," she muttered darkly. Steve reached for his coat pocket and handed over a bag of chocolate covered peanuts he'd picked up on the way as a peace offering. 

She started the movie, which was not particularly well made, and left him sort of rooting for the monster. He couldn't believe it when Sara told him there were sequels. "They made more of these?"

"About 20, I think."

Steve shook his head. "Don’t get me wrong, I like good monster movies, but they have to be actually _good_. I don't see why someone would keep doing this."

"Oh come on, how many sequels did they make to the 1931 _Frankenstein_? Monster movie sequels are pretty common."

They ended up debating the Frankenstein sequels for half an hour as Godzilla got blown up and sank into the ocean. Steve remained convinced that the Universal monsters were superior to this kind of thing, but he let Sara have the last bit of chocolate anyway. 

"OK, so, atomic monsters are not working for you. There's plenty of other sci-fi you should see. _Day the Earth Stood Still, The Blob, Forbidden Planet, Attack of the 50 Foot Woman_."

Steve blinked. "What?"

Sara grinned. "It's a real movie, I swear. There's also the musicals. The 1950s were pretty much the golden age of American movie musicals." She glanced at her massive DVD collection affectionately. 

Steve felt a sudden desire to just camp out on the couch and watch movies with Sara until they both fell asleep. The urge made him uneasy. He hated being a burden on anyone, and he didn't want Sara spending time with him out of pity. He got enough condescension from other people. "Maybe I could borrow a few of the DVDs from you."

"Well, I don’t own _Attack of the 50 Foot Woman_ , so you're on your own with that one. And you don't want to watch me singing along badly to Gene Kelly?" She looked a little hurt.

"I don't want to impose," he said, uncomfortable. 

She was quiet for a minute. "You're not imposing. I love watching movies, and I like seeing you see them for the first time." She leaned her head back on the couch. "Truth be told, I don't have a lot of friends here in New York. It's hard to meet people outside of work, and we work so much, there's just not time. Plus it's not like I can talk about my job to strangers." She sighed, picking at the fringe on one of the pillows. "And I can't really socialize with my staff. So my options for making new friends are a little limited." 

Steve understood what she meant. He had a team of people, and they were friends, but he remembered being the leader of a group of people. Sara wasn't his boss, and she wasn't on his team. They were equals here, and he liked that. A lot. 

It occurred to him that Sara was once again making it seem like he'd be doing her a favor to come spend time with her. He had to learn how to do that.

Aloud he simply said, "I did have kind of a crush on Judy Garland." 

Sara burst out laughing. "Of course you did." Then her eyes lit up. "Oh my God! You haven't seen _Meet Me In St. Louis_ have you? That's a classic Judy Garland movie. It's ridiculously wholesome too. You'll love it."

That was impossible to resist. Steve got up from the couch. "This weekend maybe?" 

"If the world's not ending, absolutely. I'll have to bake cookies, though. You can't watch this movie without obscene amounts of sugar." 

"I'm not going to tell anyone about that, otherwise the entire Avengers will be here in your apartment." Sara had made brownies one night and sent the bulk of them home with him. Steve had never seen anything vanish that fast in his life. 

She saw him to the door, even though it was barely five feet away. He pulled on his coat and then found his arms full as she hugged him. "You're always welcome here, you hear me?" she said in his ear. 

"Thanks." He hugged her back for a moment before she pulled away. He went out into the snow promising to be back on Friday night and promising not to start making Godzilla jokes to Bruce, no matter how tempted he was. 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve was restless as the winter dragged on. SHIELD had started forwarding some of the fan mail they were getting for him. They screened the mail, looking for possible sources of trouble, and Steve had told the sympathetic woman in security to please not give him any mail from women of a personal nature. He'd been uncomfortable with that last time, he didn't need to see any more of it. 

He did like the letters from kids, so SHIELD sent him those and he tried to answer as many as he could, especially from the children who asked for help dealing with being teased or pushed around by bigger, stronger kids. Steve remembered that feeling all too well. 

The weather had turned brutally cold, and two weeks went by without a mission appearing. Steve was climbing the walls, and most of the rest of the team was occupied with other work. Thor had nearly declared war on one of the newspapers when they sent a reporter to try and get pictures of Jane, but that situation had calmed down for the moment. Steve called Sara, thinking maybe he could convince her to brave the cold and go to a museum or something. She didn't answer her phone, so he left a message.

She didn't respond. 

Steve felt a tiny prickle of alarm by the end of the day. He attempted to reason himself out of it. Sara could be busy for any of a thousand reasons. Although he ended up at her apartment pretty regularly, she had a life and a job and there were plenty of things she could be dealing with that meant calling him back was not a priority.

But the second message went unanswered too. Steve was on the carrier, and he couldn't help grabbing his phone and checking to see if he had any messages once the morning training session was over. And the bad thing about being surrounded by super spies was they noticed everything.

"Problem, Cap?" Maria was watching him curiously. 

Steve debated for a moment. He didn't want to be intrusive, but Sara's position in SHIELD meant her not returning messages could be important. At least if she got mad at him meddling, he could use that as an excuse. "I called Sara yesterday to ask her something and she hasn't gotten back to me. I'm just a little concerned." 

Maria frowned, probably immediately running scenarios where the Special Director of Records had gotten kidnapped, or worse. "Let me make a call." 

Steve showered and changed and when he reached Maria's office, she nodded reassuringly. "Dr. Tamblin has the flu. I talked to her assistant and she and the AD finally pried Sara out of her office yesterday and got her to go home and rest." 

"Ah." That would explain her not returning his calls. Unfortunately it didn't really make him feel less worried. 

"It would probably be a good idea if someone checked up on her, unofficially," Maria said, with more tact than she usually showed. "I'm sure it is just the flu, but that she's not answering her messages isn't a good sign." 

He nodded, grateful for the excuse, and headed back to New York. He had to drop some things off at the tower and he ran into Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis there. Rather, he ran into their belongings clogging a couple of the elevators and followed the movers to see what the commotion was about. 

SHIELD had been nervous about the two of them living outside of protection in general, and when Jane's relationship to Thor and the Avengers had hit the papers a few weeks ago, she'd been mobbed by photographers. Despite having agents protecting her, one of them had gotten too close for comfort. Given the security risk, Thor had insisted both of the women move into the tower.

Jane and Thor were having a "discussion" about something. Steve was always a bit bemused that someone so tiny and delicate-looking could outshout the god of thunder. Darcy was standing to the side, watching the verbal sparring. "Hey, Cap."

"It's just Steve, when I'm not in the uniform," he said, not for the first time. 

Darcy grinned. "So what's up? I'd ask you to add your muscles to the crew here, but I think Clint and Thor are enjoying showing off their heavy lifting skills."

Steve would have helped, of course, but he was relieved he didn't have to divert from his current goal. "I'm on my way to check on Sara, actually. She's got the flu."

"That sucks. Throwing up flu or just regular flu?"

"I don't know." 

"Well, bring her soup. And Goldfish. And probably some Gatorade in case she's been puking." 

Steve blinked. Goldfish? "Well, I would if I knew what half of those things were?" 

Darcy looked sheepish. "Right, sorry. Let me write it down for you." They had to retreat to Steve's living room to find a pen and paper. "Chicken noodle soup. Stick with Campbells, that's always good in a pinch. Goldfish are a must." Steve must have had a look on his face, because she explained, "They're just tiny crackers shaped like fish, I swear." She rattled off a few more things and then tore the paper off. "It's nice of you to be bringing her a care package and all."

There was a teasing look on Darcy's face and Steve shrugged uncomfortably. "She's not answering her messages, and Assistant Director Hill is a little worried. Plus if she is just sick, she can't infect me." 

"Ah. Well, good luck." She sketched a salute and went back to the unpacking crisis downstairs.

Steve managed to find most of the things on the list. Grocery stores still overwhelmed him. The variety of foods and the amount were almost miraculous. He hadn't ventured into the pharmacy sections at all since waking up, but fortunately there was a woman stocking shelves. When Steve explained he was bringing supplies to a friend with the flu, she pointed him to a few things Sara might need. At the last minute he found a display and added a bag of Oreo cookies to the basket. 

In spite of himself, he was tense as he approached Sara's apartment. He didn't see any signs of trouble outside the building, but he had to wait for a long while after he rang the bell before Sara's scratchy voice came over the intercom. "Hello?"

"It's Steve."

The door buzzed and he went inside and up to her apartment. All was quiet and in order in the hall, and he heard the custom security system inside the apartment disengage to open the door when he knocked. One look confirmed that Sara was indeed just very sick. Her skin was flushed with fever, but there were dark circles under her eyes and she otherwise looked pale. She was dressed in sweatpants and a couple of heavy shirts and her nose was bright red. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you to," he said, slipping inside the apartment. "You didn't answer my messages. People were getting worried." He decided to leave out the part about Maria sending him, since it would only make her feel guilty.

She rubbed her forehead. "I didn't think to look at the phone. I've been trying to sleep."

"Not very well, it looks like." 

She made a face. "Every time I lie down I start coughing again. Did you bring me food?"

He set the grocery bag down and started unpacking it. "Soup, orange juice, grapes, Oreos, and Darcy insisted you needed these?" He held out the white and blue bag and Sara cracked a weak smile.

"Goldfish crackers. I haven't had these in ages." She barely got the words out before she started to cough. It was a loud, wracking cough from deep in her lungs. He didn't miss that she was flinching, one hand pressing against her chest like it hurt. 

He set the cough medicine and other pharmacy items down on the table. "Did you go to the doctor?"

She rolled her eyes. "I have the flu. All they're going to tell me is to rest and drink lots of fluids and wait it out." 

"Well, if you don't sound any better by tomorrow, you're going. I don't care if I have to carry you kicking and screaming." He was a little surprised by his own vehemence.

She shot him a sullen look, but didn't argue about that. Instead she waved at the table. "What do I owe you for all this?"

"You don't. It's not like you asked me to." 

She glared. "Steve."

He folded his arms across his chest. "Sara." There was a stalemate for a minute, then she started to cough again. He held out the cough medicine. "When was the last time you ate?"

She glanced at the clock. "I had some cereal this morning?" It was mid-afternoon.

He took off his coat and shooed her toward the bathroom. "Take some of that. I'll heat up the soup. And no arguing." 

Mercifully she didn't protest. Steve set about putting things away and getting the soup warmed up on the stove. He'd spent enough time here that he knew roughly where everything was. Sara came back from the bathroom and sank wearily into a chair at her kitchen table, looking out the small window. It was snowing again outside and she shivered.

Steve set the table and without thinking about it reached down and rubbed his hand against her back. She let out a tiny whimper so he stayed where he was, rubbing his palm against her tense shoulders until he heard the soup beginning to boil. 

He placed the bowl of hot soup in front of her and watched in amusement as she opened the Goldfish crackers and tossed a handful of them into the bowl. She tapped each one with her spoon quickly to submerge it then waited until apparently they reached some ideal point of mushiness to eat. Steve grabbed a handful of the crackers from the bag. They weren't bad.

"So have I missed anything?" Sara asked, sipping carefully at the hot food.

He told her about Jane's close call and her and Darcy moving into the tower, and about the letter from the little girl he'd read the day before who said her brother had been telling her she could never be a superhero like Captain America because she was a girl. Sara grumbled over that, as he expected. 

She finished eating and retreated to the couch and let him clean up. He sat down next to her, unwilling to leave her alone just yet, not when she was so exhausted and weak. Sara was biting her lip. "What is it?"

"Would you, um, mind rubbing my back again?" 

He shifted on the couch and started massaging her shoulders gently. She whimpered again. He could feel the knots in her muscles. "Have you gotten any rest?" he muttered, working at the hard place where her neck and shoulder met. 

"Not really." She was leaning forward, hugging a pillow and wincing as his thumbs dug into her shoulder more firmly. "My Mom used to rub my back when I was sick, when I was little," she blurted out.

"Mine did too," he admitted. He barely remembered that anymore. "And Bucky, later on, when I would get sick in the orphanage." 

He didn't say anything else for a while, concentrating on working his way down her back. Eventually he was just running his hands in circles soothingly. Sara was leaning her head on her hands. She looked so exhausted, like she was ready to drop any second. He reached for her and tugged her back onto the couch and against him, her head pillowed on his chest. He wrapped the blanket around them both, remembering the night he'd come here and she'd done the same thing for him. She mumbled something that sounded like a protest but he shushed her and went back to rubbing her back lightly. After a minute, he felt her relax and fall asleep. Hopefully she could sleep for a while if she was upright. It wasn't like he had anything else to do, and he felt he owed her after all the hours he'd spent sitting here, hiding from the rest of his life.

The television was on some program that seemed to be picking items at random and then showing how they were assembled. The narrator's voice was very soothing and Steve settled more deeply into the couch as it got dark outside.

Sara stirred and coughed lightly but didn't open her eyes. He looked down at her and felt a sudden rush of affection. He had made an effort to get to know the rest of the Avengers because he needed to understand their strengths and weaknesses to be ready in a tight spot and know what they could and couldn't do. It was a relief to have someone he didn't have to think of that way.

But Sara was a remarkably self-sufficient person. She reminded him of Peggy a bit in that regard. Other than basic things like paying for meals when they ate together or cleaning up, she almost never asked him for anything, certainly not anything personal. It was nice to be useful without it involving strategies or sacrifices. If she needed him to be a human pillow for a few hours and give her some comfort, he didn't mind. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

The cough finally went away when it was almost March, because of course it had turned out she had bronchitis, not just the flu. The morning after Steve had shown up unexpectedly at her apartment, Sara had staggered out of her bedroom to find him sprawled on the couch still. He had glared at her while she went through her morning attempt to cough up her lungs and she had been too tired to argue when he held out her coat with a stern expression. Steve escorted her to Medical and the doctor had given her more powerful drugs and put her on leave for a week. 

Even after that week, it had taken the better part of a month before the coughing subsided and she stopped getting waves of fatigue at random moments. She did her best to hide that from Steve, since his mother hen tendencies were rather dramatic. She suspected he knew anyway and was keeping up the pretense that she was feeling better so long as she made obvious efforts at resting and taking care of herself. 

The role reversal was kind of unsettling. She was used to thinking of herself as helping him cope with things. Now he was bringing groceries to her apartment and had roped a half a dozen other people into keeping an eye on her. Dr. Foster and Darcy Lewis suddenly needed Sara's opinion on how to decorate their new apartments. When Sara asked Steve, he got flustered and mumbled something about her apartment looking nice. 

It was strange to have someone going to such lengths to look out for her. But as she finally started to get her energy back, Sara admitted that it was also rather sweet. She maybe shouldn't have been so cranky with him. 

She spent the last week of February praying for some sort of crisis; nothing world-ending, but something sufficient that she would have to miss her flight to Atlanta. The bad guys, sadly, decided to lay low and she packed the hideous yellow taffeta bridesmaid's dress and got on the plane. 

The wedding was actually fun, aside from the dresses. There were a number of old school friends Sara hadn't seen in a long while. And she hadn't had a vacation in years, since her week of sick leave hardly counted. 

When she got home, she had an idea. She spent Saturday baking in her kitchen and then headed to Stark tower in the evening. Darcy was having a pizza night to celebrate finally being moved into her new apartment completely. Sara slipped in the door with a heavily laden bag and smiled at the variety of Avengers and SHIELD agents and employees who were hanging around. 

Steve was in the kitchen, as was Darcy. "So, I brought kind of a housewarming gift, although they probably won't last the night," Sara said, removing a foil-wrapped plate from the bag. 

"Oh my God, did you make those brownies?" Darcy was practically drooling. She pounced on the plate and then squealed. "Girl, these things are like crack." 

"Brownies?" Clint asked from the door, his eyes already intent on the platter in Darcy's hand. 

"Run now or they'll all get eaten without you," Steve warned Darcy. 

Darcy made a keep-away gesture. "Mine! You only get to have one if you're good." 

"Tell that to Thor, sweetheart," Clint said with a smirk.

Thor had come up behind Darcy and grabbed a brownie off the plate, which he ate in one bite. He smirked and Darcy yelled, "Hey! No fair. They're my gift, I should at least get to have the first one!"

"You really want that back?" Steve asked. Darcy, Clint and Thor squabbled their way out into the living room, with Darcy attempting to defend the brownie perimeter, not very successfully. Steve turned to Sara. "If she's trying to preserve them, taking that plate anywhere near Natasha is a bad tactical move." 

"Yeah. But not all of us are master strategists," she said, nudging him with an elbow. Then she took a quick breath. "I actually have something else in here, but these are just for you." She extracted the other container and handed it to him. Steve peeked in the box and his expression turned gleeful. 

"Are those the peanut butter ones?" She'd made these once before and Steve had looked like he'd died and gone to heaven the first time he ate one. 

"The trifecta of cookie deliciousness? Yes. The brownies were a diversion." She waggled her fingers at the others.

"What are they for?" Steve asked. It was kind of muffled since he had already stuffed a cookie in his mouth. 

She shrugged, a little embarrassed. "Just a general thank you. And an apology."

"For what?"

"Being so whiny when you were just trying to help. It's been-" She choked and looked at her feet. "I guess I've gotten used to handling everything alone, over the years." 

He didn't say anything right away, but then Steve put his arm around her shoulders tentatively. She leaned against his side. He was very comfy, and warm. "Any time." 

"Don't tempt me," she teased. "Otherwise I'll be pestering you for backrubs all the time." Steve laughed. "Where'd you learn to do that anyway?"

"The USO tour. Turned out my enhanced muscles were useful for something there."

Before she could reply, a yell warned of people returning to the kitchen and Sara stepped away, nodding to the cookie container. "You may want to hide that."

Steve sealed the container and put it behind him. Darcy returned and thrust the plate of brownies at him. "Cap, you're the only person in this place I can trust. Guard these and we'll go halfsies. Deal?"

Natasha and Jane had both come into the kitchen, eyeing the brownie plate. Steve's mouth twitched. "I'll do my best, but I'm not throwing myself in between Natasha Romanoff and chocolate, even for you." 

Darcy sighed. "Okay, fair point." She set the plate down on the counter next to Steve, where Jane and Natasha immediately pounced but only took one brownie each. Darcy turned to Sara. "So, how was the wedding? Did you rip off the bow as soon as the ceremony was over?"

Sara groaned and reached for her phone. She had a picture of the wedding party, because the yellow taffeta needed to be seen to be believed. "See for yourself."

The other women crowded around the phone and stared. Jane's forehead scrunched up. "That's kind of amazing."

"How can one dress look that awful on everyone?" Darcy agreed while Natasha nodded. 

"I know, right?" Sara wailed. "You've got three distinct body types in that bridal party and it's just bad on everyone."

"The shape isn't too bad for you," Darcy observed. "But the color is horrible." 

"Why did she choose yellow?" Natasha asked. 

"Because she was thinking 'springtime'," Sara said, making jazz hands. "And daffodils come out in spring. Or something. I think the wedding planning may have driven her temporarily insane, because she's not usually like this." Steve took the phone and looked at the picture. Sara continued, "The tall woman is the bride's sister. She was _so relieved_ when we all got there because she'd been pretending to be fine with the dresses for months without anyone to talk to about it. After the bride and groom left, we started making a game out of destroying the dresses to see if we could make them better."

"Did it work?" he asked, handing her phone back.

"Not even close. We concluded a ritual burning was going to be needed." 

Steve made a face. "I don't think you look _that_ bad."

"That's because in the picture you can't see the butt bow." 

 

*~*~*~*~*

After about the fifth time they watched such a plot, Sara had assured Steve that babies showing up at random only happened in TV and movies. Sometimes there were reasons that mothers couldn't keep their babies, but there were places to deal with that. Nobody had to leave a baby on a doorstep.

So he was more than a little confused when he walked into the common room one day to find Thor cooing – yes, cooing – over a baby.

"Uh, what's going on?" he said.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Tony said, from another entrance. "I clearly have no control over this building."

Thor lifted the baby out of the bassinet like he'd done this a thousand times. For all Steve knew, he had. The god of thunder could run a daycare in Asgard, although getting the babies to sleep might be an issue with him banging around. "A fine maiden!" he proclaimed, laughing even as a tiny fist grabbed his hair. "You will be a strong one, won't you, and ride with Valkyrie!"

"Try not to leave her emotionally scarred, Thor," Natasha said, coming in behind Tony. "Whose baby is that?"

"Clint was here with her when I arrived," Thor replied, nodding to Natasha. "He did not know whose child she is."

"I'll track him down."

"You know Jarvis can do that," Tony put in.

"What's the fun in that?"

Thor walked up to the huge windows on the far side of the room, singing what sounded like an Asgard drinking song to the baby. Tony joined in on the lines that got repeated over and over, although his version of the lyrics sounded more like he'd made them up while intoxicated. Steve just shook his head and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Outside, it was beginning to rain, and suddenly the baby began to fuss. Thor bounced her around but it didn't help. Tony had been scribbling math on one of the large mirrors on the opposite wall, but left muttering when the baby's sobs turned to shrieks.

Thor was starting to look worried, as though all his bravado was no match for a crying baby in a hot pink onesie. Steve decided to take pity. He came up to the pair and got the baby's attention. "Want to see me?" he said, holding his hands out.

The baby lunged at him and he chuckled. "It's all right, sweetheart," he went on. "Thor scares all of us now and then."

Thor was glaring, but Steve walked away from the window, patting the baby's back. It seemed to work. She settled down, not falling asleep but laying her head on his shoulder. Her breath was warm against his neck, and she laughed and shrieked when he tickled her.

He had no idea whose kid this was, but she was sweet. She sang and babbled at him and spent a lot of time tugging at the crew neck of his shirt. Strangely, it made him miss his dog tags. She'd have had fun playing with those.

When the door opened again, Steve expected to see Natasha bringing Clint back, but instead it was Sara. She stopped short in the entry and stared in surprise. "Why do you have Carrie's baby?" she asked. 

"Your assistant?" Steve asked in return. He knew the woman vaguely from his occasional visits to Sara's office. 

"Yes," Sara replied, pulling out her cell phone. "I'm going to let her know where Jessie is."

When the call was over, Steve frowned. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Darcy's tablet crashed, and she lost some data for a project she's working on." Steve remembered now. "Some of the material was sensitive so I came to oversee restoring the data from the backups, and then there was a thing, so I called Carrie." Steve didn't know if Sara was being vague for security reasons or simply because most computer talk was gibberish to him. 

Natasha returned with Clint. "Clint isn't allowed to babysit anymore," Natasha announced. "Just so we're clear."

Clint looked a little sheepish and made a quick escape when the baby's mother arrived a few minutes later. Little Jessie squealed, flapping her arms and trying to leap out of Steve's arms to her mother. "Hi, pumpkin," Carrie said in a high voice. "Did the Avengers treat you all right?"

"You probably shouldn't leave him with Clint again, ma'am," Steve told her.

She laughed. "Call me Carrie. And thanks for the advice." She took her daughter with a smile. "Thanks for entertaining her. We had a doctor's appointment this morning and then I got the call to come here."

"You could've just reminded me where you were and Miles could've handled it," Sara said.

"It only took half an hour. And Jessie made a new friend, didn't you?"

Steve held his hand out, which Jessie obligingly high-fived. Then she laughed, and he couldn't help laughing with her.

"Has she been sick?" he asked, suddenly realizing what the young woman had said. He closed up his fist and let Jessie open it one finger at a time. 

"No, we were just in for immunizations."

By that point Jessie had gotten his hand open to find nothing inside. Steve waited a second before he tickled her belly, getting a cackle of glee from her.

"We've got to get going," Carrie said once the baby had calmed down a bit. "I'm supposed to meet my mother-in-law in an hour. It was nice to see you again, Captain."

"Steve."

"Steve. Thanks for watching Jessie. We'll have to come back for a visit."

Steve watched them go, the baby happily babbling as they exited the lounge. That left him alone with Sara, and he wondered when Thor had wandered off. After a minute, he realized Sara was watching him curiously. He sank down into one of the sofas and she joined him. "I take it you like kids," she said.

He nodded. "I know it's kind of cheesy," he replied. "America's super soldier wants a white picket fence, a wife and kids, but... I used to just be Steve Rogers."

She laid her hand on his shoulder, but didn't say anything. It was one of the things he liked about Sara. She didn't always say something just to fill the silence.

There were heavy footsteps coming from one of the hallways as Thor returned, and Sara withdrew her hand. "One of my guys had Mets tickets he couldn't use," she said. "You up for a baseball game tonight? Although I guess it looks like it's going to be rained out."

Steve glanced at the window, then at Thor. "Hey, Thor, could you do something about the rain? Sara's got baseball tickets."

Thor grinned, which made Steve very nervous.

 

*~*~*~*~*

Even Steve noticed his spirits improving as spring arrived and the snow melted. He had a couple short conversations with Bucky, too, which helped. Things were never going to be what they were before, but at least he had this much.

But then Thor was called away, something about a threat to Asgard that had everyone on edge. Then SHIELD summoned Clint away. Steve heard rumors that someone from Clint's past had turned up, and not in a good way. Steve wanted to go with them but Natasha just shook her head at him before following Clint silently. Steve had to settle for extracting a promise to call if Clint needed the backup. 

Bruce had started having trouble with his self-control - one too many changes into the Other Guy - and had gone off to be away from SHIELD and the Avengers to "try and get his head on straight" as he put it. SHIELD was shadowing him but keeping their distance. 

So when the call came in that SHIELD's secret research facility out on Long Island was being attacked, Steve and Tony were the only two Avengers available.

By the time they got there, the building had been infiltrated. These guys, whoever they were, clearly were professionals, and they were using both conventional guns and Chitauri weaponry. Despite the best efforts of SHIELD and the local authorities, a lot of those weapons had disappeared after the battle last year, and they were still popping up periodically to cause trouble. 

Agents were still converging on the scene and Hill was trying to establish a plan, which was going over with Tony about as well as usual. This time Steve was siding with Iron Man largely because Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis were inside the building. He wasn't supposed to base decisions on personal feelings, Steve knew that, but the two women had been his neighbors for four months now. Darcy had taken on the mission of Steve's education in late 20th century music. Jane had introduced him to Pop Tarts. And they along with a lot of other people in the building were scientists, not trained agents. Someone needed to get in there and get them all out before there was a hostage situation. 

Sam Wilson was there, too, and he agreed with Steve. Maria seemed to guess she wasn't going to hold them back, so Tony took off, gathering intel about where the hostiles were in the building. Steve studied the schematics long enough to figure out how to reach Jane's lab and then headed inside, "The Falcon" going to the other side of the building himself. 

The agents and security people inside the building were well trained. They were slowing down the invaders as hard as they could. Steve circled around and helped get the scientists who were hunkered down behind the security teams out of the building, which slowed down his progress considerably. More agents were storming the lower half of the building, so Steve left them to handle the escaping scientists and pressed forward. Tony reported that he was detecting a group of about a dozen guys arrowing through the building like they had a goal in mind. That goal was, of course, near Jane Foster's lab. 

Steve was climbing up an elevator shaft when the entire building shook. He fell about four feet before grabbing a hold of the railing again, wrenching his shoulder pretty good. "Stark? Was that you?"

Tony cursed. "They just detonated something on the top floor."

"Intentionally?" Steve resumed climbing.

"Can't tell." 

"Where are they?"

"Forty feet to your left when you get to the top. Foster's lab is gonna be on your right."

Sam's voice came over the radio. "Cap, I'm on the level below where the explosion occurred. There's a lot of damage in here."

Which meant the upper level might be even worse. Steve hauled himself up and managed to brace his body enough to pull the elevator doors open and climb onto the floor. He could hear shouting in some language he didn't recognize, on his left as Tony had predicted. He swung his shield off his back. He tried to stay low but even he had to admit, red, white and blue was not good camouflage anywhere but in a parrot cage. 

He bolted for the nearest door, noting as he passed that there was debris everywhere and parts of the ceiling had collapsed. Water was pouring from the fire suppression system and the alarm was wailing as well. He felt a couple shots from Chitauri weapons strike the shield as he wrenched the secure door to the next lab open and jumped through it. He turned to pull the door shut behind him and heard two bullets ping off the shield, which he thankfully had in front of him.

"Oh shit!" He peeked around the shield. Darcy Lewis was holding a gun with two hands, pointed at the ground now, and gaping. 

"You know, that's the second time a woman I know has shot right at me." 

"Oh my God, I shot at Captain America," Darcy whimpered. "I'm so gonna get fired."

He heard angry voices coming behind him and grabbed a large metal cabinet and hauled it over in front of the door. "Don't worry about it. Where's Dr. Foster?"

"I'm here." Her voice was weak and Darcy looked scared.

"She's trapped under the beam. Her leg is really messed up."

Steve vaulted over the debris, which included a heavy metal beam that had fallen from the ceiling. Jane was on her back on the floor, her leg twisted and stuck under the beam. She was pale, her eyes wide, looking like a drowned rat from the water cascading down on them. Steve didn't have time to be delicate. "How bad is it?" he asked, looking between the two women.

Jane shook her head. "I'm pretty sure I can still wiggle my toes. I think it's just pinned."

Darcy looked skeptical, but they heard thuds against the door signaling they had company. Steve moved to the beam, meeting Darcy's eyes and willing her to be calm. "I'm going to lift this up. You need to pull her back. Take her shoulders, pull her straight back, try not to jostle the leg, OK?"

Darcy set her gun down and moved into position. Steve counted lowly to three and lifted the beam about six inches. Any more and he feared it would dislodge more debris and make things worse. Jane cried out when Darcy dragged her back, but her leg came free and Steve set the beam down. 

Jane's leg was a bloody mess, but she could indeed still move her foot, so Steve grabbed a bandage from a pocket on his belt to wrap it and got on the radio. "I have Foster and Lewis. Foster can't walk. Our exit has been cut off and we have hostiles incoming from the south. I need an exit."

"I'll slow 'em down," Tony replied immediately and Steve saw the red and gold blur go by outside the broken window. Small explosions echoed on the other side of the barricaded door, followed by more angry shouting.

"There should be an emergency exit on the north side of that room. You can get from there back into the lab next door. In the back there's an exit to the north central staircase," Hill told Steve. That was going to take them back into the lab where Steve had come off the elevator.

"I'll clear the way down," Sam said.

Steve handed Darcy his gun. "You're going to have to cover us in case anyone's waiting. I have to carry Jane. Just shoot at anything in front of you and go down the staircase as fast as you can."

Darcy folded her lips together tightly. Steve swung his shield onto his back and bent over. Jane put her arms around his neck without having to be told. She managed a weak smile. "Don't tell Thor you're stealing his moves." 

"Not a chance. I like my head attached to my body." Thor was going to have a conniption when he found out about this, but Steve put that aside. 

She whimpered even though he lifted her as carefully as he could manage under the circumstances. Steve figured her leg was probably broken. "Ready?" he asked Darcy.

Darcy took a deep breath, let it out and then went through the emergency door. Black shapes were moving in the lab, as Steve expected, but they ducked when bullets started flying wildly at them. Darcy's aim was terrible, but the unpredictability made it more imperative for the other guys to hide, so Steve wasn't complaining.

Darcy ran down the stairs, Steve yelling at her to go until he felt more bullets striking the shield. This group was apparently sticking with regular weapons, and unfortunately for him, before he could make it out of the line of fire, he felt two stinging pains in his right leg.

He gritted his teeth, tightening his grip on Jane and kept going down the stairs, less running and more letting gravity pull them stumbling downward. Sam had cleared the way, which involved some freaky moments of seeing wings shooting overhead. Steve ignored it all, concentrating on getting to the bottom.

Sam was there at the door, along with a group of agents. Steve dumped Jane into Sam's arms despite the pain it caused her. It was better than him dropping her. He tried to wave Darcy to go but she had noticed he was limping and despite the chaos and the bullets still flying around them, she wrapped her arm around his waist to support him. The four of them rushed across the open space under cover fire from the agents in the perimeter and Sam carefully put Jane into a waiting Jeep while Steve climbed into the other side, grunting as his weight came down too much on the bullet wounds. Darcy hopped in with Jane in the back and the agent behind the wheel burned rubber and headed for the waiting group of ambulances. 

Steve insisted the medics deal with the two women and other injured scientists before getting to him. He listened to the remainder of the fight via the radio in his ear. A few of the culprits were caught but several killed themselves rather than be captured. 

Worse, a group of them got away. No one was sure if they had actually taken anything or not. 

Jane was taken to the medical center immediately. Steve eventually let them move him there as well. One of the bullets had passed through his leg but the other was lodged in his thigh. They gave him what painkillers they safely could, which only really dulled the pain a bit, but he endured it as the surgeon dug out the bullet and ensured the wounds were both cleaned. 

When he was bandaged up Tony appeared, reporting that Jane was out of surgery. Her leg had been broken in two places and one of her arteries had gotten cut. She would be in medical for a few days. 

"And when she's healed, Prince Hairdo is going to have her ass in a sling for getting hurt," Tony observed. 

Steve nodded. "Any idea who these guys were?"

"Not yet. Hill's got the geeks doing their thing. They've locked down all the SHIELD facilities." 

Steve thought of Sara, but her office was in a sub-basement in Manhattan and extremely well protected, with only one access point that was heavily guarded. Then something else occurred to him. "Is Pepper okay?"

Tony nodded wearily. "She's got Happy and two bodyguards with her, to her immense annoyance. And we doubled security around the tower."

That seemed to be all they could do for now. They went to the carrier with Sam and went through debriefing, but Steve decided to go back to Medical before going home. Darcy had apparently decided to camp out for as long as Jane was there and nobody was able to convince her to leave. Tony made a call and Pepper assured him that she'd send someone with clean clothes and food. 

Steve waited around until supplies arrived, eating with Darcy and then letting her sleep against his shoulder for a few hours as Medical slowly quieted around them. In the morning Jane was more lucid and Steve went back to the carrier. They were still gathering intelligence and reviewing data, but so far it didn't seem anything was missing from the labs. Whatever these guys had been after, they hadn't gotten it.

Later that day he heard from Natasha, who was still helping Clint deal with whatever was going on. She didn't know when they'd be back in New York. 

Jane convinced Darcy to go home, so Steve escorted her back to the tower in the evening. He'd showered and changed before debriefing but he took another shower, ate a huge sandwich and crawled into his bed, falling asleep instantly. 

A few days later Jane had come home from Medical and was limping around on crutches. Darcy was cracking jokes again and Steve's leg was healed over but still sore. He was on a limited training schedule, but his muscles were getting stiff and hurting more if he stayed still too long, so Steve was growing really restless. He'd just gone through one of the stretching exercises Natasha had shown him when Jarvis told him Sara was at the door. 

This was unusual. Sara almost never just dropped by without calling first. Steve limped across the apartment and opened the door. "Hi."

"Hey."

"Come on in." Sara stepped past him and he noticed that her hair was pulled up at the back of her head and still wet, like she'd gotten out of the shower not long ago. He could smell the stuff she used on her hair more strongly than usual. 

That plus what she was wearing made him forget his manners briefly. Not that she was especially dressed up; in fact the opposite was true. She was wearing jeans and sandals and a sleeveless shirt that wrapped around her body underneath a light sweater. There was nothing unusual about it, but Steve had rarely seen that much of her skin visible before. 

Which wasn't strange given that _it had been winter for the last six months_ , he observed silently, giving himself a mental shake. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, but then, I wasn't shot twice in the leg," she said pointedly.

He shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets. "I'm fine. It hurts a little but it's mostly healed. Dr. Foster is going to be on crutches for at least three weeks, though."

"Yeah, I'm actually here to see her, I just stopped by on my way."

Steve affected a pout. "You didn't rush across town just to make sure I was all right?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "I probably know more about your injuries than you do, Captain. I read all your files, remember?" 

Steve didn't particularly want to dwell on that. He looked at the shopping bag. "I don't suppose that's for me either?"

"Sorry, no. Darcy asked me to bring something for dessert. We're going to marathon _Pride and Prejudice_ this evening."

He nodded. "She said something about it. 'No Y chromosomes allowed'?"

"We're going to spend the next five hours eating and drooling over Colin Firth. I don't think you'd enjoy it much if you were there." Darcy had been saying Jane needed a "girl's night" so apparently that was what women did when they were alone. 

Sara hefted the bag. "Don't feel too bad. I bought a pie at the bakery, so it's nothing homemade."

"Dr. Tamblin, I'm shocked. Not at all up to your usual standards." 

Sara blew a raspberry at him. "Hey some of us were kept in security lockdown until about six hours ago. I'm good, but I'm not that good."

"That explains the wet hair, I take it?"

She touched her head self-consciously. "Yeah, I managed to nap for a while on the couch in my office but we're not really equipped for long-term stays, so nobody got to shower while we were in there. I didn't want to show up smelling bad. And I didn't want wet hair on my neck the whole way here."

"It looks good," he reassured her, warmth blooming in his stomach in spite of himself. Sara blushed lightly. "I'm just not used to seeing it up like that." 

"So I should be slovenly more often? Good to know," she retorted, breaking the slight tension in the room. "Clearly you've recovered from your ordeal, and I'm late." 

"Well far be it from me to keep you away from what's-his-name." He opened the door for her, bowing and gesturing with a flourish.

She rolled her eyes again and headed to the door. "I'm more interested in dinner at this point. We ate everything in the emergency rations and the vending machines. There's not one speck of food left in the office." 

"I take it there's no leads on the guys who escaped?" 

She shook her head, looking worried. "We're all in for a security review, I expect. Those guys were looking for something specific, which means they had a reason to think it was there."

Steve grimaced. "Which means there's a leak somewhere."

"That needs to be plugged up and soon," she agreed. She shook herself. "There was a rumor about ordering hamburgers from Roy's. You want me to let you know?"

"Yes, please." He almost started drooling himself. Roy's had the best burgers Steve had ever eaten. 

Sara reached out and put a hand on his arm. "I am glad you're okay, by the way."

"I know. Thanks." 

She left to go ogle some actor and since Pepper was also going to the movie, Steve decided to go annoy Tony in his lab for a while until it was time to get dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

SHIELD didn’t take security breaches lightly. Steve was ordered by Director Fury to work on reviewing personnel files with Sharon Carter. He wondered why Fury wanted him doing this until he realized his lack of familiarity with the people in question was what Fury was interested in. Sharon was still something of an outsider to SHIELD as well. In theory, that meant they would be more objective when looking for the possible source of the leak.

Natasha was put to work on the same thing when she returned to New York. She wasn’t talking about what had been going on with Clint, and neither was Darcy, but Clint was allowed to go on personal leave. Given everything that was going on, Steve was worried about his teammate, but he knew better than to try and get Natasha to talk.

Security review took up much of everyone’s time for a while. Maria was dealing with the technological side of things, with Sara doing a lot of the work (Tony’s relationship with SHIELD’s technical gurus was openly hostile at best, so he wasn’t allowed to get involved). Steve barely saw either of them for nearly three weeks. 

But he had lunch nearly every day with Sharon. At first they were just working through lunch but gradually she started making small talk more and more. Steve stammered his way through it. He hadn’t been comfortable with this before, and adding in the changes in the world just made it harder. 

Worse was when Sharon asked questions about Peggy. Steve told her about his first meeting with Peggy, when she had put Hodge into the dirt with one punch, but he didn’t have a lot of stories to tell. He and Peggy hadn’t been in the same place at the same time all that much, and certain memories were things he wasn’t sure he could speak of to anyone. 

A couple of times he managed to turn the conversation around and get Sharon talking. It was easier to listen, and comforting to know that whatever else had happened, Peggy had had a family that loved her and supported her throughout her life. But hearing Sharon’s stories also reminded him of what he'd lost, and he was relieved when they finished the set of files Fury had given them, so he could have a break. But a few days later, Sharon appeared next to his table in the mess, and he didn’t want to be rude and tell her to leave. 

He knew that Sharon regularly sitting with him like this was probably stirring up gossip. There was nothing to be done about it. Nobody was actually saying anything to him directly, so he couldn't issue any denials. And the thought of discussing this with Sharon made him want to run and hide, so he elected to simply avoid the issue, pretend he wasn’t hearing the whispering, and hope the whole problem would go away. 

She was a nice girl. Steve liked her well enough. He couldn’t really explain why he felt uncomfortable around her a lot of the time, but before he could puzzle it out, Thor returned just barely ahead of Thanos and all hell literally broke loose. Clint hurried back just in time and then got knocked around pretty good in the ensuing battle. The Avengers managed to win the day, but it was an even closer call than the Chitauri attack had been. Everyone but Bruce was injured to some degree, hundreds of innocent people died and containing the stray members of Thanos' army took days before it was done. The rebuilding would take far longer. When Steve finally peeled off his uniform to go shower, he had welts embedded in his skin, so deep that his regular clothes felt strange on his body. 

He was on his way to the medical facility in New York, where Clint had been sent, when he ran into Sharon. After exchanging updates, she looked up at him and asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere and get something to eat, just the two of them. 

It was rude but he couldn't help cringing. He wanted his teammates, food and sleep in that order. The last thing he wanted to do right then was have to worry about what he was saying, whether he was doing the right thing or not. He could hardly use that as an excuse, though. "I'm on my way to check in on Clint and the others at Medical, actually."

"Oh, right. Some other time, then?"

He had his doubts, but aloud he just said, "Uh, sure."

His feelings must have been apparent. Sharon stared at him critically for a moment and then looked away, saying flatly, "There's not going to be another time, is there."

Her disappointment was plain. Steve had never been in the position of turning a girl down before, not someone who wasn't a stranger anyway, and he wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head quickly and then backed up a step, speaking more formally than before. "Go rest, Cap. You've earned it."

He nodded. "You did your part too."

She gave him a weak smile and walked away quickly. Steve let out a slow breath as he headed for the flight deck, relieved.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

If Sara had been the conspiracy-theory type, she would’ve guessed that the attack on the research labs had been planned to throw SHIELD into major security overhauls just in time to muck up their response to the newest invasion by terrifyingly powerful aliens. She’d spent nearly a month up to her eyeballs in reports, database upgrades, code debugging and all manner of technical specs trying to tighten a nearly impenetrable security system, and then they had to finish all that work while simultaneously protecting the entire planet from aliens intent on global domination. 

She'd seen a lot of strange things since she started working for SHIELD, including a lot of violence, but the attack by Thanos was the most frightening thing she'd ever witnessed. The rest of the world didn't see the unedited footage, so only SHIELD really knew how close they had come to losing this one. 

Many days later the mission's processing was finished. Sara dragged herself home, showered, ordered takeout and then slept for nearly twelve straight hours. She was back at her office the next day, though, but no new disruptions occurred. When Saturday came, she headed to Greenwich Village to meet up with some friends from college. She had lost touch with Jason a few years ago, but they'd reconnected at the wedding, and he was in town for a conference this weekend. 

A few of Jason's colleagues from the conference were there too, including a middle aged man named Bill who taught at a university downtown. He looked vaguely professorial, and Sara had to remind herself not to judge his appearance unfairly. When one hung around with super spies, genetically engineered super soldiers and actual freaking Norse gods walking the earth, one's standards could get a bit warped. 

Bill was also amusing and he got her jokes. And more importantly, he had nothing to do with SHIELD or saving the world. She had fun chatting with him during the evening, telling stories about her and Jason's exploits in the computer lab when they were working on their dissertations. As the dinner was breaking up, Bill quietly gave her his phone number and suggested they go for coffee some time. She was so startled she took the business card before she could think. It had been a really long time since anyone had hit on her genuinely (guys trying to impress other women Sara was hanging out with didn't count). She said something about how her schedule was unpredictable and he nodded and that was that.

She was still a little stunned by the time she reached home. She took off the nice clothes she'd worn to dinner and put on her pajamas and checked her messages. Steve had called her earlier in the evening, so she called him back. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. Where were you?"

"I wasn't aware I needed to report my location to you at all times," she replied, slightly irritated.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he said immediately, his voice contrite. "I was wondering if you were still stuck at the office. I thought we might need to mount a rescue, or at least deliver some food."

Mollified, she sat down on the couch. "No, we got done a couple days ago. Some friends of mine from college are in town. I was having dinner with them." 

"Oh, that's nice."

"Yeah, I had seen Jason at the wedding and he told me he was going to be here this weekend." She laughed. "I had such a crush on him when we were in school."

Steve chuckled. "Oh really? What happened?"

"Nothing." She wasn't even sure why she was telling Steve about this, except that it was on her mind right now. "I never told him. He may have guessed anyway, but I just sat and pined from a distance for a couple years, then we graduated."

"Why didn't you tell him?" Steve sounded puzzled. "Was he dating someone else?"

"No. I didn't think he would want to know. I wasn't particularly confident about myself at that point." Or at any point, she thought ruefully, but she was sounding pathetic enough without adding that information.

Steve sighed. "Yeah, that sounds familiar." 

She knew enough about him to understand why he would sympathize. "Did you get over it? After the serum and all?" She'd reconciled herself to her weight and her figure for the most part, concluding that any guy who rejected her on that basis wasn't worth her time, but it was hard to avoid the dieting fantasies where she lost some weight and magically turned into a different person who went out every night and had no trouble getting a date. Never mind that she preferred sitting at home on the couch. 

"Not really. In my head I'm still the skinny little version of me. And..." He paused for a moment. "It's hard not to wonder if a girl who is seeing me now would've felt the same way, you know, before." 

"Ah. Yeah, that would be pretty poisonous." She could easily see herself doing the same thing if she suddenly lost weight or something. 

"So," he said with an obvious desire to change the subject. "Now that you've seen him again, are you going to do something about it? Or is he going bald?"

"He's one of those guys who is aging really well, which is just not fair, but no. He's married to a very lovely woman and they have three kids, all of them hellraisers according to him. And I got over the crush a long while ago." She reached over and pulled Bill's business card out of her purse. 

Jason was the road not taken. She hadn't been on an actual date in a few years now, not since she left D.C., where her friend Alyssa had dragged Sara out periodically to be her wingman. Alyssa was with Naval Intelligence, tall and elegant with bright green eyes and dark skin. She attracted male attention by breathing. Sara had spent more than one evening attempting to make small talk with guys who were hanging around while one or more of their buddies hit on her friend.

Alyssa had always sworn that Sara was oblivious to men hitting on her, though. She put the card back down. "Anyway. What are you up to tonight?"

"We're marathoning Pixar movies to keep Clint distracted. He got home from Medical a couple days ago because he was driving the staff crazy."

"Which one are you watching now?"

"The one about the rat."

"Oh I always need to eat after I watch that one." Saying that reminded her it had been about five hours since dinner and she was kind of hungry. She got up to rummage in the kitchen.

"Yeah there was talk about ordering take out. You could come over if you're not too tired."

She was tempted. She hadn't seen Steve in quite a while and she missed him, a lot more than she had anticipated. But it was late and she didn't want to go running to see him just because he was available at the moment. That was a little more desperate than she could bear. "Enh, I already put on my pajamas." It wasn't much of an excuse, but she also didn't want to intrude on Avengers bonding time either.

"Well, you know how strict we are with the dress code here," Steve shot back sarcastically. 

Sara rolled her eyes. "You're starting to sound like Tony, you know."

"Ouch. Low blow, Sara." 

"Yeah, you want to watch that tendency." 

"Well we're having the big Sunday breakfast tomorrow, if you want to stop by," he continued. 

"Will there be pancakes?" 

"And bacon, eggs, bagels, Lord knows what else. It's kind of a free-for-all." 

"You had me at bacon," she told him, grinning to herself. Steve laughed on the other end of the line and she promised to stop by the tower in the morning, assuming nothing terrible happened between now and then. 

And maybe in a couple of days she would work up the courage to use the phone number Bill had given her.

 

*~*~*~*~*

At least he didn't have to wear a tuxedo, or a suit and tie.

Steve surveyed the large room filled with women in evening gowns and men in formal suits. He was in his new Army uniform, so at least there was that.

He couldn't find much else to be positive about at the moment. The reception was to honor the Avengers in the aftermath of the attack, which was a nice thought, but in practical terms, it left Steve on the spot. Bruce would never go to one of these things, although Steve was starting to wonder if he was using the Other Guy as an excuse. Natasha and Clint were already having problems being recognized if they tried to go undercover, so they and most of the SHIELD agents needed to limit their public exposure. Thor seemed to conveniently need to be on another planet when this kind of thing came up.

There were only two of the Avengers whose identities were public knowledge. Tony was currently across the room, clearly not listening as Pepper talked to an older gentleman, but otherwise behaving himself. Steve wasn't sure what Pepper had done to convince Tony to show up and not do it in the Iron Man suit and blast through the wall as his big entrance. 

But Steve still had to go too, just in case. Someone had to make a good impression on Congress, according to Fury. 

"Something wrong?"

Sara was looking up at him curiously. When Director Fury had pointed out that Steve needed to show up to this thing with someone he'd started to panic, fearing that Fury was going to suggest Sharon Carter go with him, which would've opened up that whole can of worms again. Fury had suggested Sara instead, to Steve's immense relief. 

She was dressed fairly conservatively but he thought she looked more dignified than some of the more heavily made-up ladies scattered around the place. He hadn't been able to keep himself from joking about her wearing the hated yellow dress, though. Sara had just glared at him.

"I'm starting to think there was a benefit to those tours selling war bonds. I was moving around all the time, so I never had to meet Congress." 

She laughed. "That would definitely be an upside."

The two of them moved slowly through the room, Steve shaking hands and listening as members of Congress and their spouses either lavished praise on him, which was embarrassing, or made insulting comments about how the Avengers were bringing destruction down on everyone and costing lots of money, which was infuriating. 

Sara managed to end that conversation and get them both away from the grumpy old Senator. A waiter appeared bearing champagne but she muttered that she really wanted some water. Steve offered to go to the bar and threaded his way through the crowd. The bartender seemed to recognize him, then looked somewhat disappointed that Captain America was asking for plain old water. 

Before he got the drinks, Steve sensed someone come up behind him and turned around. He'd been cornered by four girls - young women, really, but they seemed awfully young compared to most of the guests. His stomach churned with dread even before the tiny blonde one said, "Oh my God. You're, like, really him? Captain America?"

"Captain Rogers, at the moment."

The girls squealed, making him wince, then begged for pictures. Steve had been through this plenty of times, so he put on his polite smile and let the girls pose with him in pairs. He was hoping once they got the pictures they'd leave him alone, but no such luck. They peppered him with questions while his tongue tied itself in a knot as usual. Then one of the brunettes asked him, "How long can you run without stopping?"

Her friends gasped and whispered. Steve wasn't sure why that question would be shocking, but his nervousness climbed even higher. "I don't really know," he told the girls. He glanced around, hoping someone would help him escape, but Sara was talking to a group of people and not looking at him.

"Well, see we had this discussion once-" the brunette started. The others shrieked at her, "Don't ask him that! Oh my God!"

In desperation, Steve looked toward Tony and Pepper. Tony saw his predicament and gave him a thumbs-up before turning away. 

The girls were bickering quietly about whatever thing the brunette was about to say. The bartender came back with the water and Steve thought he could maybe use that as an escape route. Then he heard a familiar voice say, "Excuse me. Captain, when you have a moment, there are some people I'd like you to meet."

Sara was standing there with a knowing look on her face. 

"Now's fine," he said eagerly. "Excuse me, ladies. Duty calls." He nearly dragged Sara away as they fled the disappointed comments from the girls, stopping only when she reached for the glass of water he was still holding. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

"You're welcome. Now, come here." It turned out she did want to introduce him to someone. A group of middle aged women were standing nearby and Steve glanced at his friend out of the corner of his eye, wondering if this was the fire to the frying pan he'd just gotten out of. She must have seen the look, because she elbowed him sharply while she nodded to the women. "Senators, this is Captain Steve Rogers." She went around the group and introduced him and Steve realized all five of these women were in the Senate. That was kind of neat. 

One of them asked a cogent question about Earth's defenses against alien attacks and Steve managed to answer, although there were certain secrets about SHIELD's technology he couldn't discuss. For once he felt like he was actually doing all right at a conversation, but eventually they drifted away and before he could say anything, he heard a smooth male voice behind him say, "Hello, Sara. It's good to see you."

Sara closed her eyes for a moment and Steve was pretty sure she was saying something profane under her breath, but when she turned around she had a chilly smile on her face. "Richard, it's nice to see you." The man who had approached them looked to be in his mid-40s. He was tall, with a trim body and neatly groomed hair. An equally tall, thin woman with light brown hair was on his arm, her diamond wedding ring showing to best advantage.

"Captain Steve Rogers, this is Congressman Richard Wilder, from North Carolina."

Wilder held out his hand. "Captain America. Remarkable. You're the last person I would've expected Sara to turn up with here." He smirked as he said it, like it was a joke, but Steve wasn't finding this funny, especially with the way Sara tensed even further. He squeezed Wilder's hand tightly. Not as hard as he could have, but he usually tried to be careful about that.

"Wow. That's some grip." Wilder extracted his hand quickly. He introduced his wife, Laurie, and then turned back to Sara. "So, I heard you were doing some sort of bookkeeping for these new superheroes or something? That was supposedly why you left D.C.?" Sara bristled and Steve wasn't sure which of them was going to snap on this jerk first.

"Dr. Tamblin is Special Director of Records and Information with SHIELD, which is one level down from the Director of the entire organization," another voice cut in before anyone could react. An elderly man with white hair appeared next to them all, and Steve noted the presence of a couple of Secret Service agents nearby. "And given all the recent activity I imagine she's had her hands full. Hello, Sara."

"Mr. Vice President, it's good to see you again," Sara beamed. Steve came to attention out of reflex. "This is Captain Steve Rogers, and I'm sure you know Congressman Wilder." 

The Vice President nodded to Wilder and then shook Steve's hand. "It's an honor to meet you, Captain. My father served in the Army during the war and he spoke about what an inspiration you were to a lot of people." 

"Thank you, sir."

The Secret Service agents managed to subtly shoo everyone else away and Steve found himself speaking alone with the Vice President for a few minutes before the man had to go. He was still standing there after the VP's entourage had left. Sara walked up to him. "You okay?"

"That was a little surreal." 

"Only a little?"

Steve grinned sheepishly. "So you know him?"

"When I was at the DoD he was still a Senator, and they were considering an omnibus bill on cybersecurity. I spent about two weeks having wall-to-wall meetings with members of Congress trying to explain to them _how the internet worked_. It wasn't pretty. And after they won the election, he asked me to come in and do some briefings on things with his staff. I've only met the President once, though." 

He shook his head. He forgot sometimes that Sara used to work here and was comfortable in this environment. "Now I know why they sent you with me for this." Tony and Pepper were making their way over to them.

Sara looked embarrassed. "I volunteered actually. I knew I'd know most of the people in the room. I figured that would make it a little easier for you."

"So that Wilder guy, how do you know him?" As soon as the words were out, Steve wanted to swallow them back up. It was an intrusive question and he sounded... a little jealous, truth be told. 

"We dated for a while," Sara admitted.

"Who?" Tony wanted to know.

"Richard Wilder."

Pepper's eyes went wide. "Really? I wouldn't think he was your type."

Tony turned to Pepper. "Why not?"

"He's a conservative Republican."

"Oh. Yeah, no. Don't see that happening."

Sara attempted to smile. "Well, it didn't. We went out a few times and he was already talking long-term plans. It was pretty obvious that he had decided he needed to get married to boost his career. I told him it wasn't going to work out, he said something nasty and that was it."

"What did he say?" Tony pushed, because he was nosy, and this time Steve didn't attempt to shut him up because he kind of wanted to know himself.

Sara looked away. "He made a crack about how I should've been grateful he would even go out with me in the first place."

"Why would a beautiful, intelligent woman like you need to feel lucky to date that creep?" Steve blurted the words out without thinking. Sara blushed bright red. He realized what he had said and he started to blush too. 

Tony whistled. "Who says Captain America is bad with the ladies?" Pepper was smiling at him approvingly and Steve just wanted to run and hide. 

Sara cleared her throat. "Um, thanks. Anyway. If you guys are ready I think we've been here long enough."

Tony had insisted on them all riding over from the hotel in one of his cars, so there was nothing to do on the ride back but listen to Tony and Pepper bicker over whether he had offended the chairman of some committee. Steve stared out the window, trying to think of something to say and failing.

Tony and Pepper headed for their suite. Tony called behind them, "Don't do anything I would do, kids." Steve glared at his retreating back but as usual, it had no effect. 

"Well," he said and then bit his lip. "Thanks, uh, for, you know, keeping me company tonight. And everything." He was already backpedaling toward his room, not wanting to make things worse, but Sara stopped him.

"Steve, wait." She took a deep breath. "About what you said before. Thank you. Really. It was... it was sweet of you to say that."

"I meant it," he replied, because it sounded like she maybe thought he was just being polite. And he really had meant it, he just wished he hadn't said it where other people would hear and maybe take it the wrong way. His voice dropped lower, just to ensure they weren't overheard again. "You deserve better than that guy, Sara." 

She ducked her head but didn't argue with him. 

He decided to change the subject. "Are you flying back to New York with us tomorrow?"

"No, I have some meetings down here first. I'll be back at the end of the week." 

He felt a mix of relief and disappointment. At least she wouldn't have to endure Tony's comments on the flight tomorrow. But the disappointment pushed him to say, "We still on for the _Godfather_ movies this weekend?"

"Barring another global disaster?" They'd tried twice to watch the first movie and been interrupted both times. "Sure. You'd better bring chocolate this time, though."

He shuddered at the memory. "I won't make that mistake again, believe me." 

She rolled her eyes and turned toward her room. "Good night."

"Night."

Sara went into her room and for a long minute Steve stood there as something occurred to him. Had he just flirted with Sara? Successfully? Without making a fool of himself or saying something stupid? 

It had seemed like their usual type of conversation, but what if he just hadn't noticed before now? 

He went into his room and decided to make use of the hotel's gym for a while before attempting to sleep. He didn't need to sleep much, even now, and he had some thinking to do. 

 

*~*~*~*

Sara spent two more days in Washington, which was plenty long enough to remind her how much she did not miss working there. The Records division of SHIELD was her domain. She made it a priority to listen to the people who worked for her, but she had final say over everything, and her office was a model of efficiency, considering that the organization it belonged to created chaos on a regular basis. 

The schmoozing, ass-kissing and assorted garbage involved in dealing with politicians was something Sara did not miss. But Maria, while a kick-ass agent and proving to be an excellent Assistant Director, had even worse relationships with Congress than Fury, which was remarkable. Sara spent a couple days smoothing ruffled feathers and pumping up egos, which was annoying enough.

But it seemed like every conversation someone was asking her about Steve, and she was rolling her eyes each time someone looking for gossip asked her if she knew Captain Rogers well. She'd said the phrase, "We're just colleagues" so many times it was starting to sound like a foreign language. 

She had that all nagging at her during the train ride back to New York. Her denials probably wouldn't keep people from speculating, so it would probably be a good idea for her not to be seen anywhere in public around Steve for a bit. 

It started to rain in New Jersey and Sara stared out the window. The truth was that it would probably be good for her to get some distance from him anyway. She was getting too accustomed to spending time with him when he wasn't busy saving the world. Even before this there had been rumors at the office about their friendship. She'd shut them down but Steve's impromptu compliment the other night wasn't helping. 

He believed it. Sara knew that. Steve didn't lie. It had just stunned the hell out of her. Nobody had ever called her beautiful with a straight face like that before. _Pretty_ , yes, _attractive_ , several times, but not _beautiful_. 

It meant a lot that he would say that. She was afraid it meant too much. She didn't want to risk getting too attached to him and messing up their friendship with a silly crush. 

So, distance. Nothing dramatic. They didn't spend all that much time together anyway. 

With those intentions, Sara got back home and back to work. She did see Steve that weekend and they did watch the first _Godfather_ movie, because she didn't want to break her promise.

Then she finally called Bill and decided to suggest they skip coffee and just have dinner. Bill was relieved to hear from her and the next weekend they went to a Thai restaurant she'd never been to before and spent an evening hearing Bill's stories about fishing (which she hated) and baseball (which she didn't). He was a Red Sox fan, so they had a spirited discussion about the 1986 post season before calling a truce. 

He kissed her on the cheek when they parted ways for the night. Sara went home feeling fairly happy with herself. 

She saw Bill two more times before her plan got interrupted by the news of the Avengers latest success, which meant the inevitable massive workload for Sara's department, documenting and saving all the relevant information, including media coverage, surveillance footage and data and cataloging it all. This was hampered by the fact that Carl Manthey, who was her best project manager, had been "borrowed" by Maria for a couple of days over a week earlier, and Sara really needed him back. Knowing better than to try getting anywhere over the phone, she headed out the helicarrier once they were back in New York. 

Maria was in a meeting, but rank having its privileges, Sara was allowed into Maria's office. She made herself comfortable in the big chair behind the desk and waited. 

Maria hesitated for a fraction of a second in the doorway. Natasha was behind her, and she raised an eyebrow at Sara's location.

"You realize I could break half the bones in your body removing you from my chair," Maria said conversationally.

"You could," Sara conceded. "But then you'd have to spend weeks digging through all your old reports trying to find the ones where I inserted a recap of your lewd escapades with an unnamed fellow agent during a field operation and then having to amend every report manually to fix it." 

Maria glared at that, but Sara shrugged. It was never wise to mess with the records keepers. 

Natasha smirked. "Are you sure that would be totally fictional?" 

Maria turned her glare on Natasha.

Sara held up her hands. "Or you could give me back my project manager and we can all get on with our lives."

"I was only borrowing him," Maria grumbled.

"You said two days. It's been seven. I know your operating budget. Hire someone already and stop trying to poach Manthey from me. He's not going." 

"You're that sure of his loyalty?" Natasha queried.

Sara got up from Maria's chair. "We have donuts on Friday mornings." Natasha looked skeptical. "They're _really good_ donuts. And sometimes muffins." 

"There are donuts?" someone said and Sara turned and came face to face with Steve. He and Clint were in the doorway, looking amused.

"Dr. Tamblin seems to think donuts are enough to secure a man's loyalty to his job," Natasha said dryly. 

"Well, if they were really good donuts," Clint conceded. 

"Thank you," Sara told him. She turned back to Maria. "While I'm here, would it speed up the process if I nag them all into writing their reports? I can lean on my Special Director status and maybe for once the action reports from the people who were actually there won't be the last thing we get?"

Maria waved a hand but her smile was evil. "Feel free to try." 

Sara knew that it was pretty much hopeless, especially where Tony Stark was concerned, but she couldn't get back to dry land for a bit so it was worth an attempt. This would also give her something to do. 

She didn't count on Steve following her down the hallway. He was in his Captain America uniform, which threw her a little. She didn't see him like this in person very often. He seemed even bigger than normal. "So what was that all about?"

She explained about rescuing her project manager from Maria's poaching attempt. "She would've just ignored a phone call, but me putting my feet on her desk is harder to avoid."

He whistled. "You actually put your feet on her desk?"

"Well, metaphorically." He laughed and Sara forced herself back on task. "So, Captain, when can I expect you to deliver your report for processing?" It wasn't entirely fair, since Steve was the only one who always turned in his reports on time.

"When do you leave?"

"I have about an hour and a half before I can get back."

"You'll have it before then," he said with a respectful nod. She was close to escaping the conversation when he added, "Do you want to try for the next _Godfather_ movie this weekend? Since it's Thursday hopefully there won't be any new big disasters between now and then."

"Well, now we're doomed," Clint said cheerfully, passing them on his way somewhere else. 

Sara felt a knot form in her stomach. "That would be great, but I'm afraid I have plans this weekend."

"Oh." Steve looked a little surprised, and she strained not to be mad at him since in the entire time they'd known each other she'd only rarely been too busy to see him and usually that was due to work, so it wasn't his fault. He shrugged. "Okay. Rain check?" 

"Sure." He nodded and headed off to either change or write the report or both. Sara made her way in the opposite direction. She was half relieved that she hadn't had to tell him about Bill, and half annoyed that he hadn't asked. Which just suggested that it was a really good thing she was distancing herself now, before this got any worse. 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve was a little at loose ends by Saturday. Tony's usual post-near-apocalypse bonding efforts were over and several of the team had scattered to deal with the aftermath in their own ways. He decided to go to a show at one of the museums. He didn't shave for a day or so, which made it easier to hide his identity, along with a Mets hat Sara had given him and some loose clothing. 

He took his time going through all the exhibitions in the museum. He'd been planning to go for a while but Sara wasn't big on art museums, and Steve didn't even want to broach the subject with his teammates. He knew Natasha enjoyed classical music and they had talked about going to a concert at some point, but that had yet to happen. 

It wasn't until he got back to Stark tower that the annoyances started. Clint looked at him in surprise when he walked in with four large bags of take-out. "I thought you went to Sara's." Steve shrugged, since it was fairly obvious he hadn't. "You guys have a fight or something?"

"No. She had plans this weekend."

Clint blinked. "Wow. I'm sorry, man." 

Steve frowned. "For what?"

"She's out with someone else. I thought you two were doing okay."

"We're fine. What are you talking about?"

Natasha entered at that point. "Steve, I thought you'd gone out." She peeked into the bags. Steve had learned early on after moving in here to always buy enough food for three people in addition to himself, because inevitably someone would appear as if by magic as soon as the white bags entered the elevators. 

"I did. I went to a museum," Steve told her.

"Sara had other plans this weekend," Clint added meaningfully.

It was her turn to look surprised. "You mean she's out on a date?"

Truthfully, Steve had been thinking Sara was with friends. She'd been visiting with some people a few weeks ago, but it was possible she was on a date. The thought made him a little uncomfortable, but it wasn't any of his business. "Yeah, I guess so."

"I'm really sorry, Steve." 

"Sara and I are friends. We're capable of not seeing each other for a few days." It was probably a stupid thing to say, since it made him sound like he was trying too hard not to care, but Steve couldn't come up with anything to add that wouldn't make it worse. 

The two of them backed off, but their skepticism was nearly palpable. Steve ate his supper without much enthusiasm and found himself too restless to settle down and read, which had been his plan for the evening. He wandered back out, to a bar a few blocks away from the tower that was fairly low-key. Despite alcohol not having much of an effect on him, it felt relaxing to have a couple of beers and watch the Yankees get beaten by Kansas City on the television. 

He’d been in the bar for a while when a woman sidled up to him and asked him who was winning the game, despite the score being clearly displayed on the television. She then asked Steve if he would like to join her and her friends at their table. Startled, he mumbled something like “I’m fine, thanks” and she sulked at him and walked away as he was realizing she had been hitting on him. 

He was _never_ going to get used to that. 

It was just as well, he thought to himself, since if he had gone over there, he would’ve had no idea what to say or do, and would’ve tripped over his own tongue sooner rather than later. He’d rather save himself the embarrassment. 

Even if he was really ready to move on, which he wasn’t sure of, the odds of meeting some woman in a bar who he actually felt comfortable with were pretty low. Sure, he’d made an ass of himself in front of Peggy a few times, but not when it really counted. But the whole thing with Sharon had convinced him that he didn’t want to be constantly worried he was saying or doing something wrong. He needed to feel like he could be himself and not giving a performance.

And, well, he'd waited a long time for the right woman once. He could do it again.

When the game was over he paid his tab, tipped the bartender and went back out onto the street. He walked around for a while. It was easier to hide in the dark, and it was warm out still, summer not quite over. 

He passed a lot of people, since it was a Saturday night. Some were in boisterous groups, but there were a lot of couples on their way either somewhere or home. He couldn't help but wonder if Sara was out on the street somewhere with some guy. 

Which, again, wasn't really his business. They were good friends, but that was it. She spent a lot of time with him, yes, but it wasn't every single weekend. He was away a lot. And he had no reason to assume when he was gone that she was sitting at home on her couch alone, like she was waiting for him or something. 

_Of course, she could be at home right now_ , a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Tony pointed out. Maybe she wasn't out holding hands with someone, but instead had invited him back to her apartment. 

Steve's hands clenched into fists without him noticing right away. He had to make a conscious effort to relax. He was just worried about her, that was all. He didn't want some heel taking advantage of his friend. 

He decided to head back home before he could do something monumentally stupid like go over to Sara's apartment to check up on her. 

Since he obviously wasn't going to sleep, Steve went to the gym. The treadmill didn't help at all, so he started beating up one of the heavy bags methodically. 

He wasn't surprised when Thor showed up. Thor slept even less than Steve, and while Steve didn't dwell on it, it was fairly obvious Thor needed to get out of Jane's apartment overnight so she could get some sleep from time to time. 

They'd done this enough times that Thor didn't ask before bracing the bag while Steve continued to punch. "I did not expect to see you here. Is Lady Sara unwell?"

Steve shrugged. "Not as far as I know."

Thor eyed him critically. "Did you have an argument?" 

"No," Steve said, exasperated. "She had other plans tonight. That's all." 

Thor looked shocked. "You have a rival for her affections? I had not expected that of her." 

"Look, we're not... Sara and I are only friends," Steve said angrily, stepping away from the bag. Why was it the more times he said that, the more it felt like a lie?

"Forgive me," Thor said apologetically. "I assumed you were going through human courtship rituals with the lady, as I did with Jane. It is not always easy to understand the distinctions here between different types of relationships among humans."

Steve immediately felt bad for his outburst of temper. "Well, it's not really easy for us either." Thor shot him a knowing look and Steve sighed, tugging at the tape on his hands. "I don't know what to think at this point," he admitted. Steve moved around to brace the bag while the other man took his place. Even when Thor was taking it easy on him, Steve had to use most of his strength to keep the bag still. 

As Thor began to pummel the bag, he spoke with deliberate casualness. "I have seen men and women form deep bonds in the heat of battle, passion that burned bright as flame, but could not be sustained when the danger was passed. They mistook the bond of comrades for something different."

Steve bristled a little at that, thinking of Peggy. But Thor had something else in mind. 

"I have also seen lovers who did not recognize the depth of their bond until it was threatened. Sometimes it is only when we stand to lose someone that we understand how much we loved them." 

Thor's face darkened with memories. Steve knew enough about what had happened with Odin and Loki to guess what he was thinking of. 

Thor said nothing else for a while, intent on the punching bag, and Steve knew he was going to be sore all night even though the god was not even putting his full strength into the blows. 

He suspected Thor grew bored rather than getting tired of the exercise, but eventually he let up. Steve stretched his aching back, still thinking. Thor clapped him on the shoulder. "Whatever you decide, my friend, I suspect you will have no trouble gaining attention from any lady you desire."

Steve thanked him but his stomach sank at that thought. One of the reasons he liked Sara so much was that she didn't expect him to be suave or charming. Sara didn't harbor any illusions about who he really was. She had once had to come help him get home from Brooklyn, for heaven's sake. Sure, she teased him sometimes, but she never made him feel like she was laughing at him. 

He felt safe with Sara, he thought, standing in the gym and staring at the wall without seeing it. 

Eventually he went back to his apartment and showered. He got into bed and looked out the window at the lights of the city. He hoped Sara was alone right now, which was probably selfish of him, but sitting there in the dark, he admitted the truth. The thing that had been missing with Sharon was something he'd already found, with Sara. He just hadn't realized it until now.

Steve closed his eyes, wondering what it would be like to kiss her. He had always found Sara attractive, although he'd been avoiding thinking about it. It hadn't been respectful to think about a friend that way, so he tried not to let his thoughts go down that road, at least not often. He didn't want their friendship to be damaged. 

She was the one person he had who wasn't a teammate. He didn't want to lose that. 

But he didn't want to lose her to some other guy either. 

Maybe he was more ready to move on than he had admitted. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

Sara attempted to perch on the barstool Bill had in his kitchen. She had trouble keeping her balance on it, which didn't help her nerves, or her sense of her own dignity. Fortunately he didn't seem to notice. 

She was nervous because this was the first date they'd had that wasn't in public, and she didn't know quite what he expected to happen tonight beyond cooking her dinner. He was making pasta. She had to marvel at how many men thought boiling water for 10 minutes and then heating up some sauce from a jar were some sort of fabulous cooking skills that deserved a reward. She was probably going to be starving by the time she got home from eating nothing but some starchy carbs for supper.

Sara wasn't really worried about her own safety. SHIELD hadn't simply handed her a sensitive job without giving her ridiculous amounts of training. Of course, at the end of her hand-to-hand lessons she was just barely competent at basic self-defense. She could shoot fairly well, and she'd learned a lot about how to detect being followed and so on, enough to do her job. Most of her work involved strategic security planning anyway.

And she'd checked Bill out through SHIELD's files, which made her feel like a paranoid lunatic, but she could practically hear Coulson's voice in her head telling her that when it came to SHIELD's security, _paranoid was usually not far enough_. Bill was clean, so far as she could tell, and she didn't sense any ulterior motives in him that had anything to do with her job. 

The motives she could sense were a different story. A few kisses and some discreet touching in public were about as much as she was ready for right now. And Bill kept urging her to drink more wine, even though she'd had only two polite sips of her first glass. Apparently he hadn't noticed that she didn't really drink alcohol.

The fact that she was already wishing she was home on her couch eating a hamburger while wearing her pajamas and alone when they hadn't even had dinner yet was a really bad omen. 

Bill presented the two plates of pasta and garlic bread with a flourish and Sara gritted her teeth. She would eat, then maybe plead a headache and go home. She praised the pasta and Bill looked quite pleased with himself, then he said something that made her lose her appetite entirely. 

"You know, I Googled you the other day."

"Oh?"

Bill was oblivious to the tension in her voice. "I mean, I knew that you worked for the government and did something that was really important and all, but I didn't realize you were involved with the Avengers." He looked up and noticed she wasn't eating. "Is the pasta too cold?"

"No, it's fine." She forced a bite. "I don't actually work with the Avengers at all. I work in the records division. It's pretty mundane."

"Oh don't sell yourself short!" Bill said with amusement. "I saw pictures of you with Captain America at that reception in D.C."

"That was for work," she said quickly. "I used to interact with Congress in my old job, so I was there to keep things going smoothly."

Bill nodded and took a sip of wine. "So tell me about him. I heard he's pretty formal, like he won't even say 'hell,' let alone a four-letter word." 

Sara nearly snorted but she checked herself. "I don't really know him," she lied. "I would imagine having been a soldier he's heard curses you and I haven't even thought of." She tried desperately to think of some other topic to bring up to change the subject but she was drawing a blank. 

"Well, you're probably right about that." He chuckled. "Did you have to keep fending off predatory women from him all night? I'm sure he gets mobbed wherever he goes, being genetically engineered for perfection and all that." His tone was derisive, like there was nothing more to Captain America but a pretty face and body.

Sara remembered vividly the relief on Steve's face when she had rescued him from the group of young women fawning over him, and what he'd told her about fearing people didn't like him for who he actually was. She wanted to lash out at Bill and defend Steve, with far more emotion than was reasonable for someone who was just a friend.

And he wasn't, of course. She'd been hiding from that truth for a while now, and suddenly she couldn't sit there in Bill's apartment and pretend that there was any chance in hell of this working out. Her stomach clenched and she slid down from the stool abruptly, desperate to get out of there. 

"Sara? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She babbled an excuse about feeling sick to her stomach, which wasn't entirely a lie, and managed to wrench herself out of the apartment and away from Bill's attempts to get her to sit down while he called a cab. She started blindly for home and walked more than halfway there before she even noticed, at which point it was easier to just keep going on foot than go to the subway. It was warm out and it was still fairly early. 

She stopped in a convenience store and grabbed a ginger ale, which helped settle her stomach.

Once she reached her apartment, she stripped out of the nice clothes she'd put on for her date and went right into the shower. She turned the water on hot even though she was sweating from walking so far. Under the water, a few tears of frustration bubbled up to the surface, but it was mercifully brief. Once she was clean and dry, Sara put on a t-shirt and shorts, sat down on the couch with some Oreos and peanut butter and a bottle of water. She turned on the tv and found a terrible action movie playing on cable. She couldn't take anything romantic right now.

The rest of her problems could wait until tomorrow. 

She spent Sunday cleaning, a typical coping mechanism. Her apartment had been absolutely pristine when she was working on her dissertation. Bill called twice to check up on her. Sara erased the messages, and despite being exhausted from all the exertion, she didn't sleep particularly well.

She got an alert on Monday that something was up. Steve also texted her, a habit they'd picked up after a few situations where she was expecting him and he got called away suddenly.

Monday evening she called Bill and ended things. She spun a story about a recent bad breakup, that she realized she wasn't ready to be dating yet, it's not you it's me, etc. Bill was hurt but Sara felt a powerful sense of relief when she hung up the phone. Until she could really get over her feelings for Steve, it wasn't fair for her to date anyone. It was a little depressing, but she'd resigned herself to being alone years ago. There were worse fates. 

The rest of the week was pretty routine, and she enjoyed a quiet weekend to herself while waiting for the team's mission to end. She was expecting a notice from Maria to begin the mission wrap up, but on Monday she got a phone call from Bruce Banner, who was probably the person she knew the least out of the Avengers. 

"Dr. Banner, what can I do for you?"

He didn't waste time on pleasantries. "Steve's hurt. I think you should come to the carrier."

All the oxygen was gone from her lungs. Steve didn't get hurt. He _couldn't_ get seriously hurt, or so she'd thought. "How bad is it?" She grabbed her bag and headed for the door.

"He'll be okay eventually, but it would be a good idea for you to come see him." 

Sara didn't feel terribly reassured. She told her assistant where she was going and hurried to a car. The trip out to the carrier seemed to take forever. When she arrived, Natasha was waiting. Her expression was cold and if Sara hadn't been quite so panicked she might've been confused by that. Instead she asked, "How is he?"

"He's asking for you," Natasha said coolly, leading the way to the medical facility. Clint and Bruce were standing in the medical bay, looking over at a curtained off area in the corner. Bruce looked up from the tablet he was holding. "Hello, Dr. Tamblin. Thanks for coming so quickly."

"How is he?" she asked again, praying for more specifics this time.

"He's got a severe concussion and three broken ribs, plus a lot of other serious contusions. He's healing, and there probably won't be any permanent damage, but it'll take more time than he's used to."

"What happened?" 

Clint rubbed a hand across his face. "There was an explosion. He caught the brunt of it, knocked him into a building."

"Then the building came down," Natasha said flatly. 

Sara felt sick. It did explain things, though. Steve was pretty resilient but even his body had limits. 

"We've given him a massive dose of painkillers to help, but they'll wear off before long," Bruce said, then paused. A nurse passed them and went through the curtains. She was about 5' 8" and had long dark hair. A moment later they all heard Steve. "Sara?"

Her throat tightened painfully. He was drugged to the gills and _he was asking for her_. 

"Maybe see if you can get him to sleep, ok?" Bruce said sympathetically before moving off. Sara braced herself and walked over to the curtained area and peeked inside.

Steve was lying in the bed, an IV and a few monitors hooked up to him. His chest was bare except for a ton of bandages around his broken ribs. She could see the livid bruises across his chest and more bruises and cuts on his arms and his face, including a deep gash along his cheek. His eyes were closed but when she stepped inside they fluttered open. 

"Sara," he sounded relieved. 

She took his hand, relieved when he squeezed back. "I'm here." She swallowed. "You're going to be okay." The nurse left them alone.

He nodded. "I'm fine, really. See?" He started to sit up and then let out a harsh noise as his ribs no doubt exploded in pain. Sara put a hand flat on his breastbone and pushed him gently back down. 

"That hurt," he said, confused. 

"I imagine it did. That's what happens when you try to knock down buildings with your body. Now lie still. You need to stay still and let yourself heal."

He grasped the hand she still had on his chest tightly. "Think they gave me something. To make me sleep." He shook his head, like he was trying to clear it and it clicked, what Bruce had meant, why Steve was fighting to stay awake. 

"Steve, look at me." She touched his cheek with her free hand, turned his head so he would meet her eyes. "You got hurt. They gave you something for the pain. It's going to wear off soon, so you need to rest now." She brushed his hair back from his forehead, wanting to smooth away the worried lines that had appeared. "It'll be okay. Just go to sleep."

He relaxed visibly. "You'll be here?" 

"I will. I promise. Just rest now." 

He sighed and let the drugs take him all the way to unconsciousness. He didn't let go of her hand, though, and Sara stayed there, standing next to the bed, holding on while he finally slept.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

The lingering pain was strange. Steve had gotten injured plenty of times in the years since taking the serum, so he'd experienced pain, but this time it didn't go away. It took a couple of days before he could move around without wincing half the time. He was under strict orders not to exert himself, so that meant no training, no exercise other than slow walking. And it wasn't like he could sneak off, not with Jarvis the rotten tattletale monitoring him all day and night. 

The team was hovering, though in their own ways. Bruce nagged him with medical reminders. Clint brought him snack foods in plastic packages that all seemed to taste about the same but varied wildly in color and shape. Thor insisted on accompanying Steve on his daily walks, keeping up a steady stream of chatter that didn’t require Steve to talk much and not complaining about the slow pace. Natasha didn't come by to see him but Steve found a stack of new books in his apartment when he got home. Tony's approach was to set up a playlist of movies he considered classics ready for Steve to watch, although Tony's definition of "classic" varied wildly from Sara's, or Steve's for that matter.

Steve remembered two things about waking up in medical. One was the headache, the other was Sara sitting in a chair next to his bed. She'd jumped up as soon as he moved, and she'd been there for most of that day, going home with him to ensure he was settled back in his apartment comfortably. 

When Sara wasn't there, his teammates made a point of telling him repeatedly that she had rushed to come to his bedside and stayed with him when he was in and out of consciousness, even though she was probably needed at work. That was awkward enough, but it appeared his team was also getting other people involved. Thor seemed intent on fixing Steve's romantic life, and he'd told Jane some version of the situation. Jane had told Darcy, who apparently knew Sara's assistant. Thor took great pleasure in telling Steve that according to Darcy's information, Sara had broken things off with the man she'd been seeing. 

Steve hadn't been entirely positive Sara was dating someone else at all, so it was unpleasant to hear it confirmed, but at the same time, it was apparently over, which was a relief.

Which left him still unsure what to actually do about any of this. It was clear that someone would soon say something in Sara's hearing that couldn't be ignored. Steve knew there'd been rumors about them floating around SHIELD for a while. He'd never discussed those rumors with Sara. He figured she'd heard them too and dismissed them as he had. But things were different now. 

Clearly his injuries had upset her, which at least proved that she did care about him. He hoped that she wouldn't have been this attentive for someone who was nothing more than a friend, but before he could even come up with a way to broach the subject, she got called in to work. He assumed it was her usual responsibilities following a mission, until Tony called him, saying tersely that something had happened at Sara's office. 

Steve had to force himself not to run to Tony's lab. 

*~*~*~*~*

On Friday morning Sara looked at her desk and wanted to cry. The last 10 days had been a nightmare. Data on one of the servers had gotten corrupted somehow. Security protocol meant Sara had to initiate a lockdown, not just in her own department but all of SHIELD, which didn't make her very popular, but until they could figure out how this had happened, it had to be treated as a possible attack. 

It took a good two days before the specialists concluded it was just an ordinary computer malfunction that had damaged the drive. Lockout was lifted, but that meant Sara had to go to one of the remote storage locations to personally escort the appropriate backup drive to New York, oversee the restoration of the data, then personally return the backup to the secure location, and then come back and deal with the mountain of paperwork generated by the incident. 

Then there was her _actual job_ , which had been put mostly aside in the interim. Her desk was piled with it. She wanted to go home, take the longest shower in the history of hot showers and then sleep for a couple of days. Plus she was starving. She'd gotten about five hours of sleep last night but been back at her desk at 6 a.m. It was almost noon and her stomach was growling. 

She was about to call Carrie to get lunch as quickly as humanly possible when someone knocked on the door. "Yes?" 

It was Steve. She was happy to see him, but then she caught sight of what he was holding and she was about ready to worship him. "Did you bring me lunch?"

He looked sheepish. "Yeah. I was planning to stop by and I called and your assistant said you probably were getting hungry, so I went to that sandwich place you like." He fished in the bag. "Here. It's turkey on sourdough." He handed her the sandwich and a bag of potato chips. 

Not only had he brought her lunch, he'd brought her a turkey sandwich with mustard, lettuce and bacon, which was what she usually ordered. Her mouth actually watered. "You are my favorite person in the entire world right now," she told him. She took a huge bite of her sandwich and noticed he was still standing. She waved to a chair, too hungry to bother with niceties. 

Steve dug into his own lunch and they talked mostly in grunts in between chewing for a few minutes. When she'd polished off both her sandwich and the chips, he grabbed the white bag again. "Oh, I got something else."

The deli he'd gone to sold black and white cookies. He handed her one and Sara shook her head, smiling. "Anyone ever tell you that you're too good to be true?" 

He blushed bright pink. 

Once she'd eaten the worst of her headache faded. Steve finished off his lunch and she asked him how his recovery was going. She hadn't had time to communicate with anyone but her staff and Maria for over a week. 

"I'm good. The pain's gone and I'm back to normal. Well, for me."

"Good. Next time something is about to explode? Run _away_ , not toward it, okay?" Her stomach churned at the memory of seeing him so weak and hurting. 

"I'll try to remember that," he said with a grin. "So, I was wondering, do you have any plans this weekend?"

She remembered abruptly what had been going on before he got hurt and before the crisis here at SHIELD. She managed through force of will to keep her voice casual. "Nope, not this weekend. I was going to watch the start of the playoffs."

"Yeah, I was thinking we could watch the game on Saturday together?" He said the words kind of fast, all in one breath, and she had a moment of guilt. Steve seemed so uncertain she'd even want to see him. She never intended to screw up their friendship like this.

"That'd be great. I could use the company." Then she sighed. "Plus it'll give me an excuse to actually leave work tomorrow." She looked bleakly at her messy desk. There was no way this was all going to get done by tomorrow night.

He smiled and stood up. "Then I better get out of your hair, so you can get back to work." 

*~*~*~*~*

The unusual heat wave was finally breaking as Steve made his way to Sara's apartment Saturday evening. There was thunder in the distance, which Thor had sworn had nothing to do with him. It was still really hot outside, though, even with the wind picking up. 

Steve stopped at the grocery store and bought supplies. It had become a running joke that he had to bring chocolate to Sara's every time he went there, because otherwise he'd eat all that she had. He was developing quite an addiction to M&Ms. Sara preferred the peanut ones, but he liked the plain version, so he bought both before heading to her apartment. 

He was surprised when Sara answered the door wearing a skirt and a sleeveless shirt and for a second his hopes went way up, until he noticed she was on the phone and that the skirt was something he'd seen her wear to the office. She pointed to the phone and he nodded, slipping into the apartment and closing the door quietly behind him. 

"It's a risk, yes, but as I've been reminding you, we'd been working 24 hours a day for 12 straight days. My guys needed a break, Maria. _I_ needed one," Sara said into the phone. She sighed silently as Maria apparently said something else. "If it comes back to bite me in the ass, you can be the first person to say I told you so, ok? Until then, I have a ballgame to watch and about 24 hours of sleep to catch up on. Bye!" She hung up the phone with a snap. "That woman is a worrywart of epic proportions," she grumbled, tossing the phone into her purse. 

"I assume you're talking about Assistant Director Hill," Steve said dryly, unpacking the food he'd brought. 

"My staff worked a 12 hour day today and then I sent everyone home until Monday while the weekend staff finished their usual rotation. She's worried that you guys will get called out again and then we'll be so far behind we can't catch up." Sara stalked into her kitchen and opened the pizza box. "Which is, yes, possible, but I'll take those odds. Even if you got a call about an emergency right now, there'd still be time to finish the last one starting fresh on Monday morning before we had anything new to do." 

That wasn't the whole story, Steve knew. Part of Sara's job was to get all the information and data from every mission into the records so they could be useful on the next mission, and when crises happened back-to-back as they often did, there wasn't a lot of turnaround time. Maria had a point. But he wasn't quite so dumb as to disagree with Sara about this right now. That would not start the evening off on a promising note.

They ate pizza and watched the opening of the ballgame. Sara vented quite a bit about her terrible couple of weeks of work. Steve complained about his slow recovery. It felt normal but at the same time he was aware of a tension lurking in his stomach. He needed to talk to her about how he felt. He had to introduce the subject somehow. But he had no idea what to say. 

Bucky had tried dozens of times to teach Steve how to flirt with girls, but it had never stuck. Bucky could pull it off, but Steve invariably said the wrong thing if he even managed to have a conversation with a girl that lasted more than a few minutes. And as they sat there watching the game, Steve was painfully aware of how different things were. He'd been out in the world long enough to know the way relationships and dating usually worked now, but that made him feel even more inexperienced and inept. 

It wasn't helping that Sara was sitting with her bare legs tucked up under her and the strap of her shirt slipping a little off her shoulder. He didn't have the ego to hope it was on purpose. It was over 90 degrees outside and it was warm in here even with the air conditioning. That was all. But it was driving him a little crazy. 

The storms arrived outside by around the fifth inning. The lights flickered several times for about twenty minutes, then with a snap, everything went dark. 

The two of them sat frozen for a minute but the power didn't come back on. Sara cursed and managed to grab her phone. She used it to light up the living room enough to see. Steve made his way to the window. "There's still lights on over there."

Sara joined him. "Yeah it looks like it's just a few blocks. Hopefully it's a substation or something easy to fix." 

They waited for a few minutes but nothing happened. Sara went into the kitchen and fumbled around before producing a few candles. She left one on the kitchen table and put the other one on the end table near the couch. "Can you open the windows? With the power off, it's going to get really warm in here."

Steve managed to unlatch the window and pry it open. It was windy outside and he lunged to move a table out of the way. "You sure you want to risk letting the rain in?" he asked.

"It's that or suffocate." 

She sat back down on the couch. Steve paced for a minute before joining her, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. This was ridiculous. He could not have asked for a more perfect setting, and he was too panicked to take advantage of it. 

"You okay? You've seemed a little tense all night."

"I... don't really know." He rubbed his face with his hands. Why was this so hard? "There's something that I've been... that's been bothering me. For a while."

Sara leaned forward. "What is it?"

He forced himself to look at her. She was turned toward him, her expression full of concern. The candlelight flickered over her skin and he took a deep breath. 

"I want to kiss you." As soon as he said it he wanted to die. _Very smooth, Steve_. No build up, no moving declaration of his feelings. Was he ever going to get better at this?

"You... oh." Sara swallowed audibly. Steve couldn't look, but he was sure that her voice was full of surprise and that in the brief silence she was trying to think of the best way to let him down easy. 

Then she shocked the hell out of him. "Okay." 

He turned to her in disbelief. "Really?"

He thought she smiled a little at that, but it was hard to see in the dark. She shifted closer and reached out and put her hand on his knee. "Yes, really."

A whole new wave of panic engulfed him but he didn't have time for it, because Sara leaned into him and he ducked his head and pressed his lips against hers. His hand cupped her cheek and Sara tilted her head a little more to give him the perfect angle. Her lips moved against his as she kissed him back and the entire rest of the world disappeared. 

Steve completely lost track of time as he sat there, learning from Sara how to kiss her, exploring her lips with his. Her hand slid around the back of his head, her fingernails scraping over the short hair on the back of his neck, giving him goose bumps. It was amazing. 

He didn't know when he would've stopped if Sara hadn't pulled away first, out of breath and trembling. He rested his forehead against hers and noticed he was panting himself. "Wow."

She laughed breathlessly but she drew back. Steve let her go reluctantly. She didn't protest when he covered the hand she still had on his knee with his own. 

"So," she started and then had to clear her throat. Steve smirked for a second. "Was that just, you know, idle curiosity or something?"

"No," he said, somewhat hurt. 

She glanced around. "Or because we're sitting here in the candlelight with nothing better to do?"

"Of course not," he told her angrily. "Do you think I would do that to you?" 

She looked down. "No, not really." 

A horrible suspicion occurred to him. "Was that why you said okay? You were just curious?" 

"No," she assured him. "I wanted to. I mean, I didn't... okay, I've thought about it before. I'm not blind." She was babbling which made him feel better. "But we were friends and I didn't think you would..." 

"Would what?" 

She met his eyes and he didn't like how vulnerable she looked right now. "That you could be interested in me." 

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, puzzled. 

"I mean me as opposed to someone else. It wouldn't be very hard for you to go out and meet someone younger or who looked more, you know..." She trailed off but Steve realized what she was getting at. Sara had made a number of self-deprecating jokes about her weight, and he knew a lot of people didn't see her as particularly attractive. He had no idea why, as he'd never thought of her as anything else, but he knew it bothered her.

He reached out and tipped her chin up, making her look at him. He had no idea what to tell her that would be reassuring, so he just told her the truth. "I already met a woman I want to be with. And she's right here." 

Sara's eyes dropped to his mouth and Steve took that as an invitation. He leaned in and kissed her gently, immensely relieved when she melted against him and kissed him back. 

Some time later, Sara's arms were around his neck and they were leaning back against the couch kissing slowly when the power came back on with a loud snap. Sara pulled away from his mouth long enough to raise her eyebrows. "Did you want to go back to watching the game?"

She was teasing, clearly, but Steve just growled "no" and kissed her again. 

*~*~*~*~*

Sara had to turn her head away to stop kissing him. She didn't want to stop, was the problem, but she was getting light-headed and she needed air. Steve probably wouldn't take it well if she fainted. 

He didn't take her stopping well either. "Sorry," he said, nuzzling her cheek. "Did I... was that too much?"

"No," she reassured him. "Just... needed oxygen." 

"Right." He kissed her cheek, which gave him an idea, clearly, because he then left a light kiss on her jaw. "You smell really good." His breath against her skin made her shiver.

"I doubt that." She hadn't showered since early that morning, and then worked a full day plus the walk to and from work in the heat. Couple that with sitting here with him in the dark with no air conditioning, she had a feeling Steve was being polite.

He inhaled slowly, as if to prove his point. "You do. You always do. I noticed that while ago." He pressed another kiss against her skin. Sara tilted her head to give him more room and he began to explore her neck with gentle, teasing kisses that were giving her goose bumps. She tensed as he neared the weak spot under her ear and sure enough, when his lips brushed over it she couldn't hold back a tiny noise. 

"You like that?" he asked, sounding almost shy. It was silly given how she was panting, but Sara rolled her eyes.

"How could you tell?"

Steve chuckled. "Well, I'm a highly trained observer, you know." Then he sighed and drew back a little. "Sorry, I just don't want to do this wrong. This is all pretty new to me." 

Sara managed to pull herself together and focus on what he said. Scattered comments he'd made over the last few months came together in her head. "You never had a girlfriend, you know, before?"

He shook his head, taking hold of her hand. "I wasn't really popular with the dames, before this." He shrugged to indicate the body the serum had shaped and that he spent hours training every day. His eyes darkened with memories for a moment before he shook it off. "And, well, I was taught you didn't start necking with a girl on the first date. It wasn't respectful."

She sighed theatrically, squeezing his hand. "Great, now you probably think I'm a shameless hussy." 

Steve laughed. "Of course not. I just think..." he hesitated before looking at her. "I think we've been heading for this for a while." 

She nodded, somewhat embarrassed, looking down at their hands intertwined in Steve's lap. She'd tried to get over her feelings for him, to just be a friend, but she couldn't do it. Didn't want to, when it came down to it. And if Steve clearly wanted more than just friends, why was she fighting?

Shaking slightly at her own daring, Sara asked without looking up, "Steve? If we're sitting here making out, and you still respect me, does that make me your girl?"

"Yes," he said with gratifying certainty, then stammered, "Um, I mean I hope so. If you want to be."

She made herself meet his eyes, ignoring the way her stomach was doing a backflip. "I do."

Steve let out a breath and then put a hand on the back of her neck and brought her closer. "I'm going to kiss you now," he said with mock seriousness. "Because you can't say something like that to a fella and not expect to get kissed, okay?"

"I'll remember that," she told him with a grin, but the words were muffled by his lips. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve woke up on Sunday morning far later than usual. It took a minute for him to remember why it was so late and why he felt so cheerful. 

Right. His date with Sara. Kissing her, hearing her say she was his. 

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, reliving the previous night. He'd finally pried himself out of her apartment after midnight when they were both yawning uncontrollably and more than a little giddy. 

He was happy. For the first time in a very, very long time, Steve felt completely happy.

He frowned at the thought. Usually it was when he was thinking life was finally going his way that something horrible happened. He didn't want to lose this feeling, not again. But there wasn't really anything he could do but hope for the best. His mother always told him not to borrow trouble anyway. 

He got up and wandered up to the common room kitchen, where as expected he found most of his team eating hungrily. Bruce was making an enormous pan of scrambled eggs. Steve's stomach was rumbling loudly, so he fixed himself a bowl of cereal while waiting for the eggs. He leaned against the counter, listening absently to the banter going on around the room until Clint jerked his thoughts back to the present. 

"You look awfully upbeat for first thing in the morning, Cap." Steve looked up to find everyone staring at him. 

Before Steve could come up with an answer, Thor laughed. "I take it your evening with Lady Sara went well?"

Steve blushed, but he wasn't going to deny it. "Pretty well, yeah." He grinned in spite of himself. 

Pepper and Jane beamed at him while the men, aside from Bruce, hooted loudly. "I'm glad you two worked things out," Pepper said. Steve knew it was futile to tell them all yet again that he and Sara hadn't been dating until last night so he repressed a sigh.

Clint kicked him in the shin meaningfully. "I told you, man. Make-up sex is the best."

Steve choked on a mouthful of cereal. "What?"

Clint waved his hands. "You know, you have a fight, then you talk things out and have scorchingly hot sex to get the argument over with." 

Steve attempted to get out a denial, but before he could say anything, the others started talking. "When have you ever been in a relationship long enough to make up after an argument?" Natasha asked Clint dryly. 

Clint flushed in turn, but before he could bring up Darcy, Jane got there first. "You and Darcy are freakishly in synch. You never fight." 

Steve watched the bickering for a moment. Even though he knew that his team would be more shocked that they weren't having sex than if they were, it went against his nature to let them all think he and Sara were sleeping together. It seemed dishonorable. But he had probably a snowball's chance in hell of convincing them anyway. 

Bruce distracted him, handing him a loaded plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. "I'm happy for you and Sara," he said quietly. 

"Thanks," Steve answered. "We're, uh, not making it public, not yet. We need some more time." That seemed to be the safest thing to say.

Jane had overheard him and nodded rather emphatically. "Believe me, keep it quiet for as long as possible. You don't want to deal with that." Jane had been moved into Stark Tower precisely because her romance with Thor had gotten out in the press and having photographers stalking her was a really effective cover for someone trying to do something worse. 

Thor looked somewhat stricken over that and Jane said something in his ear. Tony, however, had heard the rest of the conversation and shook his head. "Yeah, the tabloids will have a field day with Captain America getting a girlfriend. Especially when it comes out he's a chubby chaser."

The room went dead silent in a heartbeat. Pepper, Jane and even Natasha were staring daggers at Tony and Bruce and Clint were giving him stony looks. Thor looked confused. Steve straightened up and used his height to his advantage. "You don't talk about my girl like that, Stark. Not in front of me." 

Tony attempted to defend himself but he was cut off when Pepper did something Steve couldn't see under the table. It was clearly highly painful, from Tony's contorted face, and Steve approved. While Tony muttered "Ow, ow, ow, I kind of need circulation there," Pepper shot Steve an apologetic look. "Don't worry, he won't do that again. Ever. Will you Tony?"

"No. Promise. Cross my heart. Jesus." 

"What'd I miss?" Darcy asked, appearing in Clint's t-shirt and a pair of fuzzy pants. She slid onto the stool next to Thor. 

"Steve and Sara got back together last night," Jane said, turning the conversation away from Tony. 

"Sweet. You were both moping like moping things. It was getting old." Darcy grabbed a piece of bacon off of Clint's plate. "Oh, we should take Sara out some night," she said to Jane and the other women. "We can get all the juicy details about Cap's moves." 

Steve rolled his eyes, but he was pretty sure Sara wasn't a kiss-and-tell type, so he went back to eating his breakfast.


	3. Chapter 3

Sara managed to grab a cab despite the heavy traffic, and arrived at the modest apartment building two blocks from Stark Tower about 15 minutes early. She couldn't help but glance up at the tower before going inside. Her life had taken a weird turn when she got involved with SHIELD in the first place, but lately it had gotten completely bizarre. And the alien invasion parts had nothing to do with it.

One of the apartments in the building was a front for a private entrance to the tower. Once the security scan was complete she hurried down the long hallway, which always made her feel claustrophobic, and then arrived at the private elevator to the upper floors, or Avengers Manor, as Darcy called it.

This entire evening was Darcy's fault. She could talk almost anyone into anything.

Once the elevator was closed, she spoke. "Hi, Jarvis." 

"Good evening, Dr. Tamblin."

"How are things this evening? All quiet on the Western front?" She knew Jarvis was programmed to restrict certain information, but he could share a few non-vital things. 

"So far, but it _is_ early," Jarvis replied dryly. The AI was one of the few things Tony Stark had created that she found genuinely fascinating. "Dr. Foster, Ms. Lewis, Ms. Potts, Agent Romanoff and Agent Hill are in the common kitchen, with Mr. Stark and Captain Rogers. Dr. Banner is in his lab."

"Barton fled the premises, I assume?" Thor was not on Earth at the moment, according to Steve. 

"I'm afraid I can't answer that," Jarvis said apologetically. 

Sara nodded to herself. She was relieved Natasha and Maria were there. If they were going, this really was a "girl's night out" thing and not a "girlfriends of the Avengers" thing. Because she wasn't quite mentally ready to think of herself as that. Being anyone's "girlfriend" was weird enough. That it was Steve just made it a thousand times worse. 

She could handle dating the guy who spent most of his free time sitting on her couch watching movies and could kiss her in a way that made her forget her own name. It was when she remembered that oh yeah, he was also Captain America, for crying out loud, that she started to panic. Because how in hell could someone like her be dating _Captain America_?

It was ridiculous. 

So spending an evening talking about dating an Avenger was not going to help her.

The elevator opened on the central floor, and Sara was not at all surprised that Steve was sitting on one of the stools around the kitchen island. It gave him a direct view of the elevator. Of course, Jarvis had no doubt informed him she had arrived, but he'd likely been sitting there for a while so he could see the elevator doors open. 

He got up to meet her, ever the gentleman, although he couldn't quite keep his eyes from scanning over her body once. A single glance at the other women confirmed she was the most conservatively dressed of the group, which was what she expected. Slinky and sexy were not in her wardrobe, or her size range. She had on her favorite denim skirt, which came nearly to the knees, and a green tank top with a high neck and back, so there was no cleavage on display. She had debated for a bit before putting on her boots, which were black leather and knee-high. Her feet would be hot but it was preferable to sandals. When her foot inevitably got stepped on, it would hurt less. There was no heel, so the boots were good for walking and also being in crowds.

She also had on a thin black sweater, since she got chilled so easily. Basically all of her skin but her knees was hidden from view. Natasha wasn't baring an enormous amount of skin either, but her little black dress clung to her body, and even Maria was in skin tight clothes. Of course, they both had the body for that kind of thing. Sara repressed a sigh. 

Steve grabbed her hand and squeezed it, and despite her internal monologue, his expression suggested he was far from disappointed in her outfit. "You look great," he said quietly. She gave him a strained half-smile and said thanks and was relieved when Darcy bounced over and dragged her to the island where apparently the final plans were being reviewed. 

The first bar was selected and the others scattered to collect things. Steve looked at her quizzically. "You're not carrying a purse?"

Maria was still there and she smirked slightly. Sara shook her head at Steve. "If you bring a purse, you spend all night worrying about where to put it and if it might get stolen." She showed him the pockets in the skirt, one of which had her ID, key chain and money, the other her cell phone. She also had a credit card and some extra cash tucked in the side of her bra - one advantage of having to wear her size was plenty of places to conceal things - but Steve didn't need to know everything.

"Good thinking."

"So are you going to sit here with Tony and mope all night?"

It was a toss-up who rolled his eyes harder at that, Tony or Steve. "Clint's getting Thai food, then the two of us are watching a movie. Something about killing someone named Bill?"

"It's just _Kill Bill_ , actually," Sara corrected. "Volume 1, I'm assuming? There are two parts."

"That's what Clint said. Have you seen it?"

Sara nodded. "I'm not a huge Tarantino fan, though." 

"To be honest I don't know if I am either," Steve confessed, grinning at her. "I think I trust your judgment more, but since you're abandoning me for the night, I'm stuck with Clint." 

Steve's movie education hadn't progressed much lately. _Rear Window_ was sitting on her entertainment center as their next project, but they hadn't gotten through _Ben-Hur_ yet. The last time they'd tried, well, now that kissing had been added to the normal course of their movie viewings, distraction was a problem. 

Darcy's noisy return yanked her thoughts back to the present, and then she flushed, because Steve was watching her with a knowing look on his face. He didn't tease her aloud, though, just took her hand again and said, "Come back here at the end of the night, okay? I can take you home or you can sleep in the spare apartment if it's really late." 

"I'll think about it," was as far as she was willing to go at that point and with one more squeeze of his hand, she fell into step with the other women as they headed down to the street. 

An hour later they were squashed into a corner at the second bar, the first one having been too sedate for Darcy's tastes. Sara had let Maria and Natasha take the seats nearest the wall, knowing better than to expect the two agents to show their backs to a room. She was next to them, with Darcy, Jane and Pepper closer to the dance floor. The bar was pretty packed even though it was still kind of early, and the 80s music had drawn a lot of people onto the dance floor. 

Sara nursed her club soda and lime twist, playing idly with the ice cubes a lot. Maria was still on her first beer in this place, her second of the night, while the others had gone through two rounds here and were debating a third. More than one guy in the bar had attempted to buy one of the others a drink, and was politely rebuffed. If he persisted, Natasha had a brief talk with the guy and he vanished. 

The one guy had left the bar so fast, he was probably still running. Across New Jersey. 

Dancing came before the next round of drinks, apparently, and despite their pleas to join them, Sara waved them away, even Maria. Someone had to stay at the table to hang on to it, and she tended to only dance alone in her apartment where nobody could see her. Besides, the five of them looked like they belonged out there, shimmying around glamorously and laughing under the multicolored lights. 

It was remarkable, really, how she could feel simultaneously short and also enormous. Even Darcy and Natasha were taller than her, and Pepper would've loomed if she hadn't been too thin to be effective at it. Maria could loom, but, well, that was Maria.

Sara shook her head at herself. She had to stop the self-pity party. And she really had to stop imagining Steve sitting here watching this and coming to his senses. 

A waitress came by. "You gals all finished with these, hon?" She swept several of the empty glasses onto her tray. Sara requested another club soda, and an order of chicken wings. It had been a few hours since dinner and her stomach was growling. Even crappy bar wings would be protein. 

"Come On, Eileen" ended and Maria went to the bar while Natasha came back to the table and with casual grace hopped up onto the seat next to Sara, while the other three stayed on the dance floor for a remixed Madonna song. 

The Black Widow apparently decided to take the moment of privacy to pass along a message. "Just for the record, if you break Steve's heart? I will kill you."

Sara flinched, because she knew damn well it wasn't a joke. Natasha's voice was perfectly even, which made it even scarier. It also answered the question of whether Steve's teammates knew they were dating. Sara was somewhat surprised there hadn't been more teasing, but maybe they were saving that for Steve rather than her. 

At least he would have support if things between them fell apart. 

Off the other woman's look, she sighed. "I don't want to hurt him. I don't think it will get that far anyway."

"Why not?"

"I just don't know if it's going to work out," Sara said, giving voice to the uncertainty that had been dogging her for the last couple of weeks. Ever since she had closed the door behind Steve that first night he had kissed her, doubts had been eating away at her brain. Not strongly enough to actually stop seeing him, but there had been a lot of sleepless nights in the last month. 

"What's not going to work out?" Maria asked, sliding in next to Natasha.

"Sara and Steve," Natasha explained. 

Maria looked confused rather than surprised so Sara figured both she and Director Fury knew about this. One more thing to worry about. Maria looked at Sara instead and said, "Why not?"

Sara made a helpless gesture, but it was hard to put into words what she was thinking, especially around these two particular women, who probably never experienced a moment of self-doubt about their looks. "Because."

They both frowned at her and Sara put her head in her hands. "I keep waiting for him to turn into, you know, a _guy_." 

Maria snorted. "He _is_ a guy, Doc. If you're not sure about that yet, the two of you are clearly not getting up to the freaky shit SHIELD gossip has been discussing."

"Oh God, don't tell me that," Sara groaned. Her work was in a different chain of command than anything to do with the Avengers and their actual missions, which was probably why Fury hadn't banished her to Tasmania yet, but she was still a Special Director and there were appearances to worry about. The waitress brought the chicken wings and the club soda and Maria asked for cheese fries.

"You think he's going to dump you," Natasha realized, ignoring the byplay. She frowned. "Why would Steve dump you?"

"Because at some point, he's going to open his eyes and look around and notice that I don't look like a superhero's girlfriend is supposed to look," Sara snapped, exasperated, and pointed to the three women still on the dance floor, all of whom looked the part far more than she ever would. "I've seen him out in public. Women throw themselves at him, in some cases literally. There are legions of fangirls on the internet. I don't even want to know what would happen if it got out that we were actually dating. Tony found a website devoted to Steve and showed it to him, and he read some of the forum discussions, one of which was about me. He broke the desk, he was so angry at what they were saying about me, and that was months ago." Steve had been appalled that total strangers would say those kinds of things about someone they didn't know, simply for being his friend. It was one of those moments Sara saw how much being famous weighed him down. 

Maria looked annoyed. "You really think Rogers is going to dump you for some bimbo with a crush?"

"No." She didn't think that. Steve was too good a person for that, and he wasn't interested in racking up girls the way Tony did, or had in the past. "But at some point he'll meet someone who..." _Isn't ugly like me_ , she thought but didn't say as her throat tightened painfully. _Someone who will look right walking beside him when he has to be Captain America, someone who is actually beautiful and belongs with someone who looks like him._

"You're an idiot," Natasha said coolly, nibbling at a chicken wing. 

Sara bristled. "I am not. I'm being practical."

"No, you're being an idiot," Maria chimed in. 

"Steve's not stupid," Natasha continued. "This is not his first brush with fame. If he's read those websites, and he's as observant as I know he is, he knows perfectly well that if he wanted to he could get a date in a heartbeat with any of these women you seem to think are better than you."

"I didn't say-" Sara started but Natasha talked right over her.

"Have you even considered the possibility that Steve cares about you precisely because you think of him as Steve rather than Cap? He goes to see you when he needs to escape from that, from people expecting him to play the part." Including the rest of the team, Sara realized suddenly. He didn't have many friends aside from them and from her. And he tended to make it a point to come to her apartment, even though he lived in Stark Tower, which was a lot closer to everything than her place. 

"You should know what it's like to have to worry about talking about your job, too," Maria added soberly. "He doesn't have to explain anything to you, or lie all the time."

Sara hadn't considered that before. Her dating life had been pretty unsuccessful for a long time, so when she started working for SHIELD it wasn't a huge problem, but she'd heard her colleagues lament trying to make relationships work with someone outside the organization and how hard it was to come up with the necessary excuses. 

"He's picky," Natasha continued. "He may come across as polite and friendly to the public, but he's very private. You have to earn his trust, and he doesn't open up to many people, not really. He trusts you. You should give him some credit for that."

The last bit stung. Sara worried her lower lip with her teeth. She had been fixating on the differences between her and Steve. He was probably the most perfect looking man on the surface of the Earth, and all she could see was how very much she was not in his league in that respect. But it wasn't fair to him to assume he would start putting a premium on her not looking like a magazine centerfold, or a pin-up girl. Natasha was right. If he wanted that, he could've found it. Easily. 

The current song was ending and there were signs that the other women were returning. It was one thing to discuss this with two women who also were agents, who were coming at this from that perspective, but she wasn't eager to talk about her body image issues with the others. "It's a tough thing to believe," she admitted quietly. "The hero never ends up with the overweight, thirtysomething woman in the stories." 

Maria and Natasha frowned but Darcy, Jane and Pepper returned just then. All three of them, of course, looked exactly like the typical superhero girlfriend, and probably didn't have this kind of baggage following them around, Sara thought glumly. Jane noticed the tension at the table first. "What's going on?"

Maria shrugged. "Sara's worried she's not good enough for Steve." 

Sara shot her a glare, which Maria ignored. At least she left out the specifics.

There was an outburst of protests, which was entirely predictable. "I think you might be the only person who _is_ good enough for him," Pepper said. Even her freckles were earnest. "You'd never use him for your own reasons, or risk him getting hurt." Her eyes darkened for a minute, probably with memories of Tony's severe self-destructive streak. How Pepper put up with Tony was one of the great mysteries of the universe as far as Sara was concerned.

"It's not like it's easy, dating a guy who can disappear at any moment, sometimes for months, and who's always getting into fights and battles and stuff," Jane put in, grabbing a chicken wing, which she used to illustrate something vaguely resembling a fighting move. "They're lucky when they find someone willing to put up with all that." 

"Besides, did you see the way he was looking at you before we left?" Darcy asked with a grin. "The boots and the skirt were definitely working for him." 

Sara blushed beet red and tossed a balled up napkin at Darcy, and was thankful the arrival of the cheese fries distracted everyone from the conversation. 

Everyone but Natasha, who leaned closer for a moment. "He chose you," she said simply, and then looked at her seriously.

Sara swallowed. She sat lost in thought for a little while until Darcy, who was sitting next to her, kicked her foot. "Hmm?"

Darcy aimed a look over her glasses. "So? You gonna spill or what?"

"Um, spill what?" Sara looked around in confusion. The other women looked amused or curious, except Natasha, who looked, well, perfectly composed as usual. 

"Come on," Darcy said. "You have to give us details! Is Cap as hot out of uniform as he is in it?"

Sara rolled her eyes. She was _not_ discussing this with them. And she didn't particularly want to broadcast exactly what she and Steve were and were not getting up to when they were alone.

Jane shook her head, though. "She'll keep asking until you tell her something. Trust me." 

"And you have no interest yourself, of course," Sara replied. Jane grinned impishly. 

"Natasha might not," Pepper pointed out. 

The woman in question shrugged noncommittally. 

Sara realized she was again the center of everyone's attention. Clearly she was not getting out of this without saying something. She struggled to come up with some kind of information she could share without violating Steve's privacy. "He's very gentle." That probably wasn't telling them anything they couldn't guess, which was just as well. "He's worried about being so strong, physically."

Darcy snickered. "You'll have to get him over that, then." 

Privately Sara thought she didn't want Steve to get over it, at least not entirely. She didn't remember a man ever being so careful with her. Not that she was in any doubt of what he was thinking, but finding a guy who was so concerned about boundaries was like finding a needle in a haystack. Out loud she merely said, "It's kind of sweet, actually." 

"He'll figure it out," Jane said with the confidence born of experience. "He just needs to figure out where the line is."

Darcy turned her attention to Jane. "Ooh, do tell!" 

Fortunately for Sara, the next round of drinks arrived before the interrogation could resume. After one more dance, Pepper concluded it was time to turn in. The collective weight of the rest of them overruled Darcy and they left. 

Maria peeled off to go home. Once they reached the Tower, Jane went to her place, which was on one of the lower floors near her lab. Pepper headed off to pry Tony away from whatever toy he and Bruce were messing with. Darcy walked into the living room and gleefully dropped into Clint's lap. 

Steve had gotten up from the couch when they came in, of course. He fidgeted as Darcy and Clint kissed, messily, and Sara tilted her head. "Could we talk?"

He looked relieved and took her hand, leading her to his apartment a few floors down from the shared living space. Once they were alone Sara reached up and pulled him down into a kiss. Their height difference meant she had to go on her tiptoes and Steve had to bend over, but she took her time about the kiss until her feet protested. Steve looked down at her, bemused, his hands holding her waist to keep her from tripping. "What was that for?"

"I should've done it earlier, when I got here," she explained.

"I'm okay with not being that... open in public, you know," he told her, probably thinking of Clint and Darcy snogging on the couch. 

"PDAs," she said. "Public Display of Affection. I'm not big on them either, but this is your home and we were with friends." She smoothed her hands across his chest, avoiding meeting his eyes. "I'm sure you've noticed this, but I tend to overthink everything. I can't really help it. And sometimes... sometimes I can't quite believe that this is real." She forced herself to look up. Steve was staring down at her, his expression serious. He was paying attention with his whole being, and it was thrilling and unnerving, having his whole focus on her like that. Sara forged ahead. "I haven't exactly spent my life fending off interested men with a stick. That you would... pick _me_ , of all people. Sometimes it's just hard to understand why."

Comprehension dawned and he slid his hands up and down her back. "It makes perfect sense to me," he observed, then added wistfully, "Sometimes you feel like the only thing that does." 

She stretched up to kiss him again at that. This time, Steve wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, so their heads were nearly level. This kiss was more intense than the first one, and Sara felt the doubting voice in her head shut up, at least for the moment. 

Eventually he let her go. "I think we just need to trust each other," he said hesitantly. 

"I can work on that," Sara nodded. 

Steve kissed her forehead. "Should I take you home now?"

"I'd like to stay here with you for a while, if that's all right. I can crash downstairs and go home first thing in the morning." She added the last part before he could tense up. They were not having sex, not until both of them were sure they were ready, and Sara was damn sure not going to be a mistake Steve made. That did not mean they couldn't cuddle and make out for a bit, though. 

"Works for me," he said with a grin. Before he could kiss her again, she pushed him backwards until he sat down on the couch, looking up at her. 

"Since we're alone," she explained, settling herself on his lap much like Darcy had done with Clint earlier. She forced back the momentary alarm about putting her weight onto him. That was hardly something to worry about. She hooked one arm around his neck and kissed him enthusiastically. 

Steve's hand came to rest on her knee. He was warm, as always, and his thumb brushed against her bare skin lightly, making her shiver. As she drifted from his mouth to trail kisses over his jaw, he murmured, "I like the boots."

"I thought I detected some appreciation there." 

His hand slipped up just a little, underneath the denim. Not far enough to be indecent, just enough to tantalize her. "The skirt is nice too," he teased, clearly aware of her reaction. 

Sara leaned away from him and shrugged the sweater off, letting it fall to the floor. The tank top was not revealing, but it did leave her arms bare, and in point of fact, the gather in the fabric did make her figure look better. "What about the shirt?"

"I know I'm supposed to say the neckline should be lower, but actually, I think I like this better." His fingertips trailed up her arm, leaving goose bumps behind. He sat up, his mouth going to the spot underneath her ear that made her squirm in his lap. His finger traced along the edge of the shirt's collar. "A little mystery can be a good thing." 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Steve was discovering the downside of dating someone who worked for the same organization. Scheduling time together could be problematic. It hadn't bothered him as much before, but now when he got back from a mission, especially a long one like this one had been, all he wanted was to relax and spend some time with his girl. 

But when his work ended, Sara's was just beginning. It usually took a couple of days before her team had done what they needed to do, so Steve was left twiddling his thumbs. 

He wasn't going to complain, though. Sara's work was important and she took her job seriously, which was one of the things he admired about her the most. And she never complained about him going off for days, sometimes weeks at a time, on missions that were usually pretty dangerous. 

So he kept any disappointed feelings to himself. It usually wasn't hard to find something to do. Tony seemed to have a need for post-mission bonding activities, always involving food of some kind, and there were times when even Steve needed to recover from some of his injuries. 

At the moment his leg was still aching a bit from the knife wound, so he sat at the table in his apartment, attempting to sketch Sara's face. He'd drawn her a few times before, but none of the sketches had come out very well. It occurred to him that looking at a picture might help, so he grabbed his tablet and ran a search for images. There weren't many, and the first one was of Sara and him, at the reception in D.C. It was probably from the photographers outside, since they both looked stiff and formal in the photo.

That wasn't what he wanted. Maybe he could convince Sara to pose for him. He had rarely asked anyone to do that, being far too self-conscious, but he doubted a photo was going to do her justice either. 

His phone chimed and he smiled to himself. Sara's text was brief, saying that she was finally done with work and heading home and begging him to bring her Chinese food. He dashed off a quick reply and grabbed his coat. He tucked the sketchbook under his arm and headed for the restaurant they usually ordered from.

It was a rainy Tuesday night in November, so the streets were pretty quiet and the restaurant got the order done fast. Steve rang the bell and was puzzled when Sara didn't answer right away. When she opened the door to let him in, he stared for a minute before remembering his manners.

Sara was in a dressing gown, her wet hair falling over her shoulders, clearly having just gotten out of the shower. She looked chagrined. "Are you really early or am I running that late?"

"Bit of both?" He stepped inside and leaned down to kiss her briefly. His eyes started to drift down the collar of the robe and the bare shoulder he could see underneath it and he backed away and went to put the food down in the kitchen. 

"Sorry, I texted you before I got out of the office and then someone had a question and it was fifteen minutes later that I actually left. I thought I had time to shower before you would get here," Sara explained. Steve couldn't keep himself from sneaking glances at her body. The robe covered her, but he was seeing more of her legs than usual, and ignoring that she was naked underneath it was a bit hard.

_Not hard_ , he scolded himself. _Difficult. Don't think about hard right now. Oh hell._

Sara was talking and he was not really picking up what she was saying, distracted by the low V of the robe on her front. He physically turned so that he wasn't facing her, trying to focus on what she was saying. But she walked right past him into the kitchen and fresh from the shower, her scent hit him full force. 

He clenched his jaw, chastising himself silently for his impure thoughts. Then he let out a startled sound as Sara was suddenly pressed right against him, a knowing smile on her face. She went up on her toes and slid her arms around his neck and kissed him. 

Steve lost the battle with restraint instantly. He kissed her back, slipping his tongue into her mouth, pulling her even closer. Sara let out a tiny whimper of pleasure, a sound he was starting to become intimately acquainted with, and Steve moved his hands without thinking, over her back to tangle in her wet hair, and down to cup her backside and squeeze. She didn't protest. If anything, she kissed him harder, and distantly he thought it might be worth it to be away for so long if this was what coming home would be like. 

A few minutes - or a couple of hours - passed while they stood there kissing in her kitchen. Steve's body was reacting to feeling her so close and knowing that very little was between his hands and her bare skin. 

Sara slowly ended the kiss and Steve's self-control managed to reappear. For a moment they just stared at each other, Steve still holding her tightly, both of them attempting to get their breath back. 

Finally Sara dropped back onto her feet, grinning. "For the record, if I answer the door in a bathrobe and nothing else? I'm kind of expecting _some_ ogling." Steve winced but before he could stammer out an apology, she added, "You shouldn't worry so much." 

He shrugged, slightly ashamed of himself. "I don't want to get out of line." 

"I'll tell you if you are." She put a hand over his heart. "You need to trust me on that, okay?"

He nodded. "I'll try." 

"Good. Now, I'm going to go get dressed."

Steve closed his eyes and thought about unpleasant things for a minute. He hung his jacket up and then arranged the food on the table and got out silverware, because neither of them had the patience for chopsticks. Sara returned, now dressed in a soft sweater that clung to her body and a pair of jeans, and promptly dug into the lemon chicken and dumped half a carton of rice onto her plate. "So, are you okay?"

She was looking at him worriedly. "Sure."

Sara frowned. "You were limping pretty badly in the footage I saw."

"I'm fine, Sara. It's pretty much entirely healed."

She stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork and ate it, looking like she wanted to say something, but in the end she merely shook her head. "Just promise me that you'll remember you're not actually indestructible, okay?" 

He could hear the unspoken "be careful" loud and clear. She wasn't saying it, because his job was to go into dangerous situations that other people couldn't handle and she knew it and she wouldn't ever ask him not to, but it was there. He reached over and took her hand. "I will." He couldn't promise he'd never get hurt, or that he'd always come back, but he could try, for her sake.

They discussed a few more mundane bits of the mission, most of which had involved waiting around staying out of sight and not going nuts from boredom. When more than half the food was gone, Sara poked at the sketchbook he'd set down on the table. "Is this yours?" Steve had his mouth full of beef lo mein so he just nodded. "Can I look?"

He swallowed. "Go ahead." He loaded up another fork. "I should warn you, there's a few of you in there."

"Oh God, really?" She cringed and shut the book. "Never mind."

"Hey, they're not that bad," he joked. 

"I didn't mean that," she said quickly. "I just hate seeing pictures of myself." 

"You do?"

Sara rolled her eyes a little and reached for the fortune cookies. "Almost every woman I know hates seeing pictures of herself. I guess you've had to get used to it." 

"Well, yeah. I don't really enjoy it though." To this day, Steve sometimes saw himself in photos or on film and had to remind himself that was him, not some stranger using his name. "Anyway, these aren't photos, they're sketches, and they're just for me."

Sara tilted her head, her smile wicked. "Oh, so these are for your _private_ entertainment?"

It took him a second to figure out what she was suggesting. When he did, he blushed up to his hair. "Not that. Those are in a different book." 

Sara flushed in turn. Steve picked up the sketchbook and flipped through it. He stopped at one of his better attempts. In the sketch, Bruce was in profile holding his glasses in one hand and gesturing. He showed it to her.

Sara's eyes widened. "Wow." 

Steve grinned. This was one of the few things he'd always been good at, before and after the serum. He went through the book, showing Sara the sketches and explaining the better ones. Finally he came to the one of her he'd been working on earlier. "It's not very good," he warned her, placing the book down in front of her. "I can get your mouth and your jaw from memory, but I'd need to study more to get your eyes right." 

Sara glanced up at him nervously. Steve leaned forward. "I'd really like you to sit for me." It was on the tip of his tongue to reassure her that it was okay if she didn't want to, but she had just told him to trust that she'd tell him when he was going too far. It was selfish, probably, to want a part of her all to himself, but he'd back off if she said no. 

She closed her eyes for a second and blurted out, "Okay." She was clearly not comfortable with the idea, but she wasn't saying no, so he would take her at her word. 

Sara cleaned up the dishes and put remaining food away while Steve poked around her living room, moving the pillows on the couch and a couple of the lights. If they were going to do this, he wanted the best light possible. Sara came into the living room with her hands stuck in her pockets. She looked at his rearrangements. "Has anyone made you watch _Titanic_ yet?"

"No," he replied, confused. 

"Well, that's a relief." She waved a hand, dismissing the topic before he could ask.

He had her sit down on the couch, which was appropriate since that was where they spent most of their time. He frowned at the bright white light from the lamp. It was too harsh. This would be better in sunlight, but he didn't have that option right now. "Do you have a scarf or something we could put over this?"

Sara got back up and rummaged around and came out with a peach-colored scarf. Steve draped it over the lamp, which was an improvement. The other light was smaller and off to the side, highlighting her profile a little. Sara sat back down, curling herself up tightly with her legs tucked under her and a pillow in her lap.

Steve settled on the other end of the couch, the sketchbook balanced on his lap, and turned to a fresh page. He started with the basic outlines, sticking with her torso and head for now. He wanted to give her a chance to relax, since an uneasy frown was not the expression he wanted to record right now. 

He quickly grew absorbed, glancing from her to the page, trying to get his hand to copy exactly what he was seeing. Sara kept fidgeting, tucking her hair back over her ear, tapping her foot, and especially biting her lower lip. Steve finally kicked her leg gently with his. "Sit still, will you?"

"Sorry. This is harder than it looks."

"Close your eyes."

"You want to draw me with my eyes shut?"

He sighed patiently. "No. Just close 'em for a minute."

She obeyed and Steve took the opportunity to fill in a few more details about her face. He'd left much of it blank until now and he wanted to be ready. While he did that, he instructed her, "Think of something that makes you happy. Not just vaguely amused but really, completely happy." 

"Okay." As he expected, the faint lines on her forehead smoothed out, her eyes widened slightly and her lips curved up into a smile. He sketched hurriedly, getting the basics of that grin and her cheeks done. 

"Now look at me."

She opened her eyes and Steve exerted himself to capture the sparkle in them before she figured out what he was doing and her self-consciousness returned. It didn't take long. "You totally just tricked me, didn't you."

He didn't look up, not wanting to lose the picture in his head. "I wanted a genuine smile, not a fake one. And I got it," he gloated. 

Sara sighed dramatically. "I need a drink." She went to the kitchen while Steve fleshed out the drawing. When she sat back down, he noted a few more details and then put the finishing touches on the sketch. 

"There." He turned the sketchbook so she could see it. 

She stared for so long his elation began to ebb. He thought the sketch was damn good, as close as he could get to capturing her personality in just pencil. "You don't like it?"

"No, it's not that." she said. "It's amazing. It's just... so not what I see in the mirror, that's all." She met his eyes. "This is really how you see me?" 

"Not precisely, but it's pretty close."

She put the book on the coffee table, scooted across the couch and kissed him. Steve kissed her back, contented and pretty pleased with his work this evening. They cuddled up on the couch, the sketch put aside, and just kissed for a while. Eventually, he asked, "So what was it?" 

"Hmm?"

"Your happy thought."

"Oh." 

She blushed a little and Steve tickled her. "Is this something for my other sketchbook?" 

"No," she grunted, squirming away from his hand. "Well, not really." Steve stared, a little surprised. "It was you. But not like that. Although you were shirtless." He smirked. Sara added, "We were in Hawaii." 

"Ah." She had gone there once on vacation and wanted badly to go back. From seeing her pictures, he could understand why. He lifted her hand to his lips. "I'll take you some time. I'd like to see it." Given how easy air travel was now, it wouldn't be nearly as hard to get there. 

"Waikiki Beach is amazing. I never wanted to leave."

"Wait, were you picturing me in one of those, what do you call it, those tiny bathing suits?"

Sara cracked up. "A girl's happy place is private, Captain. Be content with your picture." 

*~*~*~*

Later, Sara admitted she'd been a little distracted. She was walking the last few blocks from the bus stop to her apartment, and her mind was on getting inside where it was warm and applying some more Chapstick. She was also thinking vaguely about Christmas, since December had been bizarrely quiet so far and it looked like she and Steve might possibly be together for the holidays. 

So when the guy stepped in front of her and bumped into her, she backpedaled two steps quickly, startled. She had one moment to take in that the man's face was disturbingly pale, his eyes had dark circles under them and he looked like he hadn't shaved in a number of days.

Then she saw the gun.

Her hands were in her pockets to keep warm. Her fingers found the small silver flashlight on her keychain and squeezed the button. 

"Give me the bag," the man rasped out. 

Several things passed through her mind in the split second she had to make a decision. 

The gun was cheap and low caliber and the guy's hand was shaking. 

There were other people nearby.

Her sidearm was in place, but her coat was closed up over it.

And the only thing in her bag that was of value was her cell phone. It wasn't like she brought files home from the office. 

She reached up and carefully pulled the strap off her shoulder and handed over the bag warily, half-expecting the guy to morph from strung-out junkie to polished killer, having lulled her in with a ruse. But it didn't happen. The guy grabbed the bag, backed up into the alley he'd come from and then ran. 

She stood there on the street, noting that he turned right about 100 feet down the alley, and then sighed. Her night had just gotten infinitely longer. 

Within three minutes two black SUVs screeched up and four SHIELD agents jumped out. The woman was on the phone and she immediately ordered a trace of Sara's cell phone's GPS tracker. She and one of the other agents took off in pursuit. Sara was bustled into the back of the other car, which took her away from her warm and cozy apartment and over to SHIELD's secure facility.

By the time they got there, her phone and her bag had been found. The mugger was in SHIELD custody, facing what would probably be a thorough interrogation and background check, just in case. Her phone would need to be examined for tampering as well, unfortunately.

To her surprise, Steve was in the briefing room when she entered, his expression tight with worry. He relaxed slightly when he saw her, but Sara only had time to squeeze his hand quickly as she passed him and faced the glowing screen on the wall. "Sir."

"What happened, Dr. Tamblin?" Fury asked.

"I got mugged." Sara launched into the story, recounting as best she could her thought processes as she decided to go along rather than resist and why. Steve gave a tiny nod when she pointed out that a junkie with shaky hands could've easily shot a bystander.

"You took a risk, Doctor," Maria put in from behind Fury's shoulder. "This could've been a trap to get you to surrender your phone first." 

"I know, but if he was a professional working on that level, he wouldn't have had any compunction about opening fire on the street."

Fury's shoulders slouched down a little more, the only outward sign of agreement. "We're detaining the man for questioning."

"If he was in withdrawal-"

"I'm aware of that, Doctor," Fury cut her off. "We need him alive and answering questions." _But not necessarily comfortable_ , Sara noted silently. If this really was some random addict who had the misfortune to pick her to rob, he was going to pay for that ten times over. 

But SHIELD didn't take risks by showing mercy. 

Fury instructed her to write a full report and have it to him in the morning and the conversation ended without further comment. Sara blew out a breath and finally turned to look at Steve. "So how's your night going?"

He crossed the space between them and hugged her tightly. "It was better before I got a call that someone attacked my girlfriend with a gun."

She felt a small lurch in her chest, still not quite used to being someone's girlfriend, much less being referred to that way. Sara allowed herself to lean against him, security cameras be damned. "It wasn't really an attack. He accosted me."

The joke didn't seem to amuse him. "They told me you weren't hurt, but that was it." 

"They probably didn't know more. It happened really fast." Predictably, it was only now as the adrenaline started to wear off that she thought of all the other, far worse ways this could've played out. She shivered. Her brain would be running through all of those options, she knew, plotting out responses just in case. Coulson had trained her too well. For the moment, she concentrated on being safe, inside SHIELD's facilities and with Captain America himself there to protect her. 

"I think you did the right thing," Steve said, rubbing her back absently. "Out on a public street like that, if the guy was out of control... playing along was the best option." She could hear the frown in his voice. "I'm not sure why Fury didn't agree."

Sara drew back. "He did. If he had seen a better way he would've reamed me for not taking it." Steve looked skeptical. "Fury's not really the attaboy type, hon." 

That got a small smile out of him. He brushed his fingers against her temple. "You sure you're okay?"

She nodded. "I think I may need to cuddle up on the couch with a warm body for a while, but I'll be fine. And yes, I will let SHIELD drive us to my place. I've had enough walking in the cold for one night."

"And you'll call for a car tomorrow?" Sara sighed but he laced his fingers through hers. "If this wasn't just a random happenstance, if something else is going on, you should take precautions. Just in case." He hit her with his puppy face for good measure. "Please." 

"Oh all right. But if it all turns out to be an accident..." she said warningly. Steve folded his lips together and she knew he wanted to argue the point, but he merely nodded. He didn't like her walking home at night by herself. Neither did Fury, for that matter. She could've asked for a car to take her to her building each day, but her staff didn't get that luxury aside from the ones who lived in the SHIELD-owned buildings and carpooled. It didn't feel right getting special treatment. 

Some day, she knew, she'd probably have to give in. Dating Steve wasn't going to help delay that either. But not today.

 

*~*~*~*~*

December started suspiciously slowly, aside from the drug addict who attempted to rob Sara. The first two weeks went by with no nefarious plots uncovered, no new threats revealed. The peace was making everyone nervous. Steve had heard more than one "calm before the storm" joke from his team. It was too much to hope the entire month of December was going to be quiet and let everyone actually enjoy Christmas and New Year's. 

Despite the excitement, Steve couldn't help feeling maudlin as the month progressed. It was hard not to think of Peggy, of the Commandos, and of Bucky. Christmas had always been kind of depressing when he was younger, everybody trying to make the best with what little they had. The relentless buying spree leading up to it nowadays felt vaguely insulting to him. 

The previous year, he'd been otherwise occupied over the holidays and for a while after, so he hadn't gotten to see Sara much then. He was a little surprised she didn't seem more excited, since she tended to get sentimental about holidays. But one evening a week before Christmas, he went to her apartment and found her sitting on her couch and crying. "What's wrong?"

She wiped her eyes, trying to smile. "Sorry. It's nothing." When he clearly didn't accept that excuse, she sighed. "I just was looking at some pictures." She picked up her computer and showed him a photo of a little girl with pigtails holding a stuffed elephant almost as big as her. Behind her was a huge Christmas tree and piles of wrapping paper and a woman with Sara's eyes and a broad smile.

"Is that you?"

"Yeah. I was about four." She paged through several of the photos, aging before his eyes from a little girl to a teen. "See, my Mom was really into Christmas. The house would be decorated within an inch of its life, and everything had a tradition so it had to be in precisely the right place. She'd bake tons of cookies to give to the neighbors. My Dad would pretend to complain about it, but he'd be up on a ladder for hours getting the lights on the house just right." She pulled up a photo of a small, two-story house with a covered doorstep. The edges of the porch were outlined in lights and there was snow on the ground. A wreath hung on the door. A man stood in front of the house, his arms up above his head and grinning. Steve hadn't known much about her family, aside from a couple of framed photos she had in her apartment. 

Sara continued, "Mom insisted on doing the Santa thing every year, pretending my presents were from Santa, even putting out cookies and milk, right up until I graduated from high school. I mean, I knew it was all a lie when I was about 8, but we humored her. Finally when I went away to college and came home for winter break she agreed to stop that."

She wiped another tear from her face, but more of them were coming. "The year Dad died, she insisted that we pull out all the decorations and everything and pretended like it was normal, but it wasn't. And then she passed away a few months later. I couldn't handle Christmas for years after that. I usually volunteered to work so other people could be with their families." 

Steve slipped his arm around her. "I'm sorry." 

Sara leaned her head on his shoulder, giving in to her tears. "I just miss them _so much_." 

He didn't know what to say, so he just held her while she cried. He had no memories of his father, and the few he had of his mother had faded and gotten confused over time. But it wasn't like he didn't know how it felt to be reminded of what you'd lost.

She leaned forward and grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table and blew her nose. "I'm sorry. I should be okay after this. I usually end up having one big sob fest during December and then I try not to think about it too much."

"It's okay." Steve wondered to himself if he would feel better if he did the same thing. It wasn't like Sara hadn't seen that before. But he put the thought aside. "Are you sure you want to come to Christmas at the tower? We could just stay here. I won't mind. I'm not exactly jumping for joy myself." Darcy and Pepper were making plans for the Christmas festivities, assuming the team wasn't called out before then, and seemed to be going overboard on the preparations. 

"No, I think it might be good to have people around, for both of us. And I already promised to help with the baking and stuff." She sighed. "We can always plan on escaping to your apartment for a while if it gets to be too much, right?"

"Absolutely." He tried to think of some way to cheer her up. "So, Darcy's rather crestfallen there won't be brownies."

He'd heard the story from Darcy earlier so he wasn't surprised when Sara rolled her eyes. "Brownies are an everyday cookie. At Christmas you make Christmas cookies!" she declared. 

On Christmas Eve Sara arrived at Stark Tower with several heavily laden shopping bags of food, including four different kinds of cookies she'd already made. She also had an overnight bag, so she could sleep in the guest apartment and not have to go all the way home that night. Steve had subtly let that be known to the others so there would hopefully be minimal teasing about the sleeping arrangements. 

When the plans for Christmas had been discussed, Sara had volunteered her grandmother's recipe for fried dough, something with a Polish name Steve couldn't pronounce but had produced a gleam in Natasha's eyes. Sara took charge of the kitchen in the common room with Steve and Natasha helping her assemble the dough. Tony, Bruce and Jane were having some kind of complex physics argument about how best to arrange the lights on the Christmas tree sitting on the other side of the room. Thor, who was experiencing his first Midgardian Christmas and was the excuse Darcy and Pepper had used for all the planning, was watching the argument with a fond smile. 

Sara dumped the dough out on a board and began to knead it with steady, confident movements while Natasha watched curiously. Steve was distracted by the fact that Sara was leaning over slightly to push on the dough. His eyes lingered along her body for a minute. Watching her hands working the dough made his ears start to flush and he looked away, scolding himself. Fortunately nobody seemed to have noticed. 

Finally Sara was happy with the consistency and started rolling the dough out into thin pieces and cutting it with a sharp knife. The dough was very fragile, but she sliced it open in the middle and deftly picked it up and twisted one end through the gap. Steve watched in amusement as Natasha attempted to do the same thing and failed several times before succeeding. Once she had mastered that, Sara let Natasha take over the rolling and cutting process. Natasha had told Steve once she liked picking up new physical skills, even small ones, as you never knew where you might find an edge that could be used sometime. 

The twists were brought to him and dropped in the vat of oil on the stove to cook. It only took a couple of minutes, then he fished them out and put them on paper to dry before transferring them to a platter. Clint had turned up by then and was watching curiously. He reached out to take one and Steve smacked his hand gently. "Sara gets to have the first one."

Sara came over and picked up a shaker of confectioner's sugar and sprinkled it liberally on the twists. She took a bite of one and her eyes closed and she got this blissful expression on her face that distracted him for a moment. Then she smiled, although there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Perfection."

Everyone else descended on the tray and Steve had to concur. The pastry was light and tasted heavenly, especially with the dusting of sugar. 

The food drew Thor's attention, unsurprisingly, and he came over to watch, giving his hearty approval of the end result. Eventually Thor asked if he could learn how and Sara stepped aside and let him take the rolling pin. She had to show him how much pressure to exert on the dough and how to move the pin and Steve felt a tiny prickle of irritation at the way Thor was smiling at Sara and how he nudged her with his elbow. Which was silly of him, he knew that, but part of him still kind of wanted to push Thor back across the room. 

When Thor got bored, Clint wanted to try and Steve attempted to atone for his internal stupidity by showing Thor how to do the frying portion of the process. He sat down on a stool near the tray and watched Natasha teasing Clint as he attempted to master the art of rolling the dough out thin enough without breaking it or getting it stuck to the board. 

Sara was twisting the dough and laughing with Natasha and Steve had to smile. She loved cooking and especially baking but she didn't have much time to do either, given work. She looked relaxed and happy, singing along quietly to some song Jarvis was playing that Steve didn't recognize. She had been right; having other people around to distract them today was probably a good idea.

Clint gave up in disgust and Sara took over again. There wasn't much dough left and finally she called it quits. Clint insisted on tossing the entire remaining blob of dough into the pot and seeing what happened, which was that the dough puffed up and burned on the edges without cooking in the middle. Fortunately they snatched the pot off the stove before it actually caught fire. 

After the kitchen was cleaned up, everybody ended up sprawled on the couches watching DVDs of Christmas specials as the afternoon wore on. They were all new to Steve, of course. Sara explained some of the history to him quietly as they watched. He was surprised how moved he was by the Peanuts one in particular. Some of the others were sillier, though at least now he knew why Darcy insisted on referring to supper as "roast beast." 

Most of the meal had been prepared in advance or left in a state where it just had to be put into the oven to cook. Sara and Bruce ended up supervising most of that process, and when they sat down at the enormous table that had been brought in for this, it was almost groaning with the weight of the meal. Their group dinners were rarely this formal, since people generally wandered in and out. This time Steve was waiting until everything had been passed to both him and Sara before he started eating and he noticed everyone else was also holding back. But once the dishes had all been passed, there was an awkward moment of silence. None of them were particularly religious people and saying grace didn't seem appropriate.

Pepper came to the rescue by lifting up her wine glass. Everyone followed suit and she had to swallow quickly before she could speak. "To good friends, good food, and a peaceful holiday."

They all clinked glasses and once the toast was done, everyone fell on their plates ravenously. The table was completely decimated by the time the meal was over, not surprising given that Steve and Thor could eat more than the rest of them combined, although Tony held his own in that regard. 

When Sara started to help clear the table Darcy pointed an imperious finger at her. "Sit. Down. You were cooking all day! You do not do dishes!"

Sara blushed as everyone else agreed adamantly and Steve kissed the top of her head as he helped collect plates and glasses. There was a bit of a bottleneck in the kitchen. The Avengers could manage to coordinate seamlessly in a battle but eight people trying to clear a table was apparently too much for them. He got stuck outside the kitchen when he was headed back to grab the last few glasses and then Clint nudged him. "Uh oh."

"What?"

Clint was looking up and Steve groaned. He'd been carefully avoiding this spot all day, because Darcy had hung mistletoe from the divider in the ceiling. Darcy had been rather gleeful about smacking kisses on anyone she managed to catch. Most of the others were keeping things polite, except for Tony, who had deliberately dragged Pepper to the spot earlier. 

"Does this mean Clint has to kiss Steve?" Jane asked. Clint was the closest person and it was a toss-up as to which of them looked more alarmed about that prospect. 

To Steve's everlasting relief, Sara walked over. "Yeah, no. I did all that cooking today, so I'm calling dibs on this one." She slipped her arms around his neck and to his amazement, kissed him quite thoroughly in front of everyone. She'd never done that before. They had mostly stuck to some general cuddling and chaste kisses on the few occasions they'd been around other people. 

Not wanting to miss the opportunity, he put his arms around her and kissed her back, ignoring the whistles and laughter around them. Her face was bright pink when he let her go but she merely rolled her eyes at Darcy, who had put her fingers in her mouth and was whistling. 

Once the dishes had been sorted out, everyone gathered around to decorate the tree. Pepper was struggling with the chaotic placement of the ornaments while Tony pointed out that she had another huge tree up in their apartment that she'd gotten to decorate entirely by herself. Thor, both as the special guest and the tallest of them, put the star on the top. 

With that all finished, they settled down to watch _It's A Wonderful Life._ Steve was stretched out on the floor, since the couches were all occupied and he needed the room for his legs. He was sitting in front of Sara and she leaned forward to look down at him.

"Hey, you two, look over here," Darcy called. She was nearly opposite them on the other couch and holding up a camera. Sara leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and Darcy snapped a picture. "Awww. How cute!" The photo showed Sara with her chin on the top of his head, both of them smiling. 

"Can you get me a copy of that?" Steve asked. He had a couple pictures of Sara in addition to the drawing he'd made of her, but they didn't have any pictures of them together. 

"Me too, please," Sara added. "I'll print out a couple copies," she promised him.

Darcy nodded and they started the movie. It had come out after Steve's time, and he was surprised at how grim most of it was. He'd been expecting something more lighthearted given that everyone talked about it being the quintessential Christmas movie. The ending was quite moving, though, and he felt a certain kinship with George Bailey, getting a second chance and all. 

By the end, he nearly had his head in Sara's lap and she was scratching his back gently. He had no idea why it felt so good or how but it always turned him into a puddle. Unfortunately when the movie was over she stopped and he sighed regretfully. 

She looked kind of tired and he took her hand. "You ready to call it a night?" She nodded and he climbed to his feet. They said their goodnights to everyone and wandered down to his apartment. There was a plan for Christmas breakfast in the morning before people were separating to go other places. 

They ended up, as usual, curled up on the couch together. It was nearly midnight and Steve had kept the lights down very low when they got there, so they could see out the windows that it was snowing. Sara had her head on his shoulder. "Jarvis, do you have any versions of 'It Came Upon A Midnight Clear'?"

"I have several, Doctor. Do you have a preference?" the computer's smooth voice replied. 

"Choral, please." There was a slight pause and voices softly began singing.

When the first verse was over, Sara said, "This was always my favorite carol. I don't even know why. It's been ages since I set foot in a church."

"I never really had a favorite," Steve replied quietly. "I remember it was the one time of year the priests didn't mind people singing so much. I think it was easier to get a bunch of rowdy boys to at least channel their energy by singing rather than yelling. Though pretty much we were yelling a lot."

"Even on 'What Child Is This'?" Sara grinned.

"Well maybe not that one." 

Jarvis was clearly listening to their conversation, because that came on next. Sara instructed the computer to stick with the traditional carols and they both fell silent for a bit, staring out the window and listening. 

Steve glanced down, relieved when Sara craned her neck to look up at him and he didn't see any signs of tears. He couldn't pretend the past wasn't weighing on him a bit tonight, but he wanted this to be a good day for them both, something pleasant to remember in the future. 

The clock chimed midnight and she whispered, "Merry Christmas." 

"Merry Christmas." He leaned down and kissed her softly. "I'm glad you're here." 

She smiled. "I was just thinking the same thing about you." 

Steve sighed somewhat ruefully. It was too much to hope that every holiday would be like this for them. He was half-expecting the alarm to go off calling him to a mission. 

"Hey." Sara sat up a bit more and touched his cheek. "For the record, I'm glad I'm, you know, _here_ , too." Here as in _with him_ , he realized. 

"I'm glad about that every day," he told her truthfully. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

The day after Christmas was when the crisis everyone had been waiting for struck. It was mostly wrapped up by New Year's, though Sara spent New Year's Eve at work rather than relaxing. Steve appeared near midnight and she let her staff take a short break to watch the ball drop while Steve tugged her into her office, shut the door and kissed her when the clock struck. She ended up pressed back against the door, Steve's body flush against hers and him kissing her like he hadn't seen her in months. It was risky, given the cameras and the fact that her entire staff was just outside the door, but that didn't seem to deter either of them. It took a few minutes to get her clothes straightened out and for them to stop grinning at each other before they could open the door. 

After that mission was wrapped up another lull hit as January progressed. Sara took advantage of the relative calm to run an evaluation on her staff, something they'd been too busy to tackle for months, so when Steve came over one Thursday night to watch _The Searchers_ , Sara was a little tired. So it took her a while to notice that Steve was restless. When he was concentrating on something, he could sit completely still, but all evening he'd been shifting on the couch every few minutes, tapping his foot and so on. 

She wondered if something had happened in training that he hadn't told her about, or if the general quiet was getting to him, but he didn't seem upset about anything. Just antsy. 

And he kept glancing sideways at her. 

As an experiment, she stretched her arm out and let her hand fall on his shoulder. Steve didn't react to that, but when she shifted a little closer and lazily ran her fingernails up the back of his neck he shuddered. 

Steve looked at her for a moment before launching his body forward and kissing her urgently. 

So that _was_ it. Since they had started dating, they had mostly just been kissing with some fairly innocuous groping from time to time. He hadn't pushed for anything more than that, which was a nice change of pace from most guys who tended to try to get as far as they could before getting a no. 

Granted, after a year of being just friends, part of her kind of wished he would push a little more, but it was wiser to take things slowly, she knew. And Steve was awesome to cuddle with. He was big and solid and always warm, and now that they were doing this, seemed to soak up human contact like a sponge. Normally he seemed content to have her curled up against his side while he played with her hair or rubbed her back or her arm absently. 

But she was certainly enjoying this. Steve held her tightly, pressing her back against the couch cushions. She squirmed around, trying to get more comfortable, and with Steve's weight bearing down on her, she fell onto her back. 

Steve followed, barely breaking the kiss, settling half on top of her, one leg in between hers and one arm propping him up enough to take some of his weight. His other hand slid up her side, tickling her lightly before moving back down. 

Sara ran her hands over his back and his shoulders, teasing him with her fingernails since she knew he liked that. They'd never gotten this, well, horizontal before. It felt good, the weight of his body on top of her, the warmth from his skin and his lips moving down her throat until he could nip at her collarbone.

Steve's hand drifted up her side again, his thumb resting just under her breast and she willed him to keep going, but he didn't move. Impatiently, she reached down and pulled his hand up. He grunted, his palm covering her and kneading gently. Even though her shirt and her bra, it felt wonderful. 

She dragged his head back up and kissed him hungrily. His hips rocked against hers and for a moment Sara was lost in how good it felt as she imagined Steve doing this while they were both naked. Then the fog in her mind cleared enough for her to realize Steve was definitely thinking about the same thing. She could feel the evidence of that against her thigh.

He pulled away from her mouth and buried his face in her neck. He was embarrassed. She was blushing pretty badly herself. There was a difference between knowing in the abstract that Steve thought she was attractive and having the hard proof, so to speak, that he really did want her like this. It made her a little light headed. 

Neither of them moved for a minute. "I'm-" he started to say but she pinched his side.

"Don't you dare say you're sorry."

That made him draw back and look down at her. His hair was a mess from her fingers and his face was flushed. "You're not mad?"

"Why would I get mad that you get aroused from touching me?"

Some of the tension left his body. "When you put it that way..."

He leaned down and kissed her more gently before pulling away and trying to compose himself. Sara scrambled up, so that they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. 

"I suppose we should talk about this," Sara said. They hadn't had this conversation yet and it needed to happen, no matter how much she was not looking forward to it.

Steve rubbed his hands up and down his thighs. "Right." A silence fell and he looked at the ceiling. "I don’t know what to say." 

Sara chose her words carefully. "I'm assuming from what you've told me that you never had sex with anyone."

He shook his head. "I only ever kissed a couple of girls. Never went much beyond that." 

She debated asking for clarification, but she could guess who at least one of the girls had been. Other than that, if women in the 40s were anything like they were today, they probably had thrown themselves at Steve the same way. Which meant he probably could have, if he had wanted to. 

He really was a Boy Scout, in the best sense of the words. 

He blew out a breath sharply. "So, have you?" he asked directly.

Reluctantly, she nodded. "With my college boyfriend. Nobody since, though." Steve was staring at her curiously and Sara braced herself. He needed to know about this. "It wasn't a very healthy relationship. I was fascinated with him, but at the same time I kind of knew he wasn't a very good person? It was weird. But I was young and getting really desperate.

"See, I never dated in high school. I pretended I didn't want to go to my prom because I was too cool for it, but I was scared to death I couldn't get a date so I stayed home. I was always on diets, trying to lose weight. I had this thing in my head that someday I would lose the weight and then everything would be perfect. I'd have boyfriends and be popular and go out every weekend instead of staying home watching tv and reading. I'd basically turn into an entirely different person. But the diets never stuck and when I was a junior in college I was panicking. Nobody I knew was still a virgin by then and I felt like a total freak, hopelessly inexperienced compared to everyone else."

Steve nodded absently, a flash of sympathy in his eyes. 

"I met David and I was just so relieved that he wanted to spend time with me, I didn't really think about the way it was happening. I slept with him because I was afraid he would dump me if I didn't." Despite all the years that had passed, she could feel herself getting angry. "He would say things like how he really loved my mind, so he put up with my body for that reason. I was... God, I was so _stupid_ , I actually believed that was a compliment! I wish I could go back and tell myself, 'Look, if he finds you so unattractive, why aren't you just friends? Why is he trying to have sex with you all the time if he finds you repulsive?' But I thought I..." Her throat tightened. "I didn't think I deserved better than that."

Steve reached out and took her hand. "You do."

She nodded but went on with her story. "He graduated a year ahead of me so that was that. And my senior year? I was just... relieved. I'd had a boyfriend. I wasn't a freak, there wasn't anything wrong with me. I didn't have to prove anything anymore."

She wasn't sure how he would take that, since in his time while men were probably expected to lose their virginity, respectable women were mostly expected not to before they got married, but to her relief he nodded. "I know what that feels like. That need to prove something." 

"I probably was making it out way worse than it was," she said. "After I started on my Master's degree, and then working, people were a lot less concerned with that kind of stuff. By then they're more worried about whether you're going to hog office supplies or tell the boss you're reading Facebook when you're supposed to be working." He grimaced. The Captain America stuff on Facebook ranged from hilarious to embarrassing and people were constantly asking whether some of the accounts set up with his name were real.

"Anyway, my parents died while I was in school, and I didn't really think about dating for a long while." He squeezed her hand a little more tightly at that. "And eventually when I did try dating again, I seemed to attract guys who had the same attitude David did. I was good enough to fuck but not good enough to date, and I wasn't going to accept being treated like that again." Steve flinched at the vulgarity but there really was no other word to describe it. Her anger began to rise again. "Then there was the guy who told me he would sleep with me, but would only consider me 'girlfriend material' if I lost 50 pounds."

Steve's jaw nearly hit his lap. "He actually said that?"

"Oh yeah. He had no idea why I was so pissed off." 

Steve seemed to be struggling with a desire to go find the guy and beat him up. "Please tell me you knocked his lights out."

"No. I excused myself to the ladies room, the waitress helped me sneak out the back door and I left him with the bill."

"Well, that's a start."

Sara sighed. "Anyway, I got pretty disillusioned with dating. And I started to understand what had been so screwed up with my relationship with David. I was determined not to let that happen again. So I threw myself into work most of the time, and figured maybe I'd get a dog at some point, since I'm not wild about cats and I can't become the sad old spinster lady with 10 cats." 

They were both silent for a moment, then Steve placed her hand in between both of his. "I guess I just can't understand this." Her heart sank but he kept going. "You're so smart, and funny, and you're so sure of yourself. I always admired that. When we met, I wasn't really paying attention, but I've never thought of you as anything other than beautiful." 

He glanced over at her, his expression earnest, and to her annoyance, Sara felt her eyes start to water. A tiny part of her mind wanted to doubt him, to write his words off as a line, but she knew him too well. He didn't use "lines" on women. He really meant it, which was amazing and terrifying in equal measure. 

She looked away, but not fast enough. Steve shifted closer, touching her face to make her look at him.

"Sara? Did I say something wrong?" 

She shook her head, swiping at her eyes. "That's twice you've used that word about me. I don't think anyone other than my family has ever called me that."

"What, 'beautiful'?" She nodded. "You _are_ ," he said, insistently, brushing his fingers against her temple. "If other men haven't seen that, well, they were all idiots." 

Sara smiled, leaning into his touch. But she couldn't quite joke about this. "Seriously, Steve, I'm not sure I deserve you." 

"Well, that feeling is mutual." He had his own insecurities to deal with, she knew, fears about people seeing only his face and his body rather than Steve Rogers, the person. 

She pulled him closer and kissed him, unable to respond any other way. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Sara wasn't too troubled when Steve missed February 14th because the Avengers were taking down a terrorist organization that was attempting to develop alien weapons from the scraps left behind by Thanos. Valentine's Day was a made-up holiday in her opinion, one that went downhill after you got out of grade school and mandatory cards. 

She was more depressed when he missed her birthday a few weeks later, particularly since the mission turned out to be a bust. He and Clint and Natasha spent a few days cooling their heels waiting for a meeting that never materialized. The only positive was that the mission being a dead end, she got to leave work pretty early the day he got back. 

Steve was irritated he'd been gone for her actual birthday, so he suggested they go to an Italian restaurant that they occasionally visited, one known for having low lighting and secluded booths, the better to hide the identity of anyone inside. Unfortunately, as they got near the restaurant, they saw a mob of photographers outside. They would have to go through the paparazzi to get into the restaurant and Sara really did not want to do that. She dreaded their relationship becoming public knowledge. Steve didn't want that either, but only because he was afraid Sara would be a target if that happened. She was more worried about what people were going to say. Either way, they both paused and shared a rueful look before backing away from the restaurant. They found out later that some hot young actor was dining there that night, resulting in the mob of photographers. 

With that plan foiled, they ended up getting takeout from her favorite Italian place and going to her apartment. Steve's mood usually improved after he was fed, but now he was still grumpy. 

"What's wrong?"

He sighed. "I feel like we're sneaking around or something. We should be able to go to a restaurant without having to be afraid of who will see us."

She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "I know. But we have to be careful. The security risk is too big."

He nodded but his expression didn't change. "I should be able to take you to dinner, especially after I missed your birthday."

"Steve, you don't have to atone for having to work. It's not like I don't understand." And there were sure to be days when the situation was reversed and she was busy, possibly even on his birthday in a few months. 

He let go of her hand and reached for his jacket. "Well I bought you something anyway." He held out a small, flat jewelry box and then pulled it back before she could take it. "But if you don't want me to make amends, I could take it back?"

He was teasing, but she glared. "Hand over the box, Rogers."

He grinned at her. Inside the box was a necklace, a silver chain with delicate crystal filigree decorations. She lifted the necklace up and realized the filigree was actually tiny five-pointed stars. She laughed. "Couldn't resist the symbolism, huh?"

Steve shrugged. "I thought it would help you remember me next time I miss an important day."

She rolled her eyes. "Because I don't worry about you constantly while you're on a mission or anything." 

Steve looked rather pleased about that, but Sara held out the necklace to him and gathered her hair out of the way. "Here, help me." It took him a couple tries to get the clasp open and then closed; his fingers were too big. But she looked in the mirror and saw the necklace fit perfectly. Steve slipped his arms around her waist from behind and kissed her cheek. "Happy birthday, Sara."

"It's beautiful." She craned her neck and kissed him. "Thank you."

The month following her birthday was anything but restful. Most of the original Avengers disappeared from Earth for a few days to go to Jane and Thor's wedding in Asgard, which involved all sorts of subterfuges and praying the bridge device Jane had designed and built would actually work. Sara wasn't invited, which disappointed her a little, but there was another ceremony on Earth a few weeks after they all returned. It wasn't terribly formal, since the Asgard were big on pomp and circumstance and Jane's nerves were a little fried by then. There was dancing, though, and a few awkward moments ensued as people wondered why Sara and Steve were sitting in a corner not joining in. Steve was doing a fair job of pretending to enjoy himself, but Sara remembered the story about his last conversation with Peggy and she could see the shadow in his eyes. She stayed put next to him all evening and deflected nagging from the others as best she could. 

While everyone had been occupied with wedding shenanigans, rumors had started flying about some new threat developing somewhere in South America, but SHIELD was chasing at shadows for the time being. Then there was a hacking attempt, which happened fairly frequently, but this one got farther into SHIELD's cyberdefenses than anyone other than Tony Stark. 

Sara had to go to the west coast to meet with her regional directors in that part of the country to deal with the fallout from the attack. Steve wasn't thrilled about this given the situation, even though when Sara traveled she always had a two-person security team with her. To her surprise, when she got to the airport to meet the jet, Steve was on board too. "Director Fury agreed I should go with you, just in case," was all he said. Sara wondered how much arguing he'd had to do to finagle this, but she wasn't going to bring that up in front of other people. 

During the first couple of days, she worried that he was going to get frustrated since she was in meetings and working almost all the time. He had invited himself along, so it wasn't her fault, but still, he had to be horribly bored. But he never complained, just ensured she was eating and making her stop and rest at night. The agents in her security detail seemed more amused than anything. 

She managed to wrap up her work on Friday afternoon. She waffled a bit before deciding for once to be self-indulgent. She and Steve went to dinner in a fairly well-known restaurant that night. It was much easier to pull off in Los Angeles where everyone looked vaguely famous and so nobody paid much attention to them. After they were done eating Sara blurted out in one breath, "So I had an idea. Instead of going back to New York tomorrow, why don't we go up to San Francisco for the weekend?"

Steve was shocked for a moment but he recovered quickly. "What, you mean take an actual vacation instead of pretending to?"

"Something like that. I know you've never been there, and I haven't been back in a while. I can show you my favorite spots and we could just relax for a couple days. Hopefully."

"Hopefully," he repeated. "I assume Frick and Frack would have to go with us." That was his nickname for her agents. 

"They wouldn't have to shadow us all the time," she told him. "They'd just need to be in the city in case."

He shot her a suspicious look. "Sara, did you already clear this with Fury?"

She blushed. "I may have asked this afternoon. And made a reservation at a hotel for a two-bedroom suite." She wanted him to hear that information up front, so he didn't get the wrong idea about this. "I didn't tell the pilot, though, in case you weren't up for it." 

Steve smiled. "Are you kidding? Two whole days alone with my girl on a real vacation?" 

She blushed even harder at that.

So they flew to San Francisco the next day. They crossed the Golden Gate bridge to see the view of the city, then Sara took him to her favorite diner where she had spent a lot of time as a student. They went to Fisherman's Wharf even though it was full of tourists and saw the cable cars, though they didn't ride one. Sara refused to try the climb up Lombard Street despite Steve's cajoling. They ate dinner at a restaurant in Chinatown and just wandered around for a bit before going back to the hotel. Sara went to bed early, tired from all the walking that day. When she got up in the morning, Steve had decided to arrange a surprise of his own. 

He'd rented a motorcycle for the day. Frick and Frack weren't pleased by this, since that meant Steve and Sara could potentially go out of contact for a while, but Steve was so happy about the prospect of going for a ride that Sara silenced the agents with a look and promised to have her cell phone on at all times. 

There was another problem to deal with, though. "I have a confession to make," she said as they stood on the rental lot.

"What's that?" 

"I've never actually been on a motorcycle."

He grinned down at her. Part of her still melted when he looked at her like that. "Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you." 

Steve got onto the bike and helped her climb up behind him. The morning fog was burning off as they went south along the coast. She hung on tightly at first, although on a Sunday morning the traffic was light. Mostly she was thankful Steve wasn't the type of guy who would think scaring her by making the bike unstable would be funny. He was clearly enjoying himself. She could feel the lack of tension in his body, pressed up against his back like she was. So even as she started to feel more comfortable with the way the bike moved, she didn't let go. There was something soothing about letting him drive and just enjoying holding on to him and watching the coast go by.

They pulled off at a small cove and Steve climbed down over the rocks to touch the water, jerking his hand back at how cold it was. Sara unfortunately didn't have her camera out when he did it. Steve shook his head and clambered back up to where she was sitting. "Why is it so cold?"

"The water is coming down from off of Alaska. It warms up a lot before it gets down to LA but here it's still pretty chilly."

He sat down next to her. "Well, I can cross 'touch the Pacific Ocean' off my To Do list now, at least." 

They ended up eating lunch in Santa Cruz, and then went back to the city through the hills. Sara couldn't quite resist cracking Endor jokes when they paused in one of the state parks to look at the redwoods. She took a picture of Steve staring up at the trees in awe. They had gotten a few pictures of each other in the last couple of days, despite her dislike of cameras. 

Unfortunately they had to get back to the city by midafternoon, since the bike had to be returned and they had an early flight home in the morning. The agents were relieved when Sara decided to just order room service and stay in the rest of the night. She took a long shower and repacked her things.

Steve was sitting at the counter of the small kitchenette in the middle room of the suite, reading something on his computer when she went to get some water from the fridge. "Anything important happening?"

"Nope. Pretty quiet day, news-wise." She walked over to him and Steve frowned. "Are you all right? You're limping."

"Yeah, I'm a little sore. Not used to being on a motorcycle for a whole day," she said, chagrined. Her butt hurt and her legs were aching.

"Poor baby," Steve teased her. His hands covered her backside tentatively, but when she didn't protest, he tightened his fingers and kneaded gently. His hands were warm and it felt wonderful, even through her clothes.

Sara leaned in and kissed him. She'd been a bit aroused for most of the day, if she was honest with herself. It was impossible to be clinging to him on the bike and not notice his body, even more than she was usually aware of it. Her hands had been pressed against his abdomen for half the afternoon mostly because she could get away with it. Seeing him so relaxed only added fuel to the fire. 

Steve nuzzled her cheek for a moment. "This is nice. Well, not just this," he gave her another affectionate squeeze and Sara chuckled. "But just... being together."

"Like a normal couple? That doesn't have to sneak around?" she filled in, her hands resting against his chest.

He nodded. "Thank you, for this. I'm glad we came here." 

"Me too. Despite the sore butt." 

Steve cracked up, then used the grip he still had on her backside to pull her in close. Her arms wound around his neck as they kissed again, this time with growing urgency. She knew he was also aware of how close they were to two different bedrooms, and that they were alone in here for the rest of the night. With both of them fresh out of the shower, it felt almost domestic. She whimpered a little when one of his hands slid up the small of her back and brushed against bare skin under her t-shirt. She never knew that spot was so sensitive until right now.

His legs tightened around her, like he was trying to get her even closer. The kiss grew more frantic and Sara's fingers dug into the hard muscles of his back as the ache in her belly sharpened. 

But Steve pulled away, breathing hard, and his hands settled more decorously at her hips. Sara repressed a sigh. This was not the first time Steve had put the brakes on when they were alone like this. She knew they were going to have to have a conversation about where things were going at some point, but it was too heavy a subject to bring up after they'd had such a peaceful day.

For the moment she kissed his cheek, so he would know she wasn't mad, and cuddled against him. 

Steve licked his lips and she felt another frisson of lust go through her before she reined herself in. But before he could say anything, his phone rang and she stepped away. She thought he cursed under his breath as he went to answer it. 

She could see in his expression that it was serious. He barely said anything before the call was over, and he was already going to his room to collect his things. "There's a situation in South America. I'm flying to Phoenix to meet up with the others tonight. The Director wants you to stay here with the agents and go back to New York as scheduled in the morning."

Sara nodded, letting him get ready without interfering. When he was packed, though, Steve wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Be careful, okay?"

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" she said, trying to pretend she wasn't worrying already. 

Steve kissed her. "Always am. I have a reason to get home now." 

Despite the urgency of the situation, Sara pulled him down into another heated, albeit brief, kiss at that. Steve kissed her forehead quickly and then he hurried out the door. The agents must have gotten orders, because one of them came into the suite with Sara while the other went with Steve, presumably to the airport. 

The door was locked and Sara gave herself one moment of looking out at the city lights before she sighed and went to get her computer and her cell phone and get to work. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

The prickling sensation at the back of her neck made Natasha twitchy. Something was off, but she couldn't pin down exactly what it was that was triggering her unease, except that it had to do with him.

It wasn't unheard of for Cap to disappear in the middle of a fight and reappear without more than a few token bruises, but he usually stayed on comms so they knew where he was. He said he had tried to radio the rest of the team but couldn't get through. Possibly this Hydra cell had some sort of interference running to better hide them. 

He seemed normal, other than being more grim than usual. But finding out the enemy he thought he'd defeated, that he gave his life to destroy, was back and clearly planning something big would be enough to throw anyone off balance. 

Maybe that was all it was. But Natasha silently communicated her concern to Clint, who spent most of the flight back to the rendezvous discreetly watching Cap. As they neared the carrier, Clint gave her a subtle shake of the head. He couldn't pick up anything. 

They both were respected agents but they couldn't go to SHIELD and tell them to lock Captain America up without an actual cause. Natasha wasn't surprised that Clint also found an excuse to lurk in security while they ran the usual set of tests on everyone who'd returned. Cap passed them without incident.

Clint looked at her. Natasha shrugged slightly. Until she had something specific to go on, there wasn't much else to do but go to the debriefing. 

*~*~*~*~*

They'd chained him up with reinforced steel to a solid metal frame. Steve struggled but it was useless. Hydra had known what he could do and prepared to keep him where they wanted him. 

The little slimeball who'd been leading the interrogation had been gone for a long while, at least two hours, before returning to the dark room. There was a one-way mirror in the far wall, Steve was sure of it. They were underground; he could hear sounds like a building's water and electric systems in the wall behind him. And it was cold. He was naked, his clothing having been stripped to give to his double, and nobody seemed concerned with his comfort or his modesty enough to bother covering him. 

The Hydra operative pushed a button on a remote and a monitor flickered to life in the lefthand wall. It showed what looked like a traffic camera on a busy city street. Steve's double got out of a cab and paid the driver, then walked up to an apartment building on a corner.

Horror swept over Steve as he realized where his doppelganger was going. "No."

Slimy smirked at him. "What do you think, Captain? Even if you escape and return, do you think she will want you after she's had a real soldier in her bed? If she's even still alive?"

Steve strained against the chains, knowing that even if he managed to escape right this second, it was too late to stop whatever Hydra was intending to do to Sara.

 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve was almost always moody when he returned from a mission, even by the time she would see him a couple days later. Sara could usually tell by his voice on the phone whether he was still on an adrenaline rush from the fighting or brooding over things going wrong. And this time, finding out that Hydra was still around, she expected him to be in a very bad mood.

When she opened the door, he smiled at her and stepped inside, seeming perfectly normal. "Hey."

"Hi."

She closed the door and Steve leaned down and kissed her. Hard. And not just kissing, but his tongue energetically exploring her mouth while he held on tight. She let out a little "mrph" noise of surprise. Steve never just mauled her like this right off the bat and she wasn't sure what to think.

When he let her go she pulled away slightly trying to get her breath back. "So, hi."

He smirked. "Hi. Again."

"I guess you missed me?" 

He nodded, and his eyes raked over her body. "A lot." 

Sara's blood ran cold. Something was wrong. Really wrong. She turned away toward the kitchen, fumbling for something to say. "Well, food first. I'm starving." 

Still wearing his jacket, Steve wandered around her apartment for a minute while she stood in the kitchen, attempting to get the Chinese food out of the bags. 

He looked and sounded like Steve, he even tasted the same, but he wasn't himself. She couldn't give a rational reason for this feeling, but Coulson had said more than once that human instinct was far more powerful than most people realized. Her instinct said something was not right here. 

Sara made a decision. She went over to the door, aware that he turned around sharply to look at her. She tossed her keychain aside and pulled a small bottle of painkillers out of her purse. She forced herself to smile at him. "I have a headache. I'm just going to take a couple of these. Help yourself to dinner."

She breezed down the hall but instead of going into the bathroom sidestepped into her bedroom. She grabbed the loaded gun from its hiding place in the nightstand and then walked down the hall into the bathroom and shut the door. She heard Steve moving around in the kitchen and counted at least two minutes before walking back out, gun held at the ready. 

He stared at her in shock. "Sara, what the hell?"

She circled over to the front door. "Don't move." 

To Sara's immense relief there was a sharp bang on the door as the agents arrived, summoned by her hitting the panic button on her keychain. She let them in, but Steve used the distraction to pull a gun from the back of his waistband. At least now she knew something was really wrong with him. He would never have shown up to her apartment armed, or pulled a gun on her even now.

But the agents didn't seem sure who to cover. 

"Either he's under some sort of brainwashing or this isn't Captain Rogers," she said as calmly as she could. 

She had to give the guy credit, whoever he was. It only took him half a second to respond. "I'm not an imposter, she's the imposter! She's trying to set me up so she can get into SHIELD's offices." Her conviction that this wasn't the real Steve solidified.

The lead agent shifted uncertainly. Sara knew better than to try and make him pick a side. "Look, take us both into custody. Make sure you restrain him as if he was the real Cap, just in case. Let someone in security sort this out." 

If he was an imposter and he went with them, SHIELD would make mincemeat out of him. He clearly knew it too, because when the agent looked at him expectantly, he snarled, "Fuck" and opened fire, leaving them no choice. Sara dove for the floor and felt something hot against her arm while several muffled shots echoed through the apartment. 

A few minutes later she was staring at the dead body of what appeared to be her boyfriend lying on her kitchen floor while blood ran down her arm. Shakily she thought, _You know, Coulson, this was not in the brochure_.

In a matter of minutes, her arm was in a clumsy bandage and Sara was marched into SHIELD's office downtown, flanked by several agents. Most of the Avengers were already there, having come from Stark Tower. Director Fury was on the phone along with Maria, and everyone was in a panic since their Captain was missing. 

Fury ignored the pleasantries and asked the only relevant question, given that the doppelganger had gotten by of SHIELD's technology and past the entire rest of the team. "How did you know it wasn't the real Captain Rogers?" 

Sara elected not to talk about the kiss. "He wasn't behaving like Steve." Her boss didn't even dignify that with a demand for further information. "He was way too calm and cheerful, given what happened on the last mission."

The others exchanged glances. "He's been keeping to himself for the last couple of days," Natasha observed. "I haven't seen him much."

"We all assumed he was brooding," Tony said, with only a minimum of snark. 

"If it was a double of Steve, he would've avoided too much contact with the rest of the team to avoid detection," Clint put in. "But he had to go see Sara or raise suspicions."

Fury's voice cut into the speculation. "Is there anything else, Dr. Tamblin?"

Sara debated continuing, but she doubted Fury was going to accept a mood as enough reason. Unfortunately, her other reasons were equally vague. "He was... well, leering."

"Leering?" Fury repeated in disbelief. But Sara saw a lightbulb go off in Natasha's eyes and she nodded. 

"Yes, sir. There's a way men, most men, look at women, as if we're... objects being evaluated for one purpose. Steve doesn't do that. Ever."

"He checked me out," Natasha put in. "On the jet on the way back. I had a feeling something wasn't right but I didn't have any specifics." That explained why she hadn't said anything.

Fury still sounded skeptical. "You didn't notice his behavior was off?"

"It's extremely common behavior, sir," Natasha said with a slight edge in her voice. "I can't count the number of times it's happened. I didn't realize that was what was missing because I'm so used to it." 

"I've got an exact replica of Steve Rogers dead and the only reason you can give me is he was too cheerful and looking at you funny?" Fury's doubt was palpable.

"Him pulling a gun on Sara and trying to kill her kind of seals the deal that this wasn't the real one," Tony put in harshly. Sara shivered again and Fury sighed.

"Whatever her reasons, Dr. Tamblin has uncovered a most serious threat to our safety," Thor growled, getting back to the matter at hand. "The most important matter now is recovering Captain Rogers with all speed." 

The conversation swiftly moved to the mission, the period of time Steve had been missing during it and where Hydra might be holding him, assuming he was still alive. Sara started to shake. 

Without missing a beat in the conversation, Bruce took off his coat and draped it around her shoulders gently. As they prepared to go back out looking for Steve, he put a hand on her shoulder. "Get something warm to drink. And try not to worry too much."

Thor reached out and squeezed her hand. "Do not worry about Steven Rogers, my lady. He is a strong and capable warrior. And we will bring him home." 

Natasha met her eyes and nodded and the rest of them filed out of the room. Sara asked for some water, knowing she would be here doing the debriefing for a while. 

She closed her eyes and prayed she hadn't just made a giant mistake, that Steve was out there somewhere waiting for rescue.

 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve was feigning grogginess as the noises outside got louder. He'd been dosed with drugs to knock him out a few times as they shuttled him around, but he found it wise to pretend to be unconscious as long as possible, so he could note his surroundings. Now there wasn't much point in keeping up the subterfuge. 

Thunder boomed outside. 

The Hydra agents guarding him were panicking, running around, ready to fire at anything. Steve hoped like hell they wouldn't decide to shoot him just for kicks.

The building vibrated and the far wall of the warehouse collapsed. Steve had never been happier to hear the sound of gamma-fueled green rage. Arrows and bullets flew into the building. A red and gold blur passed overhead and then landed with a thunk nearby and approached him.

Tony surveyed him through the mask for a moment and Steve remembered he was still tied up and naked. "You know, Cap, if you were into some sort of kinky bondage scene, you could've done the whole chains thing without making us hunt all over South America for you for four days." Despite his sarcastic words, Tony set to work using the tools built into the suit to get the chains off Steve. 

"Yeah, sorry. Should've planned that better." He really had only one question on his mind. Hydra hadn't told him anything about his double's visit to Sara's apartment since they showed him the initial video. "Is Sara okay?"

"She's fine. Well, she got shot, but it was just a graze. Son of a bitch," Tony muttered, struggling to cut through the chain. Finally he managed to separate one part of it and together they unwound the loops from his arms and legs. Steve threw off the last of the metal that had been holding him prisoner for all this time. "Shot" was not what he wanted to hear but he knew if Sara had been seriously hurt, Tony wouldn't keep it from him. 

There were footsteps approaching and he turned automatically before remembering he was nude. Natasha ran up to them and her eyes went wide for a second before she turned her back, more out of deference to Steve than to any innate modesty of her own, no doubt. Steve blushed bright red. 

"Yo, Thor," Tony called. "Can you loan Cap something to wear? I forgot my extra red, white and blue thong." 

With Thor's cape wrapped around his midsection, Steve walked unsteadily back to van that would take them back to the jet with his team around him. Clint took over making supersoldier jokes about Steve's anatomy, since Tony flew back on his own.

They reached the helicarrier and Steve was put through a crazy amount of testing. He was confined and questioned extensively by a number of people and subjected to scans and blood tests. He tried not to resent it. Hydra's plan had been to insert a doppelganger of him into the Avengers and keep him there, mucking up things from the inside. They'd kept Steve alive for interrogation if it became needed. It could've been a disaster and a lot of people could've died. If it had been someone else, Steve would've been doing the same thing, so he tried to keep his temper leashed. 

At least they'd given him one of his spare uniforms to put on.

Director Fury came into the holding room and after asking a number of questions, some of which Steve had answered three times already, he said smoothly, "Dr. Tamblin is outside."

Steve sat up straighter in his chair. "Sara's here?" 

"She was the one who figured out you weren't you, Cap. I thought we owed it to her to bring her along." 

Fury departed and before Steve could mull over the unpleasant implications of that, Sara slipped into the room. She stayed near the door, looking at him uneasily. His throat hurt to see her look so afraid of him. "Hi."

"Hi."

"Are you really okay?" he asked hurriedly. "Tony said you were shot?"

She hefted her right arm a little, approaching the table. "Just a graze. It's already healing. Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Sore and cranky, but I'm fine. Sara, what happened?"

"You, I mean, _he_ came by my apartment, and his behavior just wasn't right. I got suspicious and hit my panic button and grabbed my gun. The agents were there before anything else could happen. I suggested they take us both into custody and he opened fire."

She wasn't telling him something. Steve was sure of it, but he checked himself. He didn't want to accuse her of that with half of SHIELD listening to them. "How'd you know it wasn't me?"

She didn't answer him right away. She came up to him and looked into his eyes intently for a minute. Then she leaned down and kissed him. Steve kissed her back, confused but also relieved to be touching her again. His fingers brushed against her cheek lightly and she pulled away. 

She gave him a half-smile, looking more like herself. "Because he didn't kiss me like that." 

Steve was torn between anger that the other man had kissed her and relief that she would know the difference so quickly. 

But he didn't ask about that, not until the next evening. Fury had ordered them both onto emergency medical leave, despite her protests that she had work to do. Sara came to his apartment, which was unusual, but he could understand not wanting to be at her place right now if the imposter had been shot there. She brought food and they ate quietly, then ended up sitting together on his couch mostly out of habit. 

"So," he said. "Do you want to tell me what really happened?"

Sara sighed. "Picked up on that, huh?"

"I have counterintelligence training, remember."

She turned toward him and tugged at the cuff of his sleeve absently. "Well, we got lucky and benefited from the belief, apparently shared by everyone on the planet, that we're sleeping together."

Steve swallowed. "Oh."

"Yeah. He came into the apartment and he stuck his tongue down my throat," she added, not meeting his eyes. "And he was just... the way he looked at me, it made my skin crawl." He reached out, tentatively, and felt deeply relieved when Sara cuddled against his side and put her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said, not for the first time. 

"Not your fault. And it could've been much, much worse." Steve felt ill every time he thought about that, but Sara shrugged. "But I would've known it was you before too long. That look was a dead giveaway."

"Oh?" He brushed his fingers through her hair, enjoying the way it felt against his skin. 

Sara craned her neck back to look at him. "You've never made me feel like you were objectifying me. None of the women who know you have felt that way. Even Natasha said the same thing. Nobody could fake that." 

"I didn't realize it was so strange," Steve said, cupping the back of her neck. He was a little surprised. After all, he and Sara had been dating for months and it wasn't like he didn't think about sleeping with her. He thought about it a lot. 

She grinned at him. "Don't get me wrong. I can tell when you're having lascivious thoughts, 'cause you're doing it right now." He blushed. "But, I don't even know how it is, but it doesn't feel sleazy. I don't know how you do that, but you do." 

She tugged his head down and kissed him. 

"I do think about it," he admitted. They probably should talk about this, in case Hydra had more doubles of him lying around. "I'm not a eunuch. Despite what Tony thinks half the time." Sara chuckled. "But I want... it should mean something. I know that's not how things work these days, but I can't change that I feel that way."

"I know. It's okay." It was her turn to blush. "And for the record, I've thought about it too. A lot." Steve's ego got quite a boost from that but Sara kept talking. "But, I also agree with you. I want it to be the right time. To mean something more than... I don't know. Just because, I guess."

"Yeah, me either," he replied. He squirmed a little on the cushion. This conversation was making him uncomfortable for multiple reasons. "I just..." He trailed off helplessly, unable to explain the tension between what his body wanted and what his brain was thinking.

"Not yet," Sara finished for him. 

"Right," he said, relieved. 

Her hand was flat against his chest and she rubbed her thumb up and down absently. "I'm okay with that. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't kiss me, like, right now."

Steve ducked his head and kissed her immediately. Sara nestled even closer and kissed him back. She coaxed his lips apart and deepened the kiss and Steve groaned, letting her have control and just relaxing into it. His hands slipped around her waist. Her shirt had ridden up enough for him to touch her bare skin, which was smooth and so warm under his hands. He trailed his fingertips lightly along her spine and Sara trembled against him, the way she had the first time he'd done that, back in San Francisco just before this whole mess had started. He did it again and she surged up, kissing him even harder. Her hands were running over his shoulders and up his neck, her fingernails leaving goose bumps everywhere as she touched him, but it wasn't enough. 

Steve tugged until she was straddling him, and he pulled away from her mouth to kiss his way down her throat. He went for the spot under her ear that he knew drove her crazy, and soon her nails were digging into his shoulders as he suckled on her earlobe. He could smell her skin and the soft scent of her hair and his hands slid down to cup her backside and squeezed, pulling her even closer, her weight pressing down on him. Sara rocked and his hips rose up to meet her instinctively.

She panted out his name and they both stopped moving. Steve had his face pressed against her neck, which wasn't helping his problem. After just having a conversation about how he wasn't ready, now he had Sara in his lap and it was fairly obvious where this had been heading if they hadn't stopped. 

It wasn't the first time he'd gotten aroused while they were fooling around, but it was still embarrassing. 

Sara didn't move right away, but she did murmur, "I'm sorry, did I take that too far?"

"I'm pretty sure I was the one who grabbed you, sweetheart," he said, his voice muffled against her shoulder. 

She laughed softly and spoke right in his ear. "I remember. I liked that." Her voice was low and full of want and Steve's body jerked in response. 

"Sara," he growled.

She scrambled out of his lap. "Sorry. Just figured you might want to know that, for future reference." She smirked at him, unrepentant. He noticed that her face was flushed, like she was just as excited as he was, and the thought made him more than a little dizzy. He needed to think about something else or this was not going to go away. 

She seemed to guess that, because she stood up. Steve felt proud that her footing was a little wobbly, which was ungentlemanly of him but he couldn't help it. "It's getting late. I probably should get going." 

He nodded. "Right." He hesitated, not wanting to get up while she was in the room, which was stupid because she'd just been plastered all over him and it wasn't like she didn't know what she would see if he stood up. But he wasn't going to let her go home alone. "I'm going to call for a car."

She opened her mouth like she was going to protest but subsided without saying anything. Making the phone call bought him a couple of minutes while Sara went to the bathroom, so by the time she was ready to go downstairs, he was more in control of himself. 

They reached her apartment building and Sara didn't object when Steve and one of the agents went up to her place with her. That was probably a sign that she wasn't as calm about what had happened as she was pretending to be. She let them in and the agent swept the apartment quickly and then nodded before leaving Steve and Sara alone. The agents would be in place outside the building, though, for the next few days just in case.

He couldn't help it. "You sure you don't want to stay at the Tower tonight? We could get one of the guest apartments ready for you."

She shook her head. "The security system is in place. And I'll be damned if some creepy Hydra clone is going to scare me out of my home."

Steve framed her face in his hands and kissed her. "Hydra had no idea what it was up against with you." 

"Never underestimate a stubborn Polack, according to my grandmother." 

He laughed and let her go. "I'll consider myself warned."


	4. Chapter 4

SHIELD was understandably concerned about both Hydra's reappearance and the double of Steve they had created. It became the top intelligence priority of the entire organization and a couple weeks later when he was summoned to a briefing, Steve was hoping there was some good news.

He was surprised when Sara appeared in the briefing room. "What are you doing here?"

She looked baffled. "No idea. I got orders to be here for the meeting."

Sara sat down next to Steve, near the far end of the table as Maria, Clint and Natasha all came in and sat down. Everyone glanced at Sara curiously but nobody asked any questions. 

Fury, as usual, didn't waste words. "Listen up, people. We have a lead. So far it's our only lead so we need to ensure this doesn't get screwed up." The doors closed behind him and the Director continued. "We have a source who has information on Hydra's lab and how they created the doppelganger of Captain America. He's willing to trade it for some intel we have on a terrorist group in Southeast Asia. The meet is scheduled for tonight at the United Nations Historical Society benefit in New York, but one of the conditions is that Dr. Tamblin has to make the exchange."

Every head in the room swiveled to look at Sara, who stared at Fury in confusion for a moment before she sighed. "Waverly?"

"That's affirmative. Captain Rogers will be escorting you as your protection. We'll send Agents Romanoff and Barton under cover as backup just in case. You're all now long-time supporters of the UN Historical Society and attending their gala benefit as special guests." Fury slid a thick, ornately decorated envelope across the table.

"He's not going to like that," Sara observed, picking up the invitation. Steve was surprised. Sara didn't generally talk back to anyone, especially not their boss.

"We agreed on security. No mention was made of who that security could or could not be," Fury replied, somewhat testy. "I don't need to impress upon all of you how important it is that we obtain this information."

The others nodded and Fury swept out of the room, Maria going with him, while the other three stared at Sara, who studied the invitation until she seemed to become aware of their scrutiny and looked up. "What?"

"Who's Waverly?" Clint asked. 

"Alec Waverly. He works for an organization not unlike SHIELD, with which SHIELD has not had a very good working relationship."

"But that feeling doesn't extend to you," Natasha concluded. 

Sara shrugged. "I used to work for the government, guys." That seemed to be all she was going to say, since she stood up. "I guess I need to get a dress. Don't wear your uniform," she said to Steve as she passed him. "It'll be too conspicuous."

Orders were orders, so Steve got dressed that evening and rode over to Sara's apartment in the SHIELD car with Natasha and Clint. He went upstairs to get her and when Sara let him into her place, he paused for a long minute, forgetting the mission momentarily. She was in a blue dress he hadn't seen before that was floor-length but draped below her shoulders. Her hair was up in some elaborate style but a few stray curls hung over her neck in a way that made his fingers itch to push them aside so he could kiss her there. She had the necklace he'd given her for her birthday on too. 

She glanced at him, eyebrows up. He managed to stop gaping and croak out, "You look amazing." She grinned at him and let him help her into her coat, then took his arm, guiding him out of the apartment. Once they were on their way, though, she was all business and Steve made himself focus.

It didn't take long for Steve to go from being wary of Alec Waverly to actively disliking the guy. For starters, Waverly was definitely flirting with Sara, dropping hints about them having some kind of history. From what Steve knew about her, Waverly was implying a lot more than actually happened, but it was still annoying as hell. The other thing was that Waverly was charming their entire table, being witty and urbane and lapping up the attention of everyone else seated with them. The guy was shorter than Steve and thin, but it was deceptive. He was clearly well-trained, based on the way he moved around. 

Steve felt enormous and clumsy and tongue-tied for most of the night. And since his relationship with Sara was not public knowledge, it wasn't his place to object to another man hitting on her in front of him. And Sara would've had his head if he'd tried anyway. Though a couple times Steve caught Waverly shooting curious looks in his direction, like maybe he wasn't hiding his feelings very well. 

Sara was being polite and friendly to Waverly but not letting him drag her into any innuendo. Steve could tell she was bored. Finally after a couple of hours had gone by, Waverly excused himself to take a phone call. Sara was supposed to follow him after three minutes and make the exchange. Steve started to fidget. "Maybe I should go instead."

"It has to be me. Alec asked for me for a reason." 

He wanted to demand to know why. He settled for saying, "I don't like it. You shouldn't be out of sight of all three of us." Natasha and Clint were at another table but they were all on comms.

"Steve, relax. I'll be fine. If Alec was under some kind of duress he would've said something." Steve must have looked confused. Her expression tightened. "Look, I know I'm not a field agent, but this isn't my first rodeo. You need to trust me."

He backed down, since time was up and his objections had less to do with her safety and more to do with him not wanting her to be alone with this guy for personal reasons. Sara excused herself, walked to the ladies room and then doubled around the ballroom to follow Waverly. Clint was heading for the bar at the same time, so he would be closest to the location, but Sara had been correct. A few minutes later she was back at the table, as was Waverly, and she silently indicated that all was well. 

They had to remain at the party for a while longer to keep up appearances, but when they left they went back to SHIELD's New York headquarters. The computer drive Waverly had provided was encrypted, which was to be expected, so everyone was sent home while the analysts dug into the information. 

Natasha and Clint went by separate car, so Steve went back to Sara's apartment with her. She teased him that he was taking the "security escort" thing a bit far, and he mustered a smile for her, but didn't say anything. When they were finally alone, she folded her arms across her chest. "What's wrong? You've been quiet all night, even for you."

"How exactly do you know this guy?" The question burst from him and Steve bit his tongue, knowing Sara wasn't going to like it, but it was too late to call it back. 

She glared at him for a moment before answering. "We went out a few times, back when I was still the AD." She leaned against her couch and removed her shoes. "I'd met him while I was working for the DoD but he was in New York and I was in D.C. so I hadn't seen him for a while. When he found out I was in New York, he tracked me down and asked me to dinner."

Steve reminded himself silently that he had absolutely no business being jealous that Sara had gone on a date with someone years before he'd ever met her. "Did you know he worked for this other agency?"

"No. But I was suspicious enough to tell Gene and he filled me in. I went to that first dinner as an assignment, actually." Gene Emerson had been Sara's predecessor, the man who had trained her. 

"So what happened?"

She sighed heavily. "I can't tell you. So don't ask again."

He immediately wanted to do just that but her expression warned him off. She'd told him once he needed to accept that there were things she couldn't discuss with him. It wouldn't be fair to demand more from her just because they were dating now. 

He took his tie off, mostly for the distraction. "Can you tell me if dating him was part of your assignment or not?"

She looked embarrassed. "Not after the first night. He was nice enough, and attractive. It was hard to resist all that charm, plus the British accent."

She was teasing him and Steve rolled his eyes. "Yeah I noticed how everyone was hanging on his every word." He could envision Sara on a date with the guy, being entertained by Waverly's stories while they sat in some posh restaurant, out in the open like normal people. He didn't like it one bit.

"That's what's bugging you isn't it," she asked after a pause. "You think I was hanging on his every word too. I _was_ , because I was listening to find out if anything was wrong!" 

"Well I didn't really know that," Steve snapped back. "It was kind of hard to tell the difference." 

"You _cannot_ be jealous of Alec," she retorted. "I dated him years ago and tonight was nothing but an assignment."

"Maybe I am! I can never be that guy, Sara. I'm not the guy with the stories and the charm and the great lines-"

"And when have I ever suggested that I wanted you to be that?" Sara interrupted, furious. "Do you really think that for the last six months I've been waiting around for you to morph into a completely different person and just never said anything? I wouldn't have let you kiss me that first night if that was the case."

Steve scrubbed a hand over his face, his anger ebbing suddenly. "I know."

Sara wasn't finished. "Alec bored me to tears when I was seeing him. It was nice to go out once in a while, but I like spending most of my evenings sitting on the couch at home. And I'm okay with that. If you're not..." She left the rest unsaid but he got the message.

"I am. I'm sorry." He grimaced. "This isn't really about you." She looked skeptical and Steve struggled to explain. "I was sitting there all night wracking my brain trying to come up with some kind of story I could tell to keep up with him, and I couldn't. War stories don't make great party conversation, you know?" He shook his head. "I'm a soldier. And before that I was just a skinny pipsqueak with asthma and only one friend who hadn't done much of anything but read a lot of books. Now I feel like I'm not good for much but hitting things, and even in that I'm outclassed a lot of the time." He'd gotten caught by Hydra because he wasn't being careful enough. Not to mention he thought he'd beaten these bastards once before but they were back. And at least three of his teammates were stronger than he would ever be, albeit with some mechanical assistance.

"How can you think that about yourself?" Sara interrupted his brooding. "You really think all you're good for is beating people up? Have you even noticed that all the rest of them rely on you to be their leader? Tony Stark may be the most brilliant mind of his generation, but he's crap with tactics. Do you really think Natasha and Clint and the others would just follow anyone who spoke up blindly? What about Thor? He's a prince of an entire realm of people who are damn near immortal and he listens to you." She came closer, shaking her head. "I saw them, when we realized you were missing. They were freaking out, every one of them. Nobody slept while they were looking for you."

He hadn't thought much about what had happened back home when he'd been taken prisoner by Hydra, other than worrying about Sara's safety. Sure, the team had come found him, so this time he hadn't been abandoned.

The thought brought him up short. Peggy and Howard Stark had not abandoned him either, Steve knew that. They had looked for him for a long time, even when their best hope was just to recover a body. Had he really been thinking the Avengers would've left him behind?

"I didn't sleep much either, by the way." Sara drew him back to the present. Her voice shook a little and he felt bad for upsetting her. 

"I'm sorry," he said again. "Like I said, this wasn't really about you."

"But you were jealous."

"Yeah. I can't help that, Sara. I'm never going to like the idea of you with some other guy even in the past." He took her hand. "It doesn't help that when I finally figured out how I felt about you, you were dating that one guy. I couldn't believe my bad timing."

She blinked. "Bill? You knew about that? How did you... never mind." She shook her head. "That wasn't anything serious. And hey, pot, meet kettle. You think I didn't hear all those rumors about you and Sharon Carter?"

"Nothing happened," he said quickly. "I never even kissed her."

There was a short pause and Sara shook her head. "Okay, I'm not loving that mental image of you with someone else myself, so I probably shouldn't be mad at you for feeling the same way, huh?"

He raised her hand to his lips. "I'm kind of glad it's not just me." 

She stepped closer. "Look, Steve we were friends for a long time. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't... attracted to you at all at that point." Her cheeks turned pink, and Steve felt himself flushing as well. "But I wasn't thinking about anything more than just being friends, not then. I don't have a lot of illusions about who you are, and I think you know me pretty well by now. But sometimes I feel like you have this script in your head of how this is supposed to work now that we're dating. I know it bothers you that we can't be more normal, but you need to realize that doesn't bother me. That's your issue, not mine."

He pondered that for a minute. "I watched other people get to be part of a couple all the time, but I never got to do it myself." Then he met Peggy in the middle of a war, and lost her. "I was always hoping I'd get a chance to be like that with some girl, and not feel like such a failure." Sara's fingers tightened on his hand but he continued before she could speak. "Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade this, what we have for anything. I just get caught up in those old daydreams sometimes, I guess." 

She nudged him. "You've brought me flowers, chocolate, taken me out to dinner including to a couple very fancy places. We've gone to parties together, I've cooked dinner for you and you bought me jewelry. I think you've covered all the basics."

They maybe hadn't done things in the usual order, and there were a few things they would never be able to do, like meeting each other's parents, but she was right. "I hadn't really thought about it that way before."

"I hadn't either, not until just now." Steve slipped his arms around her waist and Sara leaned against him, not meeting his eyes. "You have no reason to be jealous of anyone, you know that, right? There's no one else."

He nodded, his heart thumping in his chest. "I know. You know that goes both ways, right?"

She bit her lip. "I'm trying. Some days it's still a little hard to believe."

"Hey." He lifted her chin gently. He took a deep breath and then choked for a moment. _Just say it, you coward_ , he yelled at himself, but in the end he chickened out and said, "You're my girl. Nobody else could come close." 

Sara went up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him. He held on tight, kissing her back, trying to pour everything he was feeling into it. Part of him wanted to pick her up and carry her to the bedroom and spend the night showing her exactly what he meant, but he did know her pretty well. Even if she said yes, it wouldn't entirely erase her doubts. They had been put into her head long before she met him, and he couldn't fix that, no matter how much he wanted to. Just like she couldn't make him stop regretting the past entirely either.

They both had their scars, but if Sara could try to move past that and trust him, he could try to let go for her sake. 

He didn't mean that literally, though. When the kiss ended, he yielded to his earlier temptation and leaned down to trail kisses along her neck. Sara clung to him with a blissful expression on her face. "So the fight is over?"

"Fight's over," he agreed, nibbling on her ear. "Moving on to the kissing and making up part?"

"Yes, sir." She grabbed his shirt, laughing and pulling him in for another kiss. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

Something was obviously wrong, something beyond the crushing fight with the group of terrorists they had just finished. Steve felt the prickle on the back of his neck at the look on Natasha's face, and when her eyes darted to him his stomach clenched. 

Everyone had noticed, because the entire room was silent while they all stared at her. She hung up the call with Hill and looked straight at Steve. "The records offices in New York may have been attacked. There was an explosion in the lower levels."

Steve heard a wounded noise and realized it had come from him. Sara's office was in the lower level, deep under the ground. SHIELD had specifically put the records rooms that far down to make it easier to control access. 

"Was it connected?" Clint asked of Natasha. "Were we lured here as a diversion?"

"We don't know yet. They're not 100% on the reason for the explosion. They're still trying to get people out." 

Steve shut his eyes and concentrated on breathing. Thor's enormous hand landed on his shoulder and braced him. The other man was tense as well. He and Jane had just announced that she was pregnant and due in December. "How long before we can return to the city?" 

"Three hours, once the jet is scrambled," Clint answered. 

Steve glanced at Tony, who shook his head. The jet was the fastest way home. 

Steve began moving for the hangar. The others closed around him, Natasha already calling to ensure the jet would take off the second they were on board. There was nothing else to do.

It was the longest three hours of his life. Hill reported briefly that there was flooding in some of the lower levels. There were only three dead, but more than 40 were still unaccounted for. Steve sat with his fists clenched on his knees, counting minutes, wishing he could pray but unable to do more than tick off seconds under his breath. Nobody talked to him except to give him updates until they were nearly in New York.

SHIELD kept most of its resources on the helicarrier, but there were facilities in New York, including a hospital. The jet had flown straight there, and Maria Hill was waiting inside the doorway as Steve rushed into the building with the others on his heels.

"We have four confirmed dead," Maria told him without prompting. "Twenty injured, including Dr. Tamblin, and still ten unaccounted for." 

Natasha asked about the search for survivors and she and most of the others left to go help. Bruce stayed, presumably to lend a hand caring for the injured. 

The building was in chaos, though, and the nurse at the desk was taxing Steve's already short temper, insisting she wasn't entirely sure where Dr. Tamblin was. When Steve thumped his balled up fist on the counter hard enough to leave a dent, Bruce shunted him aside and had words with the nurse. 

Five minutes later, Bruce led him down the hallway. They went up two levels and down a corridor to a private room. 

Sara was lying in the bed inside, tubes and wires connecting her to machines, and around the bed the nurses were zipping up a big plastic tent. She was clean and wearing hospital scrubs, but she was very pale and her eyes were closed. An oxygen mask covered her nose and mouth. She didn't react to any of the activity going on around her and Steve felt his heart thud painfully. He'd been hoping against hope to find her sitting upright with a couple of scrapes and bruises and an annoyed look on her face. Not this. 

The doctor spoke to Bruce while Steve stood there, silently staring at the bed. There had been an explosion that had caused raw sewage to leak into the offices. Dr. Tamblin had suffered a concussion and multiple lacerations from the blast. She also been exposed to God only knew what kinds of pathogens in the sewage before she got out. They had done an MRI which showed no signs of brain damage, but they needed to keep an eye on the head injury. They were pumping her full of antibiotics and other drugs to try and stop any infections before they had a chance to take hold, and samples from the sewage were on their way to be tested. 

Steve walked up to the side of the tent. Sara didn't stir. Bruce stepped up beside him as the nurses left. "She's asleep, probably from the shock and the drugs. They'll keep her on a strong course of antibiotics and anti-viral agents for at least 10 days. The tent will isolate her from contact, to prevent exposure."

"She can't get me sick," Steve said. He wanted to touch her so badly, just be able to hold her hand, reassure himself that she was alive. 

Bruce put a hand on his shoulder. "The tent is for her, not you. Despite your resistance to pathogens, you could still carry bacteria and spread them to others. If her immune system has been compromised, the last thing she needs is to be exposed to anything else." 

Steve tried to swallow, but his throat hurt. 

"Steve, you need to be prepared. This is probably going to get a lot worse before it gets better." Bruce pulled over the chair and Steve sat down. 

He had no idea how long he sat there. Bruce brought him a bottle of water and later Clint appeared with a bag containing some of Steve's clothes. He set them both aside and stayed with his elbows on his knees, watching Sara sleep. He was still in uniform, and he had dirt and blood caked on him from the battle earlier, but he didn't move. 

She shifted in the bed, restless, her eyelids twitching, but she didn't wake up. Her heartbeat began to speed up and when the nurse came in and checked her temperature, she frowned. 

Steve watched the fever set in. The doctor increased some drug dosage and Sara stopped moving, but her cheeks were flushed by now and her breathing was becoming louder. 

Thor came into the room and stood for a moment before taking Steve gently by the arm. "Come, my friend. You must change and nourish yourself, so you can be strong for her."

Steve stood up and swayed. His head pounded with a vicious headache he hadn't noticed before. He was hungry and thirsty and exhausted. But aloud he said, "I can't leave her." It was stupid. She was hooked up to half a dozen monitors. There was nothing he could do but sit there, helpless. 

"I will remain and watch over her until you return. Now, go." 

Thor pushed him out of the room. Although they were in a SHIELD facility, there was an agent standing guard outside the door. Clint was at the end of the hall and Steve walked toward him, unsure where to go. Clint guided him to a private room where he could shower and change his clothes, and once that was taken care of, to a meeting room a few floors away from Sara's. Steve had been expecting the hospital cafeteria, but the conference room had clearly been taken over by Pepper. Food was stacked in Styrofoam boxes on the table. Bruce, Tony and Natasha were eating. They all stopped when Steve came in.

"She's still unconscious. Her temperature is up." His voice sounded flat even to his own ears. 

Pepper handed him a box and told him to eat. Steve ate the two sandwiches robotically and drank an entire bottle of water, because Natasha was glaring at him until he finished it. 

He thanked them all dully and went back to Sara's room. Another bed had been rolled inside. Steve stood next to Sara's bed for a long while, though, looking down at her. 

Just as he was about to go lie down himself, her eyes fluttered, and she looked up and recognized him. She tried to speak but her lips were dry and her voice came out mostly as an indistinct croak. 

"I'm here," he said stupidly. If she was seeing him, she knew that. "You're in the hospital. You're going to be all right." He hoped that wasn't a lie.

Sara licked her lips and this time managed to get a word out. "Thirsty."

He paged the nurse and a few minutes later, the woman came back in a sterile set of scrubs, with a mask and gloves on. She unzipped the plastic and went into the tent, offering Sara a cup of water with a straw sticking out. 

Once the nurse had retreated, Sara yawned. 

Steve put a hand against the plastic. "Go to sleep. It's okay." 

She nodded and he saw her hand reach toward him, but her fingers brushed against the plastic and retreated, and she dozed off again. 

Steve spent more than two weeks mostly in that room. The next morning, Sara was lucid enough to hear the explanation from Fury that someone had been trying to break into the records rooms, but they had either botched the job or previous damage had weakened the sewage lines more than anyone thought, which had prompted the flooding. Whoever had been trying to get in hadn't succeeded.

A number of people who had been on that floor were in the hospital for the same reason Sara was, but apparently she had guided several of them to the stairwell and then gone back to look for others. Steve felt a mix of pride in her loyalty to the people who worked for her and irritation that she'd put herself in danger, staying exposed to that toxic shit for so long.

Fury seemed to know better than to ask Steve to get involved in the hunt for the people responsible. Thor had promised Steve the perpetrators would receive no mercy from the Avengers. Part of him wanted to go. Hunting down the bastards who had done this would at least feel useful, and sitting around while someone else did the fighting wasn't his style. But if Sara woke up and needed him, he had to be there. 

Pepper, Darcy and Jane helped him, sitting with Sara for a couple of hours on a daily rotation, so Steve could go home and change and eat. He slept in Sara's room every night, ignoring the stares and whispers that caused in the hallways. Fury had known he and Sara were dating and it wasn't anyone else's business. If people made assumptions, he really didn't care about it right now. 

They let Steve into the tent once a day, after he had showered in the hospital's facilities and put on sterilized clothing, including a mask and gloves. But it was as close as he could get for now. He wished he could say something, but even while she was unconscious, everything he thought of sounded ridiculous. Every day when the nurse came to tell him his time was up, he leaned over and kissed her forehead, through the mask, and told her the same thing. "I'm here." 

Bruce had been right. Sara's condition worsened steadily for several days. The lab reports on her bloodwork showed dangerous indications of multiple infections in her body from the multitude of pathogens that had been in the sewage. She developed pneumonia in both lungs. Steve kept thinking he couldn't feel more helpless. Then her fever spiked and she had a seizure. 

He couldn't go into the tent. He wanted to. It was killing him standing there while the doctor and nurse changed and Sara thrashed on the bed, but Bruce was behind him, holding onto his arm in case he got any ideas, and then the others were inside, holding Sara down and injecting something into her IV. Her body went limp. 

A seizure meant possible brain damage. Steve knew that already. More important was preventing another one, and he forced himself to step outside so the nurses could put icepacks around Sara's body to keep her temperature down. He remembered hearing about that when he was younger, which scared him. Medicine was supposed to be so advanced now, but they were still using the same treatments he remembered? 

By that night, when the doctor came to speak to him, Steve was numb. Sara's bloodwork was showing no improvement, and her body was growing weaker every day. The doctor spoke about the infection possibly reaching her heart, or her brain. He was grave as he said that if that happened, there was nothing that could be done. They'd already given her the most powerful drugs they had.

Steve called Bruce in desperation, asking about giving Sara a transfusion of his blood. Bruce said he'd thought of that, but the artificial alterations of Steve's cells might trigger an immune response from Sara and make things even worse. It was too great a risk.

"She's fighting, Steve. She just needs to hold on a little longer." 

He didn't sleep that night. Through the oxygen mask, her breaths rasped loudly over the soft beeping of the monitor. Steve sat in the chair at her bedside. He listened to her breathe in and out and watched her heartbeat skip rapidly across the monitor. He feared if he looked away, there would be nothing when he looked back.

Very early in the morning, she took a deeper than normal breath. Steve's own heart seemed to stop until she breathed out. Her heart rate slowed down, just a little, and Sara turned her head slightly on the pillow and then went still again.

It should have scared him. But it didn't. He couldn't say precisely how he knew that she was breathing more normally, but a couple of hours later, her skin was damp with sweat, the horrible flush on her face had eased, and the nurses were telling him in hopeful whispers that this was a good sign. 

She slept for most of the next three days. Steve wasn't allowed to go inside the isolation tent, because she was too weak and needed the rest. Finally, more than two weeks after the explosion, when he returned from eating lunch and changing at home, her eyes were open. He hurried into the sterile clothing and the nurse let him into the tent. The rest of the room emptied out, leaving them alone. 

"Hi." It sounded stupid, since he had barely left her side for all this time.

"Hi." Her voice sounded raspy. Sara frowned. "You look awful." 

Steve had to laugh at that, although his throat was tight for a number of reasons. "It's been a long couple of weeks."

Her eyebrows went up. "Weeks?"

He explained how sick she'd been and for how long. She looked disturbed. "I remember the Director talking about why the explosion happened, then a few bits and pieces. I've been unconscious for nearly two weeks?" 

"You gave us a pretty good scare," he said. Us meaning him, primarily, although everyone had been worried about her. 

Sara was more concerned for her staff. "Are the others still in the hospital?" 

"Only Manthey. He developed pneumonia, but he's recovering. The others have been discharged."

"What's being done to recover the records?"

Steve gave her a rueful look. "Don't worry about that right now, okay, Ms. Special Director? Concentrate on getting better."

"That's Doctor Special Director to you," Sara muttered, but she sighed and settled back onto the pillows. Steve brushed her hair back from her forehead, wishing he could touch her skin, but he wasn't about to put her at risk. "God, I want to shower. I feel gross." 

"I'll talk to the doctor. I think they're going to need to take the isolation tent down first." 

"I want to go home."

"It'll be a few more days. No sense taking chances." No way was he letting her out of here until the doctors said it was all right. And as he thought about it, he was going to need to convince her to come stay at Stark Tower for a while, where Jarvis could keep an eye on her until she got her strength back. But they could have that argument later.

She yawned. As much as he wanted to talk to her, she needed to rest. "It's okay. Go to sleep." 

She reached for him and he grasped her hand tightly. "You'll stay?"

Steve brought her fingers up to his mouth, even though the mask was in the way. He said the same words he'd been saying for days, grateful she would hear him this time. "I'm here."

*~*~*~*~*

Sara didn't protest when Steve put his arm around her waist to support her as they walked to the elevator that would take them up to the higher levels of Stark tower. She wasn't really tired at the moment, but it probably made him feel better. 

And she was here mostly for that reason, to make him feel better.

She wanted desperately to go home, shower in her own bathroom and crawl into her own bed and just forget the last month had happened. When Steve had first suggested she come stay in the tower after she got out of Medical, she'd resisted pretty hard. She insisted that she wanted to go home and finally snapped at him that she didn't need a babysitter. Steve had been on the verge of snapping back but he had stopped, closed his mouth tightly and left her hospital room. 

Darcy had shown up that evening and told Sara that Steve had been sleeping in her room for the entire two weeks she'd been unconscious and had barely left her side for the remaining week. He'd even stayed behind from the mission to find the men responsible for the explosion to be with her. "If you want to thank him for that, you need to let him fuss over you a bit. This has been harder on him than it has on you." 

She didn't entirely agree with the last part. Steve hadn't had tubes sticking out of his entire body, and he hadn't had to go to the bathroom with an escort for the last couple of days. 

She applied herself to getting stronger as soon as she was free of the hospital bed, insisting on walking the corridors until the nurses forced her back into bed. But deep down she knew she was still weak. So when Steve reappeared the next day, doing a bad job of pretending they hadn't had a fight, she relented. His relief was almost palpable.

_It's only for a few days_ , she told herself once again. 

The guest apartment had been set up for her, probably thanks to Pepper. Sara wandered into the bedroom and stopped short. "Are those my sheets?"

"Yeah, Darcy suggested bringing them over to make you feel more comfortable, and your pillows. She and Carrie helped me with the packing." There were two suitcases sitting near the wall. 

Sara sank down on the bed. Steve looked at her worriedly. "I'm fine," she told him. "My first priority is to take a shower, though."

He nodded. "Your kit is in there, and the towels are in the closet. I'll, ah, come back in a bit?"

"Thanks." Steve left, presumably to go to his own apartment, and Sara closed her eyes and breathed out slowly, letting the silence and empty rooms soak in. This was the first real privacy she'd had since before the explosion. 

Eventually she got up and stripped off the clothes Darcy had brought to the hospital for her. She unpacked her bath stuff and turned the hot water on full blast. The shower felt so good she nearly started to cry. She scrubbed her hair twice and then exfoliated about five layers of skin and finally felt clean for the first time in weeks. She dried off, put on clean sweats and a t-shirt and brushed her teeth for good measure. 

When she exited the bathroom, her mood had improved drastically. She hesitated when she heard the television on out in the living room. She made a mental note to talk to Jarvis about allowing anyone into the apartment without telling her. 

She sat down on the bed and began to attempt to brush the knots out of her hair. Her arms got tired unpleasantly fast and she made a tiny sound of pain when she hit a stubborn knot. Steve must have heard it, though, because he appeared in the door a moment later. "You okay?"

She sighed. "My hair is completely tangled." 

Steve shifted uneasily. "You want some help?"

She merely held out the hairbrush. Steve settled on the bed behind her and got to work. He was careful at first not to touch her, but as he worked he eventually lifted one leg and put it on the bed alongside her so he could get closer. They didn't speak and Sara felt her body relaxing. He worked out the knots patiently until she heard him set the hairbrush down on the nightstand. "All done." 

Sara turned around to look at him. "Thanks." 

He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. She noticed his eyes were focused on her mouth. They hadn't kissed since before the explosion, and she felt butterflies in her stomach as Steve's fingers traced the line of her jaw. He leaned forward and kissed her. He took it slowly, reacquainting himself with her lips before deepening the kiss. Sara nearly melted into him.

Steve pulled her into his arms, cuddling her close as he kissed her. When she was in need of air, she leaned against his shoulder. With his arms around her, the knot in her chest that had been sitting there since the floor of her office had buckled under her feet finally began to loosen. She was clean and warm and... safe. She could close her eyes and forget everything that had happened in the last couple of weeks, because Steve was here. 

"You were right."

"About what?" he asked, his fingers stroking through her wet hair.

"I don't want to be alone right now," she admitted, and then took a deep breath and went for broke. It was easier to tell him the truth when she didn't have to look into his eyes. "I needed to be with you."

Steve hesitated for a moment. "I wish I could promise I'd always be here for you." He could get called away. He could get killed. His job was dangerous and she would never ask him to walk away from it.

She snuggled closer. "You're here now." 

He kissed her forehead. "You scared the shit out of me," he admitted in a low voice. Steve almost never swore, which only told her exactly how bad it had been. Darcy had been right. "I thought I was going to lose you."

His arms tightened around her. He'd lost so much already; she knew that better than anyone. Sara raised her hand and rubbed the back of his head, looking up at him. "You didn't. I'm here." She couldn't make him promises either. The last month had demonstrated pretty thoroughly that her job was only somewhat less dangerous than his. 

He kissed her again. His fingers brushed against her temple and she could feel that he was shaking. He licked his lips and then whispered, "I love you, Sara." 

They had never said those words to each other before. Her heart thudded in her chest and her eyes welled up. But there was no doubt of her answer. "Love you, too." 

They sat there, kissing and just holding on to each other for a long while. The sun had gone down, so it was getting dark in the bedroom. Eventually Steve pulled away and looked down at her. As if on cue, her stomach growled audibly. 

Steve laughed. "Um, so, dinner?"

"Yes, please." 

"I got soup. And Darcy bought you Goldfish crackers."

Her stomach rumbled again. Steve kissed her nose and helped her to her feet. 

There were indeed Goldfish crackers, three different varieties, in the common kitchen. Sara ate quietly, letting Steve wait on her without complaint. Most of the team was back from hunting down the guys who had attacked the office, so people drifted in and out while they ate. Everyone was asking about her health and Sara felt some of the dread returning. Steve's entire team, aside from Natasha, was going to be mother henning her in addition to Steve himself. That was partly why he wanted her here, of course. She was not looking forward to this.

Sara finally yawned hugely and then flushed in embarrassment. 

Jane shooed Steve and Sara out of the kitchen, promising she would clean up the dishes. Apparently being pregnant was bringing out some weird nesting instincts in her. They went back to Sara's temporary home and she used the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She came out yawning and Steve put his hands on his hips. "I was going to ask if you wanted to watch something, but maybe you should just go to bed?"

Since she could hardly claim she wasn't tired, she glanced at the clock. "It's not even 9."

"You need to rest," he countered. 

He had his Captain face on, the "I'm the leader and I've made a decision" one. Very few people went up against that expression and won. 

Sara rolled her eyes, but climbed into the bed and then patted the space beside her. "Fine. We can watch something here." There was a television screen on the wall across from the bed. 

Steve hesitated, flustered by the prospect of getting into bed with her even right now. But he came around the bed and kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable on top of the quilt, his back against the headboard. She curled up against his side, her head on his shoulder, as he flipped through the television channels. He found the original _Star Wars_ playing and left that on. Steve had seen all the _Star Wars_ movies a long while ago so he was familiar with the story. Sara had been amused that Steve had been as disappointed as anyone by the prequels. 

When the commercial came on, she tilted her head back and looked up at him. Steve raised his eyebrows. Sara reached up and brought his head down and kissed him. He cradled the back of her head in his hand as he kissed her back. When the kiss ended she glanced at the tv. "We should watch more movies with commercials."

Steve chuckled. "I suppose that would be one way to avoid missing key plot points because you distracted me."

Sara poked him, since it wasn't always _her_ fault they got distracted while watching a movie. Steve tickled her side and she squirmed, her breath giving out fast. The movie came back on before he noticed. 

Sara settled back down against him, snuggling against his warmth. Luke and Han were on their way to rescue Leia on the screen. Steve was rubbing her back slowly and the last bits of tension seeped out of her. She breathed in his scent and the crisp cotton of his shirt, and under her ear, she could hear the steady beat of his heart. She let her eyes drift shut.

At some point she woke up and noticed the room was dark. She was comfortable and warm and didn't want to move but her bladder was insisting she use the bathroom. When she stumbled back into the bedroom, Steve had turned on his side, still on top of the covers. Sara tossed the afghan at the foot of the bed over him and slipped back into bed. She curled up on her side, yawning, and felt Steve shift. 

She half expected him to get up and leave, but instead he moved closer, spooning up against her back and holding on tightly. Sara covered his hand with hers. As she began to fall back asleep she admitted she could get used to this feeling. 

*~*~*~*

Steve woke up confused. It took a minute to separate the intense dream he'd been having from reality. It was pretty dark in the room, with just a little light coming from behind the blinds. He was in a bed, yes, but not his own. His clothes were still on, but he wasn't alone.

Sara was beside him. 

Right. They'd fallen asleep together after she came home from the hospital yesterday. 

She was still asleep. He'd curled himself around her sometime over night. His arm was wrapped tightly around her waist, his face was against her hair and his very aroused body was pressed against her backside. She was warm and her body fitted against his just right and he couldn't help but imagine waking up every morning like this. 

He disentangled himself from Sara, careful not to wake her, and went into the bathroom. That didn't help his problem much, as the room smelled like her. 

His new teammates still regarded him as rather naïve, especially about sex. Once they had all realized he and Sara really weren't sleeping together, they seemed to go to the opposite extreme and assumed Steve was completely uninformed. Steve didn't bother to correct them, but they clearly had forgotten that he'd served in the Army once upon a time, and gone through all the lectures about diseases every other man in the service had. Steve's own team had been full of men for whom "discretion" was a foreign concept. Even Bucky had not been shy about his escapades with girls he took out, often detailing for Steve what had happened after Steve gave up and went home for the night, alone. Yes things had changed a lot, especially when it came to sex outside of marriage, but sometimes he thought people nowadays thought nobody had sex at all before 1960.

He allowed himself a brief moment of amusement should his friends find out about this. They probably expected him to spend the entire night in bed with his girlfriend and not even react. Steve was a gentleman, yes, but he was a man, and he wasn't a saint. It wasn't like he never thought about sharing a bed with Sara. He thought about it a lot, he just didn't advertise that fact. 

Eventually he was able to switch off the light and go back into the bedroom. It was still pretty dark, since they were on the western side of the tower. Once his eyes adjusted, he realized Sara had rolled onto her back and was sprawled out on the bed. She opened her eyes when he approached and the embarrassment that hadn't come before rolled over him now, wondering if she'd been aware of why he left the bed.

She didn't seem entirely awake, though. "Hey," she mumbled. Her voice was rough with sleep and his body gave a half-hearted twitch at the sound. "Time is it?"

"Very early," he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. It was easier here in the dim light not to worry about awkwardness. He put a hand on her knee. "Not even 6. Did you sleep okay?"

She nodded, yawning. "I'm hungry, which makes sense if dinner was 10 hours ago."

"I can make you some breakfast," he offered. "I'll have to bring it from upstairs."

Sara held out a hand and he pulled her upright. "I can go up to the kitchen." She forestalled his objections about her overdoing it with her next words. "You could go up first, though, and make me some toast?"

She was sitting very close and running her hand along his arm. Her scent settled around him again and Steve sighed. Before he could get too distracted with that line of thinking, he nudged her. "I didn't hear a 'please' in there, sweetheart."

In response, she leaned forward and kissed him. He had no idea how bad his breath was right now, but Sara didn't seem to mind, and he didn't really care about hers either, not when she was kissing him so slowly and leaning against him. Part of him wanted to push her back down to the bed and bury his face against her bare skin and just keep her here, all to himself, for the rest of the day. 

But Sara pulled away and put her head on his shoulder and looked up at him with puppy eyes. "Please?"

"That's better." He kissed her forehead and then blurted out, "God I've missed this. You," he added, since spending the night in the same bed and talking about breakfast first thing in the morning wasn't something they had ever done before, but it felt completely normal. 

"I'm all right, you know," Sara told him, intertwining her fingers with his. "I'm going to be okay." 

He nodded. He'd come too close to losing her to be glib about it yet, though. "You need to keep your strength up first, so I'll go get breakfast started." He pressed a kiss against her hair and let her go.

Sara climbed out of the bed and in spite of himself, Steve took the opportunity to glance at her bare legs as she hunted for a robe. 

She had something else on her mind. "The odds are probably pretty high that there's bacon, right?"

*~*~*~*~*

The first few days of her recovery went smoothly. Sara enjoyed sleeping as much as she wanted and lying around reading or watching tv. She caught up on her email while Steve was off busy with training or whatever. Jarvis would tip her off when Steve was on his way to the apartment and she would hide her tablet so he wouldn't see it and get mad. 

The physical therapist at the med center had given Sara instructions about getting her stamina back, so she walked for a specified amount of time each day as well, without Steve objecting. He did somehow manage to arrange that someone would be in the gym every day when she was there. Sara found herself relieved that it was mostly Clint, since he would be doing his own thing on the climbing stuff, probably keeping himself in shape, and leave her in peace. 

She spent some time with Jane and more with Darcy, who was making all sorts of plans for Jane's baby shower, although they were waiting until early fall to hold it just in case. Nobody was entirely sure what kind of complications would ensue from the genetics involved, and Jane had been getting nosebleeds with alarming frequency for the first couple of months of her pregnancy, followed by dizzy spells. She had dialed back her workload, nothing short of a miracle, but she still had work to do.

By day five, Sara was restless as hell. She was mostly over the random bouts of exhaustion and reading reports from her assistant director, Miles, had her chomping at the bit to go back to work. Miles had, ironically enough, been home the day of the explosion recovering from an emergency appendectomy.

Her one source of comfort was that Miles had gotten the backup location and essential files online again within 24 hours of the explosion. All those disaster drills and emergency plans she'd insisted on had been completely justified.

Still, SHIELD needed her division back up and running full strength and soon. Sara needed to consult on the specifics of the new offices and she was chafing at the enforced relaxation. 

So really it was no surprise that when the team got back from a short mission and Tony called her up to his lab, she went immediately. 

"So this is weird," Tony said in lieu of a greeting. He was standing in front of one of the displays, which was scrolling through data. "We were sent to download a copy of this hard drive, because SHIELD's best and brightest couldn't hack it remotely." Sara knew as much. "I was assuming there was some sort of firewall keeping them out but I'm starting to think this is custom stuff and that's why it couldn't be done."

Sara frowned at the file information on the screen. She sat down at the desk and took a closer look at the metadata. "Yeah that is weird." She could practically hear Tony roll his eyes. 

Something about one of the file types bugged her. She tapped some commands into the keyboard and did a quick search. Then she gaped. "Holy crap."

"What?"

"Those are Pine files."

Tony stared. "Seriously? They were still using that?"

"It's kind of brilliant," Sara pointed out. "We tried for days to hack into the system and couldn't get anywhere. It wasn't because the software was so advanced, it was because it was too old for our computers to deal with."

Tony looked skeptical. "All security can be hacked."

"Apparently not," she retorted. "Not by the 20 year old child prodigies in Analysis, most of whom don't remember time before the iPhone, anyway." 

"What other antiquated pieces of crap were on that system?" Tony muttered, beginning to dig into the data himself. "Can we even read this stuff?"

"No," Sara said, already reaching for her phone. "But I bet I know someone who has a machine that can." Her assistant picked up on the other end. "Carrie, it's me. Have you restored access to my contacts file? I need the phone number for Diana Lang at Emory University."

Carrie was probably looking the information up, but through the phone she asked, "Shouldn't you be resting, boss?"

Sara sighed. "Consider it some freelancing. And I'm about to get yelled at anyway, so just get the number for me, quickly please?"

Steve had appeared in the doorway, glaring from her to Tony and back. Carrie gave her the number and Sara jotted it down and ended the call. Before Steve could speak, she waved her arms. "I'm sitting down! I'm even wearing a sweater." 

"You're supposed to be on leave. That means not working," Steve said, not amused.

"It's not like I'm exerting myself. I'm just looking at things. While sitting. And making a couple phone calls. But that's all."

Steve continued to look irritated, but he shifted his anger to Tony, which was probably not good, since Tony did not have a history of backing off when someone got in his face. "Did you put her up to this?"

"I suggested that Sara take a look at something that SHIELD sent over that she would've seen eventually anyway. And it's a good thing I did, since she figured it out when nobody else had. Including me." 

Sara had dialed her phone, thinking it might keep the two men from arguing further. "Could you two keep it down for a minute? Hi, Diana? It's Sara Tamblin. Listen, I need a favor."

A few minutes later Diana had Miles' phone number and Steve was still glaring. She sighed. "Look, I haven't even been up here more than ten minutes. And I've been doing nothing for almost a week now. I can't stay in hiding forever." Her voice got a little sharper at the end. Her patience with his hovering was starting to wear thin. 

"You need to listen to the doctors and not push yourself," Steve countered. "Do you want to land yourself back in the hospital?" That was what this was about, she knew. He was afraid of her relapsing. 

"That's pretty rich coming from Mr. Shove the Bone Back In, I Have Super Healing Powers," Tony interjected before she could say anything. "When was the last time you listened to a doctor other than Bruce?"

Tony had a knack for getting under Steve's skin, and it showed right then. Steve growled, "Stay out of this, Stark."

"Did you even hear what I said about how your girlfriend, who happens to be one of SHIELD's senior officials, just figured out something that I hadn't even gotten yet? I would've figured it out eventually, but she got there faster. Than me. Or anyone else in all of SHIELD. And your response is to act like a parent with a misbehaving child?"

Sara blinked. This was the first time Tony had ever been on her side that she knew of. It would probably be the last, for that matter. She knew this was more about Tony's enormous history of parental issues, some of which had gotten transferred to Steve by association, than about her. 

For his part, Steve looked slightly ashamed of himself but still too angry to back down. He glanced at her and then looked away.

Sara got up. "I have one more phone call to make." She brushed a hand against Steve's arm and thankfully he followed her as she went to the elevator. They didn't speak as they went back down to the floor where she was staying and he was silent as she called Miles and gave him instructions on dealing with the contents of the drive and setting up the loan from Diana. 

Finally she hung up and set the phone down. Steve had his hands shoved in his pockets. He let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you." 

"I am more than someone who just sits behind a desk and moves papers around, you know." She was a little surprised that came out. This entire conversation was striking a nerve for them both.

"I know that. Really. I may not understand what you actually do, but I know that it's important." The attempt at humor fell flat and he clearly knew it. But he was trying, so she attempted to meet him halfway.

"Not a lot of people can do my job, Steve. I'm not a genius and I'm not a master strategist or a warrior or a spy. But it takes a certain kind of brain to grasp information and data the way that I do. And I take my job just as seriously as you do yours."

Steve nodded. "I wasn't suggesting you hide out here forever. And I didn't mean to imply that what you do isn't important. I just... got scared. You weren't down here and then Jarvis said you were up in Tony's lab and he tends to run till he drops without caring about the people around him and I got worried. I don't want anything else to happen to you." 

She was silent for a moment. "It wasn't your fault, you know." 

"I know. Even if I'd been in New York..." The explosion would still have happened. She still would've been knocked out, still would've landed in the hospital for nearly a month. And he couldn't control any of that.

She crossed the room and slipped her arms around his waist. Steve hugged her tightly. "You have to trust me, honey. I don't want to overdo it either. Nobody wants to avoid going back to medical more than I do. But I get to decide." 

She felt him sigh against her hair. "I understand. I'm sorry." 

"It's a good thing I find the overprotective streak endearing most of the time," she said gently and he laughed a little and squeezed her tightly for a moment. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

After their fight, Steve vowed to tread more lightly when it came to Sara's recovery. Part of him did kind of want to lock her up somewhere in a fortress so she would be safe, but that was mostly fear talking. He didn't want to smother her.

The files she had helped sort out contained plans for some sort of doomsday device, so he had a mission to deal with the next day. Sara had been on her way to a doctor's appointment when he left so they went down to the garage together and said goodbye and went their separate ways. Steve didn't think about that again until after the mission was over and the team had returned to the helicarrier. They went through the debriefing and everyone got up to leave, but Fury said, "Cap, we need to talk."

It was a testament to how much had changed over the last couple of years that the rest of them froze and looked at Steve, reluctant to leave him just because Fury said so. The Director of SHIELD had a weary look on his face, but no anger. Steve shrugged slightly and the others filtered out of the room. He would have laid even odds that Tony would be in his lab hacking the computer (again) to hear the conversation, while Clint and Natasha figured out some way to sneak back through the ducts or something. 

Maria Hill called someone to come in and a young woman with brown hair and a pleasant smile came into the room. Steve felt vaguely like he was being called to the principal's office. "Is there a problem?"

Fury sighed. "This got posted on the internet last night." He tapped the control panel and a very fuzzy image appeared on the screen. Steve squinted for a second before the image resolved itself into anything. 

It was him. And he was... kissing Sara goodbye in the garage the day before. 

"It was published in one of the tabloids this morning. The internet is exploding with speculation," Maria put in. 

Steve scrubbed a hand over his face and then slumped back in his chair in a rather undignified fashion. "Ah hell."

"That was pretty much my reaction," Fury said drily. 

"We've enacted security measures already," Maria said briskly. "Dr. Tamblin will now have a two-person security detail with her at all times." Sara had been able to get away without having full-time bodyguards largely because her public profile was fairly low, and she was removed from operations. She also carried a gun and had what she called a panic button with her, both in easy reach at all times. 

She was going to hate this.

"We've adjusted some of our protocols regarding the Records division's security as well," Maria continued. "Also Dr. Tamblin will be moving out of her apartment and into a secure location, either in Stark tower or the SHIELD building."

Sara was _really_ going to hate this. She loved her apartment. She'd invested a good bit of her own money into making sure it was secure enough for her to live there rather than in a SHIELD-controlled building. Hopefully living in the Tower would be attractive enough to overcome losing the apartment.

"This is Lisa Morris, the new press agent for SHIELD."

It was on the tip of Steve's tongue to ask when SHIELD had acquired a PR person, but given the situation, he thought the better of it. It was probably long overdue.

Morris nodded at him. "Captain. We need to discuss how we're going to handle this." She had a soft voice with a strong Southern accent. 

Steve shook his head. He might be out of touch with the world still, but he'd been through this particular circus before. "We're not. My private life is my business. I'm not letting SHIELD exploit my relationship with Sara to get some positive news stories." 

"I wasn't suggesting otherwise, but if we simply say nothing, this will get worse for you, and for us." Steve raised his eyebrows, not really buying that. 

Morris walked around the table. "My specialty is crisis communications management. Let me tell you how the next few days are going to go if we don't even release a statement. Speculation will take over the celebrity gossip sites and all the tabloids. The current small group of paparazzi outside the tower will swell, and every move either you or Dr. Tamblin make will be dogged by a mob, all of them attempting to get a picture to prove your relationship exists. Meanwhile the mainstream press will start sniffing around the story, because in the absence of an official one, every journalist will assume there's something we're trying to hide. When we belatedly issue a statement, nobody will believe it, and we'll be so far behind this thing, we'll never get control of it again."

That wasn't a pretty picture, but Steve was still skeptical. "You really think there's some way to get the photographers to stop chasing me when I go anywhere in public? Or get gossips to stop speculating on my life?"

To her credit, Morris didn't lie. "Not entirely, no. But we can contain this, keep it from getting out of control."

He forced himself to relax. "How?"

"First off, in the morning I release an official statement, something along the lines of 'Yes, Captain Rogers and Dr. Tamblin are involved in a romantic relationship, but since it doesn't conflict with their jobs and they're grown-ass adults, we don't really care'." There was a brief pause and Morris flashed a grin. "I'll make it sound prettier than that, of course, but that's the gist." 

Steve felt himself warming to the woman but he was still hesitant. "And that's going to accomplish what?"

"It'll stir up some news for a couple days," she conceded. "But that will be the end of it. With an official answer, people will talk about it for a bit and then get bored. Two consenting adults who are single dating each other is a boring story even when it involves a superhero. And we may get lucky and have some sort of celebrity marriage bust up come along and distract them."

Fury and Maria had been standing by the sidelines, watching like they were at a ping pong match. Finally Maria spoke up. "And this will be the end of it, either way?"

Morris nodded. "Unless something else occurs to stir up the story again, but unless either Captain Rogers or Dr. Tamblin does something to cause that to happen, the worst of it should be over."

There were no guarantees, obviously. "I need to talk to Sara about this."

"It's almost 2am in New York, Cap," Maria pointed out. 

Fury seemed uninterested in taking a position on this. Steve sighed. "I'll agree to the statement, if Sara is all right with that."

Morris smiled like a cat who had just dined on canary. "Dr. Tamblin said the same thing about you. I started writing on my flight here. I'll have a draft to both of you in your email by early morning East Coast time. Once you approve, I'll release it to the press and we'll see what happens."

Steve got up wearily to head for the showers, only to find the entire team lurking in the corridors between him and a change of clothes. He explained briefly what had happened and got an earful of angry sympathy. There wasn't a lot of love lost between most of the Avengers and the press, save for Tony who seemed unaffected by the reporters and photographers, which made sense, given that he'd been living with it for a lot longer than the rest of them. Tony did make a threat to find out how the photographer had gotten access to the garage and fire whoever was responsible. While dressed as Iron Man for maximum effect.

Steve showered, changed, wrote up his mission report and then managed to nap for a couple of hours. When it was a semi-decent time in New York, he called Sara. She was in a toweringly bad mood, from the news getting out, having to lose her apartment and being woken up so early, but she agreed with him that Lisa Morris seemed to know what she was doing. They decided to leave things in her hands for the moment.

They got back to New York and the crowd of photographers waiting outside did indeed seem to be a bit larger than normal. After getting back home, Steve flipped on the television, but there was some sort of crisis going on with Congress and the budget, so most of the news programs were focusing on that. 

The internet was a different story. Sara had taught him how to use a computer and go online way back when they had first met, so Steve was familiar with how the web worked. Even so, he found himself looking at the comments on some of the articles and immediately regretting it. Most of the reactions were shocked, including a strong tinge of disbelief. He saw a number of derogatory comments about Sara's appearance, especially her weight. Anger welled up inside of him, although he probably should've expected this. 

He forced himself to shut the computer down. He gave it to Natasha and made her promise not to give it back until the following day. He went to the gym for a while, but it didn't really take his mind off things. After he had showered he wandered up to Tony's lab, trying to avoid the temptation of finding another computer. The doomsday device they'd retrieved turned out to have an engineering flaw that rendered it useless. Tony was talking about repurposing it into a weird looking lamp. 

Pepper appeared early in the evening, shucking off her high heeled shoes at the door with a relieved expression. After greeting Tony, she looked at Steve. "How're you holding up?"

"I'm trying to avoid the internet for the moment," he answered with a grimace. 

She nodded understandingly. "Have you talked to Sara?"

"Only briefly. She's working on the post-mission stuff still." 

"That might help, give her something to focus on," Pepper muttered. Tony was busy with something, so she sat down next to Steve at the table. "Can I give you some advice?" When he nodded, she continued, "This is going to change things for you both. Having the media digging into your personal business like this, it's not easy. I know you know that," she added quickly when he started to protest. "But Sara's not used to that kind of scrutiny. And the press isn't forgiving, especially on women."

He remembered some of the things he'd read that morning and his stomach clenched again. 

"Just try to be patient with her," Pepper concluded. "This is going to take some getting used to."

Before he could answer, his phone buzzed. Sara was on her way to her apartment. She didn't specifically invite him over, just said she needed to start thinking about packing. Steve headed for the door anyway. They definitely needed to talk, and he wanted to spend what little time they had in her apartment before she had to move out. He hoped eventually she would be happy living here in the tower, but Pepper was right. It was going to take some time.

*~*~*~*~*

Sara went home and started some water boiling to cook frozen ravioli on autopilot. She glanced at her computer and flinched before going into her bedroom. 

She changed into more comfortable clothes and ate, wondering how long she had before the photographers identified her address. The unmarked SHIELD car had taken her home and she had noted the lack of photographers outside both her new office and her apartment building. That probably wasn't going to last. But she probably would have moved first.

She grimaced. SHIELD's apartments were not remotely luxurious. Creative people managed to decorate their apartments enough to make them livable, but it would be nothing like her quirky brownstone here, with the weird little corner in the bedroom or the view of the neighborhood from her living room window. 

There was nothing for it. She shook herself and got up to wash the dishes. She'd known this would happen eventually, so there was no use sulking about it. 

Someone had probably used the word "sulky" about her on the internet today, probably. From what she'd seen there weren't a lot of negative adjectives that hadn't been used. 

She closed her eyes. _Stop it_ , she told herself. _Just stop thinking about it._

She had things to do in order to pack this place up, so she tried to focus on that. Grabbing a legal pad she sat down on the couch to start writing notes. She remembered the night Steve had drawn the sketch of her sitting in the same spot.

_"This is really how you see me?"_

She bit her lip and her eyes started to water, remembering the last thing she'd read before closing down the browser earlier that day. 

At that propitious moment, the door chime went off. Sara took a steadying breath and buzzed Steve into the building. She almost wished he hadn't come, but it was too late now.

He looked worried as he came in, even as he leaned down and kissed her lightly. "At least we can be pretty sure nobody's photographing us now, huh?"

It was a weak attempt at a joke but she tried to smile. "I'm a little surprised it took this long." Steve had not been happy about the secrecy, not for a long while, but security concerns had outweighed his issues. Sara had been grateful for the privacy. It had been nice while it lasted. 

"Well, like you said once, we're not much for public displays." She nodded and he chafed her arms gently. "I am sorry about this. I know how much you love this place."

She shrugged and pulled away. "Yeah, but I couldn't live here forever, right? I had to move some time. I'm starting a list of things I need to deal with, actually." She dropped back onto the couch and picked up the legal pad. "There's only so much I can do until I actually get assigned to quarters, though."

Steve didn't say anything and it took her a minute to realize it. When she looked up he was frowning. "Sara, you already know what the apartment looks like. We just have to get the rest of your things over there."

"What? Oh no." She shook her head vehemently. "I can't move into Stark Tower."

"Why not?"

She rolled her eyes. "Because it'll look like we're living together. Come on, Steve, you know damn well if I'm living in the tower people will assume we're sharing an apartment, no matter how much we deny it."

"So?" Surprised, she didn't speak right away. "How is that different from what they think now? Anyway, I don't care what anyone thinks."

"I do," she snapped and then winced. "It's just too much. We have no idea what's going to happen now. I mean, what if things don't work out? I'm going to have to pack my stuff up again and have the paparazzi taking pictures of me moving out of Stark Tower while people gloat? No." She cringed, all too easily imagining the gleeful cruelty of the press if she had to pack her bags and move with the entire New York press corps watching, to say nothing of the internet.

Steve went very still and his voice sounded strained. "You think things aren't going to work out between us?"

"I don't know," she said, suddenly exhausted. Staying at the tower was supposed to be temporary, just while she was healing. She'd been itching to get home again for days, and now she was coming here just to pack. "Everything's changing. I just... I don't know."

He sat down next to her, taking her hand. "Not everything," he said quietly, looking at her nervously. "Not this." 

It wasn't just her injuries or staying in the Tower. It was Steve saying he loved her. She hadn't been lying when she said it back, but still, it was complicated. "This," she said squeezing his hand, "may not be enough."

"Why not?" He was starting to get irritated.

"Because things are different now. Being in public, having people staring and judging-" her throat closed over and she tried to pull away, but Steve didn't let her go. 

"Sara? Did someone say something to you? Is that why you're talking like this?"

"No." 

"Then what is it?"

"It's stupid," she said quickly, pushing back the tears that were threatening. Her crying was not going to get Steve to drop it.

"Not if it's bothering you this much," he countered predictably. 

She covered her face with her other hand. "I saw something online this afternoon. I know, I shouldn't have looked. I just didn't have the willpower to not look."

"Me either. I had to give Natasha my tablet this afternoon and make her promise not to let me have it back until tomorrow." Sara smiled a bit but Steve wasn't sidetracked for long. "Tell me."

"It was this doctor, this guy who runs a big self-help blog. He has a lot of readers. I expected the gossip blogs to talk about us, but this guy... he talked a lot about my weight." She wiped the few tears that had leaked out, hoping he would leave it at that.

" _Sara_." 

She closed her eyes. "He wrote that it was 'irresponsible for Captain America to be dating someone who represented such an unhealthy lifestyle'," she bit out. "And he said I should've gone on a diet before we made anything public to avoid setting such a bad example." 

Steve's hand tightened painfully on hers for a second before he abruptly let go. She could see that both of his hands were clenched into fists. He got up from the couch and began to pace back and forth, his jaw clenched so tight he was probably crushing his teeth. She'd never seen him this angry. 

"Damn it!" he finally burst out. "I hate this! I hate that complete strangers think they have some sort of right to talk about you like that."

"It's not going to stop," she said tiredly. "They're never going to leave us alone again."

Some of his anger faded. "I'm sorry. This wouldn't be happening if I wasn't... if I was a regular Joe." 

"No, it would be, just on a lesser scale. Because people _suck_." Even if Steve wasn't a globally famous superhero, if he was just an extremely good looking man, people would still look at them and wonder why on earth he was with someone who looked like her. Being an Avenger just intensified the scrutiny they would face. "I just wish I could make it not matter to me. I need to be more like Tony."

"Please never say that again," Steve said with a small smile. 

"Sorry." 

He came back and sat down on the coffee table, facing her. "Sara, look, I can't promise you much, you know that. I don't know what will happen. And I know it's a lot to put up with, the publicity and the reporters and the comments." He left out the people who were sure to target her because of her connection with him, but Sara already knew about that part. "But this, us, is all that matters. What other people say, or think, it won't change how I feel."

She leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you," she told him quietly. She had no doubt about that. She'd known going in what would happen if their relationship became public. The bottom line was it wasn't worth losing him.

"Then move into the tower. I know what it'll look like but I don't think that matters as long as we know where we stand with each other. And I wouldn't expect this to, you know, change anything between us." He flushed a little and Sara shivered. "I would feel better knowing you were nearby. And it would make it easier for us to spend time together."

"It would," she admitted. There was another reason she was uneasy about the idea. "I'm not sure how I'll handle that much togetherness. I've been living alone for a long time."

He thought about that for a moment. "I promise I won't be nosing around all the time. If you need to be alone, I'll respect that." 

"Will the others?" Sara asked wryly. 

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I can talk to them?" 

She smiled genuinely for the first time all day. "No guarantees, right?"

"You're the one who made them brownies and let that secret out."

"Oh lord." She could envision the entire Avengers ending up in her kitchen if she started baking. 

Steve looked at her expectantly. She sighed. "I can't promise you I won't get upset about this again. It's always going to bother me."

He nodded. "Me too, probably. But we can deal with it."

Sara took a deep breath. "Okay."

"You mean?"

"Yes."

Steve pulled her close and kissed her. When the kiss ended he whispered "I love you too" quietly and then kissed her forehead. He looked around the apartment and sighed himself. "I'm going to miss this place."

"You are?"

"Yeah. Lot of good memories," he teased her. Sara rolled her eyes, but Steve settled on the couch next to her and continued, more seriously, "This place was my refuge, even back when we were just friends." It was embarrassing, but for the first time Sara realized that Steve was losing something too. "It was the first place where I felt like I could breathe."

She leaned against him. They talked for a little while longer before they had to head back to the tower. Sara would've liked to have slept in the apartment that night but her things were still back in the new place. Despite the stress of the day, or perhaps because of it, she fell asleep pretty quickly.

The next day it was obvious from the looks her staff was giving her that most of them had read some of the reporting in the media. Carrie asked her warily if she'd read the offensive blog post and Sara had answered through gritted teeth that she had. Carrie informed her that the post had caused a huge backlash, with a number of other bloggers and even some media figures condemning the offending post and coming to Sara's defense. That was gratifying but Sara avoiding going on the internet throughout the morning just in case. 

Early in the afternoon, though, Sara got an email from Darcy addressed to both her and Steve. Darcy was forwarding a link, promising "You will want to read this, trust me."

When she clicked, Sara found herself looking at a photo of an elderly woman with white hair and wrinkles. The site belonged to one "Granny Blogger" who billed herself as the "world's oldest blogger." Sara started to read and her jaw began to fall open in surprise.

Granny Blogger, it seemed, was old enough to have been a fan of Captain America when she was a little girl. And the woman was absolutely livid at the comments being directed at Steve and Sara, including the noxious doctor's blog post. 

_"How dare you people set yourselves up as the judges of who gets to date whom? I thought young people were supposed to be so enlightened these days! Why do you even care what this young lady weighs or how healthy she is or isn't? Get this through your thick skulls, you nincompoops. Your opinion doesn't matter._

_I remember being a teenager and resenting actresses who were dating my favorite actors, so I can sympathize with the young female fans who are having their crushes spoiled, but that doesn't excuse the rest of you for behaving this way. If Steve Rogers has decided this woman is the person he wants to be with, my only opinion is to hope they are very happy, and I will take issue with anyone who tries to mess it up. Lord knows he deserves it. Hell, we all deserve that."_

It was probably silly, but Sara smiled anyway. A few minutes later, Steve sent a follow-up email. "I think I just got adopted?" That made her laugh out loud.


	5. Chapter 5

A few days after Sara made the decision to move into the Tower, she appeared on the carrier in the middle of the afternoon when Steve had just finished with a training session with one of the new groups of recruits Fury had assigned to him. She looked serious but not upset, so Steve kept quiet until they reached his small room in the residential section of the ship. "Did something happen?"

"I want you to read something." Sara set down the case she was carrying and entered a code, then pressed her thumb against a sensor on the lock. When the case opened, she pulled out a SHIELD personnel file. Steve had seen enough of them to recognize it on sight. What surprised him was the name on the file, "Tamblin, Sara E."

He looked up at her. "My friend Alyssa called me this morning," Sara said grimly.

"She's the one in D.C.?" Steve had heard stories about this woman but he hadn't met her yet.

"Yes. A reporter called her digging for information on me. Alyssa, being Alyssa, told him to go to hell, but she wanted me to know. I'm sure that guy isn't the only one looking for dirt. My public profile has been pretty thoroughly scrubbed but there are still some things out there that might come up. I don't want you to be surprised."

"Sara, you don't have to do this." She was already uneasy about moving. Steve didn't want her to feel like she had to sacrifice every shred of privacy for his sake.

But Sara sighed. "I should've shown it to you before. It's never been fair that I've read everything in your file and you haven't seen mine. And it'll be easier than trying to explain it all." She closed up the case. "I'll be on board for another hour or so. If you're not done by then, you need to get that to Maria so it can be returned to storage with proper security." SHIELD didn't treat personnel records of active duty members, especially people with Sara's security clearance, lightly. 

Wondering nervously what was inside that could possibly take him an hour to read, Steve nodded. Sara left and he sat down at the tiny table in the room. 

The first page was always the form from the SHIELD agent who had identified the person for recruiting. As expected, Steve saw Phil Coulson's scrawling signature on the bottom of the page and his heart ached for a moment. The summary was clipped and to the point; Coulson had apparently talked that way to everyone but Steve. The man had recognized Sara's exceptionally good memory and her ability to take complicated information and distill it into English. He wrote that her "understanding of computer systems and information management was sorely needed" by SHIELD. Coulson had been a huge influence on Sara, whether he had known it or not. 

The next pages were biographical information. Steve saw a copy of Sara's birth records, and information on her family. Her mother had been an only child. Her father had had a brother who died of leukemia, so her closest relatives were some distant cousins. Her grandfather had been born about five years before Steve had. It was indescribably weird to know that if things had been different, Sara would've been young enough to be his granddaughter. He shoved that thought away. 

Then came school records, mostly report cards which were almost universally A's except for physical education. Steve grimaced in sympathy. He had hated gym class as a kid himself. Her academic record got even better over time. He found awards, scholarships, glowing letters of recommendation, lists of articles and an abstract of her dissertation. Sara had tried to explain it to him once. Steve had gotten lost after about two minutes but he remembered letting her talk just to hear her voice. 

Her work history was pretty much what she had told him. She had taught college for one miserable year before she had quit to do "anything else" in her words. A couple of positions at private companies lead her to the Department of Defense, then to SHIELD. He flipped the page and found himself staring at a police report. 

Sara had been arrested? For trespassing? He looked at the date and did some mental math. She'd been 17. That explained that. Still, he was going to have to ask her about why she climbed up onto the roof of a mall in the middle of the night. Parking tickets and a couple - make that several - speeding tickets were next. He felt a little relieved now that she didn't drive in New York at all. 

He found her SHIELD training records, aptitude scores and so on, and turned quickly past her medical records, then he hit the psychological evaluation. 

Steve hesitated, torn between curiosity and uneasiness. Sara had given him the file knowing exactly what would be in it, but he still felt like he was doing something not quite on the up-and-up looking at this information.

The evaluation surprised him. The doctor had written that Sara had some depressive tendencies, which didn't fit the way Steve thought of her at all. Exhibiting "anti-social behavior" he could more understand, given her dislike of crowds, but it seemed overboard to label her desire for quiet that way. Then again, he recalled her worry about being surrounded by neighbors in the Tower. Sara also had something called Social Anxiety Disorder, according to the report. Steve hadn't known this existed, but he had a feeling he had it too. On the more positive side the doctor emphasized again her memory and her ability to concentrate on detailed work for long periods of time.

The worst part was about her weight, or rather her feelings about it. He knew everything in there but somehow reading it in the doctor's clinical language made it sound like a much greater burden than Steve had thought it was. It brought home to him how badly the negative comments in the media must be hurting her and he felt the helpless anger well up again for a minute. There wasn't anything he could really do to protect her from that, but he promised himself to make a concerted effort to reassure her from now on.

He tracked her down in one of the open offices near the bridge and returned the file. She put it back into the case and sealed it. She looked anxious and he couldn't resist teasing her to try and make her feel better. "Trespassing?"

Sara blushed. "It wasn't my idea!"

He didn't bring up anything else in the file. Sara was cleared to go back to work full time, although he still worried about her, but between moving her things and needing to get her new offices up and running, SHIELD couldn't afford for her to be sidelined. She was so busy most of her belongings remained in boxes for a long while after the movers brought everything to her new apartment.

For the first few weeks after Sara moved into the tower, he did his best to respect her privacy and leave her time to herself so she could adjust. It wasn't easy. Having her so close by was tempting in a way he hadn't anticipated, and he had to check himself from the impulse to just stop by her apartment every evening. 

After about three weeks, on a Saturday afternoon Steve checked with Jarvis to learn that Sara was home before heading to her apartment, surprising her. She was wearing a t-shirt that had faded until the front was barely readable, a worn pair of shorts and had a bandanna tied over her head. Steve rarely saw her like this and he felt a surge of lust as he kissed her briefly on his way into the apartment. "Hi."

She looked embarrassed. "Hi. Sorry, I wasn't expecting any visitors," she gestured to her clothes.

"You look fine. Were you still unpacking?"

"Some. And I made a crumb cake for tomorrow morning." She had started coming to the Sunday morning breakfasts with everyone else when she wasn't working. In the past she had only done that once in a while.

"Ah. Jarvis said you were home, so I decided to stop by, in case you were still trying to move furniture." Sara had gotten a stern lecture about her independent streak from both Steve and Thor after she'd nearly broken her foot trying to move a bookcase by herself the previous weekend. Steve's respect for her need for alone time didn't extend to her injuring herself when she had at least four or five people close by who were far stronger than her and more than happy to move things around. 

Her expression darkened for a moment before she shook it off, but Steve raised his eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He knew she was dodging. "Sara? Come on, what was it?"

She sighed. "You asked Jarvis where I was?"

"I asked if you were here, yes. Is that a problem?"

Sara returned to the kitchen, shaking her head. "I don't know. It just makes me uneasy knowing I'm being watched all the time." She glanced at the ceiling, although technically Jarvis was not literally watching overhead.

"It's not like he's reporting on what you're doing or anything," Steve reassured her. "Even if I asked, I think he's programmed not to share that information?"

The computer answered smoothly, "That is correct, Captain. Monitoring the locations of individuals inside the tower is a security measure but further information is restricted except in cases of emergency."

Sara started scrubbing at the dishes in the sink. "I get that. I just need more time to get used to it, I guess."

Steve stepped up behind her, rubbing her shoulders gently. "I'm sorry. I don't really think about it much anymore. But I can stick with just calling you instead of asking the computer, if it makes you that uncomfortable."

"Thanks." She put the bowl into the other side of the sink to drain and attempted to joke. "At least it'll give me some warning to make myself presentable before you appear on the doorstep."

"I told you, you look fine." He nuzzled her neck. "It's kind of sexy, to tell you the truth."

She snorted. "Right, I'm dirty and desperately in need of a shower-"

She stopped talking as he nibbled on her earlobe. "You're sweaty and rumpled," he said in her ear. "Usually I have to be kissing you for half an hour to get you this messy."

That got a real laugh out of her, although she bumped him with her hip. "Yeah but at least I start out dressed for company then."

He pulled away, somewhat hurt. "Do you really consider me 'company'?"

"No," she replied quickly. "I just usually try to..." 

She trailed off. Steve was quiet for a moment, looking down at her speculatively. "Have you been changing your clothes for my sake every time I've come to your apartment?"

"Not _every_ time," she replied, but clearly aside from the few occasions he'd surprised her, she had been. Now that he thought about it, Sara was almost always in nice clothes when he saw her. Even in the evening when she was at home for the night and no longer in the things she wore to work, she was never as sloppy as Steve had seen Darcy, Jane and even Pepper dress. 

He remembered what the doctor had written and a spark of anger shot through him. "After everything we've been through, do you really think I would care about that?"

"Not exactly." She shifted from one foot to the other, looking down at the floor. "You're... someone I don't want to look bad in front of, basically."

After all these months, she still was afraid he was going to reject her. He kissed the top of her head and sighed in frustration. "I wish you could trust me, Sara."

She turned to face him. "I do trust you-" Sara started to protest but Steve shook his head.

"No, you don't. If you think I'm that shallow that seeing you like this would bother me, you don't."

His words seemed to get through to her, because Sara stared at him in horror for a moment. "I hadn't thought of it like that," she admitted. She rubbed her forehead wearily. "Natasha tried to warn me about this once."

"She did?"

"She told me that you'd chosen me, when you could've had any girl you wanted." Steve didn't quite agree on that last part but he was grateful to Natasha for her support. "And that I should recognize that you know your own mind." 

"I do."

She nodded. "I wasn't doing it on purpose, really. You were living far enough away that I usually had time to change or at least tidy myself up before you got to my place, that's all."

And now that he was just a few floors away in the same building, that couldn't go on, or so he hoped. And if, someday, they were sharing an apartment all the time, it really couldn't. But he didn't want to bring that up yet. "You'll try not to worry about this now, though? Please?"

"I will. But if we're going out somewhere that we could be seen, that's a different story."

He could understand that. "Deal." He leaned down and kissed her to seal the bargain, as it were, and unsurprisingly, the kiss lingered and then got deeper and messier fast. He pulled back, trying to pace himself even as his hands were running up and down her sides. "I meant what I said before. You look really hot. And no I don't mean that literally." 

Sara burst out laughing. "You know me too well." 

_Not as well as I want to_ , he thought. She caught his eyes and he saw the way her pupils widened as she realized what he was thinking. Steve bent down and kissed her again, his fingers digging into her hips as Sara pulled him even closer. He wanted more and without thinking about it, he lifted her up and set her down on the edge of the kitchen counter. He felt her smiling against his mouth but her knees were on either side of him and the counter was at a dangerously perfect height for this. He kissed her even harder.

Her hands were tugging on his shirt and a moment later he felt a hint of cool air against his back. Her fingers were hot against his skin, sliding down to grope his ass. Steve was getting hard by this point but he didn't stop. One of his hands knocked the bandanna loose and his fingers threaded through the damp curls of her hair. His other hand was holding her on the edge of the counter and pressed tightly against him.

Her fingers tightened on his butt in response and Steve groaned, overwhelmed with lust and ignoring the warning voice in his head about how far they were taking this. He didn't care. He just wanted her, wanted more, right now. 

Later he wasn't entirely sure either of them would've had the self-control to stop what they were doing had the timer on the oven not gone off and startled them both. Watching Sara staring at him, her mouth red from kissing him, her hair a mess and her chest heaving as she gasped for air, Steve nearly grabbed her and dived back in. But Sara pushed him back and slid off the counter to remove the pan from the oven. 

Steve tried to calm down, or at least come up with something to say, while Sara grabbed the bandanna and pulled it back on. She turned to him but before either of them could speak, there was a knock at the door and Jarvis said Darcy and Natasha were there. 

They exchanged a wordless, panicked look before Sara waved to the stool sitting near the kitchen island. Steve sat down. It would hide his lower half for the moment at least. It didn't seem to do much good, since Natasha was shooting curious looks at him and Darcy grinned at their red faces. "Is this a bad time?"

Steve was glad he was already flushed, but he felt his ears start to burn and he thought Sara was blushing even harder. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

Living in the tower had good and bad points. Sara was closer to her office now, and it was a lot easier to stop on the way home from work and go to the store since there were far more options than on the Lower East Side. She and Steve did get to spend more time together, just from the lack of travel time back and forth. It was strange having him appear at the door so fast, but the conversation and make-out session in her kitchen suggested that Steve was enjoying it. Sara had been wanting to take their relationship to that next level for a while, but something had been holding Steve back. Now she wondered if the move was going to change that, and soon. 

At the same time, living an elevator ride away from the entire menagerie resulted in a lot more time around people than Sara was used to. Darcy and Pepper had a tendency to wander down to visit on nights when Sara wasn't working or with Steve, the latter especially when Tony was deep in inventing something in the lab. Jane and Clint often tagged along on those visits. Although Jarvis swore he wasn't tipping anyone off, most of the Avengers did indeed turn up when Sara baked anything, camping out in her kitchen and living room. It was a bit surreal seeing Hawkeye and Black Widow sprawled on her couch and licking cookie dough off the beaters, even after knowing them for so long.

But she was adjusting to the domestic side of things more easily than the public one. Photographers now shadowed her a lot of the time when she was out. Sara wondered how many pictures of herself walking across a sidewalk were necessary for the tabloids. The need for gossip was insatiable enough that Carrie, who kept an eye on the celebrity gossip sites partly for her own amusement and partly as a defensive measure, reported an extensive story where people were analyzing the bag of groceries Sara had brought home one night. Sara had sighed, "Don't people do jigsaw puzzles anymore?"

Aside from Sara's exciting adventures in the grocery store, there was Steve's public life to contend with as well. He avoided the press and the limelight as assiduously as Tony courted it, but Steve did have some obligations outside of work. He visited children's hospitals in the city as regularly as he could manage, as well as veteran's facilities. He mostly liked spending time with patients, but a couple of organizations that raised money for sick kids had contacted him and Steve did a few public appearances to help out. 

A few days after the little interlude in the kitchen, he mentioned casually that one of the groups was holding a fancy party to raise funds for a new children's cancer ward and he had promised to show up if he could. Sara didn't say anything to him, but she wasn't surprised when she got a message from Lisa Morris about it. Lisa was of the firm opinion that Sara needed to attend this event with Steve or risk a new explosion of speculation in the media about why she wasn't there and whether the relationship was in trouble. 

When she brought it up with him that night, Steve looked surprised but quickly said, "I don't want you to go if you don't want to. I mean, if it's going to be uncomfortable. The press is going to speculate no matter what happens."

Sara nodded. "I know. But Lisa's right, it would look weird if I wasn't there."

Steve seemed relieved that she was willing to go with him, so that was something. That did not stop her stressing more than usual about her hair and her dress. She went shopping the next evening at a store Pepper had referred her to. They didn't have much in stock in Sara's size, but the personal shopper assured her they could get a hold of more things. Sara initially was torn between two dresses before remembering that Steve did a few of these appearances a year, so she was probably going to need more than one dress. She bought them both. 

The night of the party Pepper, Darcy, Jane and Natasha all ended up in her apartment, helping with Sara's dress, hair and makeup, for some values of "helping." Sara wondered if this was what it was like having sisters poking into your romantic life, but she didn't complain. She wanted to be sure her appearance was up to par for the evening and Pepper had a long list of tips about how to manage this kind of thing from having done it for so long. 

Finally she was deemed ready. Steve came to her door right on time and for a moment Sara forgot her anxiety as he stared at her. "Wow. You look amazing."

She pointed to the cadre of women clustered in her kitchen who were grinning and in Darcy's case giving a thumbs-up. "Thank them." Steve rolled his eyes and put his hand at the small of her back and escorted her down to the car that was waiting for them.

Sara didn't mind fancy parties really. When she had worked in D.C. there had been a number of them to attend, so she was familiar with the etiquette. She'd gone to a few events with Steve in the past, but she'd been functioning as a handler of sorts at the time and been expected to fade into the background. Now she was _Captain America's girlfriend_ , and the change was remarkable. Cameras clicked and flashed dizzyingly when they got out of the car and walked into the building and people stared and whispered when they entered the reception room. 

Steve was a bit tense but he had his public face on and Sara struggled to emulate him for a minute as the host welcomed them and Steve introduced her. The man hosting the event stated repeatedly how much it meant that Steve was there, to his embarrassment, and Sara stood quietly and watched as person after person came up to Steve, gushing or staring in awe. He was covering it, but Sara knew him too well, and she could see how uncomfortable this was. 

Even when she and Steve separated for a while because he was talking with the organizers, Sara couldn't take a step without being intercepted. People who would've ignored her existence before were now hovering, wanting to talk to her. Many of them were simply trying to get access to Steve. Pepper had warned her about this and Sara managed to fend off those inquiries. More disconcerting were the ones who didn't seem to have any particular objective. Sara finally realized they just wanted to feel like they were close to Steve in some way by talking to her. 

Eventually she managed to get a glass of soda from the bar and five minutes to herself. She spotted Steve a short distance away near the wall, talking to one of the guests. It was a woman; Sara thought to herself that if this woman wasn't actually a supermodel, certainly it had been a viable career path at one point. She was tall and thin, wearing what was obviously a designer gown and expensive jewelry. Her hair looked like something out of a shampoo commercial, hanging straight down her back perfectly and moving elegantly when she turned her head. 

For a moment Sara's stomach knotted unpleasantly and the nasty voice in her head began to nag her about the immense contrast between this vision and herself. She took a sip of her drink, closed her eyes and told the voice to shut the hell up. Steve loved her, she knew that, and they had just talked about this. She needed to work harder on trusting in him and not letting her self-doubts poison things.

She managed to calm down a bit. Then as Sara watched, the other woman reached out and put a hand on Steve's arm and leaned in closer to speak to him. Steve didn't move but he was listening intently to the conversation, clearly fascinated.

It couldn't hurt for Sara to rejoin him after they'd been apart for half the evening already, she decided. She walked over to them, attempting to appear perfectly calm, by which point the other woman had withdrawn her hand. 

Steve reached for Sara immediately, which was more comforting than it should have been. "Sara, this is Mrs. Battaglia. Mrs. Battalgia, this is Dr. Sara Tamblin." 

Mrs. Battaglia held out a perfectly manicured hand. "Loretta, please. It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Tamblin." She smiled warmly and Sara worked to keep her expression pleasant. 

"Sara. Likewise."

Loretta glanced at Steve, her face somber. "I was just telling Captain Rogers that my grandfather lived near Anzio during the war and remembered the Americans arriving to fight the Nazis and the Fascists." Sara immediately felt like an idiot for her previous jealousy when this had been the topic of conversation. 

Steve looked grim. "I wasn't part of that, but I heard stories about the problems after the landing. It was a brutal fight."

"Yes. My grandfather used to tell my father not to worry, because if the Americans got into real trouble, Captain America would come and help them." Steve looked away, his body tensing up visibly. Sara wondered how often he got those kind of comments from people. It probably happened a lot. Yet he still kept coming to these things. Sara squeezed his hand tightly.

She gave Loretta credit for recognizing his reaction. "Please, do not be embarrassed. It was a comfort to my father, and even my grandfather, knowing men like you were still out there in the world, even in those times."

"And in these," Sara couldn't help adding, nudging Steve gently. 

Loretta smiled. "That too." 

Steve gave a half-hearted smile. Loretta departed a minute later after shaking both of their hands again and Sara and Steve were alone for a moment. "Are you all right?"

He sighed. "Sometimes I think about all the times I could've made a difference and I wasn't here. I just wish-"

Forgetting the rest of the room, Sara reached up and put a finger against his lips. "No. You stopped Hydra from destroying the world. You gave everything for that. You still are. So stop it."

Steve leaned down and kissed her briefly. When it ended, Sara turned away, spotting at least two cell phones being hastily hidden away and knew pictures of that were going to be online shortly. _The hell with it_ , she decided. There were worse things that could get into the papers about this evening. "We should be able to leave soon."

"Thank you," he said quietly, slipping his fingers between hers again. "For coming tonight."

"This is important to you," she told him. And now she'd seen first-hand how hard it was for him to do. "So it's where I should be." 

He gave her a genuine smile at that and lifted her hand to his lips. Several people were bearing down on them, but before they were within earshot, Sara murmured to Steve, "If you really want to show gratitude, though, you could take me to that ice cream place on the way home."

Steve was steeling himself for more small talk but he nodded. "Absolutely." 

 

*~*~*~*~*

The new records and information office was in a nicer location than the old one. Sara had a window now, which was a luxury compared to the old office. The building had originally been a bank, so there weren't a lot of windows, or doors. The equipment was new, at least, as was the furniture. 

Sara spent a good six weeks juggling her regular work in the temporary location while overseeing the remodeling and preparation of the new offices. On top of moving into Stark Tower and still recovering from her month in the hospital, it was all a lot to bear. She tried her best not to take her moods out on Steve, but he wasn't good at staying away, especially when he knew she was upset. It wasn't as hard having him around as she feared it would be, possibly because of the constant backrubs, not to mention the chocolate he kept bringing her. 

Finally she had to start dealing with loading backups into the new system, which had her going back and forth nonstop for over two weeks. After that she was perfectly happy to curl up on the couch with Steve and watch baseball and not have to get on a plane for the foreseeable future.

No sooner had the computer system been put online in the new office, though, then a stream of hacking attempts started to hit the firewall. Sara felt a twinge of alarm. Carl Manthey and Miles Dalforth were both there, and their expressions mirrored hers.

"How could anyone know where to look yet?" Carl asked. The system hadn't been online long enough to connect completely with the rest of SHIELD's network. 

"It doesn't look like the usual suspects," Miles observed, looking at the data. There were organizations, like Hydra, that constantly tried to get into SHIELD's systems somehow, as well as some other hackers who regularly banged on the security just for fun. "It could just be a random group who found a new secure system and are testing the walls."

Sara frowned. "Or we got flanked." Carl and Miles looked confused so she elaborated. "We've been assuming the explosion was a botched break-in attempt. What if it wasn't?"

"You mean someone set the explosion at the old office up to force us to move somewhere else, so they could wait until we get all our security in place, and then attempt to hack into our files?" Miles looked skeptical.

It was a bit of a stretch, but Sara felt that something was going on here just out of sight. Until she had proof of that, though, she wasn't going to raise any major alarms. "Best time to break in or out of a secure location is right when it's opened," Sara said with a shrug. "At least according to my boyfriend." 

Miles and Carl laughed at that. Sara told them to keep an eye on the situation and made a call to Maria giving her a brief report on the situation. Maria agreed it was a possibility but also that without hard proof, there wasn't much to go on. 

The Avengers hadn't been on a mission in almost two full weeks, so Sara checked in with the temporary office and then actually got to go home before it was dark. After she reached her apartment, she decided to go to the gym for a bit before eating dinner. It might help clear her head.

Darcy had noticed Sara's visits to the gym and asked angrily if they had anything to do with the paparazzi. Sara couldn't deny that was part of it. She used to walk to and from work every day, but now she had to be driven in an unmarked car. She missed the exercise and that was her primary reason for spending time on the treadmill, but in the back of her mind she was afraid of gaining weight without that daily exertion and having the gossip columnists be all over it. 

She changed into a loose shirt and a pair of bicycle shorts and grabbed her iPod before heading up to the gym. It was usually empty this time of day but to her surprise Steve was there. For a moment she wanted to turn around but mindful of their conversation about her not worrying so much about what she was wearing, so she kept moving. He smiled at her but he was likely in the middle of whatever he was doing, so she just waved and got onto the treadmill. 

The treadmills were perpendicular to where Steve was and at first Sara was worried he would be watching her, but whenever she glanced toward him, Steve was focused on the weights he was holding. So either he was respecting her space or she wasn't catching him. Eventually she focused on her own exercise and the music in her ears. 

Then Steve moved to the punching bag, which was in her line of sight. She tried not to stare, she really did, but her eyes were drawn to him like a magnet. His body was impossible not to notice on an average day, but he didn't really dress to call attention to himself most of the time. Right now he was in a tight blue t-shirt and a pair of shorts. She could see the muscles flexing as he moved, and light glinted off the sweat on his body. 

The memory of him pressed up against her in the kitchen came back vividly and she hastily slowed the treadmill down before she fell over. She concluded that maybe she shouldn't be on any heavy machinery right now. She should probably stop and go take a shower. A very cold one.

Just as she was slowing down to a walk Steve stepped away from the bag. He tugged the tape off his hands and then grabbed a bottle of water. With a tiny, self-conscious glance in her direction, he then pulled his shirt up and off and mopped at the sweat on his face. 

Sara swallowed and quickly stopped the treadmill before she hurt herself. _Get a grip. Do not go over there and jump him_ , she told herself.

Steve looked a little embarrassed when she approached. "Hi. I didn't realize you'd be here."

Sara nodded absently. Steve leaned down to kiss her and she couldn't stop herself from kissing him back a lot more eagerly than he seemed to be expecting. He let out a muffled sound but he wrapped an arm around her waist. Sara's hands ended up in his hair and she was breathing heavily from more than just the exercise when she drew back. 

When the kiss ended he didn't let her go. "So, hello," he said again, grinning.

"Hi." Sara's hand drifted down from his neck across his chest. "Not my fault. You were flaunting." 

He chuckled. "So the showing off worked?"

"Ha! I knew it." She couldn't quite take her eyes off his bare skin. "God, Steve, you look like-" She stopped short, her skin flushing and the heat that had been simmering inside of her from watching him across the room turned into a sharp ache of desire.

She glanced up briefly and saw his eyes darken as he realized what she'd been thinking. He reached up and touched the bare skin of her arm. He trailed just two fingers lightly down her upper arm and her entire body shook from that simple touch. 

" _Sara_." Steve said her name in a low voice that was practically a growl. She felt the vibration of it in his chest against her fingertips. As soon as she met his eyes he leaned down. Sara met him halfway and they kissed wildly. Steve wrapped both arms around her, holding her tight against his body while Sara's hands ran through his hair and across his back and she tried to get even closer. 

Steve quickly grew impatient with having to bend down. His hands grabbed her butt and squeezed, lifting her up off the ground. Sara tightened her arms around his neck but it wasn't enough, not close enough. Instinctively she slid her legs around his hips, which made it easier to hold on.

It also lined his erection up in exactly the right place and both of them moaned, still kissing frantically. A minute later her back collided with the wall. Steve pressed his entire body against hers, pinning her there using his weight. 

Sara turned her head away to breathe before she passed out. Steve began to move his mouth down her neck, kissing and then biting at her skin, more roughly than he ever had before. When his teeth grazed her collarbone her body jerked, her hips arching into his and that was it. Steve started rocking against her and she moved with him. It felt incredible. He was trembling in her arms and Sara felt dizzy. She didn't want this to stop, not ever, but some tiny thread of sanity managed to make itself heard and Sara gasped out, "Steve, wait." 

He stopped moving, his forehead pressed against hers. His eyes were tightly shut and his face and neck were flushed. 

"Steve? You need to let me down."

He shook his head. "Don't move."

Oh lord. She hadn't realized he was that close. Of course, she wasn't far behind him. 

Sara did her best to remain absolutely still and think of anything else, but Steve's head tilted and he muttered a curse under his breath. 

The doors to the gym opened and Natasha and Clint entered, arguing about something. They caught sight of Steve and Sara, still entangled up against the wall, and stopped short, Clint saying "Oops" rather loudly. 

Steve let her go then, although he didn't turn around. Sara's face was turning an even brighter red. Despite what had - and had not - just happened, everyone in the Tower was going to hear about this. 

"We can come back later," Clint offered with a smirk. Natasha looked amused. 

Despite her own embarrassment, Sara darted forward, grabbed the shirt Steve had discarded and tossed it to him. "We were just leaving," she informed the other two with as much dignity as she could manage. She took Steve's hand and did her best to keep herself in front of him as they escaped the gym. 

Thankfully nobody was in the elevator. Sara couldn't quite keep herself from peeking underneath the shirt he was holding loosely in front of his body. It wasn't hiding much. The memory of his body pressed against her came back and she bit back a whimper. 

He rubbed his eyes. "God, Sara, I'm sorry."

She couldn't help it. She started to giggle. "For throwing me against the wall in a public place? I kind of started it." 

Steve laughed a little himself, although his ears were turning bright red again. "I didn't mean to take it that far. I just wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of you."

She sighed, calming down a little. "Wasn't complaining." She was sorely tempted to suggest that he just come to her apartment right now and finish what they'd started, but she hesitated. They were clearly about ready for this, but there was a conversation that needed to happen first, a practical one. 

She let out a deep breath as they reached her floor. "So, why don't we go clean ourselves up? And then we probably should talk." 

He nodded. The door to the elevator opened and she started to step away but he caught her around the waist with one arm and pulled her back and kissed her one more time. She could feel the tension still vibrating inside of him, just like it was inside of her. They couldn't keep going like this indefinitely. 

He had to press his body against the elevator door to keep it from closing on them. Sara finally wiggled free of his arms and grinned at the look on his face. But Steve let her go and she headed back to her apartment, her head still spinning. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Sif came into the nursery in Thor and Jane's apartment where Steve was already working on painting the ceiling. Sara went back to taping newspaper down to the floor while Sif took in the paint cans, buckets, rollers and brushes and other paraphernalia for painting. She looked a little uneasy. "This does not appear to be warrior's work."

"Technically it's not," Steve told her. 

Before Sif could protest, Sara chimed in. "It's a gesture by the family or close friends of the new parents, to show them their child will be welcomed into the family and taken care of."

Steve shook his head. Sara had an uncanny ability to explain Earth customs to the Asgardians in ways that made sense to them. When he'd said as much to Sara, she'd reminded him she'd explained everything to him first.

Sif looked skeptical. "Is that not what the exchange of gifts ceremony is?"

Steve glanced at Sara, eyebrows up, wondering how she'd counter that one. She ignored him and added smoothly, "Yes, but that event is more formal. People may be invited for reasons of protocol who the parents don't actually like but can't ignore. This is more for trusted friends or family, letting them into the baby's room like this."

Sif perked up immediately. "So it is an honor to be chosen for this task! Let us begin, then." Steve smothered a laugh as she charged for the cans of paint.

The warrior goddess was set to covering the one wall with pale yellow while Steve finished the first coat on the ceiling and began the other wall. Sara was holding a smaller container of green paint and carefully painting the molding around the window, which was too complex to take down and put back in the time they had. 

It had been her idea to paint the nursery as a gift for Thor and Jane, and Darcy had enthusiastically signed on. Pepper had loved the suggestion, but Pepper's idea was to pick colors and then hire a professional crew to do the job. When Sara resisted, pointing out that it was supposed to be a gift and thus should be done by them, Pepper suddenly found herself busy with work. 

Tony hadn't had an opinion either way, and Bruce had left that morning to do aid work somewhere. Clint and Natasha were on assignment, and Darcy, while highly intelligent, had a tendency for clumsiness that meant she wasn't a particularly good helper on a job like this. Darcy had been given the task of keeping the expecting parents away from the tower for long enough to get the painting done. Darcy had bulldozed Jane out this morning, saying they "needed to buy stuff" for the baby, with an amused Thor trailing after them.

As they painted, Sif told them of Asgard rituals for welcoming children, and asked a multitude of questions of Sara. The Warriors Three were not terribly interested in Earth aside from the food. Since there was nobody to fight they came less often but Sif was curious about the multitude of different cultures all contained on one world. 

She looked faintly ridiculous at the moment, dressed in loose pants and a Yankees t-shirt, getting yellow paint splattered on her as she attacked the wall with the paint roller enthusiastically. As odd as the Asgard clothing looked, it was weirder to see her not in it.

Possibly Steve just objected to the Yankees shirt. 

Sara stretched her back and grinned at him. "Hey, Michelangelo, we're kind of in a rush here." She came over and stood next to him. "Were you thinking of painting something for the baby?"

He looked at the wall. It was tempting, but he would need more than a couple of hours. "Maybe later. I have no idea what I would draw."

"Animals? Maybe baby animals? My friends had a bunch of monkeys on the wall of their kid's nursery. Cute monkeys, not scary ones." 

He could maybe do something really basic. But not today. He'd have to make some sketches and come back. "I'd probably screw it up and have to repaint the wall."

Sara chuckled. They finished the first coat of paint on everything and went to the kitchen where Steve made several large sandwiches for himself and Sif and one medium one for Sara. Tony wandered in while they were eating, stealing half of one of Steve's sandwiches without asking, completely unaffected by Steve's glare. "So, yellow and green? We're avoiding Earth based gender norms then? Not that I object. It's probably best for a hybrid human/Asgardian alien baby not to get stuck with the blue/pink thing. The kid's going to have enough confusing information to deal with."

"Actually, pink used to be a boy's color," Sara observed calmly. "Because red was considered the masculine color, of war and anger, little boys were dressed in pink. Blue was tranquil and calm, so it was for little girls. It was only after World War II it got flipped around."

Steve had been vaguely aware of that, but it was always fun to see Sara come out with something that took the wind out of Tony's sails. This time he settled for a "Hunh" and grabbed one of the disgusting shake things he kept in the fridge and went back to his lab. 

They left the dishes when Steve noticed the time and hurried back to put a second coat of paint on everything. They just barely finished when Jarvis warned them the others were back. Steve heard Thor notice that the door to the nursery was open and then he and Jane were standing in the doorway, open-mouthed, while everyone else yelled "Surprise!" 

Jane was stunned, but Thor beamed and insisted on hugging everyone in spite of their clothes being covered with paint. They cleaned up all the paint cans and trays and Sif went off with Darcy to shower and change. Jane needed to rest after all the walking she'd done that day, so Steve and Sara went back to the kitchen to clean up the dishes. 

Checking to be sure they were alone, he said, "Bruce got those test results back before he left."

Sara tensed. "Oh?"

"He said I'm still, you know. Able to." Fertile was the clinical term. When he'd taken the serum, nobody had been thinking that far ahead, and he'd never been tested to find out if the serum had affected his ability to have children. After their close encounter in the gym, Sara had brought it up and Steve had agreed this was something he needed to look into before they couldn't restrain themselves any more. 

Steve had gone to Bruce for help. He'd wanted to die on the spot when Bruce told him what was involved in the test, but he'd gritted his teeth and done it, after extracting a solemn vow from the scientist that Tony would never hear about it. 

"Well, we were expecting that." 

"Right. He, um, suggested extra precautions, just in case there are other side effects from the serum." 

Sara winced. He didn't blame her. Bruce's exact words had been, " _You need to double up on protection, every time, unless you want Sara to get pregnant. There's no way to tell if your sperm are as super powered as the rest of you_." But Steve was absolutely not repeating that out here in the open. Or possibly ever.

She didn't say anything else and they drifted back to his apartment. She sat down gingerly, mindful of possible wet paint still on her clothes. He sat down on the hassock, facing her. 

Sara seemed to gather herself and looked up at him. "Steve, do you want kids?"

He leaned on his elbows. "I've thought about it," he admitted. "Who doesn't, you know? Then the war happened and I wasn't really thinking beyond it." That wasn't entirely true. There had been times when he imagined life after the war, with Peggy, and maybe their kids. But those had been stolen moments and they were a long time ago. "Now, I don't know." He rubbed his palms on his pants. "In some ways things are even more uncertain."

Nobody was sure what the years stuck in the ice had done to him, whether that would shorten his life-span or not. Based on existing evidence, there was a strong chance of Steve outliving all of his friends, again, but nobody really knew for certain. Add in the ongoing dangers to Earth from enemies that seemed to be coming out of the woodwork with alarming regularity, his life was a lot more complex, and he wasn't sure how having a family fit into it at this point. But part of him still wanted it.

He said as much to Sara. She looked at her feet, which was something she did when she felt embarrassed. "I never really had strong feelings about it," she admitted. It did surprise him, since in his experience almost all women wanted babies, or were supposed to. "I mean, like I've told you, I haven't dated all that much, and I wasn't interested in doing the single mother thing, so it just didn't come up." He nodded and her voice got quieter. "And this-" she gestured between them, "is already complicated enough as it is."

Moving in here was supposed to have been temporary, and then the story got out and they hadn't had a lot of peace since then. Steve worried sometimes that it had rushed them along, that Sara had felt pressured into accepting a role in his life she hadn't been ready for. 

He reached out and took her hands. But she forestalled what he was about to say. "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. And I'm not complaining. I don't regret it." 

Steve couldn't help smiling. He lifted her hands to his lips, just to see her shiver, because she always did when he did that. 

Turning back to the matter at hand, he ignored the butterflies in his stomach and said, "Bruce suggested that we, ah, double up on protection, when we..." He still couldn't bring himself to be that direct with her. "Sometimes I think this might have been easier when people used euphemisms."

She laughed. "Bruce is right, though. We'll need to be careful. When we get to that point." 

When. Not if. Steve felt slightly scared and somewhat exhilarated at the thought. 

It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her, but he didn't want to do it like this. A proposal was supposed to be planned. 

_That_ was what had been holding him back, he realized. Maybe it was silly and old fashioned of him, but he at least wanted to ask her to marry him before they slept together. 

And given the last couple of weeks, clearly his time was running out. 

Sara yawned. "I think I'm going to go shower, scrub all the paint off of me." She stood up and leaned down to kiss him briefly and Steve pushed away the picture in his imagination of Sara naked and wet with her skin flushed pink under the water. 

"Sounds like a good idea," he said, standing up. He kept his voice neutral and attempted to keep his face blank, but she looked at him suspiciously anyway. 

She settled for tickling his stomach lightly and then hurrying away before he could retaliate. "Meet you back here in an hour?"

"Yeah, and then dinner?"

"It's a date." 

*~*~*~*~*

A proposal required two things: a ring and a location to do the proposing. 

Steve had gotten Sara a necklace for her birthday several months earlier, which he ended up giving to her a week late because a mission kept him away on the actual day. But Sara wore necklaces a lot, so he had an idea of what she might like beforehand. Rings were different. He'd been keeping his eyes open for a few months and never seen her wear a ring at all. Also, rings had sizes, so this was going to be complicated.

He decided to seek help. Jane had been put on bedrest for the final three months of her pregnancy and was driving Thor crazy because she wanted to work instead of relaxing. After promising Thor he wasn't going to let Jane get up, Steve stepped into the bedroom to find her sitting in bed, flipping aimlessly through the channels on the television. "Hey, Steve. How's it going?"

"Okay. How're you feeling?"

Jane made a noise. "I'm _fine_. Thor's just being overprotective."

"He's not the one who put you on bedrest," Steve pointed out. 

Jane waved a hand. "The doctors are just freaked because of the Asgard thing. I'm fine, the baby's fine, it'll all be fine. So, is that my tablet?"

She said the last bit so hopefully Steve had to laugh. "Sorry, no."

"Dammit. Thor banned Darcy from the apartment because she kept sneaking computers in to me. I thought maybe she'd convinced you to help her."

Steve came over and sat down on the bed. "Sorry, I wouldn't cross Thor on this one. But I do need your help with something."

He explained his dilemma and got her to swear not to tell Thor anything, since the big guy had some trouble keeping secrets and Steve didn't want anyone to know about this until after he'd actually proposed. Not that he thought Sara was going to say no, but he wasn't about to push his luck.

Jane took the computer and started searching the internet. Steve wanted a traditional ring, something that demonstrated his feelings, but Jane chided him gently that he needed to consider Sara's taste in jewelry overall. "You're not winning her heart with a diamond, Steve. That's done. You want this to be something she's happy to wear every day, don't you?"

That was true. Jane poked around a few websites, and then looked at him nervously. "Steve, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Have you and Sara talked about this? I mean, being together that long?"

"Not in so many words." They had talked about a lot of things but he hadn't brought up his intentions, for lack of a better word, explicitly. 

Jane shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe you should. Before you spring this on her. I know you love each other," she added hastily when he frowned. "But have you really thought this through? I mean, what happens twenty years from now, if Sara's starting to get older and get gray hair and wrinkles and stuff and you still look the same?" 

"I don't care what she looks like," he said, a little irritated. The constant barrage of comments from outsiders about Sara's appearance was still a sore point for them both. 

"I didn't mean that. I meant, like, what if she gets sick, not just temporarily but a chronic illness? Or just gets weaker and slower because she's getting old? How are you going to cope with having a wife who is going through all these things you won't be sharing with her?"

Steve had no response to that. He hadn't thought that far ahead before. Most of his hopes for the future were centered on staying alive to come home to Sara and keeping her safe from the people who would target them both. He hadn't considered the more mundane side of building a life together over the long-term.

Jane seemed to realize she'd surprised him. She patted his arm. "Just promise me you'll think about this and talk to Sara, before you go to the actual proposing part." He nodded absently and Jane returned to the search. Eventually they narrowed it down to a few choices, all of them less elaborate than he probably would've picked on his own. Jane disclaimed any further responsibility at that point and Steve thanked her and handed over the cookies he'd brought as a bribe. 

Sara was cooking supper for them both that night and Steve had trouble not studying her more closely than normal. Jane had been right that he wasn't aging the way a normal man would. If enough time elapsed, Sara would look significantly older than he did, although their ages were the opposite. No matter how much he loved her or how close they were, there would be things he couldn't understand as time went on, more so than in a normal relationship. 

She finally put down the fork next to the bowl of meat, rice and tomato sauce she was mixing together and looked at him. "Okay, what's up? Do I have something on my face?"

Clearly she'd noticed him staring. "No."

"Then is my hair sticking out weirdly or something?"

"No," he sighed. "I was just thinking."

She wiped her hands on a towel and grabbed a spoon. "About what?"

"I was trying to picture what you'll look like when you get old."

She dropped the spoon with a clatter. "Dear lord, why?"

He didn't want to give his plan away entirely, so he went for part of the truth. "I went up to visit Jane this afternoon. She's going a bit stir-crazy. And she was talking about the baby and it occurred to me that she's going to age like a normal person, and the kid probably will too, while Thor doesn't."

He wasn't surprised that Sara nodded immediately. "Yeah, that's got to be weird. I wondered if that was partly why there was such a mess over them getting married. Thor said relationships between Asgardians and mortals were frowned upon for a long time because the relative life spans are so different." She began scooping the meat mixture into the halved green peppers carefully. "That's going to be really hard on him. No matter how much he loves her, she'll be just a memory for him for longer than she'll be alive."

Steve winced, thinking of Peggy. He'd only really known her for a year or so out of his whole life, which had been more than enough to fall in love with her and never completely get over it. And now he was considering marrying Sara and setting himself up for something far worse. If he and Sara were together for even a few years and something happened to her... he couldn't bear to think about it. 

"Of course, Thor isn't actually immortal. He could get killed." Sara glanced at him and he realized she knew they weren't really talking about Jane and Thor. "She could lose him too." She finished preparing the food and grabbed the aluminum foil to cover the pan. "But what's the alternative? For either of them? Walk away just because of what might happen someday? Nobody anywhere would stay in a relationship if that was the case."

He nodded slowly. "At least they'll have good things to remember, instead of nothing." Although he knew how Peggy had looked before she died, what stuck in his mind the most was from before, when she was still young and beautiful and full of fire. And despite the pain, he wouldn't have traded that time for anything. 

Sara met his eyes again as she gathered the dishes and understanding washed over him. The only thing that would be worse than losing Sara would be never being with her at all. 

"C'mere." 

Sara set the pile of bowls and things down in the sink and walked around the island in the kitchen. He was sitting on the stool and he spread his knees a bit so he could pull her close and kiss her. 

Later that evening he made a decision about the rings. The next morning he called the jeweler and explained the situation. Sara was working so he didn't have to come up with an excuse to be out in the evening. The jeweler stayed open late so Steve could shop without getting spotted, and he paid the man a substantial bonus to ensure the newspapers didn't find out about this. 

Once that half of his plan was done, he needed to think of somewhere to take Sara to propose. He refused to do this in Stark Tower. There were a few restaurants that they went to occasionally, places where they could trust the staff and the manager not to tip off photographers, but all of those places were casual. He wanted this to be special.

They had only gone on one really fancy, formal date and it had been miserable. It had been over the winter, after Steve missed Valentine's Day and Sara's birthday. He had wanted to make up for it, so Pepper had set up a dinner at a really expensive restaurant with private rooms and some famous chef. Neither Steve or Sara had felt comfortable the entire evening. The food was weird and the setting made them uneasy with each other. The first time Sara had genuinely smiled that night was after he took her home to her old apartment and she was sitting on the kitchen counter, still in her fancy dress but without her shoes or stockings, feeding him ice cream out of the carton. 

Fancy wasn't them. Since that night, they'd stuck to quiet evenings together or going to places that didn't involve dressing up or any of that nonsense. But he still wasn't going to just pop the question while sitting on the couch. He racked his brain for a couple of days before he finally got him an idea. 

He waited until Sara was done with the transfer of her division to the new, more secure Records offices. He deliberately didn't get his hair cut or shave for a couple of days, which made her a little suspicious, since it rather plainly telegraphed that he was intending to go out and didn't want to be recognized. He hinted that they should celebrate her new domain being completed, although he just managed to avoid an outright lie.

It was Saturday evening when he picked her up for their date. His luck had held and it was warm outside, one of the last warm weekends of the year, probably, since it was early fall. Steve had borrowed one of the Stark Enterprises cars (Tony's cars were impossible to be inconspicuous in) and he refused to tell Sara where they were going despite her begging. 

She figured it out when he parked the car. "So, you were just craving a hot dog?" Steve grinned and took her hand as they walked out onto the boardwalk at Brighton Beach. He didn't consider that night she'd come to rescue him a date, but it was still a place that meant something special to the two of them.

He wasn't sure his "disguise" was even necessary, as the various locals and tourists ignored them in favor of their own interests. Steve bought hot dogs, French fries and bottled water and they had to walk a bit to find an empty bench, because the place was fairly crowded. 

They talked quietly, watching people flow past. After they had eaten, Sara leaned against his side, relaxed and happy, which was exactly what he had wanted. When the sun had set, he reached into his pocket and took a deep breath, praying that she wasn't disappointed with either the ring or the location. "So, I actually brought you here for a reason. And not just to celebrate finishing the new offices."

"Oh?" She looked amused, until he pulled the ring box out of his pocket and she saw it. Her mouth fell open and she sat up. " _Oh_."

He flipped the box open and took the ring out. He had to lick his lips before he could speak. "I can't go down on one knee, it'll attract too much attention, but... Sara, will you marry me?" 

Time stood still as he waited, trying to read the expression on her face. She blinked and he realized she was crying. She swallowed and nodded. "Of course," she whispered, then said it more clearly. "Of course I will." 

He let out the breath he'd been holding and smiled, his heart beating again. He picked up her left hand and slid the ring onto her finger. It was a little loose. "We'll have to get it sized. I had to guess." He lifted her hand to his lips to kiss her fingers and Sara touched his cheek with her other hand, leaning in to kiss him. He could taste the salt from her tears. 

"I love you," she said, her forehead resting against his. "So much." 

"I love you too, sweetheart." 

Around them, one or two people glanced over at the couple kissing passionately on the bench, but nobody interrupted. The lights came on and the last people straggled off the beach while Steve and Sara sat in their own little bubble, until finally the chill in the night air drove them back to the car. 

It was not cold enough for them not to get ice cream on the way, though. 

*~*~*~*~*

Sunday morning, Sara sat on the edge of her bed and picked up the engagement ring. She'd taken it off before going to sleep, fearful it would slip off her finger overnight and get lost in the sheets somewhere. It was a beautiful ring, a diamond in the center in a fairly simple setting, with tiny etchings on the band. 

She put the ring back onto her finger and stared at it for a minute. Eventually she might get used to it. Maybe. 

She'd been considering this possibility. Moving into the tower had been a tacit acceptance of a permanent place in Steve's life. They'd been talking about things like having kids, about coping with Steve's altered metabolism and what could happen to him, conversations that made sense in the context of planning for the future. 

And yet, looking at the engagement ring on her finger, she still felt shocked. 

She got up and went into her kitchen. After a moment, she took the ring back off and set it down on the table so it wouldn't be in the way and toasted an English muffin, eating absently while she looked out the window at Manhattan and her thoughts raced. She had no idea how long she sat there, but eventually Jarvis interrupted her brooding. "Doctor, Captain Rogers is at the door." 

"Thanks, Jarvis. You can let him in." Even Steve wasn't allowed into the apartment without asking, except in emergencies. What would it be like to have him sharing her space? She'd lived alone since graduating from college. She wasn't sure how she would adapt to having another person around all the time.

"Sara?"

"In the kitchen."

He came into the room looking worried. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm just thinking."

He glanced at the empty plate in front of her, still uneasy. "You didn't come up for breakfast." 

It was Sunday, she remembered belatedly. Most of the team had breakfast together on Sunday mornings when they were here, and she had been joining them since moving into the tower, at least when she was home. "I forgot." He shifted on his feet, still looking anxious. "What's wrong?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. I just... I was thinking we could tell everyone this morning. You know, when they saw-" He glanced down at her hand, noticed the ring wasn't on it, and looked at her so hurt she finally jolted out of her distraction.

"Oh, no! No, Steve, it's right here. I took it off because I was eating and it's really loose. That's all." She grabbed the ring and showed it to him. "I was eating and there was jelly involved and I didn't want to worry about it falling off." 

He relaxed. "Oh, right. We have to get it sized." 

"Yeah, tomorrow if possible. I don't want to keep putting it down somewhere." 

That got him to smile. He took the ring from her and put it back in place. "Hopefully you won't ever have to take it off again after that." She got goose bumps at the thought. Sara looked at the ring on her hand until Steve lifted her chin with his fingers. "So, you gonna tell me what's bothering you?"

She rubbed her other hand against his arm soothingly. "I guess the practical part of my brain woke up. I mean, where will we live? I don't want to give up my bed, or my couch. And what about the ceremony, do you want to get married in a church? Because it's going to get complicated really fast. Once this gets out in the media we're going to be under even more scrutiny, and I don't-"

Steve kissed her, which was playing dirty, but effective at shutting her up. When he let her go, he sighed. "Okay, one thing at a time. I'm fine with moving in here, but if you think we need more space I'm sure there are some larger apartments somewhere in the tower. If not, we tell SHIELD and Tony to go to hell and find somewhere else." 

"I'm honestly not sure who would be harder to convince on that score," Sara shot back. Steve chuckled. 

"You have a lot more furniture than I do, and you know what a fan I am of your couch. I can't speak to how comfortable your bed is, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt on that one. For now." Sara blushed at the teasing. He kissed her forehead. "I'm not really invested in having a church wedding. I don't think all that really matters so much as us. I mean, I'd marry you here in the kitchen if that was where you wanted to do it. So long as it's legal, so we just need someone with the power to marry us."

"We need a license too. Oh Lord. Your paperwork." She rubbed her forehead. Steve's legal status had eventually been sorted out with the government, because he'd been rather insistent that he pay his taxes properly and his Army benefits had to be set up. Sara had dug into that mess herself the fall after his return. However, when the New York City license board saw a birth certificate that listed him as being nearly 100, they might ask some questions. 

Not to mention they could tip off the media. 

"Sara," he sighed patiently. "You brought me back from the dead. I'm sure we can handle getting a marriage license."

"Right. I can make a few calls." 

"Good idea. So what else?"

She thought for a moment. "So you _don't_ want a church wedding? Are you sure you don't want a priest to perform the ceremony?"

Steve looked down at her, surprised. "Of course I do. Let's book St. Pat's and call the Pope." 

Sara gaped in horror until he cracked a smile. She started to laugh in spite of herself. "Right. I'm sure he's got nothing better to do."

"Hey, if there are any benefits of being a globally famous superhero, this should be it," Steve said with mock pompousness. 

"You sure you don't want to do this in Times Square? Then we could put the ceremony up on the monitors."

"For that, we should rent out Madison Square Garden." 

"Not Yankee Stadium?" Steve grimaced. "Okay, point taken. You don't want a big public display. Just a justice of the peace?"

"Fine by me. Tony keeps claiming he's ordained in some religion on the internet but I'd rather find someone who actually can prove they have the authority to marry us." 

"Yes, please." She leaned against his chest and Steve wrapped his arms around her. They were silent for a minute while she tried to gather her thoughts. "I don't want a big to-do either. I don't want to try to order flowers and music and all that stuff. I don't want to have to sit through hours making small talk with people. I'd prefer to keep it small, and short." She drew back to look up at him curiously. Steve was a fairly traditional man and she didn't want him to be disappointed if she didn't want a traditional wedding. 

To her relief, he was nodding. "I want you. I don't really care about the other stuff." He paused before adding, "Though I do think the rest of the team will have to be there, or they'll never forgive me." 

"I have a couple of friends I'd like to have there. But I want to keep this as private as possible."

"Agreed." Steve rubbed her back gently. "So, what about a date?" 

"The sooner we do this, the easier it will be to keep it from becoming public," she pointed out. 

His hands slipped a little lower and he grinned. "And that has nothing to do with you being impatient, of course." He pinched her and Sara jumped.

"Pot, meet kettle, I think." He shrugged, not denying it. She realized that in a very short time, they might actually be married, and the thought of the wedding night made her dizzy. When she managed to look back up at him, Steve's expression had changed. She recognized that look. He bent down and kissed her hard, and she wasn't terribly surprised when he backed her up against the counter and then lifted her up onto it, still kissing her urgently.

They stayed like that, making out eagerly until Sara needed air. She pulled away, trying to get her breathing under control. 

Steve lifted her hand, his thumb brushing over her ring. "Okay, so, there's another factor here. I don't want anything to delay the wedding. I don't want to get called out to go on a mission and have to postpone, not if we can avoid it. And I don't want to go out there..." He licked his lips. "I want to be able to come home to my wife next time, if we can manage it." 

Sara felt her heart jump in her chest. She hadn't thought of that, but she agreed with him. "Me too." Steve smiled and kissed her softly. "I guess there's nothing to do but pick a reasonable date and hope."

"Would next weekend be too pushy?" 

Sara tried to think. They needed a location, rings, a license and a few other things, plus a couple of guests. And for the world not to end in the intervening time. "I think so? You know, I think we need some help here. We need a mastermind to plan this."

They looked at each other and said the obvious name together. "Pepper." 

*~*~*~*~*

It took less than 60 seconds for Pepper to shed a few tears of joy, jump up and hug them both and congratulate them before she was pulling out her tablet and starting to organize the wedding. She merely grinned when they said they wanted to do it the following weekend and began tapping quickly at her computer. 

A client of Stark's had a house out on Long Island with a beachfront view. It was proximate to New York, so it would be easy to get everyone there. The owner was away for some sort of yacht race, and he owed Pepper a favor. That seemed to take care of the location. Pepper assured them she would take care of getting everyone a place to sleep and ensuring there was food. 

Sara had to handle the paperwork for the license and when Pepper asked carefully about other arrangements, Sara glanced at Steve and shrugged. "We need a judge or a justice of the peace, and that's about it. I'll deal with getting a dress."

Steve thought the two women looked at each other in a way that suggested they would discuss that matter when he was out of the room. His job was to get the wedding rings and make sure his uniform was clean and ready to go.

"What about the honeymoon?"

Steve looked at Sara. "Hawaii?" She'd been talking about going back there as long as he'd known her.

She shook her head regretfully. "I don't think that's a good idea. I can't be away from work for more than a few days, not until the new office is fully operational. And if we're going to go to Hawaii, I want to at least be preparing to go for a couple weeks." Whether they would get to go or actually stay that long was another matter, of course, but he understood what she meant. "Maybe over the holidays? When we might have more time."

"Right. So somewhere closer." They had to consider security, as much as he hated to bring that into play here. It wasn't easy for them to disappear for a few days, and they couldn't be entirely out of contact with the world, much as he wished otherwise.

"There's a place up in Maine," Pepper put in. "It's a cabin, in the sense of being in the woods outside of a small town on the coast, but it's used by celebrities and people who want privacy. Plus the scenery would be gorgeous this time of year."

That seemed to settle that issue. Pepper smiled at them indulgently. "You'd better go down and tell Jane and Thor. That'll spread the word to everybody, and Jane will kill you if she hears about this last."

"Oh good. We'll get an hour of Asgardian wedding traditions," Sara said with a grin. 

Thor did indeed regale them with details of weddings in Asgard, such as befitted warriors who were not princes, and seemed rather disappointed that there weren't special rituals reserved for such honorable people as Steve and Sara. Jane was so happy she blurted out her part in finding the engagement ring, to Steve's chagrin. 

The rest of the day was a bit chaotic as everyone found out and congratulated them and asked about wedding plans, then made jokes about the rush. Steve hadn't considered what such a fast wedding implied until Darcy gaped and said to Sara, "Holy shit, are you pregnant?" Apparently their indiscretion in the gym had been shared far and wide.

Once _that_ was straightened out, Tony announced that Pepper was ordering a massive quantity of Italian food delivered, at his suggestion, to celebrate. Supper was in Jane and Thor's apartment, so she wasn't left out, and Pepper had by then confirmed the house for the weekend and a good portion of the other details for the wedding, as well as the reservation for the honeymoon. 

Steve's head was spinning a bit when he and Sara finally escaped back to her apartment. Sara had called her best friend from college and one of her other friends and both of them were coming to New York on Saturday morning. "You're going to need to pick two people to stand up with you," she pointed out. 

Steve looked at the floor, a sudden rush of memories hitting him unexpectedly. Grief and regret washed over him and the silence stretched. Sara didn't say anything, she just held on to his hand and leaned against him and waited. Eventually he kissed the top of her head and she looked up. "I told Pepper no dancing at the reception, by the way." 

A long time ago, back when they were only becoming friends, Steve had told Sara about Peggy, about the date he had missed. The sense of loss had faded, but he knew it would never go away completely. He didn't want it to, didn't want to lose that memory, which was all he had of that part of his life.

"Thanks," he said quietly. This was part of why he had fallen in love with Sara, the way she accepted him as he was and didn't ask him to pretend his past didn't exist. 

She helped him draw his thoughts to the new life they were starting together on Saturday. "I was thinking about the timing, and if we have the ceremony in the afternoon and then eat, we could probably skip out not long after that and head to Maine. The sun will go down fairly early, so we can say we want to get there before it gets dark. The others can party however they like once we're gone."

He grinned. "And they will, I have no doubt." 

"Yep. I'm sure there'll be pictures. The kind nobody wants on the internet."

He and Sara would be busy with something else by that point on Saturday. God, six days from now, they would be married. Having their wedding night. _Finally_. 

He looked down at her and Sara's expression grew amused. Clearly she knew where his thoughts had gone. When he leaned down and kissed her, she cupped his cheek in her hand, and he felt the cool metal from her engagement ring against his face. 

_Six days_ , he thought. In six days, he could do more than kiss her. His thoughts raced over the many, many things he was longing to do, to try, with her, and he pulled her even closer and kissed her harder until they were both breathless and clinging tightly to each other.

Sara laughed. "So, you think you can hold out the whole week?"

He rolled his eyes. "We've waited this long, and it's not even an entire week."

She got a wicked look on her face. She put a hand against his chest and pushed him back, then slowly and deliberately crawled into his lap. Distantly Steve knew this was playing with fire, but he wasn't good at backing down from a challenge, especially one that was going to be this pleasant. Sara slipped her arms around his neck and her breasts brushed against his chest. "It's still six very long days," she whispered before kissing him deep and slow. 

He let her have his mouth. His hands slipped around to grope her butt. But he could handle this. He was going to get hard, obviously, but he could hold out. At first he thought it would be easy, since Sara was holding some of her weight off him, but he realized as she kissed him thoroughly that he was pushing his hips up toward her, wanting more contact than she was allowing. This was way worse, tantalizing him until he grew frustrated and tugged her hips down firmly. 

She chuckled against his lips and he remembered what had started this. He wiggled a hand up under her shirt, teasing the sensitive skin on her lower back.

Sara's amusement turned into a moan and his dick jerked at the sound. He wanted to hear that again, preferably when they were both naked. He wanted to rip her clothes off, to get his hands on her bare skin everywhere. 

Sara leaned back slightly, to his annoyance, then she dragged her nails down his chest. Her fingers brushed over one of his nipples and he jumped, just enough for her to notice. She did it again and Steve reacted on blind instinct, lifting her up and flipping them over so that Sara was on her back underneath him on the couch. 

He kissed her frantically, holding his weight with one hand while the other fondled her breast before sliding down lower until his fingers were in between her legs, pressed up against the seam of her jeans. He'd never been quite so direct before, but Sara rocked into his hand, arching her body into his touch, and whimpered out his name.

He paused, staring down at her, his pulse thudding heavily through his body. He could make her climax like this. He could give her that pleasure right now, get to see her. Or do more. They would be married in a matter of days, what did it matter if they jumped the gun a little? 

The temptation was almost painful, but Sara opened her eyes and looked up at him and seemed to read the hesitation on his face. She groaned in frustration but she pulled herself up and closed her legs slightly, and Steve pulled his hand away. He braced his arms and closed his eyes, trying to get some semblance of control back. 

Sara put a hand over his heart, but not to tease him. He looked at her and she sighed. "Six days." 

He nodded. "Not even a week." He licked his lips, fully aware of the way she watched his mouth, and then pushed himself backward, away from her. "We should maybe not be alone too much until then." 

"Probably not."


	6. Chapter 6

Sara had lived through some surreal moments in the last two years, but the entire week leading up to the wedding topped every single one of them.

Steve took her to the jewelry store Monday night, so they could get her engagement ring fixed and pick out wedding rings. It was difficult to say whether that or calling Director Fury and telling him the news was the weirdest part of the day. And that was just Monday. 

She was distracted from work the entire week and deeply grateful her staff was so good at their jobs. She told Carrie on Wednesday, since her assistant was too smart to not notice something was going on, especially after Sara took long lunches two days in a row, which was unprecedented. 

Sara was keeping her engagement ring on a chain around her neck under her shirt while she was in the office or on the way there or back, in an attempt to keep the news out of the papers. She insisted on telling Lisa Morris, the press liaison for SHIELD, about the engagement and the upcoming wedding as a precaution. Lisa couldn't control a story she didn't know about, so if there was a leak, it was better she be prepared.

The most difficult task was her wedding dress. It was the one part of a wedding she'd ever really daydreamed about in her life, and she went to the tailor she usually used and paid an exorbitant amount of money to get the simple tunic dress made and fitted within the allotted time. She had a velvet shrug to wear over it, and shoes that would suffice. 

It wasn't until Thursday that it dawned on her she needed to pack for the next week, that she wouldn't simply be back in her apartment on Monday like normal. Which led to embarrassing thoughts about whether she even needed to bother packing much in the way of clothes. 

Pepper thankfully had almost everything else in hand, including travel arrangements for everyone. 

The one thing nobody could control was the entire rest of the world, and every time her phone went off, Sara jumped. She was half-afraid some disaster would occur and stop them, and half-afraid it wouldn't and they would actually go through with this. 

Throughout the week, Steve would periodically reach for her hand and squeeze it tightly. She wasn't sure if he was trying to comfort her or himself. 

Despite Sara's resistance, Darcy insisted on setting up a girls-only bridal shower on Friday night. Tony had been cracking jokes on Sunday about Steve's bachelor party, which had prompted Steve to declare loudly that nobody but Bruce was allowed to plan that or he would not show up. Despite Bruce's reassurances, Steve looked a little scared as Clint marched him out of the common room to Tony's penthouse Friday evening.

"I just hope they went with porn, because explaining the strippers to the newspapers could be a problem," Sara observed ruefully as she, Maria and Natasha headed to Jane's apartment. 

"No strippers," Natasha reported. "Bruce put his foot down. Though I could always sneak up and check if you're worried."

"Maybe later."

The shower wasn't too bad. Sara had been worried that Darcy would insist on the typical silly games that went on at bridal showers, and Sara hadn't been eager to be at the center of that. She didn’t enjoy wearing tissue paper hats as a general rule. Instead there was Chinese food and a sinfully delicious chocolate and caramel cake. Sara and Jane sat nursing their sparkling grape juice while the others downed mimosas and Jane watched them wistfully.

Then came the gifts, which had Sara blushing until she was probably the color of a turnip. Almost all of it was lingerie, the type of thing she'd never have bought for herself, given that she slept in shorts and a t-shirt most of the time. The lingerie was even in her size, so she couldn't use that excuse either. 

Darcy, perhaps predictably, gave her a box of flavored lubricants. 

Only Natasha managed not to be embarrassing. Her gift was an ornate drinking glass, intended for sharing wine during an Orthodox wedding ceremony. Sara made a mental note to do something with that at the reception, since the ceremony tomorrow wouldn't have room for it. 

Dear God, she was getting married to Steve _tomorrow_. 

The party broke up fairly early since Jane needed to rest. Sara was dubious she was going to sleep at all tonight but she went home with Natasha helping her carry the gifts. Once she was alone Sara put most of the lingerie into the drawer of her dresser, buried in the back. She had bought something to wear on her wedding night, far more modest than the gifts, and that was already packed. The thought made butterflies fill her stomach again. 

With impeccable timing, Steve knocked on the door at that moment. Sara knew the sound of his hand by now even before Jarvis confirmed it. He looked a bit freaked out, his face flushed and his eyes moving rapidly. She didn't even want to know what the guys had done to him, so she just pulled him close and rested her head against his chest. 

Steve held her for a few minutes and she felt some of her own tension bleeding away. "I wanted to say goodnight," he explained. "We won't see each other tomorrow until the ceremony." He was going out to the house first thing in the morning. Sara was going to the airport to meet her friends and explain what was going on.

Without looking up at him, Sara asked, "Steve, are you nervous?"

He hesitated and then held her a little tighter. "Horribly. I wasn't until tonight. It just kind of hit me, how everything is about to change."

She nodded. It was weird, but knowing he felt that way made her feel calmer. She pulled back and looked up at him. "We'll figure it out." 

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers, brushing his thumb against her ring. He'd been doing that all week and she wondered if that was going to become a habit of his from now on. 

She went up on her toes and kissed him. Steve kissed her back, pressing her against the door frame. It was the first time they'd been alone like this since Sunday and she reflected it was probably for the best they were still out in the hallway. 

He looked calmer when he let her go. They said good night and Sara retreated into her apartment. They would be moving into a new, larger place in the tower but that would take a couple of weeks, as it wasn't ready for inhabitants yet. Steve would be staying with her here, at least at night, in the interim.

Sara washed her face and put on her pajamas. She climbed into bed and turned off the light, then sat there in the dark for a while, listening to the quiet, thinking. Eventually she curled up on her side and concentrated on breathing in and out until she drifted off. 

The morning was chaotic. Sara choked down some breakfast and finished packing everything before getting into a car to go to the airport. Pepper reported that the others had all arrived safely at the house, Thor carrying Jane anywhere she needed to go rather than using a wheelchair. Bruce and Clint were standing up with Steve at the wedding itself, so the whole gang of them had left together that morning in a helicopter, to make the process less stressful on Jane. 

Sara's two best friends, Alyssa and Lori, had arrived at Kennedy airport with their husbands in tow, and she was temporarily distracted explaining to them what was going on as they got onto a small Stark jet to fly out to the East Hampton airport. Pepper and Natasha kept Tony distracted during the flight. 

Director Fury, Maria, Carrie and Sara's assistant director Miles had all arrived earlier so everyone was at the house by the time Sara arrived. Pepper took Sara's friends to separate rooms where they could change. Darcy whisked Sara upstairs to a bedroom suite the size of her old apartment and assured her that the justice of the peace was already there and being briefed by Maria. Sara hoped the man wouldn't faint at the length of the non-disclosure form he would have to sign.

Time seemed to fly by after that. The caterer had delivered plates of sandwiches and cookies, although her appetite was still missing in action. Sara showered and let Natasha help her with her hair, since she didn't trust Darcy or Pepper not to go overboard. She got into her dress and put on the necklace that had belonged to her grandmother, which was a small star sapphire. 

The other women chatted about how beautiful Sara looked while she stared at herself in the mirror, trying to catch her breath. The dress fitted perfectly, and despite it not being a traditional gown with a veil, it felt like it suited her. She just hoped Steve liked it. 

She got one more surprise when Darcy pounced on a box and produced a gorgeous bouquet of red roses. "I know you didn't want to deal with flowers, but Pepper and I both decided you had to have a bouquet." 

Then it was time to go downstairs. Someone, probably Pepper, had put on some sort of muted classical music. Flanked by her two friends, Sara walked into the large room on the second floor of the house, which had solid windows along one entire side overlooking the beach. It was chilly and windy outside today, but the sun was out. 

She barely got to look at the scenery, since as soon as she walked through the open double doors, she spotted Steve waiting for her and couldn't look at anything else. He was in his Army uniform, preferring that to a suit and tie. She preferred him that way as well. Looking at him standing there in the sunlight, a tiny part of her still wondered what on earth she was doing here, why he had chosen her. 

But he stared at her as she walked across the room toward him, his emotions plain, and she knew she would never forget the look on his face. 

He reached for her hand as soon as she was close enough, and she was relieved to grab onto it and steady herself. 

The judge was a middle-aged man and he smiled nervously as he began the simple ceremony. He skipped any mention of parents and went instead to asking whether Sara and Steve were there of their own free will, and whether anyone among the witnesses knew of any impediment to the wedding. There was a tiny "oof" from Tony and Pepper's direction but the judge either didn't hear it or knew better than to pay attention. 

The judge spoke for a minute about the point of marriage but he kept the platitudes brief and asked the guests if they promised to support the partnership that was forming today. Everyone said yes or at least nodded and they reached the vows. Steve wanted traditional vows, so they stuck with the classics aside from the "obey" part. 

Steve took her hands and they faced each other as the judge spoke the vows. "Steven, do you take this woman as your wife? Do you promise to love her, honor her, and cherish her, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," his hands tightened on hers slightly at that, "and forsaking all others, remain faithful to her for so long as you both live?"

Steve looked into her eyes. "I do." _He sounds remarkably calm_ , Sara thought. Her throat was so dry she wasn't sure she could speak.

The judge asked her the same question and she swallowed hard so that her "I do" would be audible. Steve smiled encouragingly when she got it out.

Bruce handed over the rings and the judge intoned, "Steven and Sara, exchange these rings which are a symbol of the commitment you have made here today." She went first this time, sliding the heavy silver band onto Steve's finger. It wasn't in the script, but she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed the ring. She met his eyes as she looked up and felt a giddy warmth bubble up inside her.

Steve put her ring on and kissed her hand as well. 

"Steven and Sara, you have exchanged your promises before these witnesses and exchanged rings as a symbol of your vows to each other. By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I pronounce you husband and wife." 

There was an audible sigh of relief from nearly everyone in the room and Steve framed her face in his hands and kissed her. 

After thanking the judge, they were surrounded by everyone, hugging and shaking hands. Sara wasn't surprised that Jane was crying, but Darcy was also wiping her eyes, which was unexpected and made Clint look distinctly uneasy. Thor slapped Steve on the back so hard he nearly fell over, which made everyone laugh. 

Everyone stood around talking until Natasha slipped nearer to the window and somehow started to radiate tension, which was picked up by her teammates almost instantly. "What is it?" Steve demanded, instinctively pulling Sara closer to him. 

"I thought I saw something." Clint stepped over to Natasha's side and after a moment he nodded. "Someone's down on the beach, hiding behind that piece of fence." His hands clenched briefly and Sara wondered if he was wishing for his bow.

Sara looked up at Steve, who was grimacing. In theory, it could be just some random person on the beach, but she didn't believe that any more than he did, it seemed. 

Natasha left the room, presumably to go check out the beach, while Clint went to watch her back. Bruce suggested moving downstairs to the dining room, which had fewer windows and was on a different side of the house. There was no avoiding the tension lingering in everyone until Natasha and Clint returned. "We found prints, heading down the beach, and tire tracks."

"Probably a reporter," Clint said tersely. He had a particularly volatile relationship with the media, since reporters plastering his picture all over the world had made it far harder for him to remain unnoticed. 

Steve hadn't let go of her hand the entire time. Sara looked at him and shrugged helplessly. There was nothing they could do at this point. "If it gets out, it gets out. Let Lisa handle it."

He nodded reluctantly. Thankfully Tony insisted he was starving and they sat down to eat. Sara knew from experience Steve was generally less cranky when he'd been fed, and he relaxed again as they ate and talked. Sara had brought the glass Natasha had given her and she and Steve both took a sip of the ridiculously expensive champagne Pepper had gotten for the reception from the glass. Bruce got up and made a brief, heartfelt toast that made Steve look somewhat embarrassed, and Darcy insisted on doing at least one "clanking forks on glasses" round to get the newlyweds to kiss. 

As planned, they left the party in the middle of the afternoon to change and head to the cabin. Two of Sara's agents were already in Maine, checked into the small hotel in the nearby town. Steve hadn't been happy about that but Sara insisted, citing all the many horror movies where people were trying to get away from it all and ended up running for their lives through the woods. No sense in taking chances. 

Natasha came on the jet with them. That hadn't been part of the plan, but everyone was spooked by the tracks on the beach. Sara knew Steve would feel better if someone he trusted scouted the area before leaving them alone. 

The cabin was only a cabin in the most basic sense. It was luxurious, with expensive furniture, a state of the art entertainment center and a satellite communications station. The backup generator was carefully protected and the windows were both one-way and made of bullet-proof glass. There was a panic room in the basement to boot. It had been designed to cater to paranoid rich people and celebrities looking to escape the world for a while. 

Natasha reported that the forest around the cabin was clear. Steve relaxed slightly and thanked her and she departed. Steve fussed with putting some of their things away, including the extra food they'd packed to take with them from the reception.

Sara went to the picture window in the living room, watching the sun set. A few minutes later, Steve stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and she let out a deep breath. They were finally alone. 

*~*~*~*~*

The scenery outside the cabin was impressive. Through the trees they could see the ocean, and here and there were still trees whose leaves had turned color but not fallen yet. The sun was almost down, making shadows stretch over the hills. 

He felt Sara relax against him and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. This was the first time they'd been alone all day and he was savoring feeling her in his arms. "Pretty," he observed, nuzzling her ear.

"Yeah, it is."

He nipped her earlobe. "Wasn't talking about the view."

She laughed and turned around, rolling her eyes. Steve leaned down and kissed her, reminding himself that it was early yet, they had all night, there was no need to rush. 

But Sara pulled away from the kiss and ran her hands down the buttons on his shirt with a mischievous smile. "Are you hungry?"

He could probably have eaten something, since he was pretty much always hungry, but that smile made his entire body go on alert. "Not particularly."

She took his hands and began walking backwards toward the bedroom and his heart rate shot up. "Did you want to go take a walk, stretch your legs a little outside?"

He was grinning like an idiot, probably, but he shook his head and tickled her hands. "Nope."

The bedroom was big, with the king-sized bed, a table and two chairs and a fireplace, plus the bathroom off to the side. He barely noticed the details, pulling Sara into his arms. "Maybe sit and read for a while?" she teased. On impulse, Steve kicked the bedroom door shut behind him. Sara laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'll take that as a no."

He kissed her again, his hand tangling in her hair and making a wreck of the carefully arranged hair-do she'd had on for the wedding. His wife didn't seem to care, kissing him back urgently and letting her body slide against his. He was already getting aroused and he growled in frustration when Sara slipped free from his hold. She grabbed the small suitcase she'd brought and backed up toward the bathroom, her smile wicked. "You could maybe get a fire going? I'll be out in a minute."

He took a deep breath, trying to get control of himself and did as she asked. The fireplaces were ridiculously easy to start, so he closed the curtains and unpacked a few of his things. Having nothing else to do, he sat down and took off his shoes and tried to calm his racing heart.

He was terribly nervous. He'd imagined this night many times, but right now all he could picture was doing something wrong, or losing control of himself and hurting her. Despite what he knew, and specifically what he knew about Sara, he felt the weight of his inexperience more than he ever had before. 

The bathroom door opened a minute later and he nearly forgot how to breathe as Sara walked toward him. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, and she was wearing a pale blue robe that came barely to mid-thigh. Her legs and feet were bare. His arousal jumped another notch as he stared. She spun around playfully but he could see the hint of nervousness in her eyes. 

Steve shook his head, looking her over. "I didn't think you could look more beautiful than you did this afternoon."

Her eyes lit up. "You liked the dress?"

He nodded. "You looked amazing. A little different than this, though." She laughed softly and a silence fell. He was too scared to make a move, fearing it would be wrong. 

"Steve?" 

He sighed. Honesty seemed the best policy right now. "I'm not sure what you want me to do."

That was the wrong question to ask. "What do _you_ want to do?"

He shrugged helplessly. "I don't want to do something wrong."

Sara let out an exasperated breath and stepped closer, her hands running through his hair. "Anything that involves you touching me right now would be good," she hinted with a gentle smile.

She leaned in and kissed him and Steve took hold of her hips. Once he was touching her he didn't want to stop. He slid his hands up and down, rubbing her back and then groping her ass affectionately. Sara leaned back a little and he trailed kisses down her throat. He knew what she liked him to do, so he focused on her ear and made her fingers tighten on his shoulders. 

He moved his mouth lower until he reached the top of her robe and stopped. Before he could say anything, Sara tugged at the collar of his shirt. "Can we maybe lose this?"

He nodded and leaned back, but he had nothing to do as she began unbuttoning the shirt, staring as his chest was bared to her. She'd seen him shirtless before, of course, but it felt different now. 

She reached his navel and Steve unfastened his belt buckle before she could try, fearing she would feel how hard he was already. He helped her tug the shirt free from his pants and she pushed it apart farther, like she wanted to see more. He shrugged the shirt down his arms, intending to take it off, but his wrists got caught. He'd forgotten to unbutton the sleeve cuffs. Steve rolled his eyes. He couldn't even manage to undress himself right now. 

Sara erupted into giggles as he tugged on the shirt, trying to get loose. "Here, I can-"

Too late. He jerked his arm and they both heard fabric tear and the shirt came off. Chagrined, he tossed the shirt toward the chair in the corner, not looking at Sara until she touched his chest lightly. "Okay, either you need to stop wearing those button-downs, or we need to make a note to unfasten the cuffs before we try this." Her hands felt nice, stroking lightly over his skin, a hint of her fingernails against his abdomen. Her voice dropped a little lower. "Or you could just go shirtless while you're at home. I wouldn't mind."

Her eyes were dark and she was staring at his body. He recognized that look and it made the ache in his groin even stronger. He reached for her but his hand fumbled against the belt of her robe. Before he could apologize Sara nodded. "Go ahead." 

He swallowed and pulled on the end of the belt. The loop gave way easily and the robe fell open to reveal a thin nightgown underneath. Sara shrugged and the silk slid off her shoulders smoothly and puddled on the floor at her feet. The nightgown was the same blue color as the robe but it was even shorter, revealing almost all of her legs, and the top was sheer lace and clung to her breasts. He couldn't stop staring at her. He had to clench his hands to keep from grabbing her and... ripping it off and throwing her down on the bed or something. His dick throbbed in his pants and he took a deep breath, trying to keep himself under control. 

Sara was biting her lip. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Do you..." she faltered, shifting from one foot to the other, "do you not like it?"

"You mean this?" he reached out and touched her without thinking about it. "Of course! God, Sara, you look so good." 

"Oh God, _tell me that_ ," she muttered, hiding her face with one hand. The other hand slapped his shoulder. "You were staring and not saying anything. I thought..."

He reached for the hand that was hitting him and brought it to his lips. "I was trying not to just grab you and start pawing," he explained. 

"You could," she said immediately, sounding almost hopeful. Her cheeks turned pink. "Seriously, honey, I wouldn't be wearing this just so you could look at me."

Emboldened, he put his other hand on her other hip and began sliding his palms upward. "I don't mind. It's a hell of a view." His thumbs brushed the undersides of her breasts and Sara arched just a little, encouraging him, so he went all the way and cupped her in his hands. The lace scratched against his skin and he fondled her gently, watching as her eyes closed and a blissful expression crossed her face. 

He teased her nipples with his thumbs and she put her hands on his forearms, not to push him away but to hold him there, so he kept going, playing with her until she was clutching at his arms and damn near whimpering. 

His mouth was watering, longing to taste her skin. He managed to choke out her name, "Sara?"

"Yes," she said immediately. 

He had to laugh. "I didn't even ask yet."

She shook her head. "Don't care. Anything you want." 

He groaned. "Don't say that, baby." 

She looked at him, her eyes remarkably clear in the firelight. "I meant it. Anything you want is fine with me right now, just _keep touching me_." 

He dragged her into a sloppy kiss, as there didn't seem to be any other way to respond to that. Sara pulled away, though, grinning at him. "So, what were you going to ask?"

He reached up and tugged the strap of her nightgown aside with one finger. "I want to, um, kiss you..." He nodded his head and hoped she wouldn't make him be more explicit. 

Sara dropped her shoulder, making the strap slide down further, clearly understanding what he wanted. She moved even closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. He started at her shoulder but his lips were drawn downward over the swell of her breast. She ran her fingers through his hair, encouraging what he was trying to do, but the fabric from the nightgown was still in his way. Impatiently he yanked it lower and heard a snap as the strap tore loose. 

He rested his forehead against her collarbone while she laughed again. "I didn't mean to do that, honest." 

Sara kissed the top of his head. "I believe you. I think they manufacture these things to do that. Lets couples act out the whole 'bodice-ripping' romance scenes or something." She nudged him. "As you were, soldier." 

He huffed out a laugh at that and slid his mouth down to cover her nipple. Sara moaned when he sucked lightly, and when he teased her with his tongue her nails raked against his back. He kept going, licking and suckling one breast while his hand covered the other. 

He had no idea how long they stayed like that, but every tiny noise he drew from her, every move of her nails on his skin, was making him nuts. When Sara grabbed his head in her hands and lifted it up so she could kiss him frantically, his fingers tightened on her harder than he intended. It didn't seem to bother her. She bent forward, giving him an amazing view down the top of her nightgown, and reached for his pants. "Is this okay? I really want to see you right now."

He stopped her before she could touch him. "I should probably do that." It was less about modesty and more fear that if she even brushed against him he was going to lose it. 

Sara backed up enough to give him room and he carefully opened his fly, trying to touch himself as little as possible. He stood up and pushed his trousers down and stepped out of them. His erection was clearly visible through his boxers, but that wasn't quite the same thing as seeing it naked. He hesitated. "Should I, uh, go on?"

She nodded and then added, "If that's okay." 

Steeling himself against his nerves, he shimmied out of the boxers and left them on the floor. He was acutely conscious that Sara had her back to the fireplace while he was fully in the light. He felt his face and his neck heating up as he stood there, keeping his hands at his sides and not covering himself. He suddenly understood why she'd been alarmed earlier. It was torture just waiting while she stared at him. What if she didn't like what she saw? Finally he couldn't stand it and croaked out, "Sara?"

She shook her head a little, like she was dazed. "Sorry, I just... God, Steve, you're so beautiful." That made him blush even harder. She met his eyes. "I really, _really_ want to touch you right now if that's all right."

"You- oh." He realized what she meant. He swallowed. "Okay."

He sat back down on the bed and let her come closer. Sara watched her own hands move over his chest and his stomach and then go lower. Her touch was feather-light but his dick jerked at the contact and Steve gasped. Despite how many times he'd imagined this, actually feeling her hand on him was unbelievably intense. She touched him again, more firmly, stroking her fingers along the length. His balls tightened. He was so wound up before they even got to this, he realized it was only going to take one or two more strokes and he would come.

"Stop," he snapped, grabbing her hand and holding it away from him.

"Steve?"

He shook his head. "Sorry. I'm just, if you do that, I'm going to lose it." 

When he looked at her, she was trying not to smile, and he felt like a stupid, horny virgin and it frustrated him for a moment. He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She leaned forward and kissed his temple. "I'm kind of flattered." 

He had to laugh at that. Then she licked his ear, which didn't help his self-control all that much. She looked down at him, running her hands over his shoulders soothingly. "Would it help? If you, you know, came once now, you'd recover pretty fast, right?"

"Probably," he conceded. He hadn't really wanted things to go that way, but in the tiny part of his brain that wasn't completely fried with lust he realized it might be wise for him to relieve the pressure so he could focus on her. "Would you mind?"

She smiled, that wicked little grin that always turned him on to begin with. Now it nearly did him in. "Watching you? Are you kidding?" Steve blushed even harder. Sara hurried into the bathroom and came back with a small bottle of lotion. "What I'd really like is to help, but I won't unless you want me to."

She wanted to... _oh Lord_. "Uh, okay," he managed to gulp out. The mere thought of this was almost breaking his control, and watching as she squirted some of the lotion onto her fingers left him holding onto the edge of the bed. 

She was gentle, stroking him again with a light touch that made him groan. "Show me?" she whispered, wrapping her hand around him. He covered it with his own, demonstrating how he usually handled himself. The angle was awkward but it hardly mattered. It only took a few seconds before he was shaking. He grunted out a warning as it became too much embarrassingly fast and then his eyes rolled back into his head and he was coming in long, heavy spurts, all over their joined hands. Dimly he hoped he did better next time. 

Sara disappeared for a moment and came back with a washcloth she handed to him, so he could clean himself up. When he was done, he grabbed her, pulling her close and resting his head against her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair again. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. His head was much clearer now, for obvious reasons. He kissed the side of her neck and moved up to her mouth, cupping the back of her head so he could kiss her thoroughly. When the kiss ended, he nuzzled her cheek. "I think it's your turn, sweetheart." 

She laughed. "Did you have something in mind?"

Since it would take him a few minutes to recover, he asked, "Could we do what we just did, but reversed? I'd like to see you." 

She shivered. "All right."

She didn't move, though, and he pinched her backside gently. "I'd rather not be the only one in the room naked right now, Sara. If that's okay." He didn't want to push the issue, but as sexy as the nightgown was, he wanted it gone. 

Sara stepped back from him, biting her lip again. She took a deep breath and then pulled the nightgown up and off, dropping it on the floor. He stared for a long minute, drinking her in. He had imagined her naked before, but this was entirely different from a fantasy in the shower. His fingers itched to touch, and he noticed she was still watching him anxiously. One of her legs was crossed slightly over the other and she started to fold her arms across her stomach but he stopped her. "Don't. You don't need to hide." He let his hands move over her bare skin, trying to reassure her. "You're so beautiful, Sara." 

She closed her eyes for a second. She'd never entirely believed him when he told her that, but now he had other ways to convince her than words. "Come here."

She went willingly into his arms. Steve kissed her, hard, pulling her all the way into his lap. His body twitched already, but he ignored it, concentrating on Sara and touching her everywhere, reveling in getting to explore her bare skin rather than feeling around through her clothes. They tipped back onto the bed, lying next to each other with Sara still tangled around him, since Steve didn't want to take his hands off her. 

Her hips rolled against his clumsily and could feel that she was aroused. She looked at him slightly confused when he stopped kissing her. "Show me what to do," he begged lowly. 

He could see her cheeks turning pink in the firelight, but she shifted and took his hand, guiding him in between her legs. They both groaned as his fingers found the slick heat of her and began to explore. He knew what he was seeking in the abstract, but it was a relief to feel her breath hitch and her body shudder as he found the right place. "There?" he whispered, wanting to be sure.

"Yes," Sara panted. She covered his hand with her own again, firming up his touch against her body. She showed him how to circle his fingers the right way and then she clutched his shoulder tightly. His other arm was supporting her neck and he watched avidly as she threw her head back, her hips pushing into his hand impatiently. 

They were so close he could feel her breath against his skin. The scent of her arousal surrounded him and he was completely hard again, just from this. 

"Oh God," she mumbled, her body tensing. "Don't stop," she begged. Like there was a chance of that. "Oh God, oh _God_..." 

Her entire body jerked and he realized she was coming. He wasn't sure what to do, but he slowed down on instinct until she protested. "No, don't stop yet, not until-" she moaned as he sped his fingers up again and she shuddered, not as hard as the first time. After a few more seconds she took hold of his hand and mumbled, "Okay, okay." 

He moved his hand away, his fingers wet from her, tracing patterns on her hip while she got her breath back. He focused on fixing what he had just learned in his mind until she finally opened her eyes, looking dazed. 

Steve grinned and leaned down and kissed her. "Beautiful," he repeated and she rolled her eyes. 

She stretched and then froze. "Oh, Steve, are you...?"

His erection was aching again, rubbing against the warm skin of her belly. "Fully recovered? Yes, ma'am."

She laughed. "That faster metabolism is good for something, clearly," she teased.

He leaned down and kissed her breast. "This is all you, sweetheart. Watching you just now was..." His voice caught for a moment. Sara stared up at him, waiting. It was easier now that they were both naked and tangled together on the bed to tell her honestly, "I want you. _Now_." He was practically growling.

"Yes," she agreed. But she wriggled free of his arms to crawl up and lie down on the pillows. She tugged on his hand but he hesitated. "What is it?"

"I was thinking I maybe should be, um, underneath." She looked puzzled so he elaborated, "If I lose control, I don't want to hurt you."

She shook her head. "You won't." But she nudged him to lie down on his back while she straddled him. He groaned as Sara's weight settled against him. He grasped her hips, wanting her more than he had thought was possible, but she attempted to pry off his fingers and get up. "Where are you going?''

"We need protection-" she started. Steve held on to her and then leaned over, fumbling a condom out of the nightstand. Sara raised her eyebrows. "Did you put that in there?"

He nodded. "While you were in the bathroom. Should I not have done that?"

She shook her head. "Good thinking." Then she grinned. "Do you want to put it on or should I do it?"

"You." He didn't entirely trust himself right now. It was taking all his self-control to lie still and not start pushing up against her as it was. 

She tore the packet open and rolled the thin material over his aching erection, making him hiss. She shifted a little awkwardly until she was right above him. "You okay?"

He nodded and he held his breath as Sara sank down slowly, taking him inside of her body. It was better than anything he had imagined and Steve's eyes shut and his fingers dug into her hips with the effort to keep from coming just from this. 

"Steve?"

He shook his head and she stayed still, waiting while he concentrated on breathing in and out slowly. 

When he managed to pry his eyes open, Sara was watching him, breathing hard herself. She reached up and touched his face, a question in her eyes. He nodded again and she braced her hands against his chest and began to move carefully while he stared up at her. 

He held still but not for long as instinct took over. His hips rocked up against Sara's, matching her movements. It felt so good, the heat of her enveloping him again and again. The slow pace was driving him crazy and his hips snapped up sharply before he could stop it.

Sara fell forward, thrown off balance, her hands coming to rest on either side of his head. She was laughing, but Steve flushed in embarrassment, forcing himself to lay still again. "Sorry," he mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, just caught me by surprise." She kissed him, grinning. "Getting impatient, are we?" She ground down against him and Steve saw stars and he cursed, making her laugh again. Her naked body was now pressed against his torso and Steve's hands slid down her back and grabbed her butt. She gasped and he loosened his fingers, afraid he was holding her too hard, but he couldn't keep back the whimper. 

"Sara, please." His hips pushed up against her again and Sara groaned, moving with him, harder and faster than before. He could feel another orgasm building inside of him and knew he couldn't hold it off much longer. "I can't- Sara, I want to feel you first."

Her body trembled and she pushed herself up more without losing the rhythm they had fallen into. She reached her hand between them to touch herself. He wanted to do that, but it was all he could do to hold himself back right now. 

She let out a sharp noise and Steve fought to keep his eyes open, to watch as the pleasure took her. She tightened around him and he couldn't restrain it any longer. The orgasm tore through him, leaving him gasping and limp, Sara collapsing on top of him in a boneless heap. 

He came out of the mindless haze of pure pleasure when Sara's fingers brushed against his cheek. "Steve? You're shaking."

He was. He gathered Sara impossibly closer, holding on tightly while her fingers ran through his hair and she murmured lowly in his ear. Finally he was able to speak. "I love you."

She smiled down at him. "I love you too." 

Steve pulled her into a kiss and would've stayed there, cuddling her against his body, but Sara pulled away and brushed a hand against his hip. 

"You need to get rid of the condom, honey," she reminded him. 

"Oh right." He'd forgotten that detail. He let Sara go reluctantly and got to his feet. His legs wobbled a little but he made it into the bathroom and cleaned himself up. When he returned, Sara had turned down the bed and she was wearing her robe again. He frowned but she shot him a sheepish look and slipped past him into the bathroom.

He climbed into the bed and sank into the mattress, the stress of the last few days catching up to him. A couple minutes later Sara returned and to his relief, she untied the robe and took it off before crawling into the bed. After all the time they'd spent cuddled together on her couch, it was exciting to feel her bare skin pressed against his as he pulled her to him. 

She kissed him, then yawned hugely, and then put her head on his chest, over his heart. Her hand rested against his skin and he picked it up, looking at the rings on her finger. 

She drifted off to sleep a minute later. Steve made sure the blankets were tucked around her and then closed his eyes and followed her. 

*~*~*~*~*

It took a moment for Sara to remember why she was naked and in a strange bedroom. Once she was awake enough for that, her second thought was that her stomach was growling, loudly. 

She was alone in bed and the bathroom door was open. Someone had picked up the discarded clothes from the floor and folded them on the chair. She wondered if Steve had been a neat freak before joining the Army or not. 

It was chilly in the cabin, but she was too hungry to do more than throw on her robe and dig a pair of socks out of her suitcase before heading for the kitchen. Steve was indeed at the small table there, eating some of the leftovers they'd brought with them. The look on his face as she walked toward him was new and she blushed. But she passed by him with just a hand against his shoulder and went straight for the food. 

When she sat down across from him, she put her feet in his lap under the table. He jumped a little and then rolled his eyes. The cold wasn't bothering him, clearly, since he was wearing sweatpants and no shirt. 

They talked quietly for a bit, wondering if the party back in New York was still going, but once she was no longer hungry, Sara was unable to ignore the chill and she shivered. Steve immediately became concerned. "Too cold?"

"It's a little nippy for us mere mortals to be sitting around in nothing but a silk robe." She'd packed warmer clothes, of course, but it seemed silly to bother getting dressed now.

To her surprise he nodded toward the living room. "Go sit on the couch near the fire." He gathered up the plates from the table and put them in the sink and followed her over to where the main fireplace was. He fed some more logs into the fire and then sat down on the couch and pulled her into his lap and wrapped the blanket lying across the back of the couch around them both. Between his body and the fire it didn't take long for her to warm up. 

She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. He smelled really good, even after the whole day. And it was hard to forget that he was shirtless and she was wearing very little and it was their _wedding night_ , so she doubted he was surprised when she leaned forward and began to leave light kisses against his collarbone and then up his throat. 

He tilted his head back a little for her. "Feeling warmer?" he asked, amused.

"Getting there." She nibbled on his ear. Steve wasn't as vulnerable to that as she was, but it still had an effect. The hand that had been politely rubbing her knee began to inch up her thigh under her robe. 

"Maybe I could be doing more to help," he said, feigning thoughtfulness. 

She laughed. "I was kind of surprised you didn't suggest that immediately when I said I was cold." She lowered her voice in a weak attempt at imitating. " _I bet I can get you warm, baby_."

He made a face. "I never could pull that kind of thing off. And, well, I didn't want to be pushy."

"Making love two whole times on our wedding night hardly qualifies as pushy, hon." She'd honestly been expecting a far higher number than that. Of course, it was still early.

Steve cracked up. "You know, I was really confused for a long time after I woke up, because that expression meant something very different in my time. Making love was telling a girl you liked her, how pretty she was, all that stuff. Not this." 

"Well, it's sort of similar," she pointed out, letting her hand wander down his torso and explore. "It's definitely a way of showing appreciation." She hadn't really gotten to touch him much earlier, things had been moving so fast. 

She had been expecting their first time to be far more awkward than it had been, although it was a toss-up which of them had been more nervous. She knew Steve would never, ever hurt her intentionally, but it was going to take time for him to learn what she liked, just as she needed to learn him. But even with the occasional clumsiness, she had never felt anything that intense before. 

Steve was still grinning. "Yes, I seem to recall that." He leaned in and kissed her. "I'm not complaining. I like the new definition just fine." 

Sara sat up and shifted around, so that she was straddling him again. "Enough to try it again?" 

"Absolutely," he said immediately, his hands parting her robe and going for her breasts as she settled in his lap. He was getting hard already; she could feel it when she rocked against him. She ran her fingers against his ribs. His abdomen belonged on a Greek statue. 

He was watching her as he touched, trying different things to see what drew a reaction. When she whimpered he smirked. "I know when I do something right, because you make that noise." 

"You haven't done anything wrong," she told him.

"I meant something that you really like. I've been following that noise for a while now."

She blushed, which was probably stupid, but she hadn't known about this. "Should I ask Natasha for help with my poker face?" 

"Hell no," he growled. He pushed the robe off her shoulders. "That sound is one of my favorite things in the world." He pulled her closer, bare skin against bare skin and began mouthing kisses down her neck. He found her weak spot and sure enough, she whimpered again. "It's how I figured that out, the first night I kissed you." She had forgotten about that. 

He moved down to her collarbone. His hands groped her backside and squeezed, tugging her up onto her knees so her breasts were nearly level with his mouth. Then he was suckling and licking and driving her crazy, his fingers teasing the small of her back at the same time until she actually cried out. 

Steve shot her a smug look that would've been irritating if she hadn't been so turned on she couldn't see straight. She settled for kissing him and sliding her hand between them. She ran her palm over the bulge in his sweats and he groaned, kissing her harder. After a minute she pulled away from his mouth and grinned. "I guess my job is to find out what kind of noises I can get out of you."

He laughed, a little breathless since she was still touching him. "Be my guest, sweetheart." 

She wanted to get his pants off and be able to touch his skin, which meant she had to move. Another thought occurred to her. "Do you have any condoms on you?"

"No. I should probably start carrying them all the time, huh?"

She wriggled out of his lap, "Yep. I'll be right back." 

She hurried into the bedroom and grabbed a handful of condoms from the bedside table. When she got back he was still sitting there. "You're gonna need to take those pants off, honey, for this to work."

Steve looked sheepish. "Didn't want to rush you." She took a moment to enjoy watching him wiggle around on the couch. He wasn't wearing anything underneath the sweats. She dropped most of the condoms on the side table and handed one to him. He raised an eyebrow at the pile. "Should I be nervous?"

Sara shrugged. "Just being prepared. Do you know how many of my fantasies have revolved around jumping you on the couch?"

He laughed. "Yeah, mine too." He rolled the condom into place and she climbed back into his lap. "Among other places," he added suggestively.

"The kitchen counter?" He flushed a little and she grinned. Busted. "The kitchen table. The wall by the front door." 

He groaned and nipped at her earlobe. "The shower." Oh yeah, she'd had that idea more than once. Steve's body, naked and wet against her in the shower? Sara groaned too, just thinking about it. God, the things she wanted to do to this man. 

Steve squeezed her hips, his voice a little higher. "We may be getting ahead of ourselves."

She nodded. "Possibly. Kiss me, right now." 

He complied and for a long minute they just kissed, hands moving wherever they could reach. Then he shifted, urging her to move her hips to slide down on him and she hesitated. Thankfully he noticed and stopped. "Sara?"

She closed her eyes. "Sorry. I just... I think I need a little more first." She was aroused but not quite enough, not yet. 

She had no idea why she was bracing herself for him to be unhappy with her, because Steve was completely calm. Immediately he asked, "What can I do?" 

It was easier to show him than to make herself say it, so she took his hand and brought it to her mouth. They were close enough that she could see his pupils dilate a little as she sucked on his fingers and filed that information away for later. Then she guided his hand in between her legs. 

He was more confident this time and Sara moved her hips into his touch almost lazily and the tension began to build up inside of her. Then he surprised her by sliding his hand further back. 

He was watching her face carefully. She nodded once and then both of them gasped as his finger slid inside of her. He still moved slowly, stroking and exploring while observing her reactions, and the intense way he was _studying_ her made her shiver. When his hand twisted and his thumb began to rub against her as well, she whimpered loudly. She started to ride his hand, clutching his shoulders to keep her balance. 

"Can you, you know, come like this?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

She was tensing and getting more and more aroused but it probably wasn't enough. It was hard to tell him that, though. Sara wasn't used to articulating things like this, but they needed to be honest with each other, so even though her face was turning red, she suggested, "If you added another finger..." 

He pulled his hand away and brought it to his mouth, sucking on the first two fingers quickly to be sure they were wet. Surprise flickered across his face as he realized he was tasting her at the same time and Sara felt her stomach lurch at the idea of him doing that for real. 

Before she could think about _that_ further, he slipped both fingers into her and resumed what he'd been doing and God it felt so good. Sara was thrusting into his hand mindlessly, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she tried to steady herself, chasing the release building inside of her until it crested and she actually yelled. 

After the waves had ebbed, she faceplanted into his shoulder. Steve didn't move, waiting until she managed to find her way back to conscious thought. She kissed him and then remembered belatedly that he'd been ready to go before. "Sorry," she said, chagrined. "I got caught up there."

"Not complaining," he assured her. "That was amazing." He wiggled his fingers for emphasis and she hissed. He stopped immediately, looking worried. "Sorry, did that hurt?"

She shook her head. "No." The opposite, in fact. Her body was still riding the high of the orgasm. It wouldn't take much to get there again. "But I think you've been waiting for too long, here." 

He grinned eagerly and pulled his hand away carefully. When Sara moved, though, he gave her a look. "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. Not after making me come that hard. Trust me." He looked torn between pride and worry and she shut down the conversation by sliding onto him slowly. 

His fingers tightened on her hips, his head falling back. He muttered her name as she took him all the way in and stopped. She had been concerned about this. Steve was a big guy in pretty much every respect and, well, one night when the team was away on a long mission and Darcy had fed Jane a little too much Kahlua, Sara had heard a few stories she could've lived without.

But it hadn't been a problem earlier. And right now she was ready for pretty much anything. 

Once her body had adjusted she started to move. Steve let her set the pace, merely holding on to her and staring as she rode him. She leaned back a little, letting him support more of her weight and just that small move made her whole body throb. Sara had no idea if her previous experiences with sex had just been lacking or if it was Steve, but in the moment, she didn't really care. 

She moved faster, straining for the orgasm that was building. Steve's eyes widened and his hips started to push up harder against her. Without her saying anything, he moved his fingers and began to touch her and in no time Sara exploded again, coming even harder this time. She kept moving, although more erratically, and Steve clutched at her, his hips chasing hers and she managed to murmur encouragements as he ground up against her and then shuddered, coming inside of her in a hot rush. 

She rested against him, her face against his neck and Steve's arms clamped tightly around her body. She finally roused herself, remembering the condom. But as soon as she shifted in his lap she let out a sharp noise. "Oh hell." 

"What?"

She laughed. "I think you're going to have to carry me to bed. I'm not sure my legs will work." 

Steve was quiet for a minute and then shook his head at himself. "I shouldn't feel proud about that, should I." Sara grinned. She could understand the impulse. 

He helped her move her around enough for him to get his arms underneath her legs and around her back, and then stood up with her in his arms. Out of reflex she blurted out, "Be careful-" before realizing how silly that was. He wasn't going to hurt himself, certainly not from this. Steve stopped, holding her in his arms, looking at her pointedly. "Sorry." 

He bounced her and she shrieked and grabbed his neck more tightly. "Sara, I won't drop you. I could stand here all night holding you and not get tired." 

He looked tempted to do it just to prove his point, so she laid her head against his shoulder. "I know. But there's that nice big, soft bed in the other room and I'm sleepy, so could you just take me to bed now please?"

He leaned down and kissed her. "I didn't get to carry you across the threshold, so I guess this'll do." 

 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve had a feeling he wasn't going to be ready in time, and sure enough, he wasn't quite done making breakfast when the bedroom door opened and Sara started to walk into the main room. He held up a hand and then gestured for her to turn around. "Back to bed. I have a surprise for you."

She shot him a wicked look but obediently retreated and when he carried the loaded tray into the bedroom, she was sitting propped up against the pillows expectantly. She shook her head as he set breakfast down in front of her. "You didn't have to do this."

He leaned down and kissed her. "That's why I did it." He went and fetched the heaping bowl of cereal he'd made for himself and then joined her on the bed. One piece of bacon was already gone and she was nibbling on her toast. 

She eyed the bowl. "Did you eat more already?"

He nodded. He'd actually made a large pan of scrambled eggs and just saved a small portion for her, since they weren't her favorite. "We're going to need to go to the store and get more groceries today."

It was the second full day of their honeymoon and while the cabin had come well-stocked, it hadn't been ready for someone with his metabolism. And the previous day they'd consumed anything that hadn't required extensive cooking. 

They hadn't really left the bed the day before, except to eat. On their wedding night they had finally gone to sleep for good very late. Steve had woken up aroused the morning after their wedding, and Sara had woken up not long after him, leading to the predictable conclusion. They spent most of the morning in bed, only pausing to eat some cereal, and then between napping and more sex much of the afternoon had slipped away. Sara had gotten up and taken a shower while he was still asleep, thinking to make something for dinner, but when she returned, her skin flushed pink from the hot water and her hair still wet, Steve had ended up dragging her back into bed with him. 

After that, she made him change the bed linens while she heated up some food. He noticed that she had circles under her eyes and she was moving a little stiffly. She didn't say anything and hadn't complained, but he elected to keep himself in check for the rest of the night. Sara had gone to bed early and after getting the laundry finished, he crawled into bed, curling himself around her and falling asleep within minutes, his face buried against her hair. 

He had found a couple of food trays in the kitchen cabinet this morning while rummaging for a frying pan, and had the idea of bringing her breakfast. 

She startled him out of his reflections after she finished eating her toast and bacon. "I wonder if we should be concerned at how much of our relationship revolves around one of us feeding the other."

"Does it?"

She nodded, sipping her orange juice. "We had lunch together that first day we met. Then the hot dogs in Brighton Beach."

"Popcorn and chocolate," he supplied. 

"I've lost track of how often I've cooked for you, or you've brought me dinner or lunch." 

She had a point. A lot of the key moments of their relationship had involved food. "Maybe it's a good sign. That we'll take care of each other." He leaned over and kissed her temple. 

"Or we're really boring when you get down to it. I mean, we eat and we sit on the couch. We're like an old retired couple already."

He laughed, but he tickled her side at the same time. "I'm pretty sure old married people don't spend twelve hours in bed like we did yesterday." 

Sara blushed but before she could answer a phone rang in the other room and Steve's heart fell. "Dammit." He got up but something was wrong.

"That's my phone," Sara said, shifting the tray aside to scramble out of the bed. 

"Why would they call your phone?" If there was an emergency SHIELD should've been calling him, or calling them both.

Sara yanked her cell phone out of her bag. "Hello? It's Lisa Morris," she said to him. Into the phone she said, "It's okay, we were eating breakfast." Steve glared, because it was not okay for their honeymoon to be interrupted short of an emergency and they'd made that clear before they left. Sara listened for a moment then sighed. "The story got out. There was a photo from the wedding and Lisa decided to just release a statement and get it over with," she reported. "No, you're probably right," she told Lisa. "We had nothing to hide so why not." 

Lisa said something else and then Sara said, "Hold on a minute" and lowered the phone. "So the story's out and apparently they're starting to get wedding gifts delivered for us. Lisa needs to know what we want to do with them."

"Wedding gifts?"

"Mostly cards, she said. SHIELD is screening everything, of course, but there've been a few actual packages."

Steve was kind of stuck on why someone would send a wedding gift to two people he or she didn't know who had no need of such things. "People shouldn't be spending their hard-earned money on buying us things."

Sara nodded. "We should ask Lisa to issue a statement maybe? Urging people to donate money to charity or something?"

"Right."

Sara repeated this to Lisa. They spoke for another minute and Steve retrieved his cereal bowl and finished his breakfast. Sara shut the phone and sighed again. "I told her we'd like to see the cards, the ones that aren't, you know, full of death threats or something. She said the reaction so far has been mostly positive and not very pronounced, which is a relief."

"Let's hope it stays that way," he concurred. 

Sara carried the breakfast tray back into the kitchen and then climbed back onto the bed beside him. "There's one thing she said was going on. Apparently some tabloid has offered a big reward for getting a photo of us on our honeymoon."

His temper flared. These people had no decency, none. "I hate this. I hate that they won't leave us alone for even a few days."

"I know," she soothed him. "But if we want to ensure we're not spotted, we may want to call the agents in town and have them buy the groceries and bring them here, rather than risking being recognized."

He nodded reluctantly. Sara tipped his face down and kissed his cheek. "Poor baby. Stupid paparazzi interrupting your seduction plan."

"It wasn't-" he started to deny it and then rubbed his face, embarrassed. "Okay, it kind of was. Is that terrible?"

"I thought it was sweet." She kissed him on the lips this time and after a few minutes they were leaning back against the pillows, hands roaming under clothes and kissing urgently. Sara was struggling to get free of her robe and Steve let her move far enough away to help her get it off. 

"So breakfast in bed worked?"

She tugged his t-shirt up and he stripped it off. "You made me bacon. Of course it worked."

"There's that feeding each other habit again," he muttered as he began to work on getting the rest of her clothes off. 

"Yeah, it's a thing. I think it works for us, though."

They were both naked by then. "No complaints here," he said, rolling her body underneath his. Sara laughed and then moaned as he kissed her. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

A six-day honeymoon was, frankly, more than Sara expected the universe to let them have. Of course, when their phones both went off signaling a new emergency, they were interrupted at the worst possible moment, but that was probably going to happen a lot. She shoved aside her disappointment and they both got dressed and packed and hurried back to New York. 

She climbed into her own bed that night and couldn't sleep. She had gotten used to having Steve curled up around her at night remarkably fast, and being alone made her feel like the previous week had been nothing but a vivid dream.

While Steve was away, she started to sort through the pile of wedding cards that had arrived for them. It turned out that "Granny Blogger," the woman who'd come to Steve's defense back when the relationship had become public, had suggested to her followers that they send cards to the newlyweds. Sara quickly gave up the task as the pile transformed into a mountain. It was touching that so many people thought so much of Steve that they would go through the trouble of sending the cards, though. She avoided looking at the news coverage of the wedding announcement, just to preserve the positive feelings. 

Sara refused to take on setting up their new apartment alone, so that was on hold until the mission ended. There was an unfinished three-bedroom place a few floors down from where Sara was currently living. After they made decisions about walls and lighting and paint colors it took more than two weeks to get the work done and everything moved in. It was the largest place Sara had ever lived in. Her parents' house had been a little two-bedroom Cape Cod. Steve was a bit overwhelmed by it as well. He also forgot twice to go to the new apartment when he got home before it finally stuck.

They were still overly polite to each other, neither of them used to having another person around so much. Sara had been a little worried about this, since some days she got home from work with a headache and wanting nothing but tea and silence. They converted the third bedroom into a "study" - all of their books ended up there, along with Steve's couch and a small television. Steve's drawing table was there as well, as the room had the best light. By unspoken agreement, the study became where one of them would go to be alone for a few hours. 

The awkwardness didn't extend to the bedroom, however. All the nervousness from their wedding night had been gone by the end of their honeymoon, replaced with an intense enthusiasm. Steve was eager to try a lot of things, some that they had talked about, others they hadn't. Sara was feeling the same way. They'd waited a long time for this, and she wanted to enjoy adding this facet to their relationship. 

Steve was still Steve, despite his eagerness, always respectful and attempting to be gentle. He couldn't entirely control it, though. After he returned from the mission that had ended their honeymoon, the afternoon Sara finished her work and went home, he'd met her at the door and after a two-sentence conversation, carried her into the bedroom and nearly threw her down onto the bed, both of them laughing. The sex had been fast and frantic and wonderful, but the next morning, Sara discovered some bruises on her thighs. She attempted to slip back into bed without Steve seeing them, but he woke up in an amorous mood and she forgot about the bruises until he stopped moving and frowned, then leaned over her and turned on the light next to the bed. His fingertips trailed lightly over the bruises and Sara shivered.

"It's okay," she said, before he could speak.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." 

"I know. That's why it's okay." He was still looking troubled, his forehead creased with worry. Sara sat up straighter. "Do you remember that night on our honeymoon when you accidentally pinned my hair under your hand? And when I said 'ouch' what did you do? You moved," she answered for him. "If I told you something hurt, you would stop. I know that. You _should_ know that."

He was quiet for a moment. "It's almost worse, knowing I did this accidentally." 

"But not intentionally," she pointed out. He didn't look convinced, so she cast about for some other line of argument to make. "I don't want you treating me like I'm made out of glass. I don't want only the polite, restrained part of you. I want all of you. I wouldn't have married you if I wasn't willing to accept what that meant. In bed or out of it." 

That got a flicker of a reaction. Steve slid his hand along her leg. "You promised me once that you would tell me if I was crossing the line. I need you to include this. Don't just..."

"Lie back and think of England?" she quipped. He smiled and she took hold of his hand. "I have no intention of playing the silent, suffering martyr. But it's for me to decide when something's too much, even if it's going to leave some marks."

He nodded and leaned in to kiss her. Sara settled back onto the pillows, pulling him down with her. She slid her foot up the back of his leg and slipped her hands underneath the loose pajama pants he was wearing to grab his butt. "Now, I think we were about to have some gentle, lazy, good-morning sex, Captain."

"Yes, ma'am." 

Sara knew that probably wouldn't be the last time they had that conversation. For the moment, Steve was still focused on holding back his strength while they were making love. It was going to take time, she reminded herself once more. In the meanwhile, she had no objection to repeated experimentation.

A couple of months went by quickly and both of them were beginning to settle into the new routine. They were talking tentatively about the holidays, although there was no way to be certain where they would be by then. But in November there was an attempted break-in at one of the facilities that stored the backups of SHIELD's archives. The would-be thieves didn't get anywhere, scared off by the first couple levels of security, which raised a lot of questions. Anyone who trying to break into a nondescript building in the middle of nowhere in Colorado likely was doing so because they knew what it was, so how would someone so incompetent find that information out? Or why would a professional who knew what that building meant to SHIELD botch the break-in so badly? She wasn't surprised when Fury summoned her to the carrier. 

Maria and a few other agents were there, along with Steve. Sara sat down and looked at Fury. "So, trap?" 

"Trap," Fury nodded. "We're going to send Agent Devereux in with a group, posing as you, while you and Captain Rogers shadow them from a separate vehicle."

Sara was a bit surprised Fury was letting Steve go along for this mission. When she said as much in private later, Steve looked chagrined. "Maria mentioned you were coming to the carrier today, assuming I knew. I kind of... stormed into Fury's office when I found out you were coming for a mission briefing." 

Sara shook her head at her husband fondly. She was glad he would be there, although at the same time she worried a little about his objectivity if they got into a bad situation. 

They traveled to Colorado by a separate route and ended up in a rental car, trailing the SHIELD SUVs discreetly. It was easy to do given that there was a blizzard happening. SHIELD didn't halt an op because of bad weather, so they kept going despite the snow. They were nearly at the building, Steve cursing under his breath about the road conditions, when a Jeep went past them in the other direction and did a u-turn. The Jeep came up behind them and then passed by to get closer to the SHIELD cars. 

"You should-" Steve started to say, but he stopped when he glanced at her lap and saw she already had her sidearm out. "That's my girl," he grinned. 

They were both tense as they saw ahead in the distance the two SUVs turn left to go up the short driveway to the facility. The Jeep followed them and Steve stepped on the gas. He pulled the car into the end of the driveway, parallel to the main road and blocking anyone from getting out. They could hear the sound of gunfire, muted by the snow. The eight agents in the two SUVs were in a firefight with the team that was waiting in ambush. 

Steve had his gun drawn as well, but they were too far down the road to be helpful. The radio chatter was confusing until Devereux barked at Steve, "Cap, can you get that Jeep out of here? We need to move the car and get a better position but they've got us pinned down!"

"Get in the car," Steve snapped, but Sara shook her head. 

"I'll do it. You get the car in gear and get ready to go."

Steve grimaced but he got into the driver's seat and put the car into drive. Sara raised her gun and began firing on the Jeep. She took out the windows, but managed to avoid hitting any of the tires. The goons in the Jeep whipped around and started to return fire. Sara ducked into the car and Steve peeled out onto the road before she even had the door closed. They skidded more than a little on the snowy road, which unfortunately gave the Jeep some time to catch up as it raced after them. They could hear over the radio that Devereux and the other agents were getting the upper hand back at the facility.

Sara strapped her seatbelt on and braced herself. They were on a public road so their pursuers didn't start shooting, but they were gaining on the rental car. Steve swerved abruptly down a snow-covered side road, trying to lose them, but the Jeep just managed to make the turn and not flip over. 

"Damn." 

"Yeah, it was a good idea though."

He grinned tightly. "Thanks."

They tried a few more sharp turns onto side roads, each one getting more isolated than the last one, but the Jeep stuck with them. And now that they were away from traffic, the bad guys started shooting at them again.

"So any other ideas?" she asked, flinching as the rear window cracked.

"Uh, you may want to hold on."

Sara looked up ahead and blanched. "No."

"Yep."

"Oh God."

She grabbed hold of the car and braced her feet as Steve gunned the engine, making it look like he was going to turn right and take a very steep and scary road down the mountain. At the last second, he spun the wheel and went left, up into what was probably nothing more than a space in the trees. The car managed to get about a dozen yards on sheer momentum but then it got stuck. 

To Sara's immense relief, the Jeep tried to mimic the maneuver and missed, skidding sideways and toppling not just on its side, but over the edge of a ravine. 

Sara leaned back against the seat for a minute, until the echoes of the crash stopped. Steve reached over and squeezed her arm. "You all right?"

"I think so." 

They got out of the car and fought their way through the drifts to look over the side. They could see the wreckage of the Jeep, a good distance below. The drop was sheer enough that even if anyone had survived the fall, nobody was climbing back up.

Sara shivered, not entirely from the cold. She wasn't a field agent; she was basically an administrator who could hit a target with moderate skill. She saw footage of carnage and death all the time, but being this close to it was a different animal. 

Then again, she reminded herself, the goons in the Jeep were trying to kill her and her husband. 

"We should go." Steve put a hand on her back, guiding her away from the edge. Sara slogged her way through the snow to the car. She was already covered in a layer of white; the storm was getting worse by the minute. 

For ordinary people, the car probably would've been stuck permanently, but Steve lifted the front end up and walked the car backward until it was free. They got the car turned around and climbed in, heading down the mountain far more slowly than they'd gone up, but after half an hour, Steve rolled the car to a stop under a line of trees and slammed his fist on the steering wheel. "We're lost," he said aloud. Sara had been thinking that for fifteen minutes, so she was glad he'd finally said it.

Their radios had gone out at some point in the chase. Sara pulled out her phone but there was no signal. "Guess the storm is interfering." 

Steve sighed heavily and thumped his head back against the headrest. "I'm sorry."

She touched his arm. "Not your fault. We're still alive, so I'm calling this a win. But we need to find shelter somewhere." It was snowing even harder and getting dark. 

He nodded, glancing in the rearview. "Yeah the car isn't going to do us much good with the window missing."

They drove on slowly until he stopped again. "I think there's a building over there."

It turned out to be a tiny cabin with a fireplace and a primitive outhouse attached to one end. There was no running water, but with the snow that wasn't too big a deal. The fireplace worked and the roof wasn't leaking, so Sara wasn't about to complain. There was a thin layer of dust on everything, suggesting the cabin hadn't been used in a few months.

"Probably for hunting," Steve observed as he worked to get the fire going.

With a fire to warm things up, they took stock of supplies. Not a lot of food, but plenty of water; lots of wood stacked outside and the cabin had a few rifles sitting above the doors, with extra ammunition stocked in a cabinet. It wasn't likely anyone was out here besides them, but she felt a little safer anyway. Sara turned off her phone to conserve the battery. 

They ate a couple of the granola bars she had stashed in her bag. Sara plucked at her wet jeans. "We really should get out of any wet clothes, let them dry. Otherwise they'll just keep us cold." 

Steve agreed and soon they were sitting in front of the fire, with their pants hanging over a chair to dry out. Steve had grabbed all the blankets and their coats and made a cocoon around them both. Sara curled up in his arms and let her toes warm up as close to the flames as she dared. At least her socks were dry. 

Steve kissed the side of her head. "You warm enough?"

"Getting there." He pulled her even closer and she felt him laugh. "What?"

"Kind of reminds me of our honeymoon."

Sara blushed, remembering the interlude in front of the fireplace during their six days alone. "Don't get any bright ideas, babe." 

Steve nuzzled her ear, "Why not? We're stuck here for the night, alone, no SHIELD, no Jarvis, no teammates interrupting us. And we do need to keep warm."

She giggled. "I seem to recall you using that line on me before."

He pressed a kiss to the side of her neck, dropping his voice down until she felt the rumble of it in his chest against her back. "I bet I can get you warmed up, baby." He spoiled the effect by laughing at the end of it.

"Yeah, you really can't pull that off," she teased gently. He continued nibbling on her ear and his hands slid up under her shirt. His palms were hot against her skin and she started to sink into his arms even as she said, "You're going to have to be very persuasive to get me to take off any more clothes, given how cold it is."

"Skin to skin contact is better for sharing heat," he observed in her ear. Somehow that clinical fact, delivered in a calm, low voice, was more arousing than his goofy attempt at using a line. "Ideally, we should both be naked and pressed together-" his hips shifted and she felt his erection against the small of her back "-as much as possible."

Sara moaned, wiggling back against him automatically. She was getting aroused and now that she was focusing on it, she could feel the tension in Steve as well. This wasn't just about being alone together. It was adrenaline from the chase, a surge of energy from surviving a close call.

"Is it always like this?" Steve made a confused noise and she elaborated. "When you get back from a mission?" She was never there then, since she was working through those hours. 

"Not always. Usually I end up in the gym. But since the wedding..." He kissed her cheek. "Let's just say I've been struggling with the temptation to kidnap you out of your office and to hell with SHIELD's reports."

Sara turned her head and pulled him into a sloppy kiss. Steve's hands were running over her body and she was arching into his touch, breathing hard. But she couldn't touch him enough from where she was. She pulled away from the kiss long enough to turn around and grab Steve and yank him closer. He wasn't the only one feeling the effects of the adrenaline. 

Steve pushed her onto her back, laying her down before the fire. He drew back and looked at her for a moment, like he was going to ask her if she wanted to keep going. He must have seen something in her face, though, because he grinned and leaned away to tug off the shirts he was wearing. Sara wiggled out of her bra and her underwear but she refused to let him take her thermal shirt off all the way. She only had her jacket between her back and the floor and it was still cold despite Steve and the fire.

Steve tossed his shirts aside and shucked his boxers so that he was completely naked. He grabbed his wallet, which was lying nearby, pulling out a condom before she thought to ask. Then he set about kissing her until she had to push him away to breathe. He started trailing kisses down her body, lingering over her breasts for a while before going lower. When she realized what he was intending to do, Sara tensed up and he hesitated. "Sara? Is this okay?"

She had put Steve off the first time he'd brought this up, promising they could try it some other time without going into why she didn't want to. He had been easily distracted, but that was a few weeks ago now. This time she went quiet long enough that Steve drew away and looked at her closely. "What is it?"

Embarrassed, she covered her face with her hand and blurted out the reason for her hesitation. "I actually haven't done this before. I mean, being on the receiving end." Her ex-boyfriend had refused to even consider going down on her. 

"You... oh." Steve waited for a moment. "Do you not even want to try?"

"No. I mean yes, I do want to." She was babbling. "I'm just... nervous, I guess. I don't know what..." She had no idea whether she would like this, whether he would, what to tell him to do. So far she'd been the more knowledgeable of the two of them when it came to sex and she was slightly unsettled by the unfamiliar territory. Which was not to say she hadn't imagined this before. 

Steve grinned. "If it feels good, tell me not to stop." His thumbs brushed against the sensitive skin at her hips and Sara whimpered. "We can figure this out together."

And it would be theirs, something she had never shared with anyone else. 

She took a deep breath and tried to relax. "It's not like anyone will hear us out here, right?" 

Steve blushed. He tended to get a bit loud in bed. Sara loved hearing him and knowing she was having that powerful of an effect, although it was a good thing they didn't have any neighbors nearby in the tower. But he cupped her butt in his hands and shifted his head back down. Still, she heard him mutter, "Maybe it's your turn to make noise, sweetheart." 

She was acutely conscious of what Steve was doing at first, too aware of where his mouth was and the chilly, hard floor underneath them to enjoy it. But her husband was persistent and it didn't take all that long before she forgot to be self-conscious and started focusing on how he was making her feel. Her body began to tense not from the cold but from anticipation, and then his tongue brushed against just the right spot and Sara jerked. 

Steve could hardly have missed her reaction. He focused his efforts and Sara began to push her hips toward him. He had to take hold of her body and pin her down. Distantly Sara knew this was probably one of those times he would leave some bruises, but at the moment it was just more sensation when she was already overwhelmed. All she could do was whimper and struggle uselessly against his grip trying to get closer. It was different than when he was inside of her, the sensation more intense and specific. She felt the climax spiraling toward her as he sped up and she grabbed hold of some of Steve's hair, needing to anchor herself as she came hard. 

He pulled back and she managed to stretch her legs out a little. Steve wrapped her back up in their makeshift covers as she tried to stop gasping. When she could finally focus her eyes, he was propped up on one elbow, looking very pleased with himself.

She glared, but he just laughed and leaned down to kiss her, which was a little weird, but also kind of hot. Steve nuzzled her neck, one of his legs slipping in between hers. She could definitely feel how aroused he was and her body throbbed again in response. "I didn't think I could love any smell more than that stuff you use on your hair, but I think this may beat that," he said lowly. Sara flushed as he shifted to lie on top of her. Her arms slid around his neck, pulling him close. "You smell so good, taste so good..." He kissed her again and she wrapped her legs around him, wanting him moving inside of her already. "God, I love you." 

"Steve, please," she begged, rocking her body up against him. "Now, I need you-"

He let out a ragged groan, moving back as if to slide inside of her, but he stopped with a muttered curse. "Wait."

"Why?" she whined, impatient. He leaned over and grabbed the condom, which had fallen into the sleeve of one of their jackets. "Oh." In her haste, she had forgotten he wasn't wearing it yet. 

He looked down at her with a grin. "I'd be fine with going without it at some point, but not yet."

The thought sent a shiver through her, but he was right. Two months after the wedding, they weren't ready to take that kind of a chance yet. 

He settled back down on top of her. "Now, I believe I was right about... here." He pushed into her and Sara moaned. Steve chuckled breathlessly. "Told you I'd make you make noise this time." 

He was moving slowly and steadily, looking annoyingly smug. Sara curled a hand around the back of his neck, arching up in a way she knew made him crazy. "Gonna take more than this to make me scream, hon," she teased.

Which was waving a red flag in front of a bull, all right. Steve smirked and pushed himself up slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts and making her cry out. "That better?" he asked rhetorically. She didn't bother trying to reply, and attempting to stifle her moans only provoked him to push her arousal even higher. 

Sara did her best to keep up, trying to coax as many noises out of him as she could, but after her second and third orgasms she admitted Steve had definitely won this round. Curled up in the warmth of his arms once again, she giggled. "At least we didn't start an avalanche or something." 

He laughed and kissed the top of her head. After a moment of silence, he squeezed her tightly. "Thank you."

"Hmm?"

"For letting me do that. I take it you enjoyed it?" 

She was too happy and sleepy to bother pretending otherwise, although her cheeks heated up. "Hell yes." 

"And that was just our first try," he teased her. 

"Imagine the possibilities."

Steve apparently was doing just that. "Would you, uh, be willing to do that for me? It's okay if you don't want to, but I thought I'd ask."

Sara kept her face against his chest so she didn't have to look right at him. "I do want to, just let me pick the time, okay?" 

"Of course." His fingers combed through her hair gently. "Sara? Is there something else I need to know about this? Did something happen with your ex?"

She sighed heavily. "Nothing bad. He just... expected me to become proficient with going down on him while refusing to even think about doing it for me. He told me flat out that he found the idea repulsive."

"Idiot," Steve muttered, then added quickly, "Him, not you, obviously." 

"It was stupid. Even back then, not really knowing what I was doing, I knew that was screwed up. Why was it so gross for him but I was supposed to be fine with it? Other than his whole issue with my weight, I never did come up with a reason. Anyway." She waved a hand, wanting to put those memories into the past.

Steve had one more question. "And you thought I would feel the same way? Because I don't. That was incredible. I can't wait to try it again." 

She tilted her head back and smiled at him. "Thanks. But let's wait until we're somewhere with a bed, okay?"

"Agreed."

Steve kissed her and Sara snuggled against him, the chill in the air outside their little cocoon more noticeable now. She did want to reciprocate at some point, but it was going to take a little more time before she could completely dispel the ghost of her ex-boyfriend.

Then again, sharing that with Steve would probably be the best way to accomplish that task. 

She wanted to drift off to sleep in his arms, but she realized after a little while that she had to use the bathroom. Reluctantly she pulled away and yanked her underwear, socks and wool sweater back on. The tiny bathroom was freezing and her teeth were chattering by the time she managed to escape back to the fireplace. Steve had woken up enough to feed more wood onto the fire. He took one look at her face and pulled her back down under their covers and held her tightly until the shaking stopped. 

Steve visited the bathroom in turn. While he was gone she pulled out her phone and turned it on. She had reception for the moment, and a few frantic messages from Fury and Hill about where they were. Steve came back, shaking from the cold in spite of his faster metabolism. Sara cuddled up to him and reported on her messages. "I'll let them know we're okay and found shelter for the night."

Steve nodded. "Tell them not to come looking for us until the storm clears up." When she shot him a suspicious look, he managed to grin. "Wouldn't want anyone else to get stranded with us, right?"

"Right."


	7. Chapter 7

Steve didn't see it coming. 

This blonde woman, whoever she really was, moved too much like Natasha to not be a trained Hydra agent. She was faking helplessness, but Steve wasn't falling for that. There was going to be a fight. He was down here alone, but Natasha had pretty well drilled any reluctance to hit a woman out of Steve over the last year. He was ready for that.

He wasn't ready for this woman tilting her head to one side and pronouncing him a "pretty boy" and then crawling - honest to God crawling across the floor - toward him before climbing up his body and wrapping herself around him.

He froze. The blonde looked at him amused. "Come on, Captain. Why waste time with fighting when we could be having much more fun together?"

Then she shoved her tongue into his mouth.

It felt like an eternity as Steve stood there, rooted to the spot and wondering what in hell was happening. Eventually his brain registered that a stranger was kissing him against his will. His hands grasped her arms and he shoved the woman backward, disgusted.

She fell onto her ass in a heap on the floor. She glared up at him for a moment and then attacked. He was slowed up by what had just happened and she landed quite a few kicks and more than one punch before he managed to regain his equilibrium and fight back. She was tough but nowhere in Natasha's league, and Steve managed to knock her out just as he heard footsteps coming down the hallway.

It was Sam and Natasha. Sam immediately set to work tying the woman up, since SHIELD had a standing order to bring in as many agents of Hydra alive for questioning as possible. Natasha glanced at Steve curiously. He nodded, wiping his mouth and feeling a strong desire to spit. "How'd you find me?" The blonde had run off with two goons at the start of the fighting upstairs and Steve had chased them on his own. The goons had been dispatched out in the hallway before he followed the woman into this room.

Natasha looked up and Steve spotted a clunky-looking surveillance camera in the corner. 

It wasn't until they were on their way back upstairs, the prisoner slung over Steve's shoulder, that he realized what that camera meant.

He managed, somehow, to survive the debriefing. The news was good. They were closing in on Hydra's main base finally. But Steve felt sick every time he thought of the camera footage and what it would do to Sara to see what had happened. Nobody asked him about it directly except Clint, who had been the one who spotted Steve on the surveillance system. "I wouldn't worry too much, Steve. It was pretty obvious you were just caught by surprise."

Steve nodded but he didn't agree. Seeing some leggy blonde wrapping herself around him was going to hurt Sara right at her most vulnerable point. And in his head it felt like hours had gone by before he'd regained enough presence of mind to get free. 

Hiding from it wasn't going to help, though, so instead of going home and waiting for Sara to get done with work, he went to the office. The cold looks on the faces of everyone in the room were enough to make his stomach clench all over again. 

Sara looked up in surprise when he entered her office. "Hey, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

She seemed calm enough but Steve was too nervous to be sure. "You tell me. I figured you had seen the footage by now."

"Oh, that." Sara sighed. "Well, it wasn't exactly fun to watch some woman throwing herself at my husband, I admit. But it wasn't your fault. It's not like your average Hydra agent tries to feel you up before attempting to kill you."

Steve winced, not finding the joke very funny. "I'm so sorry, Sara. I didn't mean for that to happen, I swear."

She came around the desk, alarmed at his guilt. "I know that. Steve, I did watch the footage. She grabbed you, not the other way around."

"I should've pushed her off as soon as she touched me. I just froze." 

Sara frowned. "You did. Push her away, I mean." Steve couldn't quite bring himself to believe she really wasn't upset. Sara grabbed his arm. "Come here."

She pulled him around her desk and started typing something into the computer. Steve saw the small cell where the fight had taken place appear on the monitor. He really didn't want to see this but he didn't say anything, figuring maybe this was somehow penance for his mistake. If Sara wanted him to relive it, then he'd grit his teeth and watch.

But Sara was right. On the screen, he was in a ready stance, braced to fight, when the woman jumped forward. He saw his own eyes bulge in surprise when she kissed him and in reality just a few seconds went by before he freed himself. "You were stunned, I can see that," Sara told him, reaching for hand. "She assaulted you, Steve. I'm not going to be mad at you for that."

She really wasn't angry. Steve got a little weak-kneed from relief. He hauled Sara to her feet and leaned down and kissed her. It had felt indescribably wrong, having someone else's lips on his, some stranger's tongue in his mouth. Not like this. This was right. 

He sat down on the edge of the desk, ignoring the papers piled there, and kissed Sara deeply until she broke the kiss and brushed her hand against his cheek. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I was just scared that I'd hurt you." 

"It wasn't your fault," Sara repeated, sliding her arms around his neck. This time he finally believed it. 

"I'll be more prepared. Next time. If it ever happens again."

"Let's hope not," she said with a smile.

"Yeah I think would prefer they just start shooting at me or something." 

Sara sighed, leaning her forehead against his. "I'd prefer that not to happen either, but you can't have everything."

Steve squeezed his arms, bringing her closer. "I'll be careful," he promised.

She kissed him slowly at that, holding on tight. The kiss got deeper and more intense and Steve's hands slipped down her back until he was groping her. Sara was pressing her body against his and Steve was entertaining fantasies of turning them around and making love to her right here on her desk regardless of the cameras and the people outside when there was a knock on the door. 

They both cursed quietly. Thankfully Carrie had the presence of mind to call without opening the door. "Boss? Carl needs you for something out here."

Sara had to clear her throat to speak. "I'll be out in a minute." She sighed. "Steve, I have to go back to work." He hadn't loosened his hold on her yet.

"I know." He nuzzled her neck.

"You're gonna have to let go, honey." But she didn't let go of him either.

He nipped at the base of her throat, making her shiver. "Don't want to." 

Sara moaned under her breath. "I know. But we have to stop."

He sighed loudly against her neck and left one last wet kiss on her skin before releasing her. "How long until you can get free?"

"A couple of hours at least," Sara said regretfully. She was smoothing down her clothes. Steve reached out and tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger in the process just to watch her eyes shut. 

"You can't take a break to eat? It's almost 6." She was wavering so he let his fingers trace along her cheek. "I could go pick up some food and we could lock ourselves in here for a little while." Steve wasn't even sure why he was pushing this so hard, but he wanted her as soon as humanly possible. Waiting until she could escape long enough to go home with him felt interminable. 

Sara grinned at him, brushing her hand against the buttons of his shirt. "But would I actually get to eat?"

"Eventually." 

He could see when she made a decision. "You know, the couch over there is out of sight of the cameras," she told him. At the look on his face she laughed and made a shooing motion. "There's an Indian restaurant about three blocks away. But talk to Carrie first. We need to order enough for everyone. I'm not letting my staff starve just for the sake of your libido." 

Steve bounced up to his feet. Letting everyone stop to eat would be a good distraction. He kissed her once more. "Thirty minutes," he promised. "If I have to cook the food myself." 

 

*~*~*~*~*

One more Hydra cell had been destroyed, but still they didn't seem to be any closer to whatever Hydra's new master plan was. Tired and frustrated, Steve went home and put his things away before heading up to Jane and Thor's apartment. Thor had stayed behind from this mission because Jane had gone into labor. They'd been in the field, chasing the Hydra squad when they got the call on the radio that the baby boy had been born and both he and his mother were okay. That was about the only good news they'd all had for a week.

Clint and Bruce must have had a similar impulse, because when Steve arrived, the two of them were in the living room while Jane showed off the baby. "Steve, come meet Theo." 

The little fellow was asleep, and Thor retreated back to the kitchen where he was making sandwiches. Jane rolled her eyes. "He's decided I need to keep up my strength. I think there was an entire cow on that roast beef he gave me yesterday."

"Well, he's right, you need to rest as much as possible until you can get the baby on some kind of schedule," Bruce said. 

"I just hope he sleeps more than his father," Jane said fondly, looking down at the baby for a moment. "So, who wants to hold him?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

There was a small explosion of demurrals from Clint and Bruce. Steve snorted and stepped forward. "Here, I'll take him. Mom needs both her hands to hold on to her enormous sandwich." 

Jane shifted the kid into his arms. The baby wriggled for a minute before settling back down, never opening his eyes. Steve knew a 10 pound baby was not small, but he still seemed tiny. That wouldn't last, of course. 

Steve got a look at the baby's outfit and started to laugh. "What?" Jane asked, thanking Thor absently as he set what was indeed an absolutely enormous sandwich down in front of her. 

Steve shook his head. "Nothing. It's just... this is the son of Thor, grandson of Odin, and he's wearing a onesie with a duck on the front." 

Thor sighed. "The garments that were presented to us for him at his birth were too small. Jane had no choice but to use the..." he glanced at Jane and made a face, "duckie?" 

Everyone snickered at that. Steve let the baby grab his pinkie finger, not surprised when the little guy grabbed on tightly. Newborns did that, although Theo's grip did seem a bit strong. 

He listened silently while the others talked for a few minutes. Jane did look exhausted, even though it had been four days. The birth hadn't been easy; she'd had surgery and a full-time nurse was living in the apartment with them while she recovered. She would recover, but it could have gone the other way. 

Steve looked down at the baby, a number of thoughts chasing around his head. What he'd told Sara during their misadventure in the blizzard had been true. He wanted to have a family, but not unless they were sure it would be safe for her. The differences for them weren't as severe as for Jane and Thor, but they still existed.

And they weren't ready for this yet, not by a long shot. He was still surprised to wake up next to Sara at night, although he was also grateful. Now when he had a nightmare about Sara being taken from him, he could lie there and watch her sleep until he could breathe again.

The last few months had been a strange mix. Their hunt for Hydra was going badly and on every mission Steve now carried a new awareness of what he had to lose if something went wrong in the field. At the same time, he was more contented than he had ever been. Even the small disagreements between him and his wife as they adjusted to sharing a home made him happy, at least when they were over. 

Someone knocked and he couldn't hold back the smile when Sara appeared. She was disheveled and looked tired, like she'd come straight from her office, but she grinned as she took in the sight of him holding the baby. "I see you're getting to know your future teammate."

"Oh no," Jane put in from the couch, between yawns. "He's going to be a physicist and bring world peace, thank you very much. No hammers, no shields, no..." she yawned so hard Steve heard her jaw pop, "anything." 

Thor got up and went to Jane. "Come, my love. You need to rest."

Jane agreed reluctantly. Bruce and Clint made themselves scarce and Steve and Sara were alone. She touched the baby's head gently. "He's adorable. I've never seen a newborn this big, though." 

Steve nodded. "It's hard to believe tiny little Jane could give birth to him."

Sara shuddered. "Don't remind me. It was a rough night." She'd been in New York, of course, and at the medical center while Jane was in labor. 

"They're both okay, though, right? That's what Thor told us."

"Yes. But it was touch and go for a while. Thor was terrified, which was unnerving to witness." 

"I don't blame him. If something happened to you-" he choked, memories from his nightmares surfacing. They all ran along the same theme. Sara had been taken by someone, and they were hurting her, but Steve couldn't reach her for some reason. 

"Hey." She pulled him down and kissed him lightly, sliding one arm around his back and leaning into his side. "I'm fine. Okay? We're definitely not dealing with this yet." She gestured at the baby. "Despite how cute he is." 

"He is pretty cute. Though I'm not looking forward to the terrible twos."

"Just be glad we live five floors below them."

"I'm not sure that'll be far enough," he observed. "Not if he can pick up the hammer."

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Sara had been briefed on the flight to the carrier. A group of Hydra agents had lured Steve into a trap and injected him with something before the others could reach him. SHIELD's medical staff suspected they were trying to undo the changes to his DNA from the serum. 

She knew Steve was in danger. She knew he was extremely sick. She'd had the entire flight to mentally prepare herself.

But she was three decks away from the infirmary and she could already hear him screaming in pain. 

She froze on the threshold of the infirmary. A dozen people were standing around, looking completely helpless. Steve was strapped down to a bed, screaming so loudly she wanted to cover her ears. His arms and legs were jerking against the restraints, which were barely holding. 

Sara started forward, intent on reaching her husband, but Clint grabbed her arm and held her back. "Wait," he told her, his voice sharp. "The seizure should be over in a minute."

Even knowing it was futile, she twisted against Clint's grip. The screams faded and Steve's body abruptly went limp against the bed. The second she was free she bolted toward him. "Steve? Can you hear me?"

He mumbled her name, his voice cracking. Sara whipped her head up to look at the phalanx of doctors. "Why are you just standing there like idiots? Do something!"

"There's nothing we can give him, Doctor," one of the men in lab coats said, albeit timidly. "His system will process it too fast to do any good."

"And we could interfere with his immune system if we do too much," a woman with gray hair in a tight bun put in. "He is fighting back."

Steve whimpered. Sara couldn't remember him ever making such a pained noise. She brushed his hair back from his forehead, smoothing her fingers over the lines there. "Shh. It's okay. You're going to be all right." She hoped she wasn't lying.

He tried to open his eyes but his body began to twitch and she was pulled away as another seizure hit. It was worse than anything she could have imagined, watching him in that much pain and being unable to help him, even touch him while it lasted.

When the seizure stopped, he croaked out, "Sara?" She was back at his bedside immediately. 

"I'm here, Steve."

His face and eyes were red and she could see tear tracks on his cheeks. She brushed them away gently. He squinted up at her. "Sara, if this... works... we have to talk-"

Realizing where he was going, she cut him off. "Nope. Nothing to talk about." She held up her left hand so he could see it and waggled her fingers at him. "The marriage was legal and binding, Rogers. I've got witnesses." 

"Sara," he grumbled, although his voice was so raw it sounded more like a wheeze. "We have to... if I... go back... I don't..." He coughed and she took the opportunity to shut down this entire line of thought.

"Okay you need the big speech, then here it is." She put a hand on the side of his face, making sure he was looking at her. "I didn't marry Captain America. I married Steve Rogers. And I am _not_ leaving you, no matter what happens. You got it?"

He nodded briefly. His voice dropped to a whisper. "I love you."

She leaned over and kissed his forehead, whispering it back to him. The relief was short-lived, as the seizures kept coming for the next several hours, though they did become less frequent and intense until a solid hour had gone by without one. Sara stayed as close to Steve as she could. When he fell into an uneasy sleep, she couldn't make herself move. She just stood there next to the bed, watching his chest rise and fall. She was exhausted. She wished she could crawl into the bed and put her head against his chest, the way she did at home sometimes when she couldn't sleep. But there was no way the bed would hold them both.

Someone touched her arm. "Sara, you should rest," Thor said quietly from behind her. 

She started to turn around to tell him she couldn't leave Steve's bedside, but her response was cut off when she saw the chair Thor had placed without her noticing. She grasped the enormous man's hand and squeezed it gratefully as she sank down into the chair. Not long after Darcy appeared with water and sandwiches. 

Steve was kept in the infirmary for another 14 hours before the doctors felt confident that whatever Hydra had been attempting to do had failed. Steve was weaker than Sara had ever seen him but adamant about going home. She knew how he felt. 

That night she watched him sleep in their bed. Her mind was racing and eventually she got up, afraid her restlessness would wake him. She wandered to the living room and stood there, looking down at the lights in Manhattan. She tried not to think about how bad this had been, but the harder she pushed the fear from the last few days away, the worse it felt. She couldn't catch her breath fully and she knew she was going to start crying, when she heard Steve call her name lowly, "Sara?"

She ran for the bedroom, her heart jumping into her throat, afraid that she was imagining things and would find the bed empty and Steve gone. He wasn't, of course. He was lying in bed, sleep-rumpled and looking at her in confusion that morphed into alarm as he got a look at her face. "What's wrong?"

The tears started to flow and she couldn't do anything but stagger to the bed and climb into his arms. Steve murmured to her quietly and for a few minutes she couldn't do anything but cry and hold on to him tightly. He ran his hand over her hair soothingly and she felt guilty. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" 

"I should be taking care of you right now, not waking you up in the middle of the night when you need to sleep." Sara snagged some tissues and blew her nose and then cuddled against Steve again.

"What happened?"

She sighed. "I was afraid I would walk in here and you'd be gone. That I'd just dreamed you coming home from the hospital." 

His arms tightened around her and she felt a kiss pressed to the top of her head. "You didn't. I'm here, baby." 

Steve didn't call her that very often, usually only when he was feeling too much to put into other words. Sara pulled away from him just far enough to slide her hand around his neck and kiss him. 

They were both too tired to do more than kiss slowly for a few minutes. Steve maneuvered them back down onto the bed, and she settled against his side, her head over his heart. His fingers threaded through her hair. "Can you sleep now?"

"I'll try." Even if she didn't, the steady sound of his heartbeat in her ear was reassuring. Steve fell asleep again quickly and eventually she did doze off for a few hours. 

She was wakened in the early morning by Steve. Overnight they had separated so that Sara was lying beside him. When she woke, his body was rigid with a tension that shouldn't have been there in his sleep. His face was contorted and he was making unhappy sounds in his throat. 

Nightmare, Sara realized.

Later she blamed stress and sleep deprivation for the fact that she didn't think about what she was doing. She reached out and grabbed his arm, trying to shake it to wake him up while calling his name. It was incredibly stupid and she knew better when she was thinking straight. 

His arm flailed out instantly at the contact and he backhanded her in the face before she could completely duck out of the way. Pain exploded in her jaw and Sara couldn't help the noise she let out. 

Steve woke up as he moved, but he was disoriented. He fought against the sheets, tearing one of them in his desperation to get free of the bed. He scrambled to his feet, staring around for a long moment trying to get his bearings. Sara squinted through the tears that had welled up and registered the way his expression went from confused to shocked to horrified. "Sara? Oh God, did I-?"

"My fault," she gritted out. "I tried to wake you up."

Steve started to climb back on the bed, but he hesitated. "Do you need...?"

"I could use an ice pack," she told him. It would make him feel a little better if he could do something specific to help right now, and the ice would keep the swelling down. But she was probably going to have a hell of a bruise later.

He came back quickly and Sara gingerly placed the ice pack against her face. Steve attempted to put the bed sheets back but when he realized they were torn, he dropped them and rubbed his hands against his eyes. He started pacing back and forth. Sara wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to sound like she was pressuring him to talk, but she didn't want him keeping things to himself out of fear or guilt. 

Usually Steve could pace around for hours, but his stamina was still severely weakened and after a few minutes his legs wobbled and he sat down on the bed next to her again, staring blankly down at his feet.

She reached out her hand, into his line of sight, but didn't touch him. To her relief, Steve took her hand and lifted it to his lips, looking at her guiltily. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Are you all right?"

"I'll be fine. It was my fault. I know better than to grab someone who is in the middle of a bad dream like that. I just wasn't thinking." His forehead was still creased with worry so she attempted to joke. "I feel a little bad for the guys you actually try to hit now, though." She got a ghost of a smile for that. She squeezed his hand. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"It's just a jumble," he said haltingly. "Needles. A hospital bed. Pain. Schmidt was there, taunting me. Telling me it was never going to be over." He growled and flopped back against the pillows, shifting from the nightmare to Hydra's attempt to change him back. "Why would they do this? Why expend all those resources against a single target? I'm not even the biggest threat to Hydra any more, so why bother?"

"Captain America is a symbol, though, of their previous defeat. You may not be the most direct strategic threat, but they can't win without beating you." 

"I don't think it's even that complicated," Steve said morosely. "I think they just hate me that much." His voice dropped and he sounded defeated. "What can you do when there are so many men out there who are driven by something so mindless?" He covered his face with his other hand. "They're never going to stop coming after me. I just feel like this will never really end, no matter what I do."

Her heart ached. She'd never seen him look so hopeless. Putting the ice pack aside, she settled beside him, kissing his temple. "You may be right." He turned to her startled and she quickly added, "Evil has always existed, Steve. People have always hated other people. They just find a convenient reason to justify it. I doubt we'll ever stop that entirely. Human nature is too full of contradictions. But this particular group of assholes? They can be beat." 

His lips twitched just a little. She continued, "I know it's been a long fight, and I can't understand what it means for you, not really. But you are not going to be defeated by these idiots. Maybe this little stunt is proof of how much they hate you, but it's also proof of their stupidity. They're not thinking of strategic goals." His eyes lost some of the sadness as he considered her point. "They're not planning for anything coherent, just wasting their resources. The more they keep trying this crap, the easier they will be to find and destroy once and for all."

She let him absorb that for a minute. She put her head on his shoulder. "There will always be threats. You can't stop every one of them. But I know that every time these guys have thought they eliminated you, they've been wrong. When this is all over, you're going to be the one still standing."

"Probably because you'll be propping me up," he said, but she could hear the amusement in his voice. He sounded more like himself.

"Always." 

Steve turned and kissed her forehead. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"I'm sorry about the sheets."

"The sheets are replaceable. I didn't really like the color that much anyway."

He moved away and sat up, fingers brushing over the sore spot on her jaw carefully. He grabbed the ice pack and put it back against her skin. "I'm sorry about this too."

"I'll live. It was my fault anyway," she said again. She was probably going to have to keep saying that for a few weeks. 

He shook his head. "You shouldn't have to be afraid of sharing a bed with me."

"I'm not! Look, you've had nightmares before and I didn't do something dumb those times." She had woken up to find him in the grip of a bad dream before, but she hadn't been quite so tired and stressed out then. She had remembered not to touch him and just called his name quietly until he woke up on his own. "It was an accident."

Steve stretched out on the bed without saying anything else, but he pulled her close. Sara was tempted to keep arguing but she realized it wouldn't do any good. Steve would beat himself up over this for a couple of days no matter what she said. But she could reassure him and change the subject. "I sleep better when you're here."

He sighed. "I know. I do too." 

"At the hospital, when you finally were able to sleep, I wanted to crawl into the bed with you," she confessed.

Steve chuckled a little. "That would've been interesting with all those people around." His arm squeezed her tightly for a minute.

"Yeah, I don't think that bed could've held us both." She snuggled a little closer, feeling his body relax more. "I'm glad we're home." 

"So am I." 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve tapped his foot impatiently. Sara was getting dressed for dinner and had sent him from the bedroom to wait, which was unusual. If she took much longer, they were going to be late.

It was their second-to-last day in Hawaii. The vacation had not quite been an order but after the Avengers had smashed the Hydra base and cell that were responsible for attempting to change Steve back, it was suggested rather pointedly that he and Sara take some time to themselves.

The trip hadn't started out auspiciously. Steve had a bit of a breakdown while they were at the memorial to the Arizona. For the tourists and even for Sara, it was history, but for Steve Pearl Harbor was still a living memory, and standing there, the dissonance had hit him hard.

Sara had known something was wrong and carefully gotten him out of there and back to their hotel room. They spent a quiet night and by morning Steve had regained his balance. They went out into Honolulu and to Waikiki Beach, but someone had spotted them the day before and Steve was stopped by person after person, crowds forming around them wherever they went. He endured it for a bit, for the sake of the little kids who were staring up in awe, but eventually the agents in their security detail pulled them out of the growing mob of spectators. 

After that they left the city for one of the smaller islands and a rented house with a state of the art security system, including fencing and trees to shield the house and the tiny strip of private beach that came with it. Exploring the landscape and the shoreline had been much more relaxing, which was the point of the whole trip.

At the moment, though, Steve was on edge. That morning they'd gone on a leisurely hike through one of the parks, and then after lunch just spent the day lazing on the beach. Spending hours staring at his wife in a bathing suit was not a hardship, but Steve hadn't gotten to do much more than look. Sara had asked him to put sunscreen on her back a couple of times, and they had been messing around a bit in the water, but she stopped him before he could get too far, hinting that she had a surprise planned for that night. 

Now he was wandering the living room aimlessly, trying to keep a lid on his hormones, until he heard her come down the hall. He turned around and stared.

Sara was wearing a white dress that fitted nicely over her hips. The bottom stopped a bit above her knees. The top consisted of two thin straps over her shoulders holding the material up, leaving her shoulders and arms completely bare. Overall the outfit was hardly daring or risqué by most people's standards, but far more of her skin was exposed to his view than he usually saw outside of their bedroom. Her hair was up at the back of her head, highlighting her face and her eyes. 

Steve could see the freckles on her shoulders that had come out despite the sunscreen, the white material drawing attention to the faint tan of her skin. His fingers itched to yank the straps down and start kissing his way along her throat already and they hadn't left the house yet. The skirt of the dress swished around her legs as she turned around once, grinning at his gobsmacked expression. 

She had her sandals in her hands. "I need some help with these. The buckles are on the outside of the ankle and I can't reach." She handed him the shoes and pushed him down into a chair. Sara took hold of his shoulder and put her foot into his lap. His head was level with her hips and he knew she had positioned them that way deliberately.

He slipped one of the sandals onto her foot, appreciating the way the thin leather straps covered her ankles. She wasn't wearing stockings. He couldn't stop the thought of sliding his hands up her bare legs, pushing the dress up and pulling her forward toward his mouth. He knew she was deliberately teasing him, so he confined himself to brushing his fingers against her skin lightly. But when she had both feet on the floor again he let his gaze slide slowly up her body until he was looking into her eyes, pleased when her cheeks flushed pink. 

They were going out, somewhere that they might get photographed, so the fact that she had dressed up for him meant even more. At home she dressed much more conservatively than this if they were going out in public. Even while they were in their apartment, she tended to stick to plain clothes, sleeping in a tank top and shorts most of the time. Seeing her so comfortable around him was attractive in its' own way, but this was special. She was showing herself to him, even though other people might see as well. Up close, he could see the hint of nervousness in her eyes. 

He took her hand from his shoulder and turned it over, kissing her palm. His intentions for later on must have been evident on his face. She shivered but the clock chimed, reminding them that they were running late.

Dinner was the most pleasant torture Steve had ever experienced. There was an outbreak of noise as the other diners recognized him, but it faded after a while. Steve barely noticed the other people. The restaurant was in a beautiful setting overlooking the water and thus was leisurely with the service, since the guests were supposed to be enjoying the ambiance. The food was excellent as well but Steve had a feeling neither of them cared. He couldn't stop staring at Sara across the table, the candlelight flickering over her skin. It reminded him of the night they first kissed. She was letting her eyes linger on him as well, making the itch under his skin even worse. When the waiter pressed them to order dessert, even Sara had hit her limit and said no. They left the restaurant before the ink had dried on the bill. His fingers tangled with hers on the way to the car and stayed that way the entire ride home. 

One of their agents swept the house when they returned. It was standard protocol, even though the house was being monitored via the security system at all times. Steve stood near the door, waiting for the man to finish and leave, while Sara put her purse down and lingered on the other side of the door. It was the longest two minutes of the day. 

The agent nodded to them as he left, keeping his face perfectly straight although he had to be aware of the crackling tension in the room. Steve nearly hit him with the door in his hurry to get rid of the poor man. He shut the door with more force than was necessary, engaged the security system and grabbed Sara and lifted her up into his arms, kissing her voraciously, all in one movement. 

She wrapped herself around him, kissing him back just as hard, not complaining when he pinned her to the door with an audible thump and his hands began to run over her body eagerly. Steve got his hand up under her dress and with one sharp twist ripped her underwear off of her before he could stop himself. Sara just groaned in approval and his fingers slid up to touch her. She was as turned on as he was and the thought of her sitting across from him demurely in the restaurant while she was so aroused nearly made him lose it.

He focused on his fingers, touching her exactly the way he knew she liked, curling his fingertips inside of her and Sara cried out, already on edge herself. His teeth sank into her shoulder, not hard enough to really hurt but his entire body was humming. Sara reached between them to wrench the buttons of his shirt open, her fingernails dragging sharply against his skin. His hips jerked forward and she squirmed. "God, Steve, please."

He drew his hand away, over her protests. He managed, just barely, to ask first. "How mad will you be if I rip the dress?"

She laughed. "Depends on how bad the tear is."

He pushed his hips forward, both to keep her in place and to give himself some relief, and then took hold of the thin white straps of the dress and yanked. They snapped easily and he pushed the dress down to her waist. He tugged her bra out of the way and began to suckle urgently. Sara wriggled against him again, making him see stars, still begging him under her breath. He pulled his mouth away from her body and fumbled a condom out of his wallet, holding her up with one arm. He threw the wallet aside and let Sara unfasten his belt and pants. A quick shimmy and his pants and boxers were on the floor and he rolled the condom into place. Sara's arms and legs tightened around him. 

"Gonna take you right here, baby," he warned her. He couldn't wait long enough even to get down the hallway to the bedroom.

Sara just nodded and held on, gasping as he slid inside of her. Steve buried his face against her neck, the soft, warm skin he'd been staring at all night now under his mouth as he started to move. He couldn't slow down, taking her so hard that they were banging against the door.

His wife wasn't objecting. She had a death grip on his shoulders as he thrust into her over and over. He could hear the noises he loved so much coming out of her throat, feeling the vibration against his lips as she tightened around him until her orgasm swept through her, triggering his own. It couldn't have taken more than a couple of minutes. 

Even as his mind cleared, Steve knew he was nowhere near satisfied yet. 

Sara was still clinging to him. With effort, he kicked off his shoes and got his legs free from his clothes without ripping anything else. Holding Sara against his body, he straightened up and walked them down the hall to the bedroom. The light on the nightstand was still on. He dropped Sara unceremoniously onto the middle of the bed, making her laugh. She started to sit up and take the dress off but he held out a hand. "No, not yet."

She pouted at him. "You're almost completely naked!"

He let his shirt slide off his shoulders and crumple onto the floor, not missing the way her eyes widened as she looked at his bare body, particularly how fast he was recovering. But he shook his head and lifted one of her feet up. "You've been tormenting me all night with that dress, giving me hours to think about what I wanted to do to you. It stays on for now." Sara subsided, leaning back on her elbows and watching him. 

He unfastened her sandals, running his hands up the insides of her ankles. She wiggled her toes. "So what exactly do you have planned for me, Captain?"

He smirked, following his hand as it slid all the way up to her hips. "You leave the dress on, but up here." He rucked the skirt up further, so that it lay across her stomach. "And I'm going to go down on you while you lie here with that damn dress pushed up just far enough for me to see you." Sara's breathing quickened as his hands teased her lightly over the sensitive spots on her hips. She liked it when he talked this way and he finally started to feel like he had the upper hand again as he ducked his head, pressing her legs further apart as he settled between them.

This had become one of his favorite ways to pleasure his wife over the last few months. Sara didn't reciprocate much, only when she was in a particular mood. When she did, he was a boneless, shaking mess when she got done, but tonight he had no intention of letting her even try. By now he knew what to do to make her come quickly and he avoided all of it, exploring and teasing until her fingers were grabbing her hair and he had to tighten his hold on her hips to keep her from bucking up into his face. 

He was absorbed in the smell and taste of her body, but still aware of her growing desperation. Finally she kicked a foot against the bed. "Dammit, Steve, please." 

He stopped what he was doing and rubbed his cheek against her thigh. "Please what, sweetheart?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, which did lovely things for her chest from his point of view. "Let me come, please," she blurted out and then babbled, "Your mouth, your fingers, something, just please fuck me already-"

She didn't get any farther. Sara wasn't the only one who got turned on by that kind of talk in bed. He covered her with his mouth and within a minute the orgasm crested inside of her and she gasped out his name, writhing in his arms. He knew from past experience she could come multiple times in a row, so he didn't stop. Instead, he slipped his fingers inside of her, working her up and another orgasm tore through her, even stronger than the last.

She pushed weakly at his head and he knew she needed some time to recover from that. He got up from the bed and took a long drink of water before grabbing a condom from the nightstand. More gently now he helped her get free of the dress and her bra. He tossed the dress carefully onto a chair. "You're getting that dress fixed," he told her, settling alongside her on the bed. 

"I am?"

"Yes. And possibly we'll frame it."

She laughed softly, running her hands down his chest. "I hope we didn't just stain then."

He moaned at that thought, kissing her hungrily, pulling her flush against his body. Steve rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. When she raised an eyebrow, he got to work on opening the condom. "Want to watch you," he told her, drawing another shiver from her. 

As he got the condom in place, she reached up and pulled the remaining pins holding her hair out, combing through it with her fingers so that it curled over her shoulders. His heart lurched with something far more potent than the lust that was coursing through him. He knew he would never forget this moment, the way she looked in the low light of the lamp, smiling down at him and running her hands down her body slowly until she reached his stomach. 

Then he couldn't think clearly any more. Sara shifted, taking him in, and her hips started to rock. Steve thrust up to meet her on autopilot, his hands going up to brush her hair back over her shoulder and then slide over her skin. He traced her collarbone with his thumb, the backs of his fingers brushing over her neck and her cheek. She nuzzled into his touch before kissing his hand.

"God, you're so beautiful," he breathed out, mesmerized. 

She grinned, biting his thumb for a minute before tracing her own hands across his chest and his abdomen. "I have to try to keep up with my gorgeous husband, don't I?" she teased. 

His hands traveled up the soft skin of her back, pulling her down so that he could kiss her. Sara braced herself against the mattress on either side of his head, moving more urgently. When the kiss ended she was gasping. "God, Steve. Wanted this all day."

"Your fault," he retorted, his own breathing labored. "Could've had it whenever you wanted," he told her when she looked at him. 

She laughed, grinding her hips, pushing him dangerously close to coming. "And miss this? Not a chance." She pushed herself back up, so he could watch, and her head fell back. "Touch me, please, Steve, I'm so close. I want to come with you this time." 

He could hardly refuse and within a matter of seconds Sara was shouting and coming hard around him. His own orgasm nearly blinded him with pleasure and relief and he floated, peaceful, only vaguely aware of Sara collapsing on top of him. 

He lingered in the quiet afterglow for a long time until he finally registered Sara's breathing slowing down. His hands were running over her back lightly, from the tops of her thighs up to her shoulders and back down. He smoothed her hair out of the way and she sighed happily. 

"We're getting good at this," he observed.

She pinched him. "Just 'good'?"

"Amazing?"

"I was going for phenomenal," she grumbled, wiggling and stretching her body in a way that made him groan. He had to laugh, though. Even after four orgasms, her vocabulary remained intact. 

"Mission accomplished, sweetheart," he said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. 

Sara climbed off him, falling onto the bed in a heap. Steve mustered enough energy to dispose of the condom and then curled around her in the bed. His body was still buzzing pleasantly but he was content to lie there, reliving the evening while Sara rested in his arms. 

He was just starting to get sleepy when the alarm blared through the house, scaring the hell out of them. 

They both bolted up from the bed. Steve went to the front door, where the control panel of the security system was. Even as he reached it, the telephone started ringing. 

Sara had followed him and she grabbed the phone while pulling Steve's shirt on. She must have grabbed it from the floor of the bedroom on the way. She picked up the phone and had to cover her other ear to hear over the alarm. "Hello? Yes. Oh." She looked at Steve. "The alarm was for a perimeter breach of the property?"

"Yes, on the west side."

Sara nodded. "They're sending someone to check. Can you shut that off?"

Steve tapped the sequence and silenced the alarm. His heart was still pounding from the adrenaline rush. As he paced, he found himself staring at Sara's bare legs. His shirt didn't quite cover her breasts either. He chastised himself but couldn't manage to look away either.

They waited for a few minutes, debating quietly whether to get dressed, until the agent returned to the phone line and told Sara a photographer had attempted to climb the wall, triggering the alarm. The agents had the man in custody and would deal with it. 

"All right, good night," she said into the phone before hanging up. She sighed. "It's probably a good thing we leave soon."

Steve nodded. "I'm not looking forward to going back." Sara walked to him and slid her arms around his waist. "Wish we could just stay here forever." 

Her hands squeezed his backside. "Hang out on the beach every day, make love all night?" 

"Every night," he agreed. His own hands began to wander, tickling her lower back. She started it, he reasoned. If she wasn't up for anything more, she would tell him so. 

She twitched, as she always did when he teased that particular spot. She pulled her head back and looked up at him. A knowing look came onto her face and she slid her arms around his neck with deliberate slowness and kissed him. Within a minute his hands were groping her backside and his body was starting to heat up again. 

Sara broke the kiss but didn't let go of him. "So, we should probably shower after all that exertion." Showering together inevitably lead to a lot of hands in fun places at minimum, if not tumbling back into bed altogether, Steve knew. "Just in case the police show up or something."

He grinned, lifting her up into his arms once more. "Absolutely. Wouldn't want to make a bad impression." He carried her down the hall again, this time going into the bathroom instead of the bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind them for good measure. 

*~*~*~*~*

The entirety of SHIELD was celebrating the destruction of Hydra's headquarters, even as Sara's staff went to work. A few Hydra agents had survived the Avengers assault, but most of Hydra, including its leader, was gone. Natasha and Tony had both been hurt in the fighting, but neither of them seriously. Pepper had gone immediately to Spain, primarily because Tony wasn't good about actually seeking medical attention unless forced. The others were all right. 

Sara knew she probably wasn't the only one wondering if enough of Hydra had escaped to rise again someday. But she wasn't going to bring it up. 

Steve called and they spoke only briefly as he was on his way back to New York. His voice had been flat, and Sara was worried. He'd been focused on this mission for months, and given his history with Hydra, he wasn't going to get past it fast.

He texted her in the late afternoon the day he was due back. "Home. Can you get away for a bit?"

Her team was doing their thing, running through all the information collected. It was going as smoothly as it could for the moment. And her concern for Steve weighed on her. "An hour at most. I'm on my way." 

Carrie gave her a knowing smirk but Sara ignored it and hurried back home. She wasn't sure what she would find. 

So it was a relief when she entered the apartment and Steve immediately grabbed her and kissed her passionately. This she could deal with. It wasn't the first time he'd come home from a mission full of adrenaline and needing release. At least this time they weren't at her office. They didn't bother saying anything. When he grabbed her butt and lifted, Sara wrapped her legs around his waist and let him carry her to the bedroom. He set her down and began to yank her clothes off hurriedly. She noticed belatedly that he was in sweatpants and a t-shirt. His hair was damp, so he must have showered when he got back. 

She also noticed the erection pressing against her leg as his mouth covered one of her breasts and suckled urgently. She dragged her nails over his back, pushing her hips against his abdomen. She was getting aroused fast, but Steve had something else in mind. He tugged at her nipple with his teeth, making her buck, and then his mouth moved lower, across her stomach and then he scooted her up the bed and made himself comfortable. His big hands lifted her backside up and he began to eat her out enthusiastically. 

So, no teasing today, she thought vaguely as her higher functions shut down. Steve suckled and licked, pushing her closer and closer to coming, but just as she was starting to tense, he backed off. Sara whimpered as his cheek dragged against the tender skin inside her thigh. She was just starting to get her breath back when he went back to what he'd been doing, winding her up again. Sara clutched at the bedsheet but he stopped again, this time biting her skin more roughly than usual. Through the haze of lust and frustration an alarm bell was ringing in her head. This wasn't like him. Once he'd learned about multiple orgasms, he never tormented her like this, just made her come over and over until she was exhausted.

She threaded a hand through his hair. "Steve, please."

He drew back, kneeling, looking down at her. "What do you want?" he asked, his voice ragged and sharp. 

Sara stared, trying to gauge his mood. "Steve." She nudged him with her knee.

"Say it," he demanded harshly. 

There had been a few occasions in the past where Sara had blurted out something dirty while they were making love. It seemed to amuse and arouse him in equal measure. But this was different. There was no teasing in his voice. He sounded angry at her.

She stopped moving. "No. Talk to me." 

They stared at each other for a long moment before Steve closed his eyes and fell over, his face pressed against her stomach. Sara carded her fingers through his hair hesitantly. The lust had faded into concern for him. "I'm sorry," he said into her skin.

She tugged him up to lie next to her. "I don't know what's going on with me," he said, stroking her waist gently.

"Well, you just defeated your personal enemy, again, after hunting for them for months. Nobody knows if they're gone for good. And they very nearly killed you last time." She rarely brought that up, not wanting him to dwell on memories of what he'd lost, especially while lying in bed with her. "I don't think you can just shake that off in a few hours, honey." 

Steve nodded. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't take that out on you. Not like this."

"I wasn't actually complaining," Sara teased gently. "But if sex isn't going to help, I don't want to." 

They were both quiet for a few minutes. "All I could think of, after the battle was over, was getting back here," he told her, playing with her fingers. "I just wanted you, wanted to make love all night and then sleep for days and forget it all." He lifted her fingers to his lips. "Instead I brought it with me." 

Sara touched his cheek. "I just wanted you to come home. That's all I ever want. And you did." She let her fingers trail along his face, his neck, down his side and over his hip. His erection had gone down but not faded entirely, and Steve shivered as she hit the sensitive spot on his stomach. But she moved her hand back up and placed her palm over his heart. "You're still alive, Steve." 

He kissed her slowly and the heat began to rekindle. He maneuvered her onto her back again, moving more gently, the way they usually were with each other in bed, at least to begin with. Sara touched him, letting her hands roam over as much of his skin as she could reach, kissing his neck and his shoulders and moving with him easily. 

Steve fumbled in the nightstand for a condom and got it on, then moved back. Sara wrapped her legs around his waist and nodded before he could ask. He slid into her carefully and they both gasped. 

Steve rocked his body into hers, brushing up against her in a way that made her shake, pleasure shooting through her with each thrust. She held him close, keeping him from pulling up and watching her as she felt the orgasm begin to build inside of her. "God I missed you. So much," she panted out in between kisses. 

"Love you," he told her, over and over, until she cried out his name and felt Steve snap his hips into her hard and fast for a moment as he followed. 

Sara drifted in the pleasant, silent afterglow until Steve moved away. He disposed of the condom and slid into bed, tugging her into his arms and curling up around her. Sara snuggled against his sweaty skin, relieved when he yawned. 

Steve fell asleep within moments. Sara lay still, watching him, fighting against the desire to bask in his warmth and do the same thing. Eventually she slipped out of his grasp and went into the bathroom and cleaned herself up. 

Steve was still out when she emerged. She wrote a hasty note and left it on the nightstand before heading back to the office. " _Had to go into work for a few more hours. Back by 9 hopefully. Love you._

_P.S. You promised me an entire night. I expect you to make good on that._ " 

*~*~*~*~* 

"Oh shit." 

Sara tensed. Steve very rarely swore, and that was definitely not a good sign. "What?"

He looked panicked. "The condom broke."

Sara sat up and sure enough, the latex had torn. This was one of the risks of Steve losing control of himself, unfortunately. She thought back. Her last period had ended a week ago. Or was it more than a week? "We should be okay," she said aloud. "I've been taking my pills."

Steve nodded, though he still looked uneasy. Sara didn't blame him. The truth was, it had been about two weeks since her cycle had started and the last few months with the Avengers closing in on Hydra's headquarters, her stress level had been well above even her abnormally high average. All of which could mess with hormones and birth control.

So three weeks later, when she had to bolt into the bathroom at work to throw up in the afternoon, she had a strong suspicion of why. 

Carrie was waiting uneasily near the doors, having seen Sara hurry to the ladies room. She was currently five months pregnant with her second child, which apparently gave her some sort of superpower. "Oh my God, boss, are you pregnant?"

Sara shook her head. "I don't know for sure." It was possible her lunch simply wasn't agreeing with her, but she'd felt off for a few days. 

"If you are, that's a good thing, right?"

Sara didn't have an answer for her. Steve was somewhere in Asia at the moment, but they were wrapping up the mission and he would be back soon. Sara went into her office and took out her personal phone and called her doctor, who agreed to stay late in the office the next day, so Sara could have as much privacy as she could. 

Sara spent a sleepless night and couldn't focus on work most of the next day. Her thoughts were racing constantly, and as she waited for the doctor to finish the tests, she tapped her feet nervously. If she was pregnant, this was going to change everything. What if the kid had Steve's super strength? Could she even carry the baby successfully? Would there be potential complications? 

Her health wasn't the only thing in danger. Sara had moved into Stark tower because she was a target for being Steve's girlfriend. Steve's _child_? Would be in danger its whole life. Not to mention growing up with a globally famous father who tended to run off and nearly get killed on a regular basis. And the doctors had no idea what would happen to Steve in the long term. It was a lot to take in.

The doctor came back into the room and nodded. "Well, the test is positive. It's still early, so complications are a possibility. And if you decide to continue the pregnancy, we're going to have to keep an extremely close eye on you, given the variables at play here."

Sara nodded mechanically. _If you decide to continue_. She couldn't imagine having an abortion, not unless there was a dire threat to her health. Steve would be devastated if it came to that. 

God, she had to tell him. 

The doctor gave her some papers and a bottle of vitamins. Sara went outside and despite the agents with her, she felt suddenly very small and vulnerable. Hydra might be gone (for the moment) but there were plenty of people who would do anything to get their hands on Steve's offspring. 

He was going to lock her up in the tower for the next nine months, or longer. Sara groaned. 

She went home as quickly as possible. She stashed the stuff from the doctor in her bag and took a shower. Steve had sent a message saying he expected to be back sometime before midnight. She called the office and told Miles she was suffering from a bout of the stomach flu and to take charge of the mission's processing for her. Miles assured her that he could handle everything and after several reminders to call her if anything happened, Sara finally hung up the phone. 

How was she going to do her job with a baby to take care of? 

She really wanted to take some painkillers for this headache. She put on a t-shirt and a loose pair of pajama pants and put a cold pack on her head. "Jarvis?"

"Doctor?"

"Can you let Captain Rogers know I need to see him as soon as he arrives?"

"Of course, Doctor."

She ended up watching some documentary on television, not really seeing it. Jarvis notified her when the team was approaching the tower and shortly thereafter, Steve hurried through the door and ran to her, looking alarmed. "Are you okay? Jarvis said you needed me to come here right away, that you weren't at work. Are you sick?"

Sara stood up and then noticed that the entire rest of the team was standing in the doorway, all of them tense. She glanced up at the ceiling. "Jarvis, we need to talk about tone at some point." She waved to the others. "I'm fine. I just wanted to see my husband. Go away now."

They trickled back out the door, Tony looking suspiciously at her before leaving. 

"You're really okay? I thought you'd be at work." Steve grasped her hands tightly. 

"I'm fine. I just... something happened. I need to tell you." She took a deep breath and blurted it out. "Steve, I'm pregnant."

His jaw actually dropped. There was a good thirty seconds of absolute silence as he stared at her. His eyes went from her face to her stomach and then back up. "You're... we... it was... oh God. Really?"

She nodded. "I saw the doctor earlier today." 

He suddenly let go of her hands and grabbed her around the waist, lifting her up into his arms and holding on tight. Sara wrapped her arms around his neck and held on, a few tears leaking out of her eyes. Steve was shaking.

He set her down gently. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-- are you okay? And the baby?"

"So far as they can tell, yes. But there's no precedent for this. There are no guarantees..." She trailed off and his face grew somber. He reached out and touched her midsection, pressing his palm against her stomach. 

He met her eyes again. "And even if the baby is healthy..." He glanced at the window, and the world outside. Sara knew he was feeling what she had earlier. 

"This won't be easy," she said. 

Steve nodded and pulled her into his arms. Sara snuggled against his chest and felt him kiss the top of her head. "I'll keep you safe. Both of you," he said lowly. After a minute he tensed. "Sara, this is a good thing, right? You want this? A family, with me?"

Sara hadn't been planning on this happening, but she accepted the possibility when she married him. And now that it had happened, she looked up at him and smiled and answered truthfully. "Yes." 

Steve bent down and kissed her deeply, his hands running over her back. He murmured, "I love you" and she said it back to him. He bent down and lifted her into his arms carefully and Sara laughed as he carried her into the bedroom. 

*~*~*~*~*

 

The night Sara told him she was pregnant, Steve didn't sleep until nearly dawn. 

Some time after they went to bed, Sara fell asleep and slept heavily through the night. He listened to her quiet breathing while his emotions veered from elated to terrified and back again. He was ecstatic at the idea of becoming a father, giving a baby the kind of life he hadn't gotten to have, hopefully.

But he wished they had planned this rather than it happening by accident. And he wished they had talked to the doctors first. Women died in childbirth every day, even in the 21st century, and those women weren't pregnant by a man whose DNA was a lab experiment. Sara was strong and healthy and he knew she would have the best possible medical care, but what if that wasn't enough? 

Not to mention the other risks, the legion of bad guys out there who might try to hurt her or kidnap her and take the child. He was going to have to convince her to double her protection detail somehow, since locking her up in their apartment wouldn't go over well. They would have to talk about what she would do about work when the time came. 

He drifted off as it was getting light out, wondering if he could go on leave from saving the world for a while when the baby was born. 

He woke up a couple of hours later to the sound of Sara being violently ill in the bathroom. He jumped out of bed and held her hair back until she was finished, then brought her some water and a washcloth before helping her back to bed. 

That day, they saw the doctors at SHIELD who had taken care of Jane's pregnancy. They ran a bunch of tests, all of which came back without raising any alarms, but Sara was under strict orders to report any unusual symptoms. Her morning sickness seemed to be "morning and afternoon" sickness, given that she got sick again a while after lunch, but that was apparently normal. 

Sara insisted on going back to work the next day, although she took a supply of ginger tea and Saltine crackers with her. Steve attempted to get back to his normal routine but it was hard not to check up on her more than usual. Eventually Sara instituted a rule that he wasn't allowed to text her more than once every three hours unless he had some actual information to share.

Nearly a month went by that way. Her nausea eased up a bit, although she was sleeping far more than she had before. Steve had known about morning sickness and swollen ankles, but he'd never heard about the extra sleeping, or a bunch of other side effects of pregnancy he slowly discovered as the weeks went by. One day Steve found Sara in tears from frustration while trying to fold some sheets she'd taken out of the laundry. Sara started to laugh while still crying, which was even more confusing. He'd seen her moved to tears by things before, but never something that mundane. She welled up during commercials and even watching movies he knew she'd seen several times and had never cried at before. He took the DVD of _Up_ out of the apartment entirely and hid it on the carrier for safe keeping until after the baby was born.

They'd agreed not to tell anyone until her first trimester was over, but Steve had a feeling his teammates already knew, or at minimum suspected. Sara's assistant knew, as did her AD, Director Fury and Maria, but the information was contained to that group until the afternoon when Steve got a call that had him racing full tilt down to Medical. 

Sara had experienced some cramps after lunch. She'd gone to the doctor immediately, and when Steve arrived she was in a bed, hooked up to monitors and asleep. For a moment he was seized by the memory of her injuries after the attack on her old office, but then she stirred and reached for him. "It's okay," she said before he could even ask. "The ultrasound didn't show anything wrong. The doctor's waiting on the blood work to be sure." 

He took her hand and waited at her bedside until the doctor came back and confirmed that there were no signs of any complications, but to be safe, the woman wanted Sara to spend the night there for observation. 

At that point, he called Bruce and Pepper for help and the word was out to everyone in Stark tower. Sara was grumpy about this, as she would now have half a dozen other people besides Steve hovering around her all the time. Steve was perfectly happy about that fact. 

Sara was released from medical the next day and after a couple more weeks had gone by with no further scares, Steve started to breathe again. They moved into the fourth month and everything was going along normally according to the doctors. Sara was no longer sleeping quite so much and her morning sickness had subsided although she was still crying more easily than normal. But Steve was in for a new surprise as her second trimester began.

Even before the wedding, Steve had expected his desire for sex would be stronger than Sara's, just due to his metabolism. That had proved true, although not as much as he had feared. Certain times of the month she was less interested, and Steve never complained about being turned down. They had worked out a sort of shorthand about it, and he mentally kept track of the calendar so he would know when not to pester her, but the pregnancy had thrown that all out the window. When she was throwing up and sleeping so much, Steve didn't even raise the subject. Given what her body was being put through, he hardly expected her to be in an amorous mood. But within two weeks of her fourth month starting, it was like a switch got thrown and Sara was suddenly jumping him nearly every chance she got.

He wasn't unhappy about it, of course, not after three months of very little sex, but it was disconcerting. Sara had never been shy about wanting him or reluctant to initiate things, but she had usually been discreet. When she followed him into his tiny quarters on the helicarrier one afternoon and pushed him down on the cot and climbed into his lap, he knew something was different. There were cameras everywhere on the carrier, Sara knew that better than anyone, but when he tentatively brought it up, she shrugged and said she'd take care of it later. Then she kissed him urgently and her hands began to tug at his uniform. Three months of deprivation kept him from turning her down, but they did keep most of their clothes on. 

Once they were back home and alone, she admitted that the pregnancy was making her hormones crazy, making her think about sex all the time. Steve had never heard of this phenomenon. Then Sara smiled wickedly at him and dragged him into the bedroom for round three of the day, after she had woken him up that morning and then in his room on the carrier, and he wondered distantly if his stamina would hold up against her. 

Still, this was a hell of a lot more pleasant than the morning sickness. 

They began to make plans for converting the unused bedroom in their apartment into a nursery. Steve hadn't been able to resist buying a few things for the baby, including a soft stuffed puppy dog that was sitting on a table in the living room. Sara wasn't immune to this either. Steve found a tiny baby outfit with the Mets logo on it lying in a box, along with a little hat, one night when he got home from a mission. 

They didn't know yet if it was a boy or a girl. Steve wasn't sure he wanted to be told in advance. He told Sara that was because in his time people didn't know until the birth, but the truth was he was still afraid. If something happened to the baby, it would only be harder if they had started talking about names and using he or she all the time. 

Sara's health was okay but there were other reasons to worry. Hydra's absence had left a power vacuum, and a new group, the Triad, was attempting to establish their dominance. The Avengers undertook a number of missions, trying to discover more about the organization, but they were never completely successful. After a while, Steve finally heard Fury admit out loud what he'd been thinking silently for weeks. The Triad had some sort of inside information about SHIELD. 

Sara and the internal security chief started working through the computer systems, trying to determine if SHIELD had been hacked, but they came up empty. That left only one logical answer: there was a spy inside the organization. 

Just as they were coming to grips with this possibility, Jane and Theo were on their way back from her office when someone attempted to kidnap them. Two cars blocked the SUV they were in on a street with precision timing, like they'd known the SUV was coming. The kidnappers hadn't realized Clint and Darcy were with Jane, though, and between them and a couple of New York City cops who happened to be on the corner, the Triad agents were scared off. 

Thor was raging, to the point that the city started experiencing flooding. Steve didn't think things could get worse until Sara called him and delivered the grim news that when she'd gone to see Jane at the hospital, the photographers outside had gotten a picture of her that revealed the small curve of her stomach that had only just become visible through her clothes. The tabloids were exploding with speculation.

Steve's instinct was to deny it but Sara pointed out that it was probably too late. "I heard a saying once, Steve. There are three things that cannot be hidden: love, pregnancy and a man riding a camel." He laughed in spite of himself.

The announcement about the baby couldn't have come at a worse time. Everyone, including Sara herself, was aware that having failed to grab Jane and her son, the Triad's next target would be Sara and their baby. 

The press release went out the next morning. Steve didn't have time to pay attention to the reaction because Sara had come up with a plan to protect herself and the baby. It was a crazy plan, but after three days of arguing about it, he admitted it was the best of their terrible options. 

He helped her pack some things and watched her get into the car and drive away. Tony put a hand on his arm, which was probably the only thing that kept Steve from running after his wife as she disappeared into the rain that was still pelting the city.


	8. Chapter 8

Darcy watched the video feed coming in from the "secure" location where she and Sara were supposedly holed up and protected by SHIELD agents. The Triad goons had methodically breached all the layers of security and were about to reach the central room of the building. She watched as they used a tiny explosive to open the door and poured into the room, victorious.

Darcy smirked as their triumphant expressions collapsed into confusion, then anger, to find the room empty. 

Steve had been right. SHIELD had a mole. Someone had given the Triad the location, but thankfully for everyone involved, nobody was home. 

Darcy was in a safe house set up by Tony a number of years ago for God only knew what reasons, kept off the Stark Industries books. She had her taser and her gun and two of Happy's hand-picked Stark security guys keeping an eye on her. Unlike SHIELD agents, Stark could pay these guys double what any baddies would offer, so she felt fairly safe. Happy was with Pepper, who was being kept on the move and who had Rhodey watching her back. Jane and Theo were safely sequestered in Asgard and Darcy doubted anything was going to get past Odin or Frigga to touch a hair on their grandson's head.

Nobody knew where Sara was. Darcy wasn't entirely convinced Steve even knew. And if Darcy was worried, she couldn't imagine how Steve was feeling at this point. But the Triad wasn't claiming it had her, which meant she was still safe.

For the moment.

Darcy wasn't the praying type, but she was hoping by all the gods in Asgard and anywhere else that the Avengers found the mole inside SHIELD fucking soon so they could all go back to their lives.

*~*~*~*~*

Sara eased herself off the tiny stool behind the cash register, holding on to the counter carefully. Her stomach felt like it had nearly doubled in size within the last two weeks and if she hadn't been doing the pregnant lady waddle before, she definitely was now. Her center of gravity had changed in the process, so she had to be cautious about standing and sitting now.

Marta patted her arm and began to count the register, her movements quick and precise thanks to thirty years of practice. Sara waited, stretching her back gingerly until Marta nodded and urged her to go home and get some rest. 

As always Fedor, Marta's husband and the owner of the diner, asked if Sara needed someone to walk her home, but she declined. "I'm too slow to run and have nothing to rob," she told him in broken Russian, smiling. Fedor shook his head and muttered about the depravity of the world and Sara waddled out the door and headed for her tiny studio apartment. 

As she did every day, she passed the street that lead to the subway stop and clenched her teeth, biting on her tongue to keep herself from turning. The temptation was getting worse. She could get on the subway and go into Manhattan and be in her apartment in less than an hour. She could shower in hot water and sleep in her own bed and call Steve. Every day she had moments where she almost didn't care if Stark tower got leveled by the Triad if she could just talk to her husband.

Almost.

She smoothed her hand over her belly. She'd come too far to falter now. The Triad was not getting their slimy hands on her baby. She shifted her hand and felt her sidearm safely nestled against her body, helpfully concealed by the maternity clothes. She was wearing floral print dresses and Mary Janes, which were not at all her normal wardrobe, and her hair was up in a bun, which made her look like a librarian, but abandoning all her habits was part of the plan.

When they realized there was a spy inside SHIELD after the attempted kidnapping of Jane and her son, Sara knew the Triad's next target would be her. Steve's unborn child was the second most valuable prize. Jane was sent to Asgard where she and the baby would be safe, but nobody knew what travel through the bridge would do to a pregnant woman. 

Big plans had been put together to squirrel Sara away with as much security as possible. Pepper and Darcy had been going to go with her. But Sara talked to Steve, and together they talked to Fury. There was a leak within the organization. There were no security plans SHIELD could make that would stay secret. Sara pointed out that this was an opportunity to get ahead of the Triad for once. Make up a fake plan, execute it, but keep Sara elsewhere. Let the spy find out the plan and leak it and see if they could track back who had access to the information and who was the mole. 

It was a good plan as far as that went, but it required Sara being entirely outside of SHIELD's radar and protection, otherwise they had no way of knowing if the traitor would find out her location.

Fury had accepted that. It had taken a good three days of arguing before Steve did. He originally wanted to go with her, but he was needed in the fight. Also he was far too easy to recognize, and if he disappeared too, everyone would be looking for him. 

So despite Steve's immense fear and her own misgivings, Sara had vanished. Everyone but Fury and the rest of the original Avengers thought Sara was being moved through a series of decoy safe houses by SHIELD. Each move was being calibrated, in terms of who inside SHIELD had access to the information, to try and ferret out the traitor. In reality, she had dropped off the grid alone. 

The wisdom of the plan was evident nearly immediately. The caravan of cars that had been supposedly carrying her had been attacked by the Triad, but by then she was in an ancient Nissan Sentra tooling through the backroads of Pennsylvania, having left everything of her old life behind.

She drove to Maryland, going onto the highway for a bit to leave a breadcrumb to follow, then swapped cars and used another in the set of extra license plates she'd purchased under a false identity, using the internet in a business center of a hotel in Manhattan days earlier. After getting into Virginia she veered onto the backroads again and headed north, eventually reaching Lake George in New York. 

It was off-season at the lake, and paying for everything with cash raised some eyebrows, but then people got a glimpse of her stomach and didn't say anything more. 

She had lingered in Lake George as long as she dared. She drove north, because the logical next step from there would be to head into Canada under a false name. Ducking away from traffic cameras again, she drove south through New England and now here she was in what hopefully was the last place anyone would think to look: Brooklyn.

Her Russian language skills came in handy when she stumbled into Marta and Fedor's café. She told them her boyfriend had started hitting her after he found out she was pregnant and she needed to get away from him. She apologized to Steve silently every time she told the story, but it explained why she needed a job, where the baby's father was and that someone might come looking for her and why she wouldn't want to be found. It also helped her avoid showing identification to almost anyone. Her fake New Jersey driver's license was not a particularly good piece of work.

Marta and Fedor took pity on her and gave her a job working the cash register, as their previous cashier had just quit. Sara didn't need the money but she needed to disappear as thoroughly as possible. If she just sat in her apartment and only went out to get groceries, it would raise suspicions, and she would go crazy. But a single pregnant woman working for minimum wage and paying for things in cash was more plausible. 

The Russian community in Brighton Beach was tightly-knit. Sara's observations suggested Fedor had a relative who had important connections, and she was fairly sure the local mafia would not take kindly to any strangers who showed up asking questions just on principle. It was enough distance for safety, and hopefully close enough for her to get a warning if she needed to disappear again. She had the next destination picked, escape routes mapped out, and cash and prepaid burn phones tucked away in the large purse she carried everywhere just in case. 

But God she was tired. The pregnancy was exhausting enough without having to be constantly on alert and afraid of everything. She hadn't seen a doctor in a month, hadn't been eating very well and she felt painfully cut off from her life. That was the point, of course, but it was much harder than she had even anticipated.

She missed Steve desperately. She couldn't contact him, not without risking compromising her location, so she couldn't even tell him she was all right. 

She shuffled into her crappy apartment, flipped all the locks behind her and sat down in the second hand chair she had picked up and gave in to the tears. Steve had been trying so hard not to laugh at how much she was crying due to the hormones. The memory made her cry even harder. She wanted to go home.

*~*~*~*~*

Darcy's phone rang. She didn't recognize the number but she answered it anyway. "Hello?"

"Sara? It's Miles." Darcy sputtered but fortunately didn't say anything coherent before remembering that Miles Dalforth was Sara's assistant director. Why was he calling her Sara? How had he gotten her phone number? She managed to gulp out, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, the strain in his voice belying the statement. "Look, Steve wants to see you. He wants to arrange a meeting. Where are you?"

Darcy thought rapidly. Either Miles was the mole, or he had been taken by the Triad and they were forcing him to help them. The latter seemed more likely, given that Miles had called her, unless he was the mole and was being tortured for failing to get Sara and was calling her out of desperation. She played for time, waving frantically for the guards. "Is Steve okay?"

"He's fine, he's just really worried about you-"

"Can I talk to him?" she interrupted. Putting desperation into her voice wasn't hard. This needed to be believable if it was being listened to by someone else.

"He's not here. We're trying to do this without anyone in SHIELD finding out. You're still in danger. Can you at least tell me somewhere you can be by tomorrow?"

She recalled what Sara had told her briefly before they parted. "Toronto."

"Good. You know where the Eaton Center is?"

"It's downtown, right? There's that Greek place not far from there that I liked."

Miles hesitated for a moment. "Yes, downtown. But it's near the sushi place, not Greek."

"Oh right. Well, I won't be eating sushi right now," Darcy played along, conviction growing within her. 

Miles gave her instructions which Darcy scribbled on the corner of a magazine article before hanging up. "Give me your phone," she said to Pat, the guard who was watching her in alarm. She punched in a number and ordered the guy at the other end of the line to connect her to Captain Rogers or Director Fury immediately. 

"Darcy, what's wrong?" Steve said a minute later.

"The Triad has Miles Dalforth."

"Sara's AD? Dammit, he's been missing for six hours. Fury's sure he's the mole."

"I don't think so." She recounted her conversation as closely as she could remember it. When she got to the part about the restaurant, Steve interjected. "Sara hates sushi."

"Exactly. I think he would've said that to her for real as a warning." Even as she said it, she was beginning to doubt. Miles had called her, not Sara. Unless he was throwing in something for effect, it might just have been confusion. Or he thought Sara was with her and was sending a message.

Steve seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "Well, we'll grab whoever we can, maybe they can get us some answers." 

"Good luck. Be careful."

"You too. And thank you."

Darcy abruptly sat down as her legs started to shake. Holy shit she wanted this to be over. 

*~*~*~*~*

Every instinct Steve had was screaming to go beat the hell out of the guys waiting to kidnap Sara. But Fury had a point. This was the first time they knew where members of the Triad were going to be in advance. They couldn't waste the opportunity.

Still, storming out of Fury's office in anger wasn't at all an act.

Steve stewed on the helicarrier for the rest of the day, eventually picking a fight with Thor. A bunch of furniture got smashed, along with a wall, before two large groups of agents managed to pull them apart. Steve figured Thor was also working out his frustration with that little spat, but he stalked away and disappeared for a while longer. 

In the chaos, nobody noticed Natasha and Clint slipping away. They were going to Toronto, but their plan was to identify the Triad agents and follow them back to their base, hopefully. If they could manage that, SHIELD might be able to smash the Triad for good, and learn the identity of the mole.

It was a desperate play. And Steve was about to make it more so.

After a number of hours had gone by, Steve grabbed his gear and went to the flight deck, where he surprised a pilot and hijacked a jet. Fury contacted him over the open radio channel and demanded to know what in hell he was doing. Steve kept the gun leveled at the terrified pilot. "I have to get to my wife. You people can't keep her safe any longer. I can't take the risk." As far as everyone at SHIELD other than the director was concerned, Steve had known Sara's location the whole time. Keeping up the lie hadn't been easy, particularly since every day Steve came close to demanding that Fury throw the ruse aside and use SHIELD's resources to locate her. 

He had faith in Sara, though. And if the Triad had found her, they would've announced it to the world. That nobody had heard from her, including him, was a good sign. Wherever she'd gone, she was well hidden. 

But he wanted to bring her home already.

Steve had the pilot cut off the radio, but not the transmitter on the jet, which was certainly being tracked by the carrier to a tiny airfield in Virginia, outside of D.C. If his location was compromised by the spy inside SHIELD leaking it to Triad agents, Steve could hopefully learn where their base was, in case Toronto didn't pan out. And SHIELD could use that information to finally pin down the identity of the mole. Even after three weeks of fake plans for moving Sara around, they hadn't gotten closer than someone who worked on the bridge of the helicarrier. 

As backup plans went, it was a terrible one, but they didn't have a lot of options right now.

Early in the morning, Steve went to a diner in a small town nearby and waited. It was late morning and the waitress had given up asking Steve if he needed anything and left him to brood when at long last, Tony spoke in his ear. "Got 'em. Two black SUVs, of course, coming in from the east."

"Can you track them?" Steve asked as quietly as he could.

"Jarvis is back tracing through traffic cameras but it's going to take a few minutes. Sit tight."

Steve made a show of looking at his watch and beginning to fidget, like he was expecting someone. Minutes ticked by interminably until Tony finally said, "Location is locked. Heading there now."

"You've got a four minute start. That enough?"

"It'll be close."

Steve took that for a yes. He counted off four minutes and then paid his bill, leaving a generous tip, and left the diner. He'd worked up quite a head of steam by this point so he didn't bother with stealth. He marched up to the SUV that was conspicuously waiting down the street. The Triad agents inside were so shocked, they didn't think to raise their guns until Steve had torn the door off the car. He'd never been so happy to beat the tar out of anyone and it didn't take long for the four guys in the car to be lying in broken heaps.

The other SUV skidded up across the street but as soon as the doors opened, the first guy out of the car went down as a shot rang out. Two more quick shots stopped the second guy and Steve charged, disarming and killing the third man while one last sniper bullet took out the last one. 

People were screaming and a police officer came running only to stop and stare at Steve slack-jawed. "Someone will be here to take care of this in a bit," he told the man before turning and running away before anyone could stop him.

At the next corner he found his secret weapon leaning against the wall with a rifle over his shoulder and a grin on his face. "Like old times, huh?" Bucky quipped, falling into step with him. 

Steve nodded. "Thanks." Bucky had been standing by in New York for the last couple of weeks, after Steve had called and asked for help. SHIELD may not have trusted the Winter Soldier, but Steve did, and he couldn't have pulled this off without his friend.

They hurried to the car and Steve checked in via his comm. Tony had traced this team back to the same location Clint and Natasha were at, and they were in the process of taking control of that facility. Steve hurried back to the airport although he had no fast way of getting to the rest of them, but he listened as Tony hacked into the Triad computer system and found a way to locate the massive battle cruiser that served as their base. 

By the time Steve and Bucky got there, the helicarrier was hovering victorious over the wreckage of the Triad's headquarters. Thor and the Hulk had been very thorough in their destruction. Bodies were being counted, a handful of prisoners were in custody and, thanks to the computer program Tony had snuck onto the SHIELD mainframe, the bridge technician who had been selling SHIELD's secrets to the Triad was identified and probably not destined to live very long once he had been interrogated. 

Miles Dalforth had been found, or what was left of him. He'd been abducted by Triad agents who had grown impatient with their inability to locate Sara. He had probably been killed when they realized he had lied to them about Toronto, if the manner of his death was any indication. Sara was going to be crushed when she found out.

Steve checked his impulses yet again, waiting until the interrogations were mostly over and the salvaged technology had been examined thoroughly until he felt reasonably confident that there wasn't another spy putting his family at risk. Then he went back to New York and pulled out a prepaid phone he'd been carrying around for a month but hadn't used. He sent a message on Twitter and waited. It took three hours, during which he nearly went mad with impatience, before there was a reply. It was only four words long and he wasn't sure whether to laugh or scream when he read it.

"I'm craving hot dogs." 

He tore out of the tower, the others wishing him good luck, and drove over to Brighton Beach as fast as he could. He ran to the bench where he'd proposed but there was no sign of Sara. His phone beeped and he saw a new message. "Go two blocks east, take a right."

Alarm swept through him but he went, then followed the further instructions by crossing the street, going around the corner and entering a tiny, dingy diner. He told the woman behind the cash register he needed a table for two, because his girlfriend was meeting him. The woman was eyeing him suspiciously, and Steve noted that at least one of the men sitting in the diner was armed. The man back in the kitchen was glaring as well, probably considering grabbing the shotgun he likely had stashed somewhere. 

Steve sat down uneasily and waited, keeping his hands in plain sight, wishing like hell he still had his comm in should he need to call for help from his teammates. Then Sara walked into the diner.

She looked twice as pregnant as the last time he'd seen her, and she was pale with dark circles under her eyes. He wanted to jump up from the table and grab her but she waved, not to him but to the armed man in the corner, a signal for him to wait. 

She approached Steve but stayed out of his arm's reach and he forced himself to stay still. "Hi." His voice cracked.

"I needed to take some precautions," she said. He nodded. She needed to feel safe. Sara had demonstrated that if she wanted to disappear she could do it so thoroughly he might never find her, so whatever she needed him to do to prove himself, he would do it. "What was the first movie we watched together?"

" _How to Train Your Dragon_ ," he answered immediately. "It's your favorite."

"What color was the bridesmaid's dress?"

"Yellow. It was taffeta, and there was a bow on the back that you hated."

She inched closer, looking slightly more confident. "What's the secret ingredient in my brownie recipe?"

He had to think about that for a moment. "Cinnamon. I think."

"What's the record?"

Steve's mind was completely blank for a second. Then he realized what she meant and his face grew hot. But it was a good question. Nobody but the real him would know what happened that night on their trip to Hawaii. "Five."

Sara swayed in relief and moved toward him, murmuring his name and starting to cry. Steve was on his feet instantly, holding her as tightly as he dared. He kissed her forehead, her cheek, her lips, tasting the salt from her tears. One of his hands pressed lightly against her stomach, reassured by the solid warmth of her body. "Are you all right?"

She nodded, attempting to smile for him but she was clearly exhausted. "We're fine." 

"You're so big," he marveled, his palm skimming over the curve of her belly. "Have you been able to see a doctor at all? We need to get you checked out." He started to steer her toward the door but she held back.

"Wait. I need to explain some things first." She gestured to the small, silent crowd in the restaurant, watching them curiously. Steve had forgotten about them entirely. 

Sara explained to the married couple who owned the diner who she was and what was going on. They looked stunned and Steve wasn't sure they believed it entirely, given the looks the woman was aiming at him, but he managed to guide Sara out of the diner before long. She insisted on going to her awful little apartment and cleaning out her personal items before letting him help her into the car. He climbed behind the wheel and started the engine, then just stared at her for a moment. She was leaning back against the seat, one hand covering her stomach protectively. She noticed him looking and raised her eyebrows. 

"I missed you so much," he choked out, the words feeling completely inadequate.

Sara reached for him and he leaned over and kissed her, losing track of time for several minutes as he soaked up the familiar feeling of her lips against his and her fingers in his hair. "I'm not letting you out of my sight again. I don't care what happens, but we stay together, okay?"

She nodded. "No argument here. I've hated every second of this." 

He touched her cheek lightly. "You were amazing, though. Nobody knew where you were. It scared the hell out of me, but I'm proud of you." 

She grinned a bit. "Thank you. Now let's never do this again."

"Agreed." He put on his seat belt and pulled out of the parking lot. Rush hour was starting so they had to wait in traffic for a while to get back into Manhattan. At some point he reached over and took Sara's hand. He didn't let go for most of the drive. 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve looked haggard. Sara had never seen him look this exhausted.

She really didn't want to know how bad she must look at this point. 

She held on to him with one hand. The other was rubbing her stomach, reassuring herself that the baby was all right. If it hadn't been for the baby, Sara would've met him on the boardwalk. Hell, she probably would've run straight into his arms like a character in a movie. She'd wanted to. It was only fear for her child that made her put him through the rigmarole of coming to the diner and answering questions. She had to be sure that Twitter account hadn't been compromised, and that it was really Steve.

And, well, she had the first-hand experience to back up that concern. 

They drove straight to the medical center. Steve refused to allow anyone from SHIELD in to see her until she had seen a doctor, not even Director Fury. Sara was immediately given a thorough check up, including blood tests and an ultrasound. Steve was standing anxiously beside Sara as the technician moved the wand around. "Is everything okay?" he asked impatiently.

"Looks good," the woman said. She hit a couple of buttons and pointed. "Sucking her thumb, see?"

"It's a girl?" Sara asked, her voice breaking. Steve squeezed her hand tightly. 

The tech looked startled. "Oh dear, did you not know? Most people have been told by now."

"The baby was turned the wrong way at my last ultrasound," Sara explained. She stared at the screen, where the baby was indeed sucking her tiny thumb. She glanced up at Steve, who was staring awestruck at the monitor. 

A girl. She was having a daughter. Sara wasn't surprised when she started to cry again. The tech calmly handed her a box of tissues. Steve slid his arm around her and she nestled into his warmth until she could breathe again.

The technician printed out a couple of images for them and the doctor pronounced Sara slightly anemic and in need of extensive rest and low-salt food because her blood pressure was elevated. Steve tensed up again at that news. He made a phone call as they were on their way to the car, and when they reached their apartment, Darcy was lurking in the kitchen with several large bags of food on the table. She hugged Sara carefully and then vanished, leaving Sara and Steve to eat dinner in peace. 

Sara had given Fury a précis of what had happened but the doctor's cautions and Steve's threats had prevented her from being summoned in for a full debriefing tonight. She was never so grateful for her husband's protective streak as she was right then. 

Steve let her out of his sight long enough for Sara to shower, but he tapped on the door almost as soon as she had shut the water off. He'd probably been hovering in the bedroom the whole time. She let him in and he occupied himself with helping her dry her hair and comb it out. She hadn't cut it, although it would've been better for her to do so while she was in hiding. It was a relief to see it down again.

When her hair was straight, he hung the towel he'd been using up and turned back to her. His hands rested on her bare shoulders and he kissed the top of her head. Sara leaned back against him, not caring if she got his clothes damp. Steve met her eyes in the mirror and opened his mouth, but closed it and shrugged helplessly. She knew what he was thinking. There were no words for how glad she was to be with him again. 

Not breaking eye contact, his hands moved lower and tugged the towel she had wrapped around herself open, dropping it to the floor. Sara blushed, all too aware of how her body was swollen and strange in a number of places, even more so than the last time he had seen her. Steve brushed his palms over her belly first, then just touched her lightly. It felt too much like a dream and she pressed his hand more firmly against her breast. 

He bent down and kissed her shoulder, moving up her throat until he reached her ear and she shivered. He stopped immediately. "Are you cold?"

Sara turned around. "I'm fine."

He still hesitated. "Are you too tired? We don't have to-"

Sara tugged his head down and kissed him. She was tired, but she wanted this first. She needed this first. 

Steve maneuvered them into the bedroom and shrugged off his clothes quickly to join her in the bed. It was a bit awkward, given how much bigger her stomach was since the last time they made love but it had been so long, it didn't take much for Sara to climax, Steve following almost immediately. She was annoyed that tears welled up again, although this time she had a good reason. 

"I love you," she told him lowly. Steve wiped the tears off her face with his thumb and then kissed her. 

"I love you." 

She got up after a bit and found some clothes she could fit into at least for the night. She was going to need to find some bigger maternity clothes. She crawled into bed and Steve kissed her shoulder and left to take a shower. She couldn't quite fall asleep until he rejoined her, his body curving protectively around hers. She had missed that feeling. His hand cradled her belly and Sara gave in to her exhaustion and slept. 

She jerked awake a few hours later, momentarily confused about where she was. She let out a deep breath. It was okay. She was home, finally. Steve was with her. She was safe.

"Sara?" Steve had woken up or been awake, she didn't know. He was propped up on his elbows, watching her worriedly.

"I'm okay," she reassured him, but something had woken her up. A dream? She didn't remember anything specific, but nightmares wouldn't be terribly surprising now. 

Then she felt a flutter in her stomach, strong and sharp and she gasped. 

"What is it?" Steve's alarm was palpable, but she grabbed his hand and pressed it against her stomach. A moment later, she felt it again.

"Did you feel-?" 

"Was that...?"

"I think so." There was another quick jolt and Sara was sure. Her baby was kicking. 

"Oh wow." Steve sat up, his hand still against her body. "That's really her?"

Sara smoothed her hand over the other side of her belly. "Are you saying hi baby girl?" Steve laughed at how high her voice had gotten but Sara didn't care. She'd felt weird little sensations in her stomach before now but never anything quite so definite. In the back of her mind she'd been worrying that she hadn't felt anything certain before now, but the doctor had said the ultrasound today was fine.

Steve smiled at her, bright enough to light up the room. "We're having a daughter."

"I know." She leaned over and kissed him. "That'll make the name argument slightly easier, I guess."

He laughed, cuddling her against his side, keeping one hand on her belly in case the baby moved again. "I don't know, I can think of a lot of awful names for girls just to bug you."

"Great." She sighed into his shoulder. Steve was still concentrating on her stomach, but Sara was distracted. "So I was thinking earlier. I don't want to let SHIELD debrief me about where I was or how I evaded everyone."

He looked up, his eyes darkening. "You think we can't trust them still?"

Sara shook her head. "I think they got the leak. I just... I'm not in the mood to take chances right now." She rubbed her belly absently. 

"I'll back you up whatever you choose to do, you know that. But honey, Fury doesn't tend to like it when people refuse to give him answers," Steve observed. 

"What's he going to do, fire me? Hey if he does that, I can be a stay-at-home mom."

"You'd go crazy in less than six months," Steve said ruefully, kissing her forehead. 

He was right, of course. "It'd be fun while it lasted," she said. "I did this on my own. Fury can't order me to report to him about something that had to be done because he couldn't keep me safe." She shivered again and Steve pulled her even closer. 

Fury would be pissed, but there wasn't much he could do. He wouldn't want to upset or endanger the mother of Steve Rogers' child. She'd _never_ played that card, not even as Steve's girlfriend, but she would do it now if she had to. 

"I mean, SHIELD wasn't looking for me. If they had been, I don't know how far I would've gotten, but I also would've done things differently, so I'm not even sure it matters." She would've stayed away from New York and its wealth of traffic and security cameras for one thing. "It just seems like giving away an advantage." 

"You wouldn't do the same thing over again, though," he pointed out, the tactical side of his brain unable to resist. She grinned in spite of herself.

"Not precisely, no, but there's no reason to let a potential opponent know everything you know."

"You sound like Natasha."

"Actually I sound like Coulson. And Natasha." 

He was quiet for a moment, touching her fingers lightly with his own. "Will you tell me? How you stayed hidden?" She could hear the strain in his voice. Not knowing where she was must have been torture for him. It was so ingrained in Steve to protect other people, not being able to do that for her had to have been awful, especially now.

She kissed him lightly. "Somewhere that we're sure we're not being overheard," she agreed. "No offense Jarvis." 

The computer wisely didn't answer. 

"We'll need to make some plans," Steve said after a bit. "Privately, for us and the baby. Just in case."

Sara nodded. Much as she disliked it, they were both too well trained. But between the two of them, they could figure some strategies out ahead of time and hopefully be prepared. 

She didn't want to dwell on this right now, though. "And we need to buy baby furniture. And pick paint colors for the nursery before someone does it for us."

"I'm guessing you don't want pink walls for her," he said with a grin. 

"It would clash with the Captain America onesie that I'm positive Darcy or Pepper have already bought," she pointed out.

*~*~*~*~*  
*~*~*~*~*

Unfortunately the first few weeks after the Triad's defeat were anything but restful. The death of Miles Dalforth was a terrible personal loss for Sara, but it also left a gaping hole in her division. Miles had been her AD for several years. Sara had been grooming him for her job for a long time and he'd already taken over for her more than once. Now she was facing maternity leave of unknown length and there was nobody fully trained to fill her shoes.

Carl Manthey was working as hard as he could to get caught up, but there was a lot that only experience could teach and they didn't have time for him to do things that way. It wasn't helping that there was a flood of new material from the destruction of the Triad and mop-up operations to deal with the aftermath were keeping them all busy.

All of this was complicated by her health. Her blood pressure was still running a bit high. Dr. Lawrence had been on the verge of ordering Sara onto bed rest and only backed off after Sara pointed out all the reasons she couldn't. 

Steve was nearly apoplectic with worry. They'd had multiple arguments about Sara pushing herself too hard and not resting enough. She didn't see any other choice. If Miles had still been alive, she probably would've given in and taken maternity leave early, but how could she leave her position when there was nobody ready to take over? She finally snapped at Steve that if their positions were reversed he'd be doing the same thing, not wanting to let anyone down.

This was not how she'd wanted to spend these weeks, fighting with her husband and stressing out. The only salvation had been Carrie coming back from her own maternity leave two weeks early. Carrie knew nearly as much about Sara's job as she did, aside from some classified details. With her help, Carl might be ready to take over temporarily in a few more weeks. 

Sara made a mental note to buy Carrie and her partner two first-class tickets to Bermuda for a vacation and arrange for a bonus. The woman deserved it.

Steve came into the bedroom. It was early but she was already propped up in bed reading. Even with the climate control in the tower the summer heat from outside was oppressive, so she was in a tank top and shorts and had the ceiling fan running. He looked like he was about to say something, no doubt asking if she was reading something for work. She wasn't at the moment, but he checked the impulse and kept his mouth shut.

So she didn't object when he stripped down to his boxers and stretched out on the bed alongside her. He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder and his hand covered her belly. He pushed his hand against her slightly and was rewarded with a reciprocal push from the baby. Steve was endlessly fascinated by the way the kid moved around and responded. Sara knew he was spending hours at night lying awake, touching her stomach and just feeling the baby move.

"She's really restless tonight," he observed after a minute. 

"She was quiet all afternoon while I was in meetings, so I guess this is my punishment," Sara said wryly. It was kind of hard to concentrate on work when the baby was doing a dance on her kidneys.

Steve propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over her belly. "Hey, little one," he said, his voice soft and higher than normal. "Don't keep Mommy up all night, okay? She needs her rest." He bent down and kissed her stomach and Sara felt something in her melt. She knew Steve had only been angry the last couple of weeks because he was worried about her and the baby. This was his _daughter_. He had a right to be concerned. She should've tried harder to remember that.

She put her tablet aside. They should be focusing on the positives right now. "It's too bad we can't name her that."

Steve glanced up. "What, 'little one'?"

"It's the only name we seem to agree on." Steve's taste in names ran to fairly traditional ones. Sara wasn't a big fan of modern girl's names herself but she suspected Steve was indeed deliberately picking stuff she'd hate just to tease her.

"Hey, I picked it up from you, sweetheart." 

"Yeah I think I got that from _Star Trek_ ," she admitted. 

Steve laughed, running his hand over her stomach. "What do you think about Juliet?"

She considered. "I'm not wild about it. Juliet Lynne?" Steve had agreed to give the baby Sara's mother's name as a middle name, but Sara didn't want to use it as a first name so they were constantly trying to come up with something that would work. "Where'd you get the idea?"

He shrugged. "Darcy's got me listening to the Dire Straits." 

Sara laughed, then sang, " _Juliet, when we made love you used to cry, you said I love you like the stars above, gonna love you till I die..._ " 

Steve grinned and stretched up and kissed her. "Sounds about right," he told her lowly, nuzzling her cheek. Sara let him pull her against his body, cuddling up to him despite the heat and kissing him again. "Okay, so, that's a no on Juliet?"

"Not a no, but not an enthusiastic yes. I mean, we are talking about a character who commits suicide at 14 over a boy. Not the best role model."

"Fair point. We'll put it on the Maybe List."

Sara ran her fingers through his hair. "Aren't pretty much all the names we don't hate on the Maybe List at this point?"

Steve's eyes closed in bliss as her nails ran over his scalp. "Yeah, it's a long list." He leaned down and kissed her again, slowly and more thoroughly and Sara felt a different kind of heat beginning to simmer under her skin. They'd been too tense and too busy lately for this, and her hormones had settled down a bit from the high point earlier in her pregnancy.

They were surging now, though. She resisted the desire to rush, letting Steve nibble on her ear and moving her hands with deliberate slowness over his shoulders and his back. He followed her lead, taking his time kissing her and sliding his hands gently over her body, removing her clothes piece by piece. 

Eventually they were both naked. Steve started to reach for a condom and Sara coughed, reminding him that they didn't need it right now. He laughed and rubbed her legs, maneuvering around on the bed, but it was quickly apparent that her belly was too big for him to be on top. Sara reached out a hand and drew him to lie back down on the bed and turned her back to him. Steve didn't like this much; he'd told her once he wanted to see her face when they made love. It didn't give her much opportunity to touch him either, but at the moment it was the easiest position. 

He nestled up against her back and Sara whimpered in relief as he slid inside of her carefully. Steve hooked her leg back over the top of his, giving him room to touch her as she started to push back against him. They still moved slowly, drawing it out while Steve coaxed her arousal higher with his fingers and teased her with whispers in her ear about how sexy she was, how much he wanted her, until the orgasm pulsed through her body in waves that left her limp and content. Steve didn't last long after that and they settled in the same position, his hand covering her belly. 

He kissed the nape of her neck. "I love you."

She caught his hand and brought it to her lips. "I love you, too." She sighed. "I'm sorry I was such a pain the last few weeks." She hadn't meant to say that and reintroduce the subject, but it came out anyway. 

She felt him nod. "I'm sorry too." He was quiet for a moment and then let out a heavy sigh against her shoulder. "I promised I would keep you both safe."

"You did. Letting me go was the right thing to do to protect us."

"I know. And I know I can't change it. I just don't want to..."

_Fail again_ , she filled in silently. There wasn't anything she could say to convince him otherwise. She squeezed his hand. "You didn't. And you're here now. We're okay."

He nodded. "I'm always going to be overprotective of you both. Although I can't say that I think there is such a thing as 'overprotective' when it comes to my wife and my daughter."

She laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood. "This poor kid's not dating until she's 30."

"40."

Sara elbowed him and Steve wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled back against him, grinning to herself at the tiny noise he made. But all she said was, "If things at work were any different, I'd be sitting in bed all day letting you wait on me hand and foot."

"You'd be bored silly in 24 hours," he shot back, but he kissed her shoulder in recognition of the olive branch she'd just offered. "It'll be better now, with Carrie back. We'll manage." 

Sara resolved silently to be more patient with him and to make more of an effort to rest. It wasn't like she wasn't in need of it. 

Steve changed the subject back to happier things. "So Thor wants to paint the nursery this weekend. Darcy's threatening to come down and video it. The further adventures of the God of Thunder in Midgard and all that." Thor had insisted on doing the painting, since Steve and Sara had painted Theo's nursery themselves. 

Sara groaned. "So we really need to pick paint colors. I don't want to imagine what Thor would choose on his own."

Steve tickled her lightly. "At least there are fewer choices than with the baby names."

Sara craned her neck, incredulous. "Have you looked at the paint swatches I brought home?"

"I know, but we ruled out all the blues and reds, as well as the dark shades of anything. It's basically purple, yellow or green, right? So it's still a smaller list." 

"You're a ridiculous optimist sometimes, you know that?"

"Well, if we decide we hate the color, we can always repaint in a couple of years," he pointed out. "The baby's name she'll be stuck with for life. The stakes are higher." 

"Which is why we are not naming her Beulah," Sara retorted, threading her fingers through his. That was Steve's favorite name to taunt her with. 

"It works with Lynne," he said calmly, but she could hear the amusement in his voice. 

"So does Stephanie." Sara wasn't fond of that name. Darcy had joked that it was the only way to name a girl after Steve, but he'd been displeased at that idea. 

She could feel the grimace on his face against her shoulder. "Touché." They were quiet for a moment, then he said, "I'm not wild about yellow walls. Too bright."

"I'm not wild about purple." They looked at each other and then started laughing. 

"Green it is, then?"

"We still have to pick a shade," she reminded him. 

"Tony's got a dart board somewhere." 

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

" _Steve_."

He snapped awake, adrenaline flooding him even before he could consciously grasp the fear in Sara's voice. When he sat up, he saw that the light was on and she was already sitting in bed, her hands covering her stomach. The blankets were pushed back and the sheets were wet underneath her. Her water had broken.

There was also blood.

"Steve?" Sara looked terrified. She wasn't due for another month. 

Something was wrong.

He bolted out of bed, wrapping her in the quilt. "Jarvis, we need transportation to the Medical facility immediately!" He picked Sara up carefully and carried her down the hall to the elevator, startling the agent on duty, who began snapping out orders into his comm as he followed them into the elevator. 

"A car and driver will be waiting for you at the bottom of the elevator, sir. I've alerted Agents Barton and Lewis as well. Should I inform anyone else?"

"Dr. Banner," Steve gritted out. 

The ride down seemed longer than it ever had before. Sara pressed her face against his shoulder. "It's too soon," she said, her voice cracking. She was shaking in his arms.

"I know. But you'll be at the hospital in a few minutes." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "I've got you. Just hold on."

She nodded, closing her eyes and attempting to breathe slow and deep.

By the time they reached the garage, a car was waiting right in front of the doors. Clint was behind the wheel and Darcy had the back doors of the SUV open for them. Sara's agents were climbing into another vehicle. Steve was glad they didn't attempt to tussle over who got to drive. He trusted Clint more right now than any of SHIELD's hired help. 

Darcy helped him bundle Sara into the back of the car. Steve ran around and jumped in the other side while Darcy got into the passenger seat. Clint had the car moving before the doors were shut. 

Steve wrapped himself around Sara as much as he could in the limited space. Darcy took one look at Steve and pulled out her phone. "Bruce? Before you come to the hospital, stop in Steve and Sara's apartment and get him a shirt, some socks and shoes." Steve hadn't gotten dressed or even bothered with covering his bare feet when he got out of bed. He nodded his thanks to Darcy but his attention was yanked away when Sara cried out. 

"We need to time the contractions," Darcy said, glancing at her watch. Clint was intent on the road. It was about 3 a.m. so there wasn't much traffic and Steve was sure they were blowing through red lights repeatedly but he didn't care.

"How long have you been having contractions?"

Sara shook her head. "I don't know. My stomach was upset last night, I thought that's what it was. I was having pains but then I fell asleep and woke up..."

His arms tightened around her. "We'll be there soon. Just hang on." He was talking as much to the baby as to Sara. 

Someone had alerted the staff at Medical because nurses and doctors were waiting at the doors and surrounded them as soon as Steve carried Sara into the building. They transferred her to gurney while the physician on duty peppered them with questions and they moved into a room that held an array of equipment. "Someone get a gown on him," one of the nurses snapped.

Steve let another nurse pull him away long enough to yank on a shirt and then let them wrap a green hospital cover around him. The nurse even covered his feet in paper shoes. By the time he reached Sara's side again she was staring at a monitor near the bed. Steve followed her gaze and saw a label, "Fetal heartbeat." The little green blip moving fast but steady across the screen was reassuring. 

Dr. Lawrence, Sara's doctor, appeared a minute later. She probably had been asleep in her quarters when the call came but she looked calm and focused. She glanced at several monitors, asked a few questions and then looked at them. "Sara, I know you wanted to try to do a natural delivery, but I think we need to do a C-section right away. The baby's heartbeat is good and I'm not seeing signs of fetal distress yet but we have no real way of knowing what's going on in there. The sooner we get her out the better."

"It's too early," Sara said again, gasping as another pain hit her. "Will she be all right?"

"You're a little under four weeks early, and her weight is good. She should be fine." Should depending on where that blood was coming from, Steve knew.

Sara glanced up at him and Steve squeezed her hand. "It's your call." 

She bit her lip and then nodded. "Okay."

Things happened very fast after that. They wheeled Sara into a surgical suite and the nurses were flying around them, inserting an IV and giving Sara drugs for the pain. Everyone else was put into gowns and surgical masks. They draped a cloth over Sara's knees so she wouldn't see what was happening. She complained that she felt like she couldn't breathe but another doctor was there, monitoring her and assured her that was normal with the drugs. Steve couldn't handle the idea of watching the doctor make the incision. He bent down, holding Sara's hand tightly. They stared at each other, not saying anything, listening to the noises from the other side of the drape.

The doctor moved away and then an unhappy wail echoed through the room. Sara took a huge breath and let it out with a sob. "She's okay. Is she okay?"

Steve stood up although his legs were shaking badly. The doctor looked relieved. "She's fine." A nurse was cleaning the baby, who was still howling at the unpleasant shock of being out in the world, but a moment later they handed the bundle of blankets to Steve and he stared down in awe.

She was tiny, with a little swirl of dark hair on her head. Only when she was in Steve's arms did the baby stop shrieking and settle down to just whimpers.

He bent down, so Sara could see the baby. Sara was still crying. She reached out a shaky hand and touched their daughter's fingers. "Hi little one." The baby turned her head, almost like she recognized her mother's voice. "It's okay. I know that was scary but it's over now. You're safe. She is, right?" The last part was directed at the nurses. 

"She's fine, hon. We'll take her to NICU just as a precaution but everything looks good."

Sara nodded, blinking several times. Her eyes went unfocused. "Steve?"

"I'm here." He felt panic welling up inside him again. "Sara?"

Her hand fell away from the baby. "Keep her safe."

Sara lost consciousness and several of the monitors began shrieking in alarm. 

"Sara!" 

His shout scared the baby, who began to cry again, and a nurse hustled him backwards while a new burst of frantic activity erupted around his wife. He wanted to shove his way back to Sara, but the nurse was stronger than she looked and he still had the baby in his arms. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. Just step back and let the doctor work, please."

They moved him to another room and closed the door between him and the surgery. He could hear the words "blood loss" and "rapid drop in blood pressure" through the doors. The baby was snuffling unhappily and Steve looked down at her, too stunned to move. 

A nurse approached him cautiously. "Captain? We need to take the baby to the NICU. We need to ensure she's warm enough and run some tests."

"No." He practically snarled. The last thing Sara had asked of him was to keep the baby safe. He wasn't letting his daughter out of his sight and he wasn't leaving this spot until someone told him what was happening to Sara.

The nurses exchanged looks and one of them disappeared and then came back with a blanket. She held it out to him. "You need to wrap her in this and keep her close to your body for warmth. We need to check on her breathing every 15 minutes and you need to watch her for any change in skin tone. If she gets pale or starts to turn blue, we will need to get her into an incubator. Do you understand?"

He nodded, gingerly wrapping the extra blanket around the baby. She was moving restlessly, her eyes opening and closing at random. He held her against his chest, sharing heat from his body. His memory flashed through all the times Sara had fallen asleep with her head there, listening to his heartbeat, and he trembled. _Not Sara. You can't take her too._

Steve stood there, watching the baby, waiting silently. He had no idea how much time passed. The nurses came repeatedly to examine the baby but didn't ask him to loosen his hold. He kept her warm and rocked her absently until she fell asleep. 

Finally the door swung open. Dr. Lawrence spoke before she was even in the room, the only two words Steve wanted to hear. "She's alive."

Relief hit him like a physical blow. His chest heaved and his legs started to give out. Two strong arms wrapped around him - Clint and Darcy, Steve hadn't even noticed their arrival - and guided him carefully to a chair. 

While he tried to catch his breath Dr. Lawrence glanced at the others, who subsided a respectful distance away. The doctor spoke slowly, trying to penetrate the shock, explaining that something had happened with the placenta. Lawrence was grave as she explained that she had avoided doing a hysterectomy, but there was damage to Sara's uterus and it was permanent. She would probably never be able to have another child.

At the moment Steve couldn't imagine going through this kind of fear again. Later it might bother him, but for now Sara would live and see their daughter grow up and that was all that mattered.

"We really do need to examine the baby and run some tests, Steve. You can stay with her the entire time, but please go with the nurses up to NICU and let them do their job," Lawrence added. 

"You could maybe get dressed now," Bruce put in. Steve hadn't noticed his presence before either. "It's going to be several hours until Sara wakes up from the anesthesia." 

Darcy put a hand on his arm. "I'll go with you, keep an eye on the kid while you change. Don't worry, she'll be safe with Aunt Darcy to protect her." 

Steve managed to call up a weak smile at that. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

As soon as Dr. Lawrence deemed Sara awake enough, Steve hustled off to bring the baby to her room. Thor was apparently at the hospital keeping an eye on the child. It sounded like her daughter had some sort of round-the-clock Avengers honor guard. Sara waited, staring at the wall while her emotions spun crazily around in her head. 

There would be no more children. She had understood the message behind Lawrence's carefully worded explanation. Sara was lucky she hadn't undergone a complete hysterectomy, but she couldn't carry another child.

Her body was sore all over and her brain was still fuzzy from the drugs. She was worried about nursing the baby, about her recovery, about work, about Steve. He had spoken more than once about hating being an only child. What was he thinking about all of this?

And she was worried about the baby, despite Steve's reassurances that she was fine. In fact, it wasn't until Steve opened the door and Sara reached for the baby before he was even completely in the room that she understood how scared she was for her daughter. Steve settled the baby into her arms and Sara made no effort to hide the tears streaming down her face. 

The baby was asleep, but she was moving, her tiny arms and legs twitching occasionally. She was so small, barely 6 pounds, but she had all her fingers and toes and she was breathing quietly. Sara had no idea how much time passed as she just sat there, staring down at the baby, until she glanced up to see Steve watching her with tears in his own eyes. 

"Tissues?" she croaked out weakly. He handed her the box and Sara wiped her eyes and blew her nose awkwardly with one hand. "She's really okay. I know, you told me. It's not that I didn't believe you I just-"

"You're her mother, you needed to see it for yourself. I understand." Steve kissed her temple. Sara nodded. She bit her lip for a minute, until Steve reached over and smoothed his thumb over her mouth to make her stop. "What is it?"

"Are you..." she floundered, "about what Dr. Lawrence told us, I don't want you to be, you know," she swallowed hard, her voice cracking. "Dis-disappointed. In me. Because-"

Steve's face had gone from confusion to anger as he realized what she was talking about. "No. _No_. Stop, Sara, stop right there." He reached out and cupped her cheek in one hand. "I could never, ever be disappointed in you. How could you think that? You brought our daughter into the world." She shook her head, because she almost hadn't, and what if working so hard and all the stress from her job had caused this? What if it was her fault? But Steve made her look at him. "You did. You kept her safe for as long as you possibly could and it nearly killed you." He was shaking; she could feel it as he leaned over and kissed her. "You're both safe. That's all I want. All I ever wanted."

Too much was churning around inside of her, so Sara just put her head against his shoulder. Steve shifted around so that he could hold her more comfortably, supporting her body as much as he could. She felt him kiss her head. "You were so brave, and so strong. I love you so much." 

"I love you," she told him, the words half muffled by his shirt, but he caressed her arm and she tried to breathe slowly and calm her heart. 

Steve drew away, just enough to crane his head down. "And we both love you, little one." He kissed the top of the baby's head gently. Steve slipped his pinkie finger into the baby's grip and then brought her tiny hand to his lips as well. Sara smiled at the look on his face and wiped the last stray tears off her cheeks. It was going to take more than one conversation for them to deal with what had happened, but for the moment she attempted to relax.

"She needs a name," Steve said, nudging the tiny plastic bracelet on the baby's hand. "They've been calling her Baby Rogers all night."

Sara looked down at the baby, considering. "Elizabeth doesn't seem to work," she admitted. That had been her favorite.

Steve nodded. "I don't think she looks like a Patricia either."

Their entire short list of names didn't seem to be gelling for either of them. There were noises in the hall suggesting they were going to be interrupted soon. Steve stroked his fingers gently over the tufts of hair on the baby's head. His hand looked enormous by comparison to her little body. "I was thinking last night, what about Rachel? It was on the Maybe List."

"Rachel," Sara tried it out. The mother of Joseph and Benjamin in the Bible, who had died in childbirth, if she remembered correctly. She had a feeling that was why Steve had been thinking about it. 

"Rachel Lynne Rogers. It sounds pretty good."

She smiled. "Rachel," she cooed to the baby. "Is that your name, little one?"

The baby yawned, which made them both laugh. "I think she approves."

 

*~*~*~*~*

Steve gathered the plastic blocks together and stacked them up again. He wasn't terribly neat about it, since they wouldn't stay that way for long.

Sure enough, after he'd pulled his hands away, Rachel leaned forward and batted at the tower with both hands. The blocks went clattering all over the floor while she shrieked with glee. 

Then she looked at Steve expectantly. He sighed and repeated the process. 

Sara assured him that Rachel's enjoyment of knocking things over was normal, but it was hard not to make "Hulk smash" jokes about it. 

There were no signs yet that Rachel had inherited any of Steve's abilities. She was a little big for her age and her body temperature ran a little higher than normal, but other than that she was developing and growing right on schedule. She was healthy and generally happy unless she needed a clean diaper. She also screamed like a banshee while having her diaper changed, and the lack of logic didn't seem to impress her, no matter how many times her parents pointed it out.

Sara was working downstairs on something for Pepper, so Steve was alone with his daughter. Sara was on an extended leave of absence from her job, and he was starting to suspect she might not want to go back. Between her pregnancy and the recovery, it hadn't been feasible for her to go back to the intense work schedule SHIELD expected. Now that Rachel was on a regular schedule for sleeping and eating, Sara was doing "consulting" for Stark Enterprises. Steve wasn't entirely clear on what that meant, other than being able to work from their apartment and be with Rachel most of the time. 

Today, though, Sara had been eager to go help with whatever project Pepper was working on and left Steve with Rachel. He didn't mind. He was away too much for his liking, and Rachel was growing so fast, he felt like he'd already missed a lot.

Rachel knocked down the next two towers of blocks Steve built, babbling happily. The second time, the big green block ended up near her foot. She picked it up and waved it around triumphantly, then promptly tried to stick it in her mouth. When that didn't work, she banged it on the floor.

She looked at him again, like she was waiting for him to start rebuilding the tower. Steve held out his hand. "Daddy can't stack the blocks without the bottom one, sweetheart." 

Rachel looked at the toy she was holding. She transferred it from one hand to another, mostly by accident. After a couple of false starts, she managed to toss it in Steve's general direction. 

"We'll need to work on your aim kiddo," he told her. 

She got distracted by a stuffed dinosaur so Steve rolled onto his back on the carpet, watching as Rachel studied the new toy curiously. The dinosaur went into her mouth, where everything went these days, but she pulled it away and made her "yuck" face. She plucked at the nose of the dinosaur and then let out a string of noises and whacked the dinosaur on the floor a few times.

Everyone said Rachel looked quite a bit like him. Steve thought it was mostly because Rachel had his eyes. Her hair was dark, and Steve thought the rest of her face looked more like Sara than him. She was changing so much at this point, it was hard to tell. He'd been gone for about five days last week and Rachel had already looked different by the time he got back. 

She noticed Steve again and dropped dinosaur to lurch toward him. She wasn't quite crawling yet, just relying on wiggling around on the floor enough to get her where she wanted to go. She covered the two feet between them and then grabbed onto his shirt to pull herself up onto her knees, batting her hands against his ribs.

Steve picked her up and held her over his body at arm's length, from her perspective high up in the air. Rachel stared down like she wasn't sure what was happening, but after Steve started zooming her gently back and forth making airplane noises, she giggled, kicking her feet and waving her arms.

Eventually he brought her in for a "landing" on his chest. Rachel sighed and then rubbed her face against his shirt. She'd been awake for a while now and it was nearly naptime, so Steve rubbed her back gently. A minute later she got her fingers into her mouth and then fell asleep. 

He didn't move right away, wanting to be sure she was really out, but he became aware of being watched.

Sara was leaning in the doorway to the kitchen, a soft smile on her face. He had no idea how long she'd been standing there.

Steve sat up carefully. When Rachel didn't wake up, he got to his feet slowly and carried the baby into the nursery and laid her down in the crib. She wiggled around a bit but then settled back down, completely asleep.

Sara was drinking a glass of water when he reached the kitchen. "Hi."

"Hi." She tugged him down and kissed him, a bit more than a "hello" kiss. Steve sank down onto one of the stools and pulled her in between his knees so he could kiss her back without neck strain. 

"So did you save the day?" he teased when she let him go. 

"Of course. Though how Stark Enterprises has survived this long without maintaining proper records management practices is beyond me."

Steve kissed her again, mostly to cut off a rant. Sara slipped her arms around his neck and by the time this kiss ended, they were pressed together tightly and his hands were fondling her hips. 

"So, are you hungry?"

Sara shook her head at him and began unbuttoning his shirt. 

Steve grinned, leaning back so she could get his belt buckle open. "Thirsty?"

"Nope." 

"In need of a nap?" 

She yanked the shirt free from his pants and her hands ran up his bare chest. "In a little while, hopefully," she said with a grin before kissing him, hot and hungry. Steve slid his hands around to grope her backside and kissed her back enthusiastically. 

Their sex life had been on a necessary hold after Rachel's birth. Dealing with a newborn had tested the limits of even his energy. Given how weak Sara had been following the surgery, Steve had waited for months, not even allowing himself to raise the subject until Sara made the first tentative overture. He'd been afraid of hurting her, even more so than he had before. 

It was only over the last few weeks that they had been reacquainting themselves with each other this way, since Rachel had an amazing knack for waking up just when things were getting interesting. By his calculations, they would hopefully have an hour now before she woke up. 

He led Sara down the hall to the bedroom and then let her finish ripping his clothes off. She discarded her own hastily as he watched. She blushed and pushed him onto the bed, but he took control then, rolling her underneath him so he could kiss and caress her body thoroughly. Sara had been self-conscious about the changes wrought by the pregnancy, especially the scar from the surgery and what it represented. She was still uneasy, and he made a point of whispering to her as he moved over her body how sexy she was, how much he wanted her, until she was gripping him tightly and pulling him down. 

Despite the time factor and her impatience, he made love to her slowly, savoring every move until he couldn't stand it anymore. Finally they both sank into the bed, still tangled together and panting. Though he would never say it aloud, he did enjoy not having to worry about birth control interrupting the afterglow anymore. 

They'd cut it close. About five minutes passed while they cuddled together before there was a distinct noise from the nursery. Sara sighed. 

"I'd do it, but I don't think she wants me right now," Steve said with a grin. The baby would be hungry by now. 

Sara nodded, getting out of bed. "Sorry, Super Dad, but this is probably a job for Mom."

He watched appreciatively as she threw on a robe and then got himself up out of bed and pulled on some clothes. He cleaned up the bed and straightened the sheets while Rachel was screaming bloody murder in the next room, probably getting a clean diaper. Finally she went quiet and Steve padded down the hall and leaned against the door frame.

Sara was sitting in the enormous rocking chair that had been one of their baby shower gifts, holding the baby while she nursed. Rachel's forehead was creased in a way that looked like Steve's as she concentrated fiercely on eating. 

He stood there watching quietly, savoring the warm feeling in his chest. He didn't get a lot of moments like this; his life was too chaotic and probably would never change. He had no idea how often he would get to do this, to just be at home with his family. Something was always interrupting. But he wanted to fix this in his mind, the way the room smelled, the tiny creak of the chair as it rocked back and forth, the sound of Sara humming, the way the light from the lamp on the table fell over Rachel's face and outlined Sara's profile. She was staring down at the baby, her expression soft and full of something impossible to describe as she looked at her daughter. He wished he could draw this instantly and capture this moment forever. But a picture would have been soulless. 

Sara noticed him, taking his turn to watch from the doorway. She looked slightly chagrined, Rachel made a noise and the moment ended as Sara shifted the baby onto her shoulder and patted her back. Rachel burped impossibly loudly for such a tiny person and Steve came up to his wife and his daughter. He kissed the baby's head and watched as Sara sang her to sleep. She had a lovely voice, Steve had always known that. It was sweeter now, somehow. 

Once the baby was asleep Sara laid her down in the crib, tucking a blanket over her. Steve ensured her teddy bear was in place. Bucky had sent it as a baby gift and Steve had put it in the bassinet the night they brought Rachel home from the hospital. Sara leaned against him and Steve wrapped his arms around her waist. 

They looked down at their sleeping daughter for a moment and then Sara let out a sigh and nudged him. "Okay, now I'm hungry," she said lowly. Steve laughed and kissed her.


End file.
